This is something I've been thinking about a fair bit lately, and not because I've completely lost my marbles...I know I don't stand a hope in hell with the rock-star of my dreams but who HASN'T imagined themselves in a relationship with, or married to, a celebrity crush?!
Now, beyond my own musings and barely coherent ramblings with fellow fangirls a few things have inspired this post:-
- Watching The One Show's tribute to Sir Terry Wogan and the odd way in which his family, including his wife of 50 years, were mentioned almost as an afterthought - between being very private about his home life and being considered a national treasure the people who should've been considered first and foremost following his death seemed almost excluded.
- The following line from actress Pam Dawber's Wikipedia page, describing her marriage to fellow actor Mark Harman: "The couple is known to be private about their family life and rarely appear in public together with their children or speak about one another in interviews"
- Reading an article about the two virtually unknown daughters of Russian President Vladimir Putin.
What makes people keep aspects of their lives so intensely private? It makes perfect sense to avoid unwarranted press intrusion, to protect young children and to not go airing all your dirty laundry in public like some people do - *cough* Katie Price *cough* - but personally I find it a little disconcerting when people are SO private it's like their 'other half' doesn't even exist. Getting married particularly is a legal, and often religious, unification of two people's lives so continuing to live and present yourself as a single unit strikes me as decidedly odd; especially when BOTH partners are famous as in the instance above. If one is a completely private individual it makes a little more sense but when you're both in the public eye...you don't have to say a lot about your partner - or children - but time and time again I come across it on someone's Wikipedia or IMDb page that they NEVER talk about their partner; sometimes the dates of their marriage, or even little details like the spouse's NAME, are unknown.
Perhaps it comes of having been single since... *tumbleweed* ...well, yes, let's not go into specifics. Anyhoo, after many MANY years alone the thought of being with someone who'd barely acknowledge my existence in a public setting is actually quite upsetting. Like, dude, are you ASHAMED of me?! Just to make it quite clear, I have no interest in being with someone for any kind of reflected fame, glossy magazine photoshoots or having my flabby bits papped on the beach, but the thought of being...almost 'edited out' of my husband's life doesn't sit well either. I can't imagine anyone wanting to proudly show me off on a red carpet (or jump on Oprah's sofa for that matter) but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be his +1 on occasion.
As a mother of two I can imagine trying to be discrete about what I said about my daughters in interviews, but I can't imagine never mentioning them at all. As a parent your children are usually the centre of things; to me that level of 'privacy' sounds more like you're disowning them! People ask after your family, it's considered polite and I can't imagine refusing to answer a basic question just because it refers to them. My kids may be adult now but if they ever get a stepdad I hope he'd acknowledge them; my stepdad came into my life when I was 29 and he has fully embraced me and my children as his family.
EDIT 9th September 2024
I just saw a short by YouTuber Uyen Ninh where German Fiancé appears in a No-Face costume as they launch their new podcast and it reminded me of this blog... I have been following Uyen for a while (although due to notification issues I saw this late). Uyen is a Vietnamese YouTuber posting in English about her life in Germany.
I love the fact that whilst - for whatever reason(s) - German Boyfriend (now German Fiancé or German Husband-To-Be) doesn't use his name or show his face online he is clearly supporting of her channel and willing to be involved in content.
And that's what I was thinking with this blog post... Pretending your other half doesn't exist is a world of different (IMHO) than respecting their privacy.
I have ZERO interest in fame but I couldn't deal with being a non-entity or footnote in my partner's life.
I just love the way Uyen and German Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband-to-be are managing his need for privacy while acknowledging their combined path in life. It really shouldn't have to be all or nothing; healthy middle ground can be found.
