ADVANCE DIRECTIVE

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. Not for any particular reason, just came across the user Caitlin Doughty (Ask A Mortician) coupled with an impending need to write a new will has resulted into me thinking a fair bit about a new Advance Directive.
But there is so much to think of...so here's a prelimanary music for the permanent record:

Pre Death

DO NOT lie to me. Death is inevitable. Yes, it is scary, upsetting and I don't wanna...but it is real, it is happening and there may be stuff I need to say or do or put in order.

NO palliative anti-psychotics. The LAST thing I want is to be more conscious of my suffering. I am cool with anything to reduce my suffering even / especially if it actually shortens my life. NO treatment to extend life. No resuscitation unless truly exceptional (e.g. that TV movie - A Place For Annie - where they brought the mom back from her AIDS related death cos her baby had just been found to be clear of the virus...to be told your kid won't die because of you is possibly the only valid reason here) I really don't wasn't to be put on a ventilator or have any life-support type care (other than potentially in a short-term crisis scenario); literally nothing that is futile, only treatments that are really likely to not only work but improve the quality of my life. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY in every scenario.

DO NOT think you have to sit there and watch me die. I may appreciate the support or I may not...but you definitely don't need the trauma.

ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ANY KIND OF CLONING OR CRYOGENIC BULLSHITTERY. Jesus Christ, once was more than enough.

Post Death

NO embalming

NO having my jaw clamped / mouth sewn shut - a scarf or whatever will do fine

NO butt plug. Corpse diaper instead, danke.

I'm not overly comfortable about organ / skin / bone donation - I would NEVER want to be a recipient - but it seems churlish to refuse my spare parts

Disposal

So long as my remains ARE disposed of (if found) I am cool with it. I do not want to be pickled, preserved, plasticised...

Ideally I would like a natural burial - a cardboard or wicker casket if you can't face a shroud - but kinda the same deal if you go the cremation route. Expensive caskets are STOOOPID. And wasteful.

I would like to be in a specific place, not scattered. The exception would be, if my remains are found after a considerable time, I appreciate that they might require relocation, but if there is a case for leaving me be - or returning me to that spot - please do.

I fully understand if you don't want a hands-on funeral / disposal. This is all up to you. Do what is right for you.

Mourning

I do not relish the idea of divvying up my ashes or making mourning jewellery with them (hair is different) but meh, this is about you.

I DO want a headstone...which does not have to be in the vicinity of my physical remans. I just like the idea of a permanent memorial that could potentially last hundreds of years before being reclaimed by the elements and my memory, my entire existence, pass finally and quietly into dust.