Continuing the pattern of "I read this when I got up today and OMG it makes me so mad" and "humans are fucking stupid" and "have I mentioned how I am really big on personal accountability???" here's another blog.
British TV presenter and former actor / popstar Ant McPartlin was arrested yesterday for drink driving after a collision involving three vehicles.
This is not the initial story I read, and as such does not contain the reference to his mother mentioned later, but I provide it as a reference point for this blog: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-43453525
I want to make it clear from the outset that this blog is referring to this tweet by @fransbeautyblog [below] and others who make excuses for people who drink and drive. Although that may include drink drivers themselves that is not currently the case in this instance. I very much hope Mr McPartlin will accept full responsibility for his actions.
I retweeted this with the following message of my own
There's sympathy for someone with mental health and addiction issues...but that goes out of the window when they drunk drive and endanger lives beyond their own.
Zero sympathy for a man who put a child in hospital, regardless of any excuses.
...and then wrote three threads from it (I have only corrected my typos):
(1) I have repeatedly expressed sympathy for the driver who ran me over...but he was not drunk. The accident was not his fault or mine but a consequence of a 3rd party's action.
I have never had any sympathy for the motorcyclist who hopped a red light and missed [my daughter Kathleen] by an inch. I have no idea if he was drunk or sober cos he wasn't caught but regardless he made a 'mistake' that could have killed my kid. No excuses.
My great uncle had a heart attack and died at the wheel of his car. I am immensely grateful that he had the presence of mind (and the vital seconds of consciousness) to pull over and not risk anyone else's life.
My cousin died crashing his motorbike. His [adult] kids repost 'look for motorbikes' stuff [on social media]. But he was speeding at night and collided with a tractor going 8mph. Thank god no one else was hurt.
I don't drive and would probably be terrible if I did. Wheels are a privilege, not a right. Zero tolerance for being irresponsible.
(2) I'm not sure about blaming his mother...he's 42 ffs. Was she in the car with him? The account I read only speaks of her trying to calm him. Could have been on the phone, in one of the other cars involved or at the scene.
Besides... Did she know he'd been drinking? Failing a breathalyser is super easy so she may well have not been aware he was unfit to drive, especially if the booze had been in his blood for hours.
(3) The comments on this thread though... She's arguing sympathy and tolerance with people who point out that he can afford taxis, or a driver, and all the rehab he needs. He has a support network. There was zero excuse for this.
He's no average Joe battling his demons alone and reliant on the patchy to non existent mental health care available on the NHS.
I wonder if she'd have as much sympathy and understanding if it was her kid in hospital. I doubt it.
I hope Ant will hold his hands up and take responsibility for his actions. I'm not judging him harshly (yet) because we all make mistakes...I am judging harshly those excusing his behaviour.
My kids don't drive yet but I hope they will be responsible drivers, both in their actions and how they respond to any mistakes they make.
Some of the comments she was making back to people included:
Replying to @ixamxcaitlin who pointed out that "As a grown man he should have known better than to sit behind the wheel knowing he was intoxicated. Yes, I agree he needs help but he also doesn't deserve pity or sympathy. He made his choice and a 3 year old is suffering the consequence."
Francesca replied: “A grown man” has nothing to do with it - mental health and addiction affects your choices & your ability to make a reasoned decision. A real shame coming from someone who has experienced mental health issues.
Wow, really?! He's no naive child where mistakes and lack of reasoning might be more understandable. He's old enough to be a father or even a grandfather (when I am 42 my kids will be 24 and 21).
Similarly in a 'debate' with @jfduncan5 she argued: Well I’m glad your mental health andaddiction issue didn’t affect your mind to the same extent as this then. Unfortunately for some people, it does.
Individual idiosyncrasy MIGHT be a valid excuse in terms of unusual inter-reactions of medications where a consequence cannot be reasonably predicted. There have been cases like that, where someone is prosecuted but could not have known they were unsafe to drive. Meanwhile, McPartlin has had his issues for YEARS. He would KNOW by now if his judgement was impaired and if so then he CHOSE not to quit driving. EVERYONE knows that drinking and driving is illegal in this country and other people with mental illnesses and substance abuse problems can and do make the right call.
Not only that, but her initial tweet says "Unless you have ever suffered with mental health, addiction, alcoholism, sit down & shut up talking about things you know nothing about." and yet over and over Francesca is trying to shut down people who are saying "I HAVE suffered mental health problems, I HAVE struggled with addiction, I HAVE been an alcoholic" because their testimonies don't tally with her world view. Over and over people are telling her that this is not a valid excuse; people who (at least claim to)
- have experienced these issues first hand
- have qualifications in counselling or psychology
- work in related fields helping those in mental health crisis or substance abuse
and she's telling them their opinions are irrelevant because of what? Assumptions she's making and being hellbent on being 'sympathetic'.
@battink commented: "It's still not a valid excuse for what he's done. He's probably been given more opportunity than a lot of people who are seriously struggling."
Francesca's response to that: You’re saying probably because you have absolutely no idea - you’re assuming everything so best not to comment.
Well, Francesca...you're assuming everything too. Yes, Ant McPartlin has well publicised personal problems but that doesn't mean his 'issues' were accountable for yesterday's stupidity. He may just be a selfish arrogant bastard like so many other selfish arrogant bastards.
Francesca replied to @Jakep010923: Hi Jake, absolutely, he’s taken some dreadful actions today & should be punished. My tweet is aimed at the people throwing abuse at him because how does that help someone who is clearly in need of help?
How does this even equate? Putting lives in danger isn't a cry for help. Throwing abuse at people who put lives in danger is pretty darn reasonable. I don't feel the need to hurl abuse at him but nor do I have any sympathies - perhaps the people who are allegedly 'making threats' are people who've lost people to drunk drivers, who have been carers to those seriously (and often permanently) injured in such incidents, who've had to put together their shattered lives. The people who are angriest about this may well be the ones in most need of help, support, sympathy and understanding.
Most of us have empathy for the people in the two other cars he smashed into and the kid he put in hospital. It's actually pretty difficult to feel empathy for the person who caused their suffering. Would she feel the same about any other person who committed a crime of violence - sympathy for the machete-wielder or the acid-attacker??? They could be suffering mental health issues too, or be out of their noggins on drink or drugs.
But 'best' of all is this illustration of Francesca's ignorance and then blocking the person who dared point it out:
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