My Mother's Obituary

Janet Marion Keating was born on October 17th 1944 at 41 Mill Lane, Lower Early. The third and final child of Winifred (nee Weight, 1905-2000) and Gerald Keating (1909-2000). Born after her brother Alan and sister Margaret's bedtime, family legend has it that Margaret came down on the morning of her birthday (the 18th) to the news she had a baby sister - to which Margaret exclaimed indignantly "I don't want a sister, I want my birthday!" ...I gather she got over it eventually and, as the years passed, it became a running joke that Janet and Margaret would post each other birthday cards - remarkably often picking the same card for the other!

Four generations (Woodley, 1996):

L-R: Winifred Keating, Janet Speller, Heggie Speller, Erin Speller

Janet's school record was blighted by ill health, particularly at primary, but she was an intelligent girl who seemed to have kept up well. She was particularly adept with language - English, Latin, French and Music. Later she would often remark that she could wave her arms in many languages. It particularly offended her sensibilities that when, many years later, I attended the same secondary school she had gone to (The Holt School, Wokingham) the jumpers had the school's Latin motto embroidered incorrectly. Even at the end of her life she would shout at the TV is someone used bad grammar or said 'pee' instead of 'pence'. She could have gone on to do A levels but her parents were against it. She used to say if she could do a degree she would take Philosophy because it's so useless - I think that was why I was so drawn to making philosophy part of my degree path...

My mum had several varied jobs through her life - most notably at the Prudential (twice) which she worked hard to gain additional qualifications for. She was certainly a Ravenclaw - not hugely ambitious, but unafraid of hard work or learning new skills. When my parents bought a very primitive computer in the 80s (a Commodore +4) she even taught herself programming putting world flags to national anthems.

Janet married young but it did not work out - she retained the 'Mrs' and the name Speller for the remainder of her life, passing the name to me and my children, leading to no end of awkward questions. In 1998 she had the surreal experience of processing her ex-husband's life insurance claim.

In the early 70s she began a relationship with Owen F - who she met through her cousin Elaine. They bought a house together in Roslyn Road, Woodley and bought a Chocolate-Point Siamese cat named Guinness ('Guinny'). He was the 'planned child', I was rather less so when I came along in March 1978. I loathed my birthname but was always called Heggie for reasons no one has ever been able to recall; my mum even investigated for me the legalities of how to adopt the name officially (which I did in 1993).

Mum gave up work to raise me, because that is what you did in those days, but for a woman with such an active mind it was a strange and unusual torment. My mum read a great deal but was also skilled in DIY and homemaking skills such as rug-making and sewing curtains. In 1981 we moved to Tilehurst and in 1984 back to Woodley. This final house required a lot of work - my dad, who was lifelong in the building trade, would invariably get most of the credit but mum was out there mucking-in at all times. She was especially annoyed at anyone who assumed she just brought out tea and biscuits! In the mid '80s* her father had a stroke - between geographical proximity and the fact she was full time in the home - it fell to my mum to do a lot of care, increasing as her mother got frailer.

*I remember it as being six but that would make it immediately after we moved into

Colemansmoor Road... that doesn't seem right. So I feel like it must've been the year after... 

making it right after I got run over? So I'm settling for a less specific 'mid 80s'

My mum was very keen on travelling, far more so than my dad. Over the years we visited some amazing places: Bulgaria, Tunisia (full tour inc. the Colosseum at El Djem), America, India, Venezuela... Our last big trip - mum, myself, my two daughters - was a Nile cruise in Egypt for my 30th birthday. So glad my mum got to achieve that particular dream. She also got her long awaited trips to Rhodes and Jordan.

It was after our first trip to India that Guinny died, on March 21st 1990. It may seem an odd inclusion but that cat was a very important part of our family. My mum and dad would later revisit India three more times. Mum nearly ended up moving to Mumbai for work at one point and was devastated when it fell through.
People often see loved ones at the end and honestly I hoped she'd see Guinny... if she received any visitations she did not tell me.

I became a single teenage mum and she was present when Erin was born in January 1996; she babysat Erin when I had her sister Kathleen three years later. My parents were less than thrilled but forged good relationships with my daughters. My mother generously paid for my daughters' swimming lessons, music lessons, school trips etc. My parents enabled us to have holidays and put money aside for their university costs. Erin graduated from Winchester University in 2017, the same year I attained my degree from the Open University. Kathleen graduated from Swansea University in 2021 and is shortly to begin her teacher training. I hope we've made her proud.

My graduation (Brighton 2017): (l-r in background) mum's partner Neville Morrell, 

mum in blue, dad, Kathleen and Erin - so grateful to have had everyone there.

In 2000 my mum lost both her parents in quick succession which heralded a new era in her life. My mother and father parted ways and my mum bought a flat in Reading; she had played oboe in her youth and now took up piano-accordion and soprano sax -playing both in a band - and took retirement. My mum met her partner Neville in 2007 and thereafter divided her time between the Reading area and his home in West Sussex.

On Monday 16th April 2018 my mum suffered a severe stroke, unusually affecting both hemispheres of the brain. Fortunately by this time I was living in a house she and I shared ownership of and she had written up a power-of-attorney document. She was able to leave hospital on 21st June and I cared for her at that home until the end of her life; aided especially by my daughter Erin and my dad (who was conveniently right next door) without whose support we would not have managed.

Her decline began there and progressed in fits and starts. We believe she had at least three more big strokes but as the first such incident happened just a week after the first lockdown of 2020 began (and because the hospital did nothing at all for her first) we took the difficult decision to keep her home. She hated doctors, hospitals, people in general... she had a great deal of fear we would send her away. At that time I believe she'd have died of covid or the perceived abandonment as hospital visitors were not being allowed. It was tough, but we managed.
Following each event we got a little less of her back.
Before the end she had been completely immobile for well over a year, her quality of life was quite poor, and she was deeply unhappy. We were however blessed to make her last birthday - an art deco themed 80th - particularly special, and in January 2025 she asked to be taken out in her wheelchair for several walks. Not only was that unheard of for the time of year but she was more enthusiastic for outings than she had been in YEARS - we're fairly sure she did more walks this January than in the whole of 2024!

Mum in Guadalest, Spain (2006)

Janet Marion Speller passed away on Friday, 14th February 2025 at the age of 80.

She died peacefully at home, as was her express wish.

She is remembered by partner Neville, former partner Owen, daughter Heggie, granddaughters Erin and Kathleen, sister Margaret, brother Alan and sister-in-law Valerie, along with many nieces and nephews, their children and grandchildren.
She was preceded in death by (amongst others) her nephews Sean and Allister, nephew-in-law Jack, niece-in-law Penny, brother-in-law Dave, and several dear friends.

Mum's 80th; October 2024

My mother's final text to me (in 2018) was that Tremors would be on TV that night. The last DVD we attempted to watch together was The Desolation Of Smaug. Her go-to choice for a film was Hot Fuzz. Bizarrely she developed a liking for Cockneys Vs Zombies which she requested several times!

She watched Death In Paradise, Vera, New Tricks... she'd rather gone off Poirot by the end but still enjoyed a Joan Hickson Miss Marple.

My mum's taste in music included Queen, Abba, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, and classical music.

She loved a Terry's Dark Chocolate Orange, hash browns (and just about anything potato), and, in her final years, almost entirely subsisted off crumpets (one with a red jam, the other with Rose's Lemon & Lime marmalade). 
Back in the day she enjoyed a Cinzano and Lemon or coffee with brandy. In recent times she had me buy all the coffee-flavoured milk in the corner shop.

She loathed 'peasants' which, apparently, was her verdict on most people. 😂