Home A Year

Obviously I've blogged about this before and, presumably, will do so again - so I'll put the next bit in blue so if you're familiar with the background story you can just skip ahead.

On Monday 16th April 2018 my mum (then 73) had a severe stroke. To us it was blatantly obvious, to trained medical 'professionals' it was a mystery; while she was in A&E they seemed to think she was there with a stomach bug of all things! A consultant in Acute Care the next day said it definitely wasn't a stroke...5 hours later they confirmed it was - as we recently discovered, the NHS can't even record a stroke as affecting both hemispheres of the brain cos their software just won't accept that as being a thing. The usual FAST symptoms don't apply, or at least not so clearly: no facial drooping, no one-sided weakness - because EVERYTHING is affected. My mum was in hospital for nine-and-a-half weeks; this blog marks one year since I brought her home.

There was never a question that my mum would come here after her stroke, it wasn't a 'decision', it wasn't 'considered', it was just how it was going to be. We got the call at 8pm and I stayed with mum until she was admitted to Acute Care a little after 4am. I walked the four miles home, mooching, catching Pokemon, trying to wrap my head around what we'd been through that night... getting in about half past six. Collapsed into bed and got up at 8am when my dad rang for a status update.

At that point we felt certain it was a stroke, but there was still a chance that the 'experts' knew what they were talking about and that whilst she seemed desperately unwell it might pass with little-to-no long-term consequences. It just never really crossed my mind that a day or two (even a week or two) in hospital and she'd be fine. Instinct said this was it: major life changing event.

HOWEVER, even at that point I was planning for my mum to come stay with me. Even if our hunch came down to nothing more than paranoia whatever the problem was she was bound to be weak and in need of some looking after. I had already started looking around the house thinking how best to tidy / rearrange furniture in order to make things more comfortable for her.

I did not however think about the long term. Partly cos I feared we didn't have one, partly cos my grandad lived to 91 after his big stroke SIXTEEN YEARS EARLIER. If my mum's future runs to those lines I'll be looking after her until I'm what 55?! And then where will I be? No savings, no pension, precious little chance of a job... 
I was relieved she survived the first year past the stroke but as we then closed in on the anniversary of her homecoming (21st June) the weight of the future really started bearing down on me. A couple of weeks ago I hit a really low patch.

Y'all can think I'm selfish - I don't care. I had a miserable childhood; my parents were not nurturing / affectionate / supportive / whatever. I was bullied at school and my parents didn't want to know. I wonder if my grandad's stroke, when I was 6, may have been a significant factor in my parents' disintrest in all things Heggie-related. At 16 they forced me into an abortion. At 17 I was a single mother and still desperate to get as far away from them as I could manage - I laughed at people who said things like "you'll really need your mum now" like that was even a thing. I got as far as Somerset...where they bought a house for me to rent, ensuring I'd never escape their influence. Twenty-odd years later and my youngest has reached adulthood...and I moved back home-adjacent cos I was out of options after decades on welfare and minimum wage jobs while I raised my kids and earned my degree.
I might've had to come home but my kids were grown, I had my BA - SURELY this was my time??? I had hopes and dreams - I wanted a social life, to meet people, to pursue my interests, to travel. And here I am stuck at home again, drudging. I have no income.
I have been single since my kids' dad walked out...in 1998. And I mean SINGLE. No dates, no friends with benefits, NOTHING. Now I'll never meet anyone, let alone anything more. I kinda suspected after all these years alone that'd be how it went but foolishly I'd still hoped.
I'm grieving hard for the life I wanted, the life I'll now never have. 
Cos even as and when my mum's gone I'm still responsible for my dad (who is an almighty asshat) and my 'stepdad' (who is less of an asshat but only came into my life in my late 20s). AND I DON'T WANNA! 
Firstly, cos I have no inclination to 'caring' - being stuck at home with my kids was hell enough. I am agender and all this caring, cleaning, domestic drudgery shit is entirely too much of a feminine cliche for me to want to touch it with a barge pole.
Secondly, because I describe my familial feelings as Stockholm Syndrome-esque. It's about enforced proximity and bonding through trauma.
But mostly because I want to have MY life. Shit childhood, shit adulthood and everything has been about other people; my parents, grandparents, my kids...no one has ever put me first so why the hell shouldn't I? I just need the dratted opportunity!
I did not have a good relationship with either of my parents before this and the current situation has only made it worse cos we can't escape each other. I wish I was the sort of person who could dump annoying elderly relatives at the gates of a care home and walk away without a qualm. It would be so much easier.

I can't tell you how much I just want to ditch everything and GO...not that have anywhere to go, you understand. Or the resources to get there. To be honest though, just being able to leave the house would be something. Mum doesn't want to go out, she doesn't want people here. I am so bored.

This article (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-48458760) is about new mums struggling with changes to their bodies after childbirth and linking it with more profound loss of identity - "I think it's really important in that transition between young woman to mother that people are actually allowed to grieve the loss of their old identity." Well, that's what I've been doing - grieving for the person I was finally becoming.
My midlife crisis was FABULOUS. So many hair colours, gigs, tattoos, piercings...getting out, meeting people (bless the Lost Hearts!), working on the self-confidence I hadn't lost...I'd never had any!

In the last couple of days I've had a glimmer of hope...The Broken Kings (the band 3/5 of my beloved Fearless Vampire Killers have since become) have announced their 1st ever live performance - supporting former LostAlone front man Steven Battelle. With the help of my younger beastie I AM GOING!!! Also the combined blessings that it's somewhere I can get to and from fairly easily from here (and won't cost the earth to do so), and the fact it's almost 2 weeks before her new semester begins. My adults can look after her (she also agreed to it, I hasten to add) for one evening so I can have a very special break.

So that's where I'm at. Glad my mum's doing okay, but generally fucking miserable because I'm not. 

Concerns of Consent and Bodily Autonomy

I dare say I've blogged about abortion before but I can't be arsed to look back through everything. Bodily autonomy and consent have been very much in the news lately, particularly with American states trying to pass laws that take women's control of their own bodies back to the dark ages.
For the most part my previous social media posts make my point well enough so I have just copied them up here - my comments in bold blue, other people's quotes in bold dark red. However, if you care to scroll down there are a few other examples of consent being 

A thread I posted on Twitter on 15th May 2019:
I was pro-choice before my parents forced me into an abortion at 8.5 weeks when I was 16 - they had kicked me out, the father walked away and I probably had HG. I am still pro-choice, because no one's choice should be taken from them. #YouKnowMe
As for the idea of 'if you don't want an abortion, don't get one'... No one wants to be pregnant and homeless / broke / frightened / sick / abandoned / abused. No one wants their unborn child to be incompatible with life.
And I'm fairly sure no one particularly wants to be pregnant by rape or incest... Actually, I doubt anyone has ever really 'wanted' an abortion. It's on no-one's bucket list. It's a procedure to take you out of a situation you can't bear to be in.
Something I posted on Facebook 17th May 2019:
Just cos something has a heartbeat doesn't make it alive. Until it is capable of living separately from the mother it is nothing but a parasite. Let's give all the men who think this is a great idea intestinal worms and ban them from getting treatment! ... and ostracise them (like society often does to unmarried mothers) cos they're dirty and gross.
Something I posted on Facebook 18th May 2019:
People who think all pregnancies are blessings... 
(a) have probably never been pregnant, have almost certainly never had complications. Trust me, 9 months of puking is no blessing.
(b) have probably not met many children, have almost certainly never spent an extended amount of time in their company.
(c) have probably never experienced social isolation or poverty, certainly can't imagine being pregnant without a supportive partner and / or family. Or homeless, or broke. Or all of the above.
(d) have very little idea of how unprepared some people are for the lifetime of responsibility. There's a lot more to having a child than giving birth.
(e) have zero perception that some people are pregnant with people they wouldn't want to be anywhere near them or a child - a manipulator, an abuser, a paedophile, a rapist...a relative.
(f) have zero understanding that some people don't actually like or want kids. Quit assuming everyone else wants the same things as you. Live your own bloody life and leave others to live theirs!A thread I posted on Twitter on 22nd May 2019:Men shouldn't have a say on abortion... but neither should 'women'! The ONLY person who should get a say is the individual who is pregnant. [Link to BBC:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-48262238]I don't see why there needs to be a law about what people do with their own bodies. Law can stay out of my choice to have or not have an abortion / a tattoo / a piercing / plastic surgery. Remember when suicide was a crime punishable by death?!I suppose the idea is that some people need to be protected from themselves... like that woman who got a boob job. You know who I mean, third boob woman. [although, thankfully, that turned out to be a hoax https://metro.co.uk/2015/01/27/that-woman-with-three-boobs-has-been-arrested-for-drink-driving-5038779/ sadly many other extremes are true] Mental competency tests before surgeries?!


Over and over I'm seeing posts of no-uterus no-opinion (like having a womb makes you a woman😠) and that men shouldn't have any say in what happens with women's bodies... but women shouldn't be passing laws on what other women can do with their bodies either; there are pro life women - presumably lacking in empathy or even a basic awareness of the dangers of pregnancy & childbirth. It's not a gender issue, it's a personal issue. Personal choice, personal control of your own body - there is nothing more important. 
And for those who cry "but what of the child's body?" - the child has no life beyond its mother, it has no autonomy and no rights. Personhood begins at birth. I did some philosophy for my degree - ever looked at The Violinist thought experiment? Here it is considered a direct parallel to rape: 
https://philosophicaldisquisitions.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-ethics-of-abortion-and-violinist.html but in reality sex can be consensual but that doesn't equate to consensual pregnancy. The Cabin thought experiment in that article says the stranger needs 9 months of care - reality is being told, at the end of 9 months, that you now have to care for that stranger for LIFE. More on that in a moment.
There's also a logical fallacy in assuming the child would WANT to be born. My mother chose to have me... but she quickly realised her mistake. I failed to bring her closer to my father, I upset her neat and tidy world, I was entirely more problematic than she had bargained for. My dad did not choose to have me. I grew up feeling unwanted and it was not nice. Unfortunately I then went on to do this to my own kids as I was in no fit state (as a teenager on welfare, suffering depression etc) to look after myself let alone children (I don't even like kids, I have no maternal feeling) and I begged to place my kids for adoption... no one would listen to me. 
If all pregnancies were forced to go to term what does society do with all the unwanted babies? America in particular has very little support for born children making their predominant pro-life stance very hypocritical. Almost every time the responsibility for that child falls to the mother, and that responsibility is 18+ years rather than 9 months; fathers often pay zero child support. All these unwanted children need to be clothed and fed and housed and educated... and state care or impoverished parents (even those currently able to amply provide would struggle if they were unable to control how many children they have). And then there's the child's mental wellbeing to consider - hard enough to be an unwanted child, a burden - but add to that being the product of rape or incest? That's a lot to assume a kid would want to bear.

Tweet from @AuthorKimberley 7th May 2019:
A man raped an 11-year-old and Ohio’s “heartbeat law” requires her to have his baby yet no law provides for the child's welfare once it’s born.
My response tweets, 9th May 2019:
Lots of offers in the comments to help get the girl to a state where abortion is more freely available... but no one seems to be querying what the girl wants.
Of course it's unlikely a girl wants to have a rapist's baby, it's unlikely an 11 year old wants to carry a child to term, some might argue she is too young to make such a choice but taking the choice from her is a violation too.
It's so easy to assume what someone wants but it's a dangerous way to look at things. Lets face it, anti abortion legislation exists because men fear their 'children' being aborted. They don't want abortion so no one can have it.
Women who support anti abortion legislation invariably seem to comment about their struggles to conceive. Their own desire for a baby blinding them to the desires of others. Or maybe they always lacked empathy. Who knows.
If you order pizza in a restaurant does that mean the family at the next table want pizza too?! Of course not. But over and over you see people arguing that abortion is wrong because they would never choose one. Illogical.
The inability to contemplate sexual violence *might* be from a deep rooted aversion to the topic but more likely it's just ignored by people with fixed ideas and no empathy for others.
Empathy. Freedom to make your own choices. Bodily autonomy. Pro choice must always mean pro CHOICE and not assuming what anyone wants, regardless of what we would do in their circumstances.
I hope this girl gets all the support she needs. I hope she is able to make the right choice for herself and not forced into ANYTHING by anyone, least of anyone the lawmakers of her state.

There are precious few scenarios where anyone should be making decisions about someone else's body, in any sense - in my opinion that power should only apply to non verbal children*, people in comas or the catastrophically disabled. When my parents did their Enduring Power of Attorney documents to put me in charge of things if they became incapacitated (as my mum has) they did not fill out the medical part so I have no control beyond regular next-of-kin rights to say what medical treatments they can or can't endure. In some ways that bothers me as I don't trust the medical profession to make those judgement calls.
What age, or what degree of competence does someone need? To my mind a child of 10 (or even younger) may be entirely able to understand the risks and benefits and be capable of making a decision so why should that choice be denied? Declaring someone incompetent because they have made a decision that doesn't sit well with their doctors or family is pretty darn gross too. 

Parents naturally enough make decisions on behalf of their child - vaccinations, dental treatments etc - but where do you draw the line? For example I personally dislike cochlear implants. A permanent intrusion into a child's skull is apparently better than deafness. Okay, so I'm not deaf but is it REALLY so awful?! My parents consented to squint correction surgery on me when I was 3 years old, something I would not have consented to if it had been held off until I was old enough to have a say. I don't hugely resent that it was done to me but I would rather it had not been. Apparently, much as cleft lip repair is done for functional reasons as much as cosmetic, so too is squint correction - I could have lost my sight in my left eye...but if anyone had asked me they would have known my brain was already rejecting the signals from that eye. Years of deeply unpleasant patching followed surgery but didn't fix it. So basically, in my humble opinion, it was completely pointless other than for cosmetic reasons...and as I am a hideous potato-person that's pointless squared!

Then there are other procedures parents have done to their children; take a sadly routine operation often performed on baby boys for religious reasons or for dubious medical reasons (usually false claims of it being more hygienic or concerns about retraction later on): circumcision.
Here's a story of a young man who, having had a botched operation as an adult, took his own life: BBC 17 April 2019 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-47292307
And here's a follow up story of other men suffering: BBC 12 May 2019 
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-48057183
If adult men can suffer such terrible complications from an operation they chose to have should the procedure be banned entirely? Of course not! There is a world of difference between a person or their parent consenting to a 'necessary' operation and something that is done to a healthy child for archaic or invalid reasons. It is insane for parents to consent to such a procedure other than in the most pressing of medical necessities. If a man of age chooses freely to be circumcised (for aesthetic, or religious reason) then that is his freedom... but even so, how do you ensure that? A man may be under pressure to conform, to do so against his will - just as I was pushed into an abortion. That is no choice either.

Comment found on a YouTube video about birth control (due to concerns about menstrual discomfort) for a severely disabled child 20th May 2019 "I was born with a disability and at age 9 I had [a hysterectomy] done I am now 38 and still not in menopause" Assuming that statement is true... what kind of parents, what kind of DOCTORS do a hysterectomy on a 9 year old unless the kid is catastrophically disabled? A girl who is immobile & non verbal with no chance of improvement (such as the subject of the video) is one thing - she cannot communicate pain, consent to sex or raise the alarm about abuse - but to do that to someone who is capable of commenting on YouTube videos... that's got to be wrong. Even if her disability precluded motherhood, drastic surgery at such a young age is really extreme - who knows what medical advances might be made?
EDIT: Just saw this article which includes discussion of Nazi era forced sterilisation
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-48273570 and felt it ought to be included here. Such 'treatments' need to only ever be used when it is in the best interests of the individual - either medically or if they irrevocably unable to consent to sexual activity.

Which brings me to my last example for today of consent and children:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-48311660 
"About 1% of children have genes which put them at high risk, meaning they have a greater than 10% chance of developing type 1 diabetes." So with a 'greater than 10% chance' of developing an illness a five month old baby is going to be used as a guinea pig. What the actual hell?! I'm sure type 1 diabetes is no fun thing but using a (currently) healthy child's body in this way seems to me all kinds of unethical - what if their 'treatment' TRIGGERS the onset of the illness?! 'Greater than 10%' isn't even all that much, if it was greater than 80% or something there'd be a much better argument in favour of this being in that child's best interests.

Consent is the person concerned's right. If and only if they cannot consent should that right be put into the hands of another - a parent, a carer or a court appointed guardian - and THEN consent should be only for that person's best interests - religious circumcision and medical experiments definitely don't come under that heading.
The problem is that we all have very different ideas of what is best. The best person to decide what is best for X is X and if X can't decide, due to incapacitation or extreme youth, whoever acts for X has an incredible responsibility. How you protect X from the poor judgement of Y I have no idea but 'protecting' X from their own (supposedly) poor judgement is to invade their rights. We all have the right to make our own mistakes - we just have to accept responsibility for our actions and not blame others when we suffer regret.

Game of Thrones - Baby Names

Saw a trending tweet from the author of this NBC News article: 'Name of Thrones: parents are naming their kids after favorite 'GoT' characters' https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/tv/lil-joffrey-game-thrones-baby-names-n1004541

Only a pass is given for Arya as being a name used internationally. Now I'm no names expert but...

• Brienne is a variant of Brianna Celtic) or a place name (French)
• Ramsay is a surname
• Gregor is a perfectly ordinary name (of Dutch / Scots origin) as is Ghita (Greek) although it also resembles the Indian name Gita / Geeta.
• Sandor is a Hungarian variant of Alexander - no different to naming your kid Alex or Xander
• Shae, Myrcella, Catelyn, Myranda etc are simple spelling variants too. Most are based on real world names.

Joffrey, which doesn't make the list, is also the name of Meghan Duchess of Sussex's half uncle. Assuming names have been chosen DIRECTLY as a result of Game of Thrones (hereafter GoT) is a bit of a leap of logic. Naturally it is raising the profile of certain names but that means parents considering certain names like, Alexander or Miranda, might go for a less common variant 'inspired by' but not exactly 'because of' GoT.

Even names that seem to definitely belong to the GoT universe aren't always what they seem. Tyrion is listed as a variant of the Irish name Tyrone and while Cersei is considered a created name it's based on the Greek goddess Circe. 

With the recent excitement over #BabySussex's name the BBC ran an article on how to choose a name for your baby (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-48185728) and I was rather taken by this contribution by Richard Jones, a university lecturer from Salford, who with his wife:

"We were really keen to have a name that was unusual, but not wacky.

We didn't want one that there was going to be a whole class full of them.

We also didn't want to go for a made-up one.

The couple ruled out anything in the top 100 most popular names list and,

because he is Scottish and his wife is Welsh,

wanted the name to originate from either of those places.

It needed to be easily shortened, both the short and long names had to work

with both the single and double-barrelled versions of their surname

and it couldn't start with the same initial as the mum or dad. 

But apart from that we didn't really think too much about it."

Excellent advice all round! I have never understood why parents pick super common names unless they have a really meaningful reason for it - like naming your kid after your brother Jack who died when Jack has been a VERY popular name for years. For this reason I can see why GoT names are appealing for being a bit different but kind of familiar.
It's also worthwhile thinking how the first and last names go together...as well as checking that the initials don't spell out something unfortunate or match a problematic acronym.
Naming your child is probably the most important decision you will ever make but you aren't the person who will have to live with the worst of the consequences if it's a bad choice. All the same, parents DO regret the names they pick for their kids, quite frequently. Choosing a name from a current pop-culture source can be regretted when you move on to the next trend but also uncomfortably obvious (so many boys named Jensen! Guess who mom has a crush on...), dated in a few years (which affects unusual names more because they stand out), embarrassing (fancy being named after Kylie Minogue and forever being associated with Kylie Jenner!) etc etc

There are also some pretty good motives for naming your child after a fictional character you admire - it's not much different than naming your child after anyone else. In some ways it's safer than naming them after a celebrity or other living person who may yet go on to do something you find abhorrent. HOWEVER, when naming your child after a fictional character it is a good idea to let their story come to completion before doing so. GoT is currently airing its final season but there are apparently books yet to come.

Like with any name it is worthwhile to do your homework and be sure what it means...and to consider what it will mean to the child. My elder daughter tells me there are significant differences between the books and TV show - the TV show is likely to be the one most present in people's minds when they consider your kid's name... the kid is also likely to want to see it themselves. Given the nature of GoT and the events that happen to various characters...is that REALLY a good idea?!

Fairly sure that any of the 14 kids named 'Theon' will be scarred for life as and when they find out what happens to their namesake... shortening the name to Theo for everyday use might help but in the US your legal name is harder to change and follows you around.

One thing I like about GoT characters is how they all have good and bad sides - Tyrion is bloody brilliant in many ways but he's also a womanising alcoholic capable of some really dubious stuff. As a parent you really ought to consider all the angles - will your child and their peers see Arya as a powerful heroine or will they see her as a cold-hearted assassin? 

My favourite GoT characters are probably Tyrion Lannister, Brienne of Tarth, Sandor Clegane, Olenna Tyrell and Samwell Tarly (whom I affectionately refer to as 'stupid fat Hobbit' due to the similarities of character and name to Samwise Gamgee of LOTR). Brienne and Sandor are fine as names, not so sure about the others... 

Royal Baby Name Guesses

Royal baby name odds, from William Hill, updated 29/04/19

Source: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/04/29/royal-baby-name-odds-title-meghan-markle-prince-harry/

Girls
1. Diana 4/1
2. Victoria 7/1
3. Alice 12/1
4. Grace 12/1
5. Isabella / Isobella 12/1
6. Elizabeth 14/1
7. Alexandra 20/1
8. Harriett 20/1
9. Rose 20/1
10. April 25/1

Boys
1. Arthur 16/1
2. James 16/1
3. Edward 25/1
4. Albert 33/1
5. Alexander 33/1
6. Christopher 33/1
7. Daniel 33/1
8. Henry 33/1
9. Phillip 33/1
10. Joseph 40/1

My Opinions
For girls I'd like to throw Diana, Grace, Isabella, Harriett, Rose AND April out of consideration. IF a month name were to be used, May would be better as Harry's great great grandmother Mary of Teck was known as May, and we're nearly in May now. That leaves Victoria, Alice, Elizabeth and Alexandra from the top bets... Harriet was on my list of preferred names but not with two t's and because it was a great grandmother's name.
For the boys names I'll throw out Edward, Albert, Christopher, Daniel, Henry and Joseph. I think it very unlikely the baby will be named Henry as that's Harry's proper name and that is rather out of fashion of late. That leaves Arthur, James, Alexander and Phillip. Arthur Alexander was one of my top picks if I'd ever had a boy.
A good few people have suggested the idea of twins in which case using Elizabeth and Phillip would be rather nice but I don't think twins are especially likely as Meghan is allegedly planning a home birth and has apparently gone to full-term. Not that these things CAN'T happen but an older first time mum having Royal twins at home seems a stretch too far and an early labour is statistically more likely.
Obviously many other names have been suggested including a nod to Meghan's mother, Doria...I wonder if they might splice Doria and Diana like Renesmee in The Twilight Saga who was named after Bella's mum Renee and Edward's adoptive mum Esme. Daria? Dorana? Hmmm...
Unlisted names I think might make an appearance are Helena and Leopold.

My Prediction
Names in order of preference and using the Royal family's tendency to give four Christian names:
Girl: Helena Alice Doriana Victoria
Boy: Arthur Alexander Leopold James

Now just for time to tell.

EDIT - 03/05/19

Royal baby name odds, from William Hill, updated 03/05/19
Source: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/05/03/royal-baby-name-odds-meghan-markle-prince-harry-boy-girl/

Girls
1. Diana 4/1 (no change)
2. Allegra 8/1 (new)
3. Grace 8/1 (up from #4 at 12/1)
4. Alice 12/1 (down from #3, same odds)
5. Isabella / Isobella 12/1 (no change)
6. Victoria 14/1 (down from #2 at 7/1)
7. Elizabeth 20/1 (down from #6 at 14/1)
8. Alexandra 20/1 (down from #7, same odds)
9. April 25/1 (up from #10, same odds)
10. Catherine 25/1 (new)
Harriett and Rose have left the top 10 in exchange for Allegra (rather like it) and Catherine (good name but the same as Harry's sister in law? That'd be a tad odd...although it would put those stupid feud rumours to bed).
I've started thinking of Eleanor as a good, classic Royal name long overdue for a comeback. I am still VERY much of the opinion that if they don't use Doriana for a daughter they are very very wrong indeed. So my updated girls' name is now Eleanor Doriana Victoria - also shifting to the three christian names pattern adopted by William & Catherine.

Boys
1. Arthur 12/1 (up from 16/1)
2. James 16/1 (no change)
3. Albert 20/1 (up from #4 at 33/1)
4. Edward 33/1 (down from #3 at 25/1)
5. Alexander 33/1 (no change)
6. Christopher 33/1 (no change)
7. Daniel 33/1 (no change)
8. Henry 33/1 (no change)
9. Oliver 40/1 (new)
10. Phillip 40/1 (down from #9 at 33/1)
So only one new entry - Oliver has been a very popular name in the UK for a long time but it's association with Oliver Cromwell makes me point and laugh at the idea of it being used as a Royal baby name.
I'm still quite happy with my boys' name guess but if I was switching to a 3 name combo I'm not sure which I'd drop... Arthur Alexander Leopold, Arthur Leopold James? Hmmm, wonder if either of them are James Arthur fans?! Maybe Harry is more of an Ed Sheeran fan...remember the commemorative plate incident (source: https://planetradio.co.uk/heat/entertainment/celebrity/ed-sheeran-prince-harry-mistake-plate/)? Maybe for a 2nd guess I'll go Arthur Leopold Edward ;)

CONCLUSION
#BabySussex was a BOY - delivered safely on Monday 6th May 2019 at 05:26 BST and weighing 7lbs 3oz. It was announced on the 8th that Harry and Meghan are naming their son ARCHIE HARRISON MOUNTBATTEN-WINDSOR, he does not have a title at this time. Basically all the top guesses were wrong - from the expectation of a girl to the two or three expected middle names. No idea where Archie might've appeared in the betting, if indeed it was suggested at all. On the plus side maybe their naming a potential future daughter 'Doriana' isn't so unlikely after all!

Someone on Twitter disagreed with my bet on 'Arthur' (despite it being the top of the bookies shortlist by that time) "as Pippa just had a son she named Arthur" ...Pippa being Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge's sister Philippa Matthews nee Middleton. As such she is no relation to Harry & Meghan so her choice of baby name is fairly irrelevant.
If such a thing were a factor it obviously means very little to the Royals as evidenced by Prince Louis of Cambridge, William & Catherine's third child. Louis Arthur Charles was born a little over a year ago. Not only does he share a name with older brother Prince George (George Alexander Louis) and his father (William Arthur Philip Louis) but he also has a STEP COUSIN of the same name! Prince William and Prince Harry's stepbrother Tom Parker-Bowles has two children LOLA (b. 2007) and FREDDY (b. 2010) and their stepsister Laura Lopes has three children ELIZA (b. 2007) and twins GUS and LOUIS (b. 2009) - all these step cousins having been born since Prince Charles marriage to their grandmother Camilla in 2005.

I very much like the name 'Archie' but I'm not a huge fan of 'Harrison' because - and you can laugh at this - I don't like surnames used as Christian names. Yes, I know 'Heggie' is a surname and yes, I chose it myself. Surnames are good as gender neutral names though...
Speaking of this a good few people liked the name 'Spencer' - after Princess Diana's maiden name - for a child of either gender. Despite her enduring popularity I can't imagine it being used as a Royal baby forename, a middle name perhaps, but overall I would rather William and Harry looked to the future in their own families. Not only that but let's not lose sight of the fact that Catherine and Meghan both have their own families and connections - it is not only William and Harry who might want to commemorate loved ones in their naming of their children. 

Women In Music

In response to a video by Brian Blessed / LadBible / Smirnoff Vodka available from

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ladbible/status/1119261875550613504/video/1

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BwcPvTtHfWu/ and Facebook.

*SIGH* Now I'm not saying there's no gender inequality behind the scenes of the music industry or that sex discrimination never happens... but lack of opportunity for female talent? REALLY??? Women can and do and have FOR GENERATIONS stamped their mark all over the music industry.

Simplifying music down to gender (or more specifically sex cos we're not even considering if any of these people identifies as agender, non binary, gender fluid etc) is pretty damn idiotic - festivals book acts based on bums on seats; compilation albums are linked to 'record' sales. Anyway, who buys music because of the gender of the artist, the gender of the songwriter, the gender of the producer??? Maybe men win more awards - but were they decided by gender?! It's also pretty dumb to imagine that because the split male and female sales or awards won isn't 50/50 there's inherent inequality as there are a whole bunch of factors at play...including the unpopular concept that not all female artists are any good! Maybe some women haven't received the support and promotion they feel they deserve from their agents / managers / record labels but is that gender discrimination or savvy business sense based on the sales of other comparable artists? If men are more successful so be it. Got a problem with it? Get out there and DO something to change things.

There are more male acts in the lists of best-selling music acts but does that mean inequality or does that reflect more on who is buying music? As children boys statistically get higher allowances than girls; young women go on to have less disposable income - now THERE is some serious inequality - although maybe people just LIKE songs by guys more. Thinking back through the music I've bought less than 5%, maybe not even 1%, was by female artists - not because the music isn't there but because I personally just don't like it overmuch, generally speaking.

There are loads of amazingly talented AND SUCCESSFUL women out there...and always have been, fighting against worse gender stereotypes and inequality than society is dealing with now - not to mention racism and other prejudices. I feel like claiming a lack of opportunity for women somehow diminishes the INCREDIBLE achievements of artists such as (in no particular order) -

• Sister Rosetta Tharp
• Barbra Streisand
• Ella Fitzgerald
• Lady Gaga
• Aretha Franklin
• Joan Jett
• Nicki Minaj
• Billie Holiday
• Celine Dion
• Beyonce
• Siouxsie Sioux
• Pink
• Tori Amos
• Mary J Blige
• Nina Simone
• Dolly Parton
• Asha Bhosle
• Adele
• Seiko Matsuda
• Rihanna
• Marie Fredriksson
• Madonna
• Tina Turner
• Taylor Swift
• Whitney Houston
• Cher

Where the hell would the music industry be without these incredible artists - representing different nationalities, ethnicities, music genres, and noted for a wide variety of achievements such as biggest selling / most recorded / award wining / voted most popular etc etc etc?! They are each an embodiment of what talented females can achieve if they get out there and make it happen. They weren't handed their successes on a plate but they clearly weren't blocked from making it to the top either. And these women are just the tip of a metaphorical musical iceberg - a huge number of women who've worked hard to achieve various degrees of success in their particular field.

As for behind-the-scenes... just take a glance down the list of songs written by Diane Warren - and the artists who recorded them. There are lots of female songwriters; lots of female record producers too - Cathy Dennis for example? Or Linda Perry who has founded two record labels? Sure, these are just a handful of names. Try looking on Wikipedia under 'women in music', 'female songwriters', 'women record producers'... go back further with 'female composers' and 'women hymnwriters' too. There are women in every branch of music, many of them immensely successful, many pioneering. Maybe there ought to be more, maybe we need to do more to support the ones we have but please don't say there aren't opportunities or imply insurmountable obstacles.

See also: "10 'lost' female musicians who deserve more recognition' (BBC 2018) https://www.bbc.co.uk/music/articles/343718ed-4caf-44a2-8291-4aaa18d48c2c

One Year Later

I just want to start by saying: this is MY blog. MY views, MY life experiences. I am very well aware that the person suffering most these past 12 months has been my mum. I know this because I have been witnessing it from the front row and what she is going through is just about the only thing scarier than what I am currently living.
Given that she watched her dad robbed of everything by stroke for sixteen years before his eventual demise and now she's living the same fate I am definitely up close and personal with the fear that this is my future too.

This past year I have discovered the trickery of time. The first week my mum was in hospital was far longer than the 51 weeks since. The 9.5 weeks she was in hospital were certainly longer than the 9.5 months which have followed.
This past year I have discovered a capacity for being at the brink of a nervous breakdown without actually tipping over the edge that I had never imagined someone of my dubious mental health to be capable of.
This past year I have discovered that ice running through your veins is not metaphorical but an actual physical sensation which is all kinds of unpleasant.
This year I have done things I never thought I'd be capable of and kind of wish I wasn't.
This past year I have discovered that gin solves nothing but fuck anyone who tells me to give it up. Do I give a shit for the state of my liver? No I bloody well do not!
This year I have discovered my ability to self-pity has no limits...

Approaching 40, and being curiously potato-like in visage and physique, I knew my chances of meeting a willing victim finding a life-partner and getting married were slimmer than I'd ever be. But you can't blame a spud for hoping. Following my mum's stroke however one of the hardest things to accept was that not only would I not have the opportunity to meet anyone (given that I barely leave the house) and that I present the least attractive prospect I ever have (living in ratty trackies and being zero income) but also I am now far too damaged to ever secure a mate.

Not to say that being a carer is always damaging or to such an extent but my life has been a series of unfortunate events from conception to the fact I woke up this morning. Nor is it to say that I've had it worse than anyone else - I just haven't got enough normal(ish) life experience to be relatable to someone who isn't as f*ck*d up as I am...and let's not go there. Not even to say that before this I felt sure I was capable of having a healthy relationship - just that I am now certain I could not. There are some things you just don't come back from. I may never have seen people getting blown apart in a war zone or whatever but *gazes off into middle-distance* I have seen things, things that stay with you...
Love is an act of courage. I'm all out. Could I take another risk? Nope. I've had all the hurt I can take and then some. I feel like an anti-gravity game of Jenga; there is literally nothing holding me together anymore.

This past week we've had a major scare - my mum had a fall. No injuries except badly damaged confidence that we feared, for several days, would lead to her never leaving her room again. She was literally terrified to move in case she fell...despite the fact that the only reason she'd been on the floor in the first place was that she'd accidentally rolled off her bed! Fortunately, she is now recovering her both confidence and strength following several days total inactivity.
There have been many times this past year I never expected we'd reach this anniversary; 365 days ago I didn't even expect she'd last the night. I never expected to give up my hopes & dreams, my job, my personal freedoms...but that's what happened. You just have to do what is needed. She never expected to be here either... We got her home from hospital, everyone's had a birthday, Halloween, one more family Christmas, sitting out in the sun or watching snow fall...now we're just waiting on her 1st Easter here and the anniversary of her moving in. After that we move into realms of repetition. Whodathunkit?!

We have no expectations for the year ahead - it will be what it will be.

Footnote
It's not just the situation with my mum leaving me barely hanging on...life continues outside our little bubble.
But sometimes it doesn't. 
A relative has recently gone onto palliative care. Several friends of my mum and stepdad are facing serious health problems; my stepdad spent the first couple of months of 2019 in and out of hospital - he's signed a Power of Attorney document so I can be responsible for him too if need be (HELP!). A former co-worker recently died (50), as well as an internet friend I'd known for around a decade (34). 
I could really use some positive life events...

Mum's Thread

Just after my mum's stroke I pinned a tweet and started a thread to help me keep stuff together. It has occurred to me that one day I'll need another such thread for my dad. And that will require unpinning my mum's tweet. And losing that thread is abhorrent to me.

So I have decided to preserve it here. I imagine I'll edit this post accordingly.
LAST EDIT DATE 05/02/2022

It all started with a photo - posted 20th April 2018 (four days after her stroke). The photo is one of the few I have - she has always hated having her photo taken. It's from Spain in 2006.

On June 6th I started the thread:

My mum's stock phrases since her stroke (a thread) [although the thread later mutated into an assortment of funny comments and random nonsense to be saved for posterity]

I shall have to think about that

Who knows (drawn out intonation)

Well, there's a thing

As those were all the same date I'll list the rest with their dates after:

In response to you going ANYWHERE (e.g. work, the loo): Have a lovely time (2 July)

To anything making a noise (e.g. passing helicopter, herself coughing): oh, shut up! (2 July)

Not a stock phrase but tonight at dinner: Is there any salt for this? ...no...for eating...bread...bread in a box...over there...bread in a box! Bread in a box! Erin bought it...BREAD IN A BOX!!! (Turns out she was asking for tissues - my composure was deeply compromised ) (4 July)
I have to know about these things (11 September)

I'm a heap (22 September)

Delight...delight... (8 October)

Things to yell at the TV: Bollocks! I hate him/her He/she's AWFUL Oh go away (25 October)

Overheard (to my dad): It's no good rushing me, I'll bite you! (25 October)

I'm all wrong (3 December)

IT'S NOT 'HAYTCH' IT'S 'AITCH' - AITCH AITCH AITCH - IGNORANT PEASANT!
(1 January 2019)

Someone on TV: I was laying there... Mum: it's 'lying' you bloody moron. You LIE not LAY! Me: maybe they're a monotreme (11 January)

Overheard My dad: I wanted to have a talk to you this morning about- My mum: NO THANK YOUUUU!!! (13 January)

• I'll stay in my room forever • Because I'm old • I'm too old (Sometimes these three come in sequence) (13 January)

I *think* my mum just asked me if I've cooked any of the pokemon I've caught...I am more than a little worried. (11 February)

Me: did @17_Erin get you to brush your toofs earlier? Mum: no...(realises tactical error - she hates being made to brush her teeth) yes - yes - YES!!! Me: *scowls* I'll let you get away with it this time... (12 February)

My mum wants the 'old stuff' ...or the stuff that goes with the old stuff... or she wants to know what happened to it. The context is pudding. Does anyone have the foggiest idea?! Conciliated with banana instant whip.  (17 February)

Things my mum can't stand about #Endeavour He's always got his hands in his pockets It's 'aitch' not 'haytch' you idiot! That bloody moustache!!! (3 March)

Overheard... Mum: How's Heggie Dad: A bit Heggieish Mum: OH DEAR! Me (Heggie): OI! (8 March)

The next one had an image attached - something I saw on Facebook:

This actually very like how messaging my mum used to be. Certain questions were completely ignored, answers arrived without context - she always deleted the email thread so I had no idea which message she was actually replying to. (pt1)
(pt2) Not a lot has changed: Me: Would you like some pudding? Mum: What've you got? Erin: *rattles off a list of the usual suspects* Mum: *pause* Yes. (18 March)

Me: (pauses dvd 10 mins early, suggests a loo break) *time ticks* *theme tune starts* Mum: I think I will go after all Me: *audible eye-roll* (23 March)

My cat Hennessy has precious little to do with us hoomans (sensible lil furgit) but his favourite interaction is to play 'chicken' with my mum's walking frame...I think my mum enjoys this too - "MOVE DOG!!!" she shouts at him ;) (TBC)
(cont) Tonight however, instead of shifting his hairy butt at the last possible moment, he let mum roll her wheel right into him! He just lay there and let her prod him with it!!! We were cracking up! (26 March)

Mostly to my dad, fussing & trying to keep her warm and comfy: LEAVE IT ALONE!!! / LEAVE ME ALONE!!! (It seems mum doesn't want to be either warm or comfy) (28 March)

My mother is pissed off that her coffee is cold because she didn't drink it, doesn't want another and, when asked what's the matter, told me "twenty to three"... (10 April)

My mother doesn't want to watch anything but she also doesn't want to watch nothing. This means endless channel hopping with me getting the blame for not picking something I have no interest in watching...whut??? I AM SO BORED. (20 April)

A year since I started this thread - back when I was still telling close family what had happened to mum. (20 April)

Me: *passes mum her toothbrush* Mum: (Mutters darkly) I don't love you anymore Me: (silent response) Did you ever? (21 April)

Top secret, hush hush - apparently my mum sulking the other day was because she had somehow misinterpreted my going to get a signature witnessed as my running away & leaving her. Blinkin' heck... (6 May)

TV: ...twenty one pounds and sixteen pee... Mum: PENCE! Me: (aside) L - M - N - O - Pence

@17_Erin: *snort* (9 May)

Dad (O): how old are you? Mum (J): 2 years younger than you O: *strained composure* okaaay...how old am I? J: 2 years older than me O: *cracks up* Me: how old am I, then? O: a lot younger than the both of us (24 May)

After watching #BohemianRhapsody for the first time mum said she'd wished it had that duet in it... Me: Oh yes, her with the odd name...why am I getting "Big Gnome"??? Everyone: *blank stares* Me: *racks brains* Me: Oh yes, Monster Rat! Mum: *nearly dies laughing*
[Pt 2] Mum: (still cackling) 'Montserrat Caballé'
Me: That's the one! My mum, stroke survivor with impaired speech, can still pronounce things I can't.(11 July)

*Mum presses call bell, I come running* Me: Do you want to get up? Mum: There was someone at the door Me: Yes, that was- Mum: GET ME UP!!! [and every variant of this ignoring the question followed by being indignant you can imagine] (13 July)

Mum didn't want to go out of her room so I sat in her armchair to stop her staying put... so she SAT ON MY LAP! (21 July)

Re-reading this thread... T'other day Hennessy was playing chicken with her frame again and he lifted each leg out of the way in sequence while staying flopped on the floor. Nearly died laughing! (21 July)

Mum just had to turn a cookery show off cos it was American. What is with the 'Erbs and oh-Rehg-uh-no anyhow? It's HERbs and oh-reh-GAH-no! Also why are chilis in cans? I am so confused. (17 August)

Mum just had her first District Nurse visit (annual diabetes blood test) - infinitely less stress but she still hates everyone and everything and wishes she was dead. This is partly why doctor's appointments are impossible. Difficult ol' bat she is. (21 August)

My dad attended a family funeral today. Overheard this: Mum: did you tell [my cousin] I'm a heap Dad: she knows you're a heap (17 Sept)

My mum is slut-shaming a woman on Say Yes To The Dress who has children but hasn't been married before. Fucking livid. Bad enough if it was just me being a single mother but SHE was an unmarried mother too! Cow! (9 Oct)

Mum: I'm old Me: You're *only* 74, you could be a lot older Mum: (incredulous) Is that ALL???? Me: How old did you think you were? Mum: Nearly 79. Me: Nope, you'll be 75 on Thursday Mum: Oh gawd...are you sure?! Me: *gets out calculator to check* Yep. (11 Oct)

My mum turned 75 on October 17th

Dad: (helping my mum out of bed) I've got cold hands Mum: Don't touch me then *a beat* Mum: (shouts) Why aren't you helping me?!?!?! (25 Oct)

My mum keeps asking me these impossible questions like "do I want to go to bed?" and "what do I want to eat?" how the bleep do I know what you want, I barely know what I want! (28 Oct)

My mum is having a bit of a paddy cos she has an eye appt at the hospital NEXT YEAR and she doesn't want to go. She never wants to go. But she won't tell THEM that. Not my fault she never signed the form for me to make medical decisions for her. (5 Nov)

Me, to my mum who is sitting alone in the dark: Would you like the light on? Mum: Whatever you like Me: It's what YOU like Mum: WHATEVER YOU LIKE! Me: I'm not the one in here, you are etc etc etc (21 Dec)

Me, clipping my mum's toenails: Goodness your feet are scaly - are you a fish? Mum: DRAGON! (27 Jan 2020)

Overheard:- Dad: How was your night? Mum: Alright. Woke up 2 or 3 times Dad: But you didn't get Heg up? Mum: (inaudible) Dad: OH - Me, silently seething: Why don't you get how this works?! (30 Jan)

Me: You have to keep moving, you need to co-operate, if you're not mobile I won't be able to look after you anymore. Mum: You want to get rid of me! Me: That's the exact opposite of what I'm saying here you cantankerous old bat! (6 Feb)

My mum just tearfully asked if I'll look after her when

@17_Erin

is away in Paris next week. Like, really mother? REALLY?! (19 Feb)

Mum: Shall I go on? Me: On and on and Ariston Mum: Do they still advertise? #oldpeoplehumour (2 Mar)

That thing when your elderly mum has you rummaging around the library for a kid's book at a quarter past three in the morning and then gets almost teary when you find it #PlayingBeatieBow (5 Mar)

I loved that book as a kid. She only 'discovered' it a few years back when she bought a hot pig in a charity shop and I told her that's why I knew what it was. She then read it and offered to get me a copy... Even though she'd bought MY copy for me some 20 years earlier. (5 Mar)

Mum: I need to breathe... give me... let me breathe... please... Me: ***PANICS*** She was thirsty. She wanted a drink. (1 May)

There went another year off my life. My life expectancy is now lower than my chronological age. (1 May)

Curious how the meals my mum most consistently turns her nose up at are the ones that most resemble her cooking... Maybe she hated her cooking as much as I did growing up?! (3 May)

My mother just threw a mega hissy fit * 'YOU NEVER CAME IN!' Woman, I have been sitting outside the door all evening * I didn't put her to bed when she told me she wanted her hair done * she's now super over tired * I asked if she was an adult or a toddler and she says 'TODDLER!' (19 Jun)

My mum just chewed me out for my not telling her my dad decided not to do something for her. Well I'm sorry madre, didn't seem important considering you nearly died in the meantime*. Didn't exactly seem high priority. (30 Jun)

* Mum had what we believe to have been another severe stroke on March 29th. I say 'believe' because being a week into the Covid-19 lockdown hospital wasn't an option so there was no formal diagnosis... and indeed nothing on record whatsoever. Unlike the majority of Britain we aren't filled with awe and love and respect for the NHS. When she was in hospital before she was emphatically NOT treated well (allergies not alerted, wrong medications given, put at risk of falls, frequently left without water or an alert button etc etc) and part of why she had at least one visit a day was to keep an eye on her... The pandemic has meant that wasn't an option. And if we can't visit she's not going.

The first few days were so bad we were 1000% convinced she was about to die. I actually sent kits - with incense and spirit money - to her partner & my younger daughter away at uni so that (given funerals & travel were off the menu) we could memorialise her in a different way when the time came. And yes, writing this at the end of October 2020 I am ASTONISHED she's still here.

So I looked after her at home. 'Fortunately' the pandemic made it a little easier to have Erin work from home during the greater part of the crisis. She spent at least two weeks confined to bed, it was 8 or 10 weeks before she was mobile enough to go in her en-suite bathroom! Erin and I had to lift her, bathe her in bed... I cannot praise my 24 yr old enough for knuckling down and doing anything that was necessary.

BEFORE Me: Do you want to watch something? Mum: I don't know what there is Me : *types up full list of our DVD collection* AFTE Erin: Do you want to watch something? Mum: I don't know what there is Me: Kill me already (4 Jul)

So far today my mum has asked for chips and cheese - we have neither - and fruit. Every time she has asked for fruit in recent times she has meant fruit cocktail. Apparently today she wanted a peach. We don't have one of those either. (28 Jul)

And thanks to this stupid mask bollocks I can't get her what she wants either. (28 Jul)

Me: How are you doing, mum? Still feeling a bit 'off'? Mum: The end is nigh Me: Well there's some positive thinking! (9 Sep)

Not part of the thread but it really should have been:

Me: *fast asnoozlebye* Mum: Heg! HEG! Me: *comes running* Whut? Mum: What's that noise? Me: I hear the washing machine and you yelling Mum: *points at bathroom* Bathroom: *FLAMES* (30 Oct 2020)

Was wondering aloud if my mum needed exorcising rather than exercising... Mother shuddered.

@17_Erin

: *reciting the Latin* Mum: SHUT UP! Bwahahahahahahahaha! (10 Nov)

Mum: Bedtime! Me: *puts her to bed* Mum: You're cruel Nice. Thanks mum. (31 Dec)

Last night my mum refused her meds, screaming: BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING THINGS!!! Then she added, sweetly: Dear Then she gave a big, toothy, evil grin. I cracked up!

[A very specific LOTR gif] (22 Jan 2021)

Mum: I'm a heap Me: What are you a heap of? Fish? Mum: Pilocarpine! I cannot believe she got that reference! The Thumb Mark of St Peter by Agatha Christie (1928) (8 Mar)

My mum: "Tuscaloosa Opelika Apalachicola" Me: How the heck do you remember that?! Three words from an ad on TV when we were in Florida for 16 days in April 1989. (11 Mar)

Me to my mother: You're being very un-cooperative

@17_Erin

: Yep, she's being Londis Me: ??? Me: ?!?!?! Me: *penny drops* Me: *melts into hysterics* (20 Mar)

Me: Stop grabbing the radiator* - one day it'll come off and then where will you be? My mum: On the floor Me: And where will the radiator be? Mum: On top of me Me: And what will dad do? Mum: Shout at me Me: And what will I do? Mum: Shout at him for shouting at me

* it's a heated towel rail she insists on using as a grab rail. Have a go at her for pulling on it multiple times a day. (14 Apr)

Tweet from Erin / 17 April 2021: Grandma: *grabs radiator* Me: you're not supposed to do that G: it's not on M: won't be on the wall much longer if you use it as a handrail G: good M: and then what would you grab? G: the floor M: no... (18 Apr)

Last night my mum was telling me how awful I am and how everything is my fault (nice): Me: And why is that, I wonder Mum: I suppose it's the way you were raised Me: So whose fault would that be, HMMM??? Mum: Your dad (7 May)

Me: You seem surprised to see me, are you surprised to see me? Mum: Yes Me: Where would you expect me to be? Mum: January It's a good thing I find this funny cos really, it's not. (14 May)

Mum: I don't know anything Me: That's sad; don't you know me? Mum: No Me: Who am I? Who am I? Mum: I'M JEAN VALJEAN! Me: Correct!

@kathy1452_ (1 Aug)
So my mum was writing birthday cards today. She asked me to check they were legible. One line flummoxed me. She looked at it and admitted she couldn't remember! Anyway... we puzzled over it until the penny dropped, for her. It was "Hope you can read this" LMFAO! (30 Sep)
Then my mum, who can barely see worth a damn, looks across the room and says "what's that?" I, a limaxaphobe, go to investigate and pick a rice grain sized SLUG off the WALL OVER HER BED. What the actual fuck?! (30 Sep)
Actual interaction: Mum: *alarm rings* Me: *jumps up* Mum: *rings alarm a 2nd time while I am on my way from the next room* Me: What can I do for you? Mum: I've been ringing for HOURS* Me: It's only just rung - twice Mum: Then it isn't working* Me: Well it clearly is
* it's worth mentioning that in addition to the battery operated emergency bell she also has an old brass bell to hand precisely for that eventuality... she did not use it
Me: What can I help you with? *crickets* Me: What it your emergency? *deathly silence* Eventually I find out what the problem is and go to help in a prompt fashion Her: HELP!!! Me: I am helping you
Honestly, I know she can't help being an old dingbat but this is actually amazingly in-character for her. She gets so infuriated by people not being psychic. Help should arrive BEFORE it is summoned and results should be instantaneous... yep, that's her.
A whole bunch of my childhood trauma centres around her being ready to leave the house and enraged because I haven't been given any time to get myself ready to go. Not. Bloody. Psychic.*
* okay so I've had a few instances but it doesn't work like that. (7 Oct)
Tonight my mum gave me a spontaneous hug and told me she loves me. Should I be worried?! Such a thing is unheard of. (31 Oct)
Tonight my mum told me she wished I would drop dead and tbh it's the most back-to-normal thing she's said in 3 1/2 years. It's no good pretending we ever had a good relationship. She's just less toxic than my dad. (4 Dec)
Mum called me through because 'people in the shed' Eventually got it decrypted as 'cat is in the porch' (i.e. wants to come in) (5 Feb 2022)

Second thread off the original photo for memories and factoids:

Starting a sub thread of things I have learned since my mother moved in: My grandad knew how to blow up trains I think this was a Dad's Army kind of thing...at least, I hope so! (20 February 2019)

My grandad used to keep bees and would rescue bees from the neighbourhood and bring them home.  (20 February - with stock photo of beehives)

My mum had a dog called Patch Patch bit a neighbour so my grandma had Patch put down. My grandma didn't TELL my mum this but let my mum go to the dogless yard...my mum STILL hasn't forgiven her (20 February) [my grandmother died 25 Dec 2000]

A manège may be home to part of your ménage (20 February)

Mum used to work with an Oliver Cromwell who objected to being called 'Ollie'
(18 March)

My grandad worked in Iceland around WWII time. The British had pulled out and the Americans had come in. The British had left two guys to help with the radar - one to teach the Americans gow to use it and one to fix it when it went wrong (mum thinks her dad was the fixer)
(9 Oct)

They went from British rations to American rations. He was asked how many eggs he wanted for brekkie and thought he'd died and gone to heaven! He entered an ice cream eating competition just cos he hadn't had ice cream for years.
(9 Oct)

I knew there was something about Iceland cos I believe that's where the family rock came from but I thought it was more radios than radar if you know what I mean. My grandad had a thing about radios.
(9 Oct)

FAO @kathy1452_
I always understood my mum's Auntie Kitty (for whom my youngest is named) lost her sight at age 14. Today she came out with the info that she'd regained it briefly shortly after her marriage. Apparently Ted* took her everywhere so she could see everything.
(25 Oct)

*Kinda glad I never met Uncle Ted because I don't think a man could live up to the myth.
(25 Oct)

Edward 'Ted' Hogben died of a heart attack in 1971 at the wheel of his car. He had no time to seek help or even cut the engine. He used his last moment to pull into a car park so as not to take anyone else with him.

Apparently my mum could've confirmed my dad's gas lamp memories years ago because the Liddiards and Felthams lived a few doors apart... not only did he never ask her but no one ever mentioned the families lived close!
(30 Oct)

My dad's mentioned any number of neighbours but I'm sure I'd have noticed if he'd mentioned THEM.
(30 Oct)

My mother's mother (Winifred Keating Nee Weight) had a sister Doris Liddiard whose daughter Elaine (being my mum's cousin) married Graham Feltham. Elaine tried to set my mum up with Peter Feltham (whose first name is Raymond...no one mentioned this until I was in my 20s) but my mum got together with another brother instead - my dad, Owen!
For the record, there's four brothers: Fred who married but had no issue; Graham who married Elaine Liddiard and had two children Carl & Kathryn. (Carl married Dahlia and has two children - Melissa and Aaron; Kathryn, known as Kay married Tony Kirtland and had two children - Dylan and Kaidyn); Owen who never married yet had me; Peter who never married and has no issue.

In recent years my dad has been unable to process that while Carl and Kay are older than me their kids are currently children whereas mine are adults!

On Dec 1st 2019 Kathleen Dennehy (daughter of Brian) shared this thought with me via twitter re: Uncle Dave's death:
Wrapping your whole family and everyone who loves your uncle in white healing light. Our loved ones never really disappear, they move into a higher plane of existence, and are always with us... according to my Buddhism Sunday school.
I'm gonna need that thought when the time comes.

Kathleen's dad Brian died 15th April 2020 of cardiac arrest from sepsis. He was 81.

Apparently my grandmother (born 1905) had a teacher who made fun of her name. "Don't be ridiculous, nobody's called Winnie-FRED"(5 Dec)

It was a perfectly normal name of the era, a SAINT'S name. No idea how old this teacher was but it had been #36 in 1890, #18 1900, #12 1904, #10 1914...it was unlikely she'd never encountered it. Nasty, ignorant teachers are nothing new it seems.(5 Dec)

'Winifred' had also been a US top 200 girl's name since at least 1880 and remained so until 1927 https://nameberry.com/babyname/Winifred (5 Dec)

My mum in her youth was hot stuff!

(19 Feb 2020)

I had never heard of this but she randomly started quoting it on the commode. (link to 'Seven Old Ladies' lyrics) (19 Jun)

I had long had it in mind that my cousin Sean (1965-2014) had been a nurse at one time but after finding out after he died that his degree was in archaeology I started to think I'd imagined it... Mum confirmed he was a psychiatric nurse. (26 Jun)

Mum: I'm a wreck Me: What are you a wreck of? Mum: Hesperus Me: Never heard of it Me: *now reading about "The Wreck of the Hesperus" - a narrative poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow* Me: Oops, ordered it. And 'Evangeline'. (21 Apr 2021)