Generation RANT

A tweet I saw today (04/03/20):

“Young people are so privileged” says member of generation

that bought up all the houses on the cheap and got free uni education

and loads of free shit and voted to remove young people’s rights

and opportunities and burnt up the planet so young people are screwed.

I disagree with this on so many levels. Buckle yourselves in - RANT AHOY!

Generations 101:
LOST GENERATION born 1883-1900 (currently dead)
GREATEST GENERATION born 1901-1927 (currently 93+)
SILENT GENERATION born 1928-1945 (currently 75-92)
BABY BOOMERS born 1946-1964 (currently 56-74)
GEN X born 1965-1980* (currently 40-55)
MILLENNIALS born 1981-1996* (currently 24-39)
GEN Z born 1997-2010* (currently 10-23)
ALPHA GENERATION born 2011 or after (currently 9 and under)
* dates disputed

For the record my parents are Silent Generation (1942 & 1944) I'm Gen X (1978) my eldest is a Millennial (1996) and my youngest is Gen Z (1999)

Disclaimer: this rant is from a British perspective - I am well aware that the generations in other nations struggle with entirely different issues.

1) Young people are so privileged
Well, lets see... today's young person usually comes from a smaller, wealthier family than their parents' generation, they have better education, better diets, better health, longer life expectancies... Today's young people have greater legal protections and better working conditions than ever before so, yeah. Privileged. More on this topic to follow.
The theme of younger people blaming the older generation for their woes, and conversely older people bitching about how easy the younger generation has it, are timeless - go look at Aristophanes' The Wasps (circa 446-386 BCE) for a generational conflict over two-thousand years old. There is eff-all unique about this.
It is basic, timeless human nature: parents always think their kids have it easy (and in many ways they do) and kids always think their parents fucked it all up (and in many ways they did) - each generation has different difficulties and challenges, that is the way of the world. One day you will be the older generation and to blame for every complaint the current youth have.

2) says member of generation
Right, can I just stop you right there. Being a member of a particular generation does not automatically follow that you have lived a life with any particular privileges. 
My generation largely grew up in the thriving 90s - boom years for many but especially hard on those of us who were welfare dependent - no food banks in those days! (And let's just mention here that the supposedly blessed Silent / Boomer generations had to deal with dig for victory and rationing!) 
From that perspective today's youth ARE privileged because so much is available, and not just in terms of food. In my youth if you wanted to know a thing it was hours of research at the library IF your parents let you go, now immense amounts of information are just a click away and accessible everywhere... so long as you have the tech, which not everyone can afford.
'Available' is a loaded word because whilst it might be present not everyone has it. Not every household in the '60s had indoor plumbing, not every household in the '80s had a phone, and here I am in 2020 still sans automobile. Don't assume the two are synonymous.

3) that bought up all the houses on the cheap
Yes, houses were cheaper in the past and even allowing for lower wages and so on have you SEEN what interest rates were like in the 80s and 90s?! Also, if they hadn't bought those houses what would you be living in? If your landlord hadn't bought that property for you to rent would you expect it to still be sitting there, in livable condition, at a 1970s price?! If people HADN'T invested in property there'd be a lot of people living in squats and a lot of those homes would be rotting shells.
Seriously though, if people hadn't bought property in the past where would the youth of today be? I have a roof over my head because my parents invested in property, my daughter works in property rentals, my youngest is renting in an investment property at uni.
And here comes another privileged generation comment: back when your parents or grandparents or landlords bought their house or investment properties (dependent on specific dates, obviously) here are some of the other things they may have been contending with: 

• No minimum wage
• No statutory sick pay
• No maternity paid leave and for many older gen women they were actively excluded from the workplace after having a child

That oh so 'lucky' older generation usually had a sole (male) breadwinner paying 15% interest on a mortgage and heaven help him if he got sick or laid off. Women didn't have it any better being expected to stay at home... suffering from financial dependence, thwarted aspirations and worse if the marriage was unhappy. There weren't the refuges and help against domestic abuse like there are today and marital rape wasn't even outlawed until 1991! Now OBVIOUSLY not all domestic violence / rape victims are women but given that almost all the currently available support is geared to female victims the point is negligible. A woman had little choice but to stay because although divorce has been available (there's that word again!) for generations it is fairly meaningless if one party has no where to go and minimal means of supporting themselves.
The younger generation has minimum wage and sick pay and maternity pay and civil partnership and rights for co-habiting partners and work welfare and maximum working hours etc etc etc precisely because of the shit your grand/parents endured. Debt might be higher now but there's far better terms and conditions.

4) and got free uni education
FFS GO LOOK UP UNIVERSITY TAKE UP RATES. Just 4% in the early 60s (when my parents were 18-ish and working rather than studying) according to this source:
https://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/jun/24/has-university-life-changed-student-experience-past-present-parents-vox-pops
It might have been 'free' but very few got the chance. And then Labour fought against the state footing the bill because university was seen as privileged, elitist, intensely Tory... 
My kids have spiralling uni debt but they wanted degrees and understood the concept that if you want it you have to pay for it.

5) and loads of free shit
What on earth are you talking about now?! My parents never got anything handed to them. Neither did I.
My dad left school at 15 with no qualifications, worked his arse off in the building trade, got zero support when he got sick in his 50s and lost his job. He paid that 15% interest rate and went without for every damn thing he has.
My mum's parents forced to quit her education after her O-levels because education wasn't valued. She was forced out of work when she was expecting me in the late 70s, she cared for her parents at home until they died in 2000. Tell me, what did she get free? Or that she doesn't deserve what little she has.
I was a teen mum, forced to subsist on welfare because subsidised childcare didn't exist. my youngest attempted suicide after I was forced back to work and she was left home alone. I put myself through 5 1/2 years of uni only to end up living off my mum's pension caring for her full time as a stroke survivor. I am nearly 42 and I haven't even started supporting myself yet. Nor am I ever likely to be able to.
But yeah, sure, all us oldies got handed everything on a plate. Whatever.

6) and voted to remove young people's rights and opportunities
Is this a Brexit comment? I suppose it must be cos it doesn't make any kind of sense.
First up, we never voted into the EU. I thought we voted into the EEC (which was a good idea) but it turns out we joined in 1973, BEFORE the 1975 & 78 referendums (and the youngest person to vote for the EEC would now be 60!). 
The EU came into being in 1993 (although the fate was sealed with the Maastricht Treaty in 1992). This was never a democratic process. And that, for me, is a huge problem. We never voted to give anyone EU "rights and opportunities" so why should we be vilified for voting to leave a situation we the electorate never chose to be a part of? A few alleged perks don't negate the restrictions our nation has suffered.
Freedom of movement has, to a large extent, meant that work hungry migrants (who, I want to make perfectly clear, I have no problem with whatsoever) have been willing to take the jobs so many of our native young people turn their noses up at. I've encountered a fair few barely literate young adults who think that their GCSE grade D in PE entitles them to better than scrubbing toilets for minimum wage. What is it about our society that results in such a shoddy work ethic?!
As most young British people are working in the UK I'm not clear what Brexit is supposedly doing to harm them. People travelled / worked / studied abroad before this, they still do and always will. Not to mention, a lot of people travel / work / study OUTSIDE the EU.
Young people HAVE rights, and opportunities - loads of which are unconnected to the EU. Given the fact that Brexit is the ONLY example of direct democracy in recent British history you could only ever blame GOVERNMENTS, not an electorate, for any other perceived slights to the youth of today... and neither the gov't nor the electorate is all Boomers anyway so you still can't blame a specific demographic! 

7) and burnt up the planet so young people today are screwed
The industrial revolution is where today's environmental woes began and given that dates back to 1820-1840 no fucking way are you blaming that on people born over a century later. 
It was far older generations than mine who were responsible for Bhopal and Chernobyl, my generation has suffered for the actions of previous generations; the kids who died at Aberfan from the coal board's greed would have been Boomers; the smogs of my parents' youth were the fall-out from their great-grandparents. The young people of the past were screwed over too.
But contrary to popular bullshittery we didn't just sit there and take it - the activism of previous generations is WHY there's a growing vegan movement, why there are renewable energies to invest in and electric cars to buy... It was Boomers who were protesting at Greenham Common, Silent Gen behind CND, both for Greenpeace... The oldies were trying to save the bloody planet before the disillusioned youth were conceived! 
Environmental activism isn't a 21st century phenomenon and nor is it mid 20th century people's fault it's not fixed.

But here's what for me at least is the kicker:
The man who tweeted this is actor / comedian / director David Schneider who, according to Wikipedia, was born May 22nd, 1963. Making him a Boomer like the people he's so harshly criticising. He doesn't even seem to have any kids whose futures he is worried for.
He apparently went to an independent boys school and then uni all the way up to doctorate studies. He is exactly the privileged generation he bitches about on social media. Maybe this is his definition of comedy?! I for one am intensely annoyed by incredibly privileged people like this guy spouting outrage about the conditions of a working class they have never been part of.

Further Ranting About A Twitter Rant

Today I got blocked on Twitter by some dumb c*** who accused me of defending Jimmy Savile. NOT what I was doing. I was defending, as usual, the principles of due process and 'innocent until proven guilty' - pointing out that there can't be a case against Savile because he is dead as the dead cannot present a defence.

More to the point, the row started because of nasty allegations calling Prince Andrew a proven sex offender.
1. He had an acquaintanceship with a man who was later convicted of sexual offences - which is not a crime
2. He has since also been accused - which does not make him guilty
3. He has not even yet been questioned

I have tweeted at length about this too.
An ordinary person will spend time with hundreds of people in a lifetime, a person in Prince Andrew's role will encounter thousands. If you think you KNOW the people around you, you're an idiot. Every rapist, murderer, child molester, whatever was someone's relative, friend, co-worker. If you think that "they must have known" you have got to be crazy.
I've lived a fairly sheltered life - I have spent years stuck at home as a full-time mum and now as a carer. When I have worked it has never been with lots and lots of people. But can I say I have never associated with a person who has groped, molested or raped? Of course I can't! I knew fairly little about most people I worked with. I didn't know if they were married or had kids or spent their weekends in babygros and adult diapers.
I've never done well with friendships but the few people I would count as true friends I know only a little better. I am aware I know what each person CHOOSES to present to me, that I only see the tip of the iceberg about another person's personality.
As for relationships I've done even worse but the fact I ended up as a single mother, twice over, is pretty indicative that you can be fully intimate with someone and still not know them.
There are allegations that Prince Andrew has failed to co-operate with the FBI...there are also counter claims that the FBI has not attempted to contact him. Either way, his co-operation is entirely voluntary at this point. Who knows where the truth lies?
Meanwhile, it's hard for the US to take the high ground after refusing to extradite Anne Sacoolas, wanted in connection with the death by dangerous driving of 19 year old Harry Dunn. Nations have a tendency to protect their own - just the way things are. Briton's expect the nation to come to their aid when they're jailed abroad or whatever - and I've tweeted at length about how dumb I think that is too.

The fact that Prince Andrew knew someone who turned out to be a sex offender is, imho, not particularly meaningful. You honestly expect any of the royal family to know everything about everyone they know?! That's not even a thing that regular people with far smaller circles of acquaintance can be expected to know.
As yet there's no proof he knew of any wrongdoing or committed any crimes himself, only allegations - hence my arguing for due process. The other tweeter brought Savile into it and I pointed out that the two cases are entirely unalike as Savile is dead and there can be no case brought against him...and that is where it all started - with the assertion that a complaint filed does not equal proof of guilt "that's what courts are for, not social media" - mind you, you can't argue with the type of idiot who actually believes 'there's no smoke without fire' (probably thinks they sank a real ship for the film Titanic an' all...)

My tweets on this read as follows (copied & pasted direct):

• I'm blocking you for defending witch-hunt and thinking due process is an optional extra. Moron.
• I have no sympathy for Savile but we have a legal process for a damn good reason. THAT is what I am defending.
• If YOU would expect a fair trial, a weight on evidence rather than hearsay, DEMAND that principle is applied for others
• Every person who supports trial by media deserves (IMHO) to be accused of heinous crimes they didn't commit.
• I think my abhorrence of this comes of being bullied at school. Especially by teachers whose word was law.
• My daughter too got punished for being in fights... as the victim of a persistent bullying campaign.
• [This tweet is edited as it involves an allegation of child sexual abuse as told to me but turned out to be false] I reported it, as you do. Police got back to me: Kid didn't have a stepfather. Kid had a history of not knowing fact from fiction, and a psychiatrist.
• I blocked the kid. But I know others who believed them.

"In the year to the end of March 2017, the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) estimated:

• 20% of women and 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, equivalent to 3.4 million female and 631,000 male victims
• 3.1% of women (510,000) and 0.8% of men (138,000) aged 16 to 59 had experienced a sexual assault in the last year."

(Source: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/statistics-sexual-violence/)

So if one in five WOMEN will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime how likely do you think it is that those acts were perpetrated by just a handful of 'monsters' you personally will never encounter? I'm not going to go so far as to suggest each victim has a separate assailant but we're still not talking about a small group of serial rapist and gropers. We're talking about a significant number of people here - do you even know which of the women you know have been sexually assaulted? Do you even think they would share with you? An awful lot of people never tell their nearest and dearest such things. If you don't know the victims in your life how do you expect to know the perps? Do you think they're easily spotted by their sinister moustaches and black hats or what?!

I am an exceedingly opinionated potato and I believe a lot of things about a lot of people, usually based on little more than intuition. I try to be careful about how I express those opinions, if I even do.

I don't even have much faith in due process. But it's the best we have - we all deserve a fair hearing and assuming someone's guilt based on social media bullshit and the tabloid press is just DUMB.

Plant Milk Comparison

My dad (77, a lifetime carnivore), my elder daughter (24, an opportune eater who tolerates my non-foods) and myself (41, vegan for several years) sat down last weekend with a whole lot of shot glasses to taste test 8 different plant milks.

Our taste test comprised (in alphabetical order):

• Almond, unsweetened (13kcal/100ml) Alpro
• Cashew (23kcal/100ml) Alpro
• Coconut, unsweetened (14kcal/100ml) Alpro
• Hazelnut (29kcal/100ml) Alpro
• Hemp (26kcal/100ml) Good Hemp
• Oat, unsweetened (40kcal/100ml) Alpro
• Pea (34kcal/100ml) Sproud
• Walnut (25kcal/100ml) Valsoia

OBVIOUSLY there are loads more - rice, soya, macadamia, tiger nut, blended, flavoured, sweetened, organic...

I use almond as my go-to all-purpose non-milk because it's the lowest calorie and has virtually no flavour. My mum drinks a glass of milk plain and prefers cashew as it's creamy but is okay with oat (which is good as cashew isn't so easily available).
I have been asked many times for my opinions on the 'best' plant milk but it comes mostly down to individual taste so I really recommend trying as many as you can. Also, I would recommend anyone new to plant milks to do the following:
A. If you use large quantities would it be a more economical idea to make your own? Especially if you want to reduce your waste or live in an area that doesn't offer carton recycling... Incidentally we use plastic shot glasses for my mum's meds so they will be reused many times. You can always use glass or paper cups.
B. Think how you use milk. Do you drink it plain, have a dash in coffee, pour it over cereal? The difference in flavours can make a huge difference and you will need to taste test the milks as you use them - especially for hot drinks as some separate and *TMI alert* I vomit with hot soya milk.
C. Where are you at in life? Look at the calorie counts, sugar or protein content depending on what matters to you.
D. Alpro milks are frequently on offer (3 for £3, usually) so stock up for a taste test economically.

Our rankings went as follows:
Dad
1. Hazelnut* / Walnut*
3. Pea - as the only one who could tolerate Pea milk he took it home!
4. Cashew*
5. Oat
6. Almond
7. Hemp / Coconut - which he dubbed "arsenic and cyanide"
Daughter
1. Cashew*
2. Hazelnut*
3. Walnut*
4. Oat
5. Almond
6. Pea
7. Coconut
8. Hemp
Me
1. Cashew* / Walnut*
3. Oat
4. Hazelnut*
5. Almond - despite being my go-to it is bland, nothingy and not nice on its own
6. Coconut - watery and white, didn't even realise how much I disliked it, shan't buy it in future!
7. Pea - with the comment "bloody weird NO" definitely not worth the 2nd highest calorie count
8. Hemp - with the comment "bleuuuu socks ICK"

*As the same three milks made all of our top 4 I will discuss those in a little detail.
Cashew (Dad's # 4, daughter's #1, my joint first)
As someone who hasn't had cow juice in over 7 years it's not the easiest to say but to me Cashew is the closest to dairy milk. Coconut is very white; hazelnut & walnut are rather brown. Coconut & almond are rather watery but Cashew has a hint of creamyness. Also, unlike hazelnut, walnut, coconut the flavour is pretty neutral meaning it's a great all-purpose choice. (For the record, almond milk doesn't taste of almonds. Before I first tried it I was terrified it'd be like liquid marzipan!)
Hazelnut (Dad's joint 1st, daughter's #2, my #4)
As above, hazelnut is a bit on the brown side and tastes, unsurprisingly, of hazelnuts. Hazelnutty coffee or hot chocolate would probably be just fine but in tea? Probably not. Fortunately I loathe tea. Actually, I don't like hazelnuts but I like this milk. Weird, huh?
Walnut (Dad's joint 1st, daughter's #3, my joint 1st)
Again, brown. Again, strong walnut flavour. I have since tried this as a latte and it was DELICIOUS. Like hazelnut I think it'd work better in particular contexts: with muesli? Great! To make a strawberry blancmange? I kind of think the pepperyness of the walnut would make that pretty gross but I could be wrong.

White-privilege or targeting the vulnerable, regardless?

I've seen a lot of commentary about the racism at play in the press regarding Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and this article in particular emphasises the crap she's had to deal with, comparing headlines about her with virtually identical instances featuring Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ellievhall/meghan-markle-kate-middleton-double-standards-royal?utm_source=dynamic&bftwnews&utm_term=4ldqpgc#4ldqpgc
This pair of headlines from the Daily Mail sums it up rather well as they're by the same writer, only weeks apart:
"How Kate went from drab to fab! From eyebrows and pilates to a new style guru, our experts reveal the Duchess of Cambridge's secrets to looking sizzling" - Sarah Vine 14 Jun 2019
"My memo to Meghan Markle following her Vogue editorial - we Brits prefer true royalty to fashion royalty" - Sarah Vine 29 Jul 2019
If you don't want to click the link other examples include: 
Praising Catherine's simple and elegant choice of wedding flowers (inc Lily Of The Valley) to claiming Meghan put her bridesmaids lives at risk...for using Lily Of The Valley. 
Saying simply that William and Catherine would be spending Christmas with the Middletons in 2016, pointing out that they also had in 2011 - the first year they were married; but accusing Meghan and Harry of snubbing the Queen when they chose to spend Christmas with her mother in 2019 - the first year with their son. 
Positive coverage of Prince Louis' Christening (which the Queen did not attend) and criticising the Sussexes planning because the Queen was unavailable when they'd scheduled Archie's Christening.
Note: these examples are all tabloid press - The Sun, The Express, The Daily Mail and so on.

That stories are handled differently whether they are about Catherine (with or without William) or Meghan (with or without Harry) is pretty clear.
It is also worth noting that the press is pretty disrespectful of BOTH Duchesses - Catherine is repeatedly called Kate although she is supposed to be styled Catherine. Both are repeatedly called by their maiden names of Middleton and Markle despite being married with children - although many women choose to keep their name after marriage it is traditionally a great insult because it strips a woman of her married, and in this case Royal, status and implies illegitimacy of her children!

The question is: 
Is the press prejudice against Meghan RACIST?

Whilst quite probably there are racist motivations for the press' shitty attitude toward the Duchess it's a problematic assumption to make as nothing provably racist has been indicated; although certainly the public comments on these various stories can be overt.
I understand, to an extent, the accusation of white-privilege - that because I am white and see no racism in the press' words doesn't mean it's not there. However, the reverse also holds true - it is possible to be black (or indeed any ethnicity) and see racism which is not there. [Edit: claiming racism purely on the basis of Meghan's skin colour is itself an unfounded racial bias]

Back in the dark ages of my youth the press was being shitty to Diana, Princess of Wales (the former Diana Spencer) and Sarah, Duchess of York (the former Sarah Fergusson). The spouses of Anne and Edward largely seem to escape such attention - possibly a throwback to the idea of an heir (Charles) and a spare (Andrew), which would apply to William and Harry also.
Both of them were white but the press had a whale of a time hurling abuse at the both of them. It's easy to remember the hell they put Diana through as she died as her car attempted to out-race paparazzi but Sarah's marriage was destroyed and press attention / intrusion caused her a great deal of harm as well. I have decided to include their examples in this blog in the hope it might create a slightly better basis for comparison.

Is this 'simply' a matter of the press, limited in the shit they can throw at the royal family themselves feeling justified in targeting the 'outsiders'? In which case, why has Catherine been virtually left alone? Perhaps they decided to give her a pass because she is mother to the heir to the throne?
Certainly a lot has changed in the decades since Diana's death but the press are still happy to target Meghan - why?

If an argument is to be made that this is racism in action we'd need to exclude other factors which could cause prejudice.

First, nationality.

• Diana, British
• Sarah, British
• Catherine, British
• Meghan, American

Meghan is certainly different in this regard. Anti-American sentiment isn't usually a thing in Britain but then the last time and American got close to a Prince it almost brought down the whole monarchy. I don't really credit this theory but it can't be ignored as a factor in making Meghan an 'outsider' and a target for negative press attention.
Prince Philip similarly started out deeply unpopular because he was Greek and whether that xenophobic streak is still relevant it's hard to say. Prince Harry's former girlfriend Chelsy Davy is Zimbabwean but their relationship never reached the point where she was targeted by the press - whether she would have been welcomed (as a white woman) or vilified as a foreigner cannot be known.

Secondly, pre-marital styles and social class.

• Diana was the Honourable Diana Frances Spencer - daughter of the 8th Earl Spencer. Parents divorced 1969. Both parents remarried and her stepmother was the only child of romantic novelist Dame Barbara Cartland.
• Sarah was Miss Sarah Margaret Fergusson - daughter of Major Ronald Fergusson. Parents divorced 1974. Both parents remarried - her stepfather was Argentinian.
• Catherine was Miss Catherine Elizabeth Middleton - daughter of Michael and Elizabeth Middleton who are described as 'upper middle class' and remain married.
• Meghan was Miss Rachel Meghan Markle - daughter of Thomas Markle Sr and Doria Ragland who divorced in 1987. Neither parent has remarried.

All four are considered 'commoners' but all commoners are not created equal - Diana's father was an Earl, Sarah's was a Major. With three of them come from broken homes it seems unlikely to be a factor.
Public opinion seemed clear at the time of the wedding that sympathy was strongly with Doria - who had largely raised Meghan as a single mother (Diana and Sarah's mothers both having new partners to support them) - and against Thomas - whose heart attack ahead of the wedding meant he could not attend seemed suspiciously unverified and curiously timed as his attendance had already had doubt cast upon it. Doria has handled herself well, as has her extended family. In contrast Thomas has courted media attention, as has Meghan's half sister Samantha Markle and, to a lesser extent, her half brother Thomas Markle Jr.
Personally I find it curious that Mr Markle has been given a platform at all. Nothing I have seen from him has been in any way 'in the public interest'. Is his voice being heard because he is white? I don't think so, personally. I think he's being heard because it makes it easier for the press to legitimise Meghan as a target - a royal target they haven't had since Diana's death. I can't think of any example of a royal bride being undermined by her own family in such a way. Even Diana's dysfunctional relationship with her stepmother never sunk to such depths.

Thirdly, pre-marital life.

• Diana, age at marriage: 20, occupation: kindergarten assistant, status: single.
• Sarah, age at marriage: 25, occupation: worked various jobs which are not clearly documented, status: single
• Catherine, age at marriage: 29, occupation: worked in her family's business doing 'catalogue design & production, marketing and photography', status: single.
• Meghan, age at marriage: 36, occupation: actress, status: divorced.

Again there is a bit of variety here but three distinct factors stand out - Meghan was the oldest royal bride by nearly a decade although I have no idea why that might make any difference; she was previously in the 'disreputable' business of being an actress*; she was divorced - bringing to the fore the comparison to Wallis Simpson again.

* Although unlikely to be considered nowadays actresses were historically associated with prostitution and a career in which deception is kind of the point led to even more successful actresses being outcast from polite society. it is worth noting that whilst Meghan's acting skills have been unkindly critiqued she's also dismissed as a 'consummate actress' any time she shows emotion.

Whether any of these factors in any way explains the press vilification of Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, it seems clear to me that there are multiple potential reasons why she has been singled out as a particular target, none of which can be definitely excluded.

• American (xenophobia, comparison to Wallis Simpson)
• Raised by a single mother (classism, the tabloids have long enjoyed slagging off single mothers)
• Undermined by her father and step-siblings (family collusion in targeting her)
• Older bride (ageism, although unlikely relevance)
• Former actress (classism)
• Divorcee (possible classism? Comparison to Wallis Simpson)
• Mixed race (racism, colourism) 

What is also clear is that Meghan herself has done nothing whatsoever to warrant such vile and unreasonable treatment.
I have every sympathy for the couple and support their decision to step back from the front line.
Whilst I fully support the Queen sharing out the workload, Charles has expressed the desire for a slimmed-down monarchy. The royal family are damned if they aren't seen to be doing enough to 'earn their keep' and damned if they want to live their own lives it seems.

Stumbled across an email about mum's stroke...saving it here as back-up

Explanatory notes:

• Email written to my younger daughter - I had only just told her about my mum's stroke and the conversation had been (from my end) at a bus stop in Central Reading...far from ideal and I was worried I had missed essential details. I did much the same over following weeks - especially when my aunt would ask if my mum was out of hospital yet...and I was worried I hadn't made it clear how serious the situation was. My aunt thinking she'd only be in hospital a week or two was a cause for concern - was I explaining it that badly?!
• Pogsy is a nickname for my dad. We have no idea why.
• Erni is a nickname for my elder daughter Erin after a preschool misspelling.
• I have taken out a bunch of names as I have mentioned immediate family before but not necessarily others.
• All changes are in [---] and I am not doing any corrections. I want to keep this true to the event.

I'm going to take things back a bit...

Grandma was in town for her dental appt. She spent Thursday & Saturday with my dad. The original idea was for me to go visit her after work Monday but as Erin was home (she's sprained her wrist by the way) we invited Grandma over for Sunday dinner. She arrived about 1130 and stayed six hours. She was fine, alert...although she did look 'tottery' as she walked out to her car but I put it down to being stiff and tired after a long afternoon sat on my sofa, and probably it was.

MONDAY

I worked a half day Monday and came home with a borderline migraine. Crawled into bed at 1530. Erni cooked dinner and I was just going for a shower at 8pm when the phone rang at 8pm. Erin answered it and a moment later, perfectly calmly she said "Mum, emergency". I took the phone. It was [mum's partner - hereafter 'N']. He said that mum had called about 3pm saying she was tired and going to rest. As the evening wore on and he didn't hear back from her he got concerned. I think he said he'd been trying for an hour and when she finally answered he couldn't understand her. Erin ran to dad's while I got dressed. Apparently Pogsy rang her, said curtly "I'm coming over" and minutes later we're in the car hightailing it over to her flat. Grandad driving while alarmed is also alarming. Pogsy wanted to go in first with me poised to call 101 (which as it turns out is the Police non-emergency number; he meant 111).

So Pogsy dashed in, Grandma was on the floor, sitting up but slumped against her armchair. Dad asked straight off if she wanted medical assistance and she replied clearly "Yes" a minute later I realised I was calling the wrong number and basically thought fukkit this is a 999 job. They kept asking questions geared at heart attacks and I realised that what I was describing didn't even sound like any kind of emergency so I said, quite truthfully, "I think she may have had a stroke". Felt awful for saying it where she could hear me but what can you do???

She was conscious or semi-conscious. She could answer some questions like the medical help one clearly enough but other words were slurred, mumbled, incomprehensible or just no response. Erin went outside to usher in the ambulance crew.

They came in and Pogsy stayed with her while she was being assessed and put into one of those chair carriers to get her out. Erin and I went into her bedroom. We couldn't find a bag or holdall so we nabbed her granny trolley (remarkably handy actually) and started packing it, she'd need fresh clothes and wash stuff for discharge if nothing else. I also called N with an update; he told me to ring whenever I knew anything. Pogsy was trying to find mum's meds etc.

I was going with mum in the ambulance, dad and Erin were coming to the hospital later...I forget why but dad wanted to come back to Woodley for some reason that seemed important at the time. Mum was asked if N or I would be her next of kin - eventually it was decided she was indicating me. It seemed to take forever to get to A&E. Mum was clearly in a bad way - groaning over ever bump and being sick. We arrived at A&E & mum was taken straight to a side room because of diarrhoea and sickness. It was bad cos she was begging for water but nil by mouth. She still hadn't been seen / cleaned up when Pogsy & Erni arrived but then she was cleaned & changed into a gown while the three of us went to the waiting area. Thankfully they let her have water then too.

After they left a doctor saw her and she was asked what happened and she was explaining away...making no sense at all. However later she was saying perfectly clearly she'd be there for hours and I should go home. It was just as confusing for me tbh.

We went through the night in much the same fashion - her practically speaking in tongues and complaining about the bright lights or other patients' bleeping monitors. She was moved to another side room in another part of A&E called Majors (as opposed to minors I presume). There was definitely some assumption that the diarrhoea and vomiting were the problem and that the state of mum was her normal condition which was difficult. Her blood pressure was really high as was her blood glucose. Another thing was she had retained urine. The scanned her bladder twice, twice on a bed pan and about half an hour on a commode before they finally catheterised her. We could have done without them 'joking' about burst bladders but I have to say I was almost as relieved as she was! There was talk of a urinary tract infection which would explain that and even the mental confusion and when mum asked "why am I like this?" that's what I told her. Dad was concerned it was related to her ongoing back pain (no idea how it could've been) and I had concerns she'd fallen and hurt herself, maybe her hip, and couldn't explain where. Broken bones can cause embolisms also resulting in mental confusion. Lots of theories, zero answers. They did however also have her on a saline drip, had given her an IV shot of antibiotics AND hooked her up to an insulin pump to get her diabetes back in check. At least once I brought up stroke and was told no, it's not that.

At 2am, probably when she was being catheterised, I nipped out to call N and Erin. But being a complete fuckup of a life my sim card had come loose and it was all I could do to get my contacts up on my phone let alone connect to a service. I called E from the reception desk and asked her to call N.

At about 0430 she was moved to the Acute Medical Unit (AMU) and again put in a side room. I moved her stuff in, established that she was staying put for the time being and left. By that point she was fast asleep. In fact, I think she slept through the entire transfer.

The buses had started running but I walked home from the hospital. It had been quite a traumatic night and I needed the air and time to do some processing.

TUESDAY

I got in and went to bed 0630...and then Pogsy rang at 0830 and that was that! Never been so grateful for a migraine nap in my life.

Don't remember an awful lot of Tuesday to be honest. Dad and I discussed a lot of the ifs buts and maybes of the situation and I started cleaning house (which was already not bad for us) with the idea that whatever happened mum recuperating at mine was the likeliest outcome. At some point Erni picked up Hennessy [our black cat] and saw blood on his hind left paw.

Erin came to the hospital with me in the afternoon. Mum was sleeping when we got there which was fair enough but when the consultant came in they could barely rouse her and things got properly worrying. The consultant was still thinking infection, I raised a number of concerns inc. stroke but again was told no. Mum could squeeze, albeit weakly, with both hands and wiggle both feet. I was told she'd be sent for a CT scan that evening.

Erni and I left, did a bit of shopping and went home again. At about 2030 I got a call from the hospital during which I got a dripfeed of info: them "what do you think happened?" me "Stroke?" them "I think you're right" then confirming that's what the CT scan showed then that it was severe. Then she asked about resuscitating her if she has a crisis: I said no. We've all talked about this for years but the doctor admitted that in my mother's situation she thought it wasn't in her interests. God knows how I held it together.

I went round to dad's just before 9pm and watched it hit him like a freight train. He swears blind I said it was a 'massive stroke' but I definitely said severe. I think he was hearing what he feared.

I was scheduled to run the shop Wednesday and it was really late to pull out so I decided to work it and then to go down to N's Thursday to tell him face-to-face.

Went home and fell apart for a bit.

WEDNESDAY

Couldn't concentrate worth a damn, stressed af and running on not nearly enough sleep.

Erni & Pogsy visited mum...during which time she didn't wake up AT ALL. Plans were changed. I called N and, hiding the situation from him suggested he come to visit for a few days so he could visit with mum properly. I needed to tell him the truth, face-to-face before letting [her brother] and [sister] know. Absolutely shitting it about making all these really hard phone calls.

I was definitely worried about telling you. I spoke to my area manager cos I had to let someone know that I might have to just drop everything at zero notice. It was her idea to contact your uni for advice.

I crashed at 9pm and got up just after Erin came in from work at midnight. I spent the night doing washing up and watching the Supernatural musical episode 😉 Back to bed at 0430.

THURSDAY 

Erni had made a vet appt for Hennessy at 9am - I couldn't be worrying about a sick cat too. We were only taking him out on the lead and he'd spent most of the last 24 hrs sleeping in his carrier. He didn't look right at all. Toe is very definitely injured. Painkillers & antibiotics for now, take him back next week if he's still bad or earlier if he gets worse. On the plus side he's walking without a limp.

N arrived at midday. by arrangement Erni popped out the back and to Pogsy's because I didn't think N needed an audience. I felt so bad for not telling him straight out but he understood why I didn't want him to hear by phone or to drive while distressed. After that Pogsy & Erni came round for lunch. The mock meat I'd bought for sandwiches wasn't vegan but fukkit for once. After that I started on the phone calls including to your uni where they advised me to tell you as I did for all I was worried about it.

I called [cousin T] to break the news to [mum's sister] and she gave me [cousin J's] number and I called him to tell [her brother]...and you know what happened??? T PHONED [mum's sister] and [mum's sister] phoned [her sister in law]! So much for me trying to get everyone told gently and in person! I was especially worried as Saturday is the anniversary of [my cousin] Allister's death.

I saw that you had a presentation so I held off until evening and that would have to be after N and I visited the hospital. Thank goodness really because I was so much happier for seeing her relatively alert. It's also a huge weight off my mind to know that most everyone knows. Actually managed to sleep fairly well last night!

N is staying here and Erni is camping at Pogsy's as you might need to if you decide to visit. We're all just doing whatever we can to help each other. Thank goodness my dad and N get on okay! They're fetching mum's car back here today so it can be kept an eye on. Dad worries about silly stuff like that; I worry about people.

So I think that's about it. Not gonna lie, this is still a deeply worrying situation. Will keep you updated.

It occurs that my grandad must've had his big stroke around the time my mum turned 40; he was in hospital that Christmas. He would have been 75 at the time. My mum's 73 and a half.

On Ethical Veganism as a Protected Philosophical Belief

On January 3rd 2020 a UK court decided Ethical Veganism can qualify as a philosophical belief protected under law https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50981359

Jordi Casamitjana believes he was sacked for being vegan; his former employer cites gross misconduct. Before the case could be heard the status of veganism as a belief system had to be established. 

Some people are purely dietary vegans - they don't eat animal products for health reasons for example - but most are, to some extent, ethical vegans - they don't eat animal products because they believe it is wrong to do so, and avoid animal products in all aspects of their life. To even the more relaxed of ethical vegans it is blinkin' obvious that veganism is a philosophy to live by, not a 'diet' or a 'fad' or a 'cult' http://theconversation.com/veganism-has-always-been-more-about-living-an-ethical-life-than-just-avoiding-meat-and-dairy-129307

Short version:

What makes YOUR belief more important than MINE?! Basically, that mindset is the entire problem with religion.

Full-length version:

Each human being lives their life by some sort of moral code, even the seemingly immoral will (usually) hold some kind of belief that they are entitled to live as they do. For many, the moral code is rooted in religion - even those whose code is founded on the laws of the land and the social norms of their era can trace those fundamentals back to religious doctrine.

I have seen a bunch of deeply unpleasant comments about this but the remarks here, by people who've declared themselves to be deeply spiritual or allied to a certain faith particularly appal me (https://www.themonastery.org/blog/veganism-ruled-protected-class-in-uk-comparable-to-religious-belief?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=Agriculture+Shock&utm_campaign=January+8%2C++2020) 

The comment from Annie Macleod begins:

I have no problem with some vegans considering themselves 'ethical vegans'

and having it recognized as a religion.

That is, as long as they don't try to impose their religion on anyone else,

just as Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam etc

should not try to impose their beliefs on others.

Right, let me nit-pick this a moment... All faiths impose their beliefs on others. Religions are, at their core, a set of rules by which to live and why most societies have or had a religion as their foundation. By setting laws we impose one set of core values on others.

Most religions also seek new members - from Sunday schools and Boy Scouts, to evangelism and propaganda - various methods are used to bring in new people. In this way a belief system maintains its hold on a society.

And most of us accept this fairly willingly. This blog will focus on 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' - whether we adhere to a faith or not, most people will accept that killing another is fundamentally wrong. We impose this belief on others. Sometimes we might hold a particular view on abortion, euthanasia, capital punishment or war that is at odds with someone else's interpretation of 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' - and we will argue our point, often heatedly, regardless of which side of the line we stand. This is an important issue most take exceedingly seriously. Our respect for the right of others to hold their own belief is sorely tried.

One key point of Veganism is that 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' applies to all life, not just humans. Vegans often term this mindset as 'speciesism' and liken it to past times where Christians saw infidels or whites saw blacks or men saw women as 'other' - not entitled to the same rights and privileges. Vegans see all sentient life as fundamentally equal; Vegans see this as no different to telling you not to kill and eat your neighbour. The difference is most people don't even consider eating their neighbour if it's a human...if it's a cow, on the other hand...

Carnists (people who believe it is their right or even obligation to eat animals) often say 'you live by your principles, I'll live by mine' and this 'live and let live' argument is really galling to Vegans. The point is that YOU can live AND let ANIMALS live too.

This one from Daniel Grey is hilariously stupid:

Lolol what a bunch of hogwash! Being vegan is now like a religion in England? 

Are they mad? There is no such thing as a Vegan or Vegetarian and never will be.

It's a medical fact that the area around your face sheds dead skin cells

when you sleep. Now these cells get on your pillow and blankets

and when you move they get stirred up. And you still have to breathe as such you ARE breathing in dead skin cells,

which are considered meat; and your body is digesting them.

So unless you sleep with a vacuum over your face to suck up the skin cells,

then you DO eat meat no matter if you want to acknowledge it or not.

Jeez, dude - how DUMB are you? Who, exactly, considers naturally shed skin cells as 'meat'?! Meat is defined as the flesh of animals, flesh is defined as a soft substance consisting of muscle and fat...not as its individual constituent cells! Whatevz. If you are so stupid as to believe that inhaling your own dead skin cells is equivalent to a cheeseburger then you deserve to be killed and eaten by a peckish neighbour.

A vegan mother might well devour her placenta after giving birth as a means to ward off post-natal depression. This is 'flesh' but no animal has died / been killed to provide it. This is effectively eating your own flesh and has no ethical problem tied to it. In the same way, breastfeeding is vegan because it is your milk to do with as you wish (including wet-nursing / milk donation) but a cow's milk is not yours to take. The whole problem with meat-eating is the taking of a life, the causing of pain & suffering to assuage your own desires.

Some Vegans will even eat meat if it is naturally occurring roadkill or meat that has been thrown away and will otherwise rot. This is because their interpretation of their moral code is that they are not taking a life (directly or by supporting the industry). And before you start - Jews are protected whether or not they keep kosher, Muslims are protected for wearing hijabs despite it being a cultural and not a religious requirement - faith is protected regardless of the individual's interpretation of their faith.

Honestly though, this guy's opinion gets on my tits - how can you possibly suppose that a moral argument against killing something to eat its corpse can ever be nullified by inhaling dead skin cells?! Ludicrous! Just as a vegan is no less vegan if there's a fly in their soup - no one killed that fly, its presence is a tragic accident. The choices and deliberate actions we make are what matter.

You might imagine that religious people would be the most understanding of the rights of others to have their belief systems protected but is seems this is not the case. Many wars have been fought on a 'my-religion-is-better-than-yours' principle but bashing on veganism?! Given that many faiths have dietary restrictions in their texts it seems a bit cheeky to say the very least.

People seem very insulted by the idea of veganism having the same status as a religion...and very much unable to differentiate between faith and philosophy!

Veganism is not a religion, it has pretty much one rule which is virtually the same as the medical profession's 'first do no harm', it does not require you to pray or to build special places to worship vegetables, it is never going to encourage you to go to war with anyone, it doesn't tell you who you can or can't marry...in fact, it doesn't impact how you live your life at all beyond not harming animals to do so.

Jordi Casamitjana, by the sounds of it, is a bit of an extreme vegan - apparently he won't use buses in case bugs die on the windshield. Most vegans use public transport, drive, live perfectly ordinary lives virtually indistinguishable from anyone else's...they choose not to eat meat, dairy and a host of other animal products; they choose not to use wool, silk and leather; they choose kindness over convenience.

Yet people call Veganism a cult because their precious cheeseburgers are threatened?! And the endless asking of "but what about bacon?" like strips of salted smoked pig flesh are godly. Honestly, y'all will believe in some supreme, omnipotent yet curiously absent deity but not that animals have feelings.

People are too damn weird.

End Of The Decade

To tell this story properly, I first have to go back a long way to tell you why I hate New Year so much.

New Year's Eve 1998

Everything was coming together after a REALLY rough run - a new house was lined up, moving in was just a couple of weeks away. My partner and I were engaged, the church was booked, we'd talked endlessly and we were finally - after an awful rough patch - on the same page.

New Year's Eve 1999

DEVASTATED. It had lasted just five-and-a-half weeks and he'd left me pregnant again. So here I was going into another New Year as a single parent, having had a shit year including emergency surgery at 15 weeks pregnant.

New Year's Eve 2000

Well, the 90s had been a complete washout but now I was 21 and SURELY the 21st century had to be kinder? I was a young single mum of two and I clung to the hope that I'd meet someone and it'd all work out for the best.

Yeah, that didn't happen.

2010

So I'm now 31, my daughters are about to turn 11 and 14. I've been alone for the entirety of the last decade. I went into the New Year depressed about that but also ill with stress about the back-to-work thing. 'Back' indeed! As I'd only worked for four-and-a-half months before becoming a full-time mum it didn't seem to count as going 'back' - I certainly wasn't going to drop into a nice admin job on the Home Office payroll again.

A week before I turned 32 I finally got a job - two, in fact. Cleaning. Absolute bloody nightmare. Morning job was in a Gov't quango office we'll call CC and that was 0545-0745; evening job was local Gov't offices we'll call SC and I was working there 1700-1900.

Now maybe that doesn't sound so bad but 4 hours intense exercise a day is not something a morbidly obese single mother was in any way prepared for and then there's the walking to and from each job - half an hour each way, six hours exercise each day and not enough time to sleep properly. By summer everything was falling apart, starting at my feet. Leaking pipes in the kitchen and bathroom did not help my stress level and despite the exhaustion I stopped sleeping.

My youngest daughter had an exceptionally bad year - she actually has been diagnosed with PTSD from it - and she started secondary school in the September.

2011

By summer my feet had all but given up from the mileage I was clocking. Ended up having to take sick leave for plantar fasciitis. My then best friend - who I'll call CD - announced she was enrolling with Open University (OU). Now I didn't think I was eligible for OU but if CD could do it I certainly could. I decided to sign up even though it was clearly impossible given my work schedule.

That's when a minor miracle happened - my boss gave me a promotion / transfer out of evening job SC and another morning job - Site Supervisor at the Museum of Somerset. This way I only had to walk to and from town once a day although it did mean working Saturdays, and working 0800-1000 I could do both jobs (15 mins being ample to get from one to t'other) and have the rest of the day free to study.

Leaving SC after a year and a half was bloody brilliant. I loved the new job at the Museum - I started there before it was reopened after a major refurbishment so I felt very protective of it. The museum was formally reopened by Mick Aston (RIP) of Time Team.

2012

I started my OU studies in the spring which gave me a real boost - no matter how awful the present I was working toward something better. Hope is a wonderful thing to have. I miss it a lot.

In the springtime I overheard a conversation which changed my life - I heard all my symptoms and I thought "Oh, your kid had IBS" and the other mum says "Oh, your kid is probably lactose intolerant, like mine" and I was BLOWN AWAY. I cut out dairy there and then and it took four months for my guys to recover from years of irritation but finally I was well for the first time in over a decade. Later I would go vegan following on from this discovery.

In the summer I took my kids to see three events of the London Olympics (dressage and water polo). A year after Mick Aston reopened the Museum it had a second reopening - this time by Prince Edward. I got invited to that event, possibly because I insisted on coming in that day to clean even though I wasn't scheduled to (or indeed, paid to) but royalty was not seeing 'my' museum anything less than pristine! I had also volunteered to do extra cleaning around extended bank holiday weekends where the museum was open but my company weren't working - this was partly going the extra mile for the museum, partly cos I was in town for my CC job anyway and partly so when my team was back on duty the work wouldn't be quite so challenging. Anything to make life easier in the long run!

Late in the year I hit a difficulty with OU - I had really wanted to do Latin but having started the course I realised my chances of passing might throw my degree in jeopardy and for just 30 credits it wasn't worth the risk. I told CD I was thinking of withdrawing from the course and she gave me a lecture on not being a quitter and how she always finished everything she started. BULLSHIT! She'd never completed anything in the decade or more I had known her and she'd dropped OU completely, don't think she even completed her first module! Not only that but CD was also taking the piss out of me as my mid-life crisis kicked in. This was bloody rich coming from someone older and less mentally stable than me. And that was the point I ended our toxic friendship. Part of me wishes she could've seen what came next but I am definitely better off without her.

2013-2016

At the end of 2012 I hacked off my hair, dyed it green and discovered a band called Fearless Vampire Killers (FVK). Then in April '13 I went to my first ever rock gig...and my second. This was the start of an epic three year adventure that led me all over the country mostly for FVK but it also inspired me to other adventures.

Meeting Laurence Beveridge, singer of FVK was a vital turning point - I lost 7 stone, dyed my hair a load more colours, got a bunch of tattoos, started painting again... Sadly in 2016 FVK broke up - I saw them 21 times.

 Weight loss 2012-2017

 Some of my paintings of Laurence

Some of my hair colours

In 2014 I acquired a black cat named Hennessy and went vegan.

In 2015 I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Yep, I'm the Rev'd Heggie ;) Mostly I looked up how people get ordained online and...oopsie!

Also during this period the opportunity to move back home came up. As my kids were growing up and there were precious few employment opportunities in Taunton I decided to make the move - but in summer 2017 when K had finished college.

Both my kids left secondary with an impressive array of GCSEs and continued on to (different) 6th form colleges. Erin passed her A levels and started at Winchester University in 2014; Kathleen had her heart set on Swansea. The move was 2 and a half years in the planning.

At the start of 2016 my job at CC ended as the offices closed. Shortly after I started another cleaning job in a school which was back to the split but no more early mornings and even the evening job was earlier - 1530-1770 - so far more manageable.

2017

I left my jobs in the summer, finished packing and moved to the new house. E got there a month beforehand; Hennessy moved in 10 days before K and I got there.

E and I had passed our degrees - I graduated OU in September with a 2:2 - BA (Hons) Humanities with Classical Studies. E graduated in October with a 2:1 - BA (Hons) Criminology and Sociology.

Unfortunately K's A-levels did not go well but many thanks to her then boyfriend for putting us onto uni foundation courses. It was all mayhem and chaos but we got her into the University of South Wales, found her somewhere to live and packed her off to the land of dragons.

Meanwhile E and I landed on our feet. Shortly after moving in E had a job offer from Lidl and while she was waiting for that to start she got a call on another job interview - which I ended up going to and got the job!

It wasn't great - contracted 4 hours a week, minimum wage and the travel expenses made it problematic but it was vital experience. When I'd been cleaning at the museum I'd applied for a proper job there several times before the manager told me I was getting automatically rejected because I didn't have any customer services or cash handling experience. Although I could no longer work there this shop job should tick those boxes if I ever got the chance to apply for a similar role.
Spoiler alert: Here endeth the good bit

2018

I had planned to do maybe 6 months experience at the shop before moving on but I'd started thinking I should give it a little longer as I had ended up becoming acting Deputy Manager of the branch! Figured that'd look pretty good on a CV.

So, I had been there almost 8 months and I was looking for something new. My contract was 4 hours a week but I was regularly working over 40 although not getting the sick pay or holiday to match. But the change that happened was out of the frying pan into the fire.

I have written other blog entries about my mum's stroke so I'll just do the short version here. April 16th my mum collapsed and was diagnosed 24 hours later (despite it being obvious from the get-go to us non-medical types) with a severe stroke affecting both hemispheres. She wasn't put on a stroke ward for the first week and she received no treatment.

I told everyone what was going on and explained I might have to just drop everything and go permanently; when we had a tentative discharge date I formally gave notice...but my supervisor didn't really believe I was leaving. By the time I got a leaving date set I was expected to learn a new computer system in my last week! It wasn't happening and I had a mid-shift meltdown. I walked out of my job with a handful of shifts left to go. I felt incredibly bad about it but I couldn't deal with the extra pointless stress - I should have left earlier but in all honesty we weren't convinced my mum would leave hospital at all.

My mum was released from hospital on June 21st and I have been looking after her ever since. It's not like I had an especially good or close relationship with her before. Also it means I have to endure my dad and stepdad's company far more than I would ever want to.

K passed her foundation course and transferred to Swansea to do the course she'd always intended to - aiming for a BSc (Hons) in Psychology and Criminology.

2019

E left her job early in the year after 18 months. She's now working in an admin job with much steadier hours. Hopefully, it'll work out for her. 

So here we are, at the end of the decade and I am in much the same place as I started - no job, no friends, no partner, no life. Stuck at home getting no exercise so I'm getting real fat again; no money, no personal freedom, and an endless cycle of laundry / dishes / cooking and cleaning. I HATE IT.

Everything I worked for has come to naught.

Sure, no one SAID life was supposed to be fair but REALLY??? I raise two kids 100% alone and just when they grow up and go off doing their own thing THIS happens. FIVE-AND-A-HALF years working my butt off for a degree and this is how I end up?! Ye gods, what did I do to deserve this karma???

There is only one way this ends and it's not gonna be pretty. Being effectively (experience-wise) a uni leaver in my forties is not a place you want to be, and of course depending on how long she hangs on it could be my fifties or later. My grandad lived 16* years after his stroke. I've told my kids to make sure I DON'T look after my dad or stepdad. Hit me with wet fish, have me sectioned - just don't let me go there. I can't do this again. I'm not exactly coping now - it requires copious amounts of Quince Gin just to get from day to day.

Remembering

• Kathleen Marie Keating Hogben (1919-2010), my great aunt who my youngest is named for
• David Penfold (1978-2012), who I was at primary school with 
• Sean Keating (1965-2014), my cousin 
• Callan McClintock (1998-2014), who my daughter Kathleen was at school with 
• Allister Keating (1963-2016), my cousin
• Rosalind Brenda 'Ben' Beckett Ling (1920-2018), my great aunt
• Michael Barter (1936-2019), ex husband of my godmother who lived on our road
• Serena Cheong Oi Yun (1984-2019), friend of many years 
• Gwendoline Joyce Beckett Oxenham Smith (1924-2019), my great aunt 
• Dave Rowlands (1938-2019), my uncle by marriage