I'll be happy to get to mid August and not just because I'll be on holiday...I really hate this time of year and, being exceptionally slow on the uptake, I've finally figured out why:
Between mid June to mid August my life has a history of falling apart.
1994
I was 16 years old...NKOTB split up, I found out I was pregnant, parents kicked me out and I spent some time in hostels for the homeless, he walked away saying he didn't want to "influence my decision" and left me to the mercy (ha!) of my parents. As I don't have a 15 year old you can guess how that worked out... By mid August I had taken him back...because I am exceptionally stupid
1995
Same guy, same time of year, much the same story only this time I DO have a 14 year old to show for it...
I'll also mention that I'd had an early miscarriage in the January - I was stupid but in my defence my head was seriously screwed up by this point.
1996
It was in mid June that I took THE SAME GUY back AGAIN. I did say I was REALLY STUPID, right?!?!
1998
The same guy had been in prison for a year, he came home to me and left 5 weeks later and yup, pregnant again. That's four pregnancies before I was 21 and all with the same useless bloke. There aren't words for just how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly stupid I was.
It was in July that I last saw him. He let me down when I was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery - torsion of a volleyball-sized ovarian cyst at 15 weeks along is not fun and the [bleep] wouldn't even bring me a nightie! Luckily I made it and I have an 11 year old. Sometimes the way she acts suggests she wasn't worth the trouble mind you
2007
After a stretch of quiet summers I found a lump in my abdomen as I was leaving for a holiday in Croatia. History was repeating with another big ol' ovarian cyst. After being rescheduled I finally had surgery on July 26th - the day before my 1st baby's anniversary
All went well but back on the ward a nurse commented that both tumours had been successfully removed. What do you mean BOTH?! I had been under the impression there was one cyst on the same, previously damaged ovary. Somehow they'd forgotten to tell me there were two, one on each and in fact the bigger one (at 6 inches by 4) was on the other ovary so both were now badly damaged.
I totally freaked. Threw a big ol' hissy fit too when they said my oxygen sats were too low. "Of course they're low, you morons!" I screeched between heaving sobs, "Can't you see I'm crying my heart out?!"
All my hopes for one day meeting a half-way decent guy and having a baby the traditional way - i.e. not on my bleedin' own - went out of the window. I'm still menstruating on borrowed time but there's not much hope. As there's not much hope of finding a man either I suppose it shouldn't bother me... In all honesty I'm no fan of babies, it's just the disappointment of knowing that experience is not something I'm ever going to have.
Whilst I was in hospital my front door "broke" - the locking mechanism gave up and the whole thing had to be replaced. The day I got home the new boiler sprang a leak. A week or so later, my tumble drier spontaneously combusted and my mother and I carried it, still smoking, up the garden when I still wasn't supposed to be lifting anything heavier than a kettle
Nope. I really don't like this time of year.
In memory of Jake Reece ~ I think about you in the Summertime...
Between mid June to mid August my life has a history of falling apart.
1994
I was 16 years old...NKOTB split up, I found out I was pregnant, parents kicked me out and I spent some time in hostels for the homeless, he walked away saying he didn't want to "influence my decision" and left me to the mercy (ha!) of my parents. As I don't have a 15 year old you can guess how that worked out... By mid August I had taken him back...because I am exceptionally stupid
1995
Same guy, same time of year, much the same story only this time I DO have a 14 year old to show for it...
I'll also mention that I'd had an early miscarriage in the January - I was stupid but in my defence my head was seriously screwed up by this point.
1996
It was in mid June that I took THE SAME GUY back AGAIN. I did say I was REALLY STUPID, right?!?!
1998
The same guy had been in prison for a year, he came home to me and left 5 weeks later and yup, pregnant again. That's four pregnancies before I was 21 and all with the same useless bloke. There aren't words for just how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly stupid I was.
It was in July that I last saw him. He let me down when I was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery - torsion of a volleyball-sized ovarian cyst at 15 weeks along is not fun and the [bleep] wouldn't even bring me a nightie! Luckily I made it and I have an 11 year old. Sometimes the way she acts suggests she wasn't worth the trouble mind you
2007
After a stretch of quiet summers I found a lump in my abdomen as I was leaving for a holiday in Croatia. History was repeating with another big ol' ovarian cyst. After being rescheduled I finally had surgery on July 26th - the day before my 1st baby's anniversary
All went well but back on the ward a nurse commented that both tumours had been successfully removed. What do you mean BOTH?! I had been under the impression there was one cyst on the same, previously damaged ovary. Somehow they'd forgotten to tell me there were two, one on each and in fact the bigger one (at 6 inches by 4) was on the other ovary so both were now badly damaged.
I totally freaked. Threw a big ol' hissy fit too when they said my oxygen sats were too low. "Of course they're low, you morons!" I screeched between heaving sobs, "Can't you see I'm crying my heart out?!"
All my hopes for one day meeting a half-way decent guy and having a baby the traditional way - i.e. not on my bleedin' own - went out of the window. I'm still menstruating on borrowed time but there's not much hope. As there's not much hope of finding a man either I suppose it shouldn't bother me... In all honesty I'm no fan of babies, it's just the disappointment of knowing that experience is not something I'm ever going to have.
Whilst I was in hospital my front door "broke" - the locking mechanism gave up and the whole thing had to be replaced. The day I got home the new boiler sprang a leak. A week or so later, my tumble drier spontaneously combusted and my mother and I carried it, still smoking, up the garden when I still wasn't supposed to be lifting anything heavier than a kettle
Nope. I really don't like this time of year.
In memory of Jake Reece ~ I think about you in the Summertime...
2010 Update:
ReplyDeleteMy 11 year old took a paracetamol overdose claiming she wanted to die, two days later she ran away - albeit very briefly.
Meanwhile...a plumbing leak meant we were 5 days without running water and I went from getting my first filling to my first root canal (and am still liable to lose the tooth) in a matter of weeks. Fun times. Not.