Mrs Rock-Star the second

Feeling inclined to write a sequel to an earlier blog as it ties in rather neatly (see: For Example, Being Mrs Rock-Star - Feb 2016).

Note: I am using a hetero-centric male rock star / female non celebrity partner dynamic throughout because that is the kind of fantasy relationship I am in LOL. I fully acknowledge that other scenarios are possible and valid.

Recent events which are none of my business brought some further hypothetical issues to mind. Without referring to specific cases I think we've all seen enough of 'fandoms' to realise that petty rivalries and general bitching can get way out of hand...and it doesn't take much of a leap to realise how an actual wife, girlfriend or significant other is liable to get treated in such an environment. Even in the nicest of fandoms a certain I-love-him-more-than-you attitude can fester away which can be bad enough when it's all hypothetical.

So how do I feel about this? Given my imaginary boy-toy I have given this a fair bit of thought.

Firstly, I think there are probably two types of rock-star significant other...those to whom fame is an inconvenient side-effect, and those who were attracted by it. I don't think either kind is innately better suited to the role - finding the IDEA of fame appealing does not equate to enjoying it as a day-to-day REALITY. What I do think is that the Mrs Rock-Star with her head screwed on will do better than the one who thinks it'll be all glossy magazine spreads. Facing up to reality is key here.

So, what is the reality? Obviously a huge amount depends on the specific people involved but basically just like when any couple get together and you have to deal with his family and friends getting involved with a rock star means you're involved with his fan base...whether you like it or not.

Regarding that fan base you can engage, keep to the sidelines or hide. There is no golden rule here.

Even if you think you will stay well out of it don't imagine for one second that some sneaky little so-and-so won't be posting about you on social media behind your back. They might even set up fake social networking accounts in your identity. Personally that is why I think maintaining a presence in the fan base is the way to go - makes it easier to avoid being blamed for stirring up shit storms that were nothing to do with you for one thing. So that'd be my first recommendation: own your identity.

Obviously engaging with a fan base is easier if you have really good self esteem and the hide of a rhino. But is that essential? Obviously I'm talking from a position of total speculation here but I don't think so. If you're going to take every hurtful comment to heart you're in for a hard time but it could be just as difficult imagining what is being said behind your back. It can also give you an opportunity to address criticisms and aid you to present yourself how you want to be seen.

I'm under no illusions. I know my fantasy rock star is never gonna pick me and if in some bizarre alternate reality that actually happened I know I would never have the full, unconditional support of the fan base. It totally goes against human nature! I'm definitely not drawn to the idea of dating a rock star but I love him so that's what I'd have to deal with to be his. So how would I deal with it? Badly, probably! My self esteem is shit. But I'd definitely own my online identity, I'd get pretty harsh about muting the haters; I'd save up the nice comments and do my best to see the negatives as petty jealousy.

What I would be exceptionally careful of is that I didn't allow it to affect my relationship. The worst this shit can really do is cause stress or make you a needier partner. No matter what kind of relationship you're in it's never up to your partner to make up for the shit other people give you. Bring, as far as you can, only good stuff to your relationship. Leave everything else out with the trash.