So, FVK did the thing...

It was on July 4th 2016 that the post I had dreaded to see popped up on my timeline. Three weeks on I think I'm still processing.

From the day I first 'discovered' Fearless Vampire Killers I feel like I was consciously avoiding thinking about this but it probably happened the best way it could. Unlike a certain My Chemical Romance I could mention they put out a full statement on the two biggest public forums they use and followed it up with personal tweets. There was a solid reassurance that all members intend to continue in music (Kier on his own projects; the others together but under a new name) which has helped enormously. I think the biggest fear was that in the event of a split certain people would disappear out of my life forever and I am in no way able to cope with that prospect.

On Kier
I absolutely support Kier's decision. I know from personal experience how hard it is to walk away from something you have worked hard for because it's no longer what you want; how hard it is to put your own well-being above the people closest to you.
I'm sad he felt the need to do this and I really wish he could've waited until after Reading Festival but I see why he couldn't lead everyone on after he'd reached his decision....and I appreciate that he took the time to sit on that decision until he was really sure, although it might have been better if he'd told his bandmates how he was feeling.
That said, I am not really that interested in what he does next. He's a talented chap and I wish him well but he was the member of FVK I gelled least with if you know what I mean.

On Luke, Laurence, Drew and Shane
Obviously this is where my heart lies. The songwriting team of Drew and Laurence is, for me, what made FVK truly great and that being unchanged I have absolute confidence that whatever they go on to do it will be amazing.

Of course I'm gutted about Reading and I have no idea what to do with my ticket. I'd quite like to see Thrice but I really don't fancy going now...and I've offered my ticket for sale with no buyers. On the plus side the 'Kierless Vampire Killers' honoured their ShieldFest commitment which I think I'll write a separate blog about.

I know the KVK will need time to figure out their next moves, to work out how to move forward and to settle their affairs with Kier but mostly I'm just impatient for that to happen so I can have more gigs to look forward to. In the meantime I am using tattoo appointments to look forward to instead.

I had already (FINALLY!) booked the appointment to get Laurence's handwriting in Latin inked for the 7th of July before they did the thing and I am thrilled with the result; my next is being done on the 28th and I have 3-4 more tats in the pipeline...

Mrs Rock-Star the second

Feeling inclined to write a sequel to an earlier blog as it ties in rather neatly (see: For Example, Being Mrs Rock-Star - Feb 2016).

Note: I am using a hetero-centric male rock star / female non celebrity partner dynamic throughout because that is the kind of fantasy relationship I am in LOL. I fully acknowledge that other scenarios are possible and valid.

Recent events which are none of my business brought some further hypothetical issues to mind. Without referring to specific cases I think we've all seen enough of 'fandoms' to realise that petty rivalries and general bitching can get way out of hand...and it doesn't take much of a leap to realise how an actual wife, girlfriend or significant other is liable to get treated in such an environment. Even in the nicest of fandoms a certain I-love-him-more-than-you attitude can fester away which can be bad enough when it's all hypothetical.

So how do I feel about this? Given my imaginary boy-toy I have given this a fair bit of thought.

Firstly, I think there are probably two types of rock-star significant other...those to whom fame is an inconvenient side-effect, and those who were attracted by it. I don't think either kind is innately better suited to the role - finding the IDEA of fame appealing does not equate to enjoying it as a day-to-day REALITY. What I do think is that the Mrs Rock-Star with her head screwed on will do better than the one who thinks it'll be all glossy magazine spreads. Facing up to reality is key here.

So, what is the reality? Obviously a huge amount depends on the specific people involved but basically just like when any couple get together and you have to deal with his family and friends getting involved with a rock star means you're involved with his fan base...whether you like it or not.

Regarding that fan base you can engage, keep to the sidelines or hide. There is no golden rule here.

Even if you think you will stay well out of it don't imagine for one second that some sneaky little so-and-so won't be posting about you on social media behind your back. They might even set up fake social networking accounts in your identity. Personally that is why I think maintaining a presence in the fan base is the way to go - makes it easier to avoid being blamed for stirring up shit storms that were nothing to do with you for one thing. So that'd be my first recommendation: own your identity.

Obviously engaging with a fan base is easier if you have really good self esteem and the hide of a rhino. But is that essential? Obviously I'm talking from a position of total speculation here but I don't think so. If you're going to take every hurtful comment to heart you're in for a hard time but it could be just as difficult imagining what is being said behind your back. It can also give you an opportunity to address criticisms and aid you to present yourself how you want to be seen.

I'm under no illusions. I know my fantasy rock star is never gonna pick me and if in some bizarre alternate reality that actually happened I know I would never have the full, unconditional support of the fan base. It totally goes against human nature! I'm definitely not drawn to the idea of dating a rock star but I love him so that's what I'd have to deal with to be his. So how would I deal with it? Badly, probably! My self esteem is shit. But I'd definitely own my online identity, I'd get pretty harsh about muting the haters; I'd save up the nice comments and do my best to see the negatives as petty jealousy.

What I would be exceptionally careful of is that I didn't allow it to affect my relationship. The worst this shit can really do is cause stress or make you a needier partner. No matter what kind of relationship you're in it's never up to your partner to make up for the shit other people give you. Bring, as far as you can, only good stuff to your relationship. Leave everything else out with the trash.

Cause and Effect

*disclaimer: I am a trifle tipsy - not a good state for blogging*

So I was just tweeting...nowt new there (I'm up to 66,954 tweets) obviously but a certain train of thought came up so here's the extended version.

20 Dec 2012 - I first heard of FVK, looked 'em up though "cute...bet they sound like crap then", looked up Palace in Flames and got hooked good and proper! Started thinking about seeing 'em live...

13 Apr 2013 - 1st FVK gig (which also led to me being currently down 98.5 lbs) which entailed much fuckupery on my part. I had decided to go to Oxford being not so far from Reading where liveth my mother...only I cocked it up cos there were no bleedin' trains.

Dilemma: do I go and have to book a room or do I give up?

Answer: I book a room. Really nervewracking cos I'd never done that before. Even worse as due to misunderstanding of chap with limited English I double booked...but the experience was survived and utterly amazeballs so more gigs were booked and a monster was created ;)

Skip ahead nearly a year. I'd decided I'd quite like to see Fall Out Boy but the London date was un-do-able. "Pity I can't go to Glasgow on my birthday" I thought...followed by the thought WHY CAN'T I??? Yep, went to Glasgow. Booked my 2nd and 3rd hotel rooms AND my first flights in the process.

In April I had a city break in Cardiff. In May I had my first ever solo hotel stay in Birmingham. In August I had a summer holiday I organised myself for the first time ever (at age 36) - flights to and from Belfast, three nights in Belfast, three in Dublin, transfers, Titanic Experience, Guinness Storehouse, museums, expedition to the Giant's Causeway...
Then another city break in Bristol, a night in a hotel in Reading in October, a night in a b&b in London in November...heaven knows where it'll end!!!

And if I hadn't decided to see FVK in Oxford the ball would never got rolling. It's weird how hindsight works...the decisions we make leading to goodness, badness, mediocreness...
But decision making is what it's all about. That's what my 'Espantapajaros' tattoo is all about - not letting fear hold you back, not watching life pass you by. Make a decision, do something, drag yourself (kicking and screaming if necessary) out of that comfort zone. I couldn't have done it without the proper motivation...LOOK for your motivation. Find something you want to do or see, something you will get off your arse for. AND DO IT! You have no idea where it will lead but it's all good. Stop overthinking the 'what ifs'...better to have a drama / trauma than a nothing-at-all.

Okay, I know that at my age I should be over this fan girl thing but without FVK my life would be so different. The weight loss is enough to be a lifesaver but the *confidence* to go places and do stuff is a game changer too. Heaven knows what else they've done for me or where any of it will lead me. All I can say is I thank the Lord I did actually look them up!!!

Epic March and an Awesome Anniversary

I am such a lazy blogger it's pathetic.  Anyway, a fair bit has been happening in the life of this humble Heg so let's get on with it...

Last month was pretty damn epic.  And exhausting!

On March 10th I got to see my darling Fearless Vampire Killers for the 5th time (in Bristol again).  The morning of the gig I hit the exact weight that indicated a 25% weight loss from my 1st time seeing them which was all kinds of important to me as it was the hideous first photo with Laurence (below, left) that triggered the whole thing off.  I was fortunate enough to get to mark the occasion with a new and finally acceptable photo (below, right) and, being the epic sweetheart he is, Laurence even said I was looking good!

April 13th 2013; July 17th 2013; March 10th 2014

The gig line up was Beyond Recall, Ashestoangels (who played How To Tell The Truth) and Fearless Vampire Killers so naturally I had an awesome time.  It was only myself and Erin though as Kathleen has become really paranoid about losing her 100% attendance record at school.

Less than a week later all three of us were off to Brixton to see All Time Low.  The night did not get off to an auspicious start.  We were standing and we made the humungous mistake of getting into the middle of the crowd.  I thought I was going to die.  It took the shine off my enjoyment of support acts Only Rivals and Tonight Alive (who I really rather liked) but at the start of ATL's set it got even worse and, elbows deployed, I got myself outta there post-haste!  Finding a far better spot to the far side I managed to calm down and get into the show.  ATL are fab and I ended up having a blast.

Because public transport is appalling nowadays and the National Rail Enquiry Service is CRAP getting home proved...interesting.  Here I am enjoying a midnight snack from Burger King whilst uncomfortably ensconced in the luggage rack of the last train from Paddington to Maidenhead:

On the way home from Reading the next day I bought myself an early birthday pressie from Build-A-Bear...his name is Pawrence and he's a lil playmate for Heggo Kitty...pictured here with the tickets for my upcoming 6th FVK gig! 

 A week after All Time Low was my 36th birthday...and I celebrated by getting on a plane without my mum for the first time ever (does this make me a real grown up?!).  We flew up to Glasgow for a single night...to see Fall Out Boy at the Hydro!  It was another incredible night.  New Politics were great; they had loads of energy and got a great crowd reaction... The Pretty Reckless somewhat less so.  Maybe TPR were good, I don't know.  Their sound didn't fit the line-up for one thing but they were also painfully loud although it was the excessive use of very bright strobe lighting that finished me off.  Fall Out Boy were fab as expected.  We had chips on the way back to the hotel and miniatures of single malt whisky as a nightcap to celebrate my flying visit to Scotland.

The next day we visited the Glasgow Necropolis and the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum for a bit of local flavour and culture before flying back to Bristol where we had another night in a hotel, heading home insanely early.  Kathleen went to school but Erin had a cold so she took time off sick.  I'd booked a week's holiday which was a good thing as not only was I utterly shattered but I caught Erin's cold which became my 4th cough of the winter!

 April 14th 2013; April 14th 2014

On April 14th I marked the first anniversary of seeing FVK and meeting Laurence with a celebration of the most life-changing aspect of that event...  Above are our before and after photos; same outfits, same pose, 365 days apart.  Kathleen has gone from an 18-20 to a 14; Erin has gone from a 16-18 to a 14; I have gone from a 24 to an 18 (depending on sizes in different stores, obviously).

Modelling my old size 24 'skinny' jeans...

Note: a year ago I couldn't get into a 2XL band t-shirt comfortably; the FVK tee above is an L. Currently 75lbs down on my start weight.

"Look Ma, no hands!"

Kathleen (age 15) has been exhibiting super-strength for a while now - she could lift me BEFORE the weightloss...seriously disturbing...  The day was rounded off with the ceremonial burning of the outfit from my 1st FVK gig.  I'm keeping the humungous jeans for the giggles.

Working towards the end of my current Open University course (which I will be all kinds of happy to see the back of; gonna sign up for Philosophy next time!) and off to Cardiff this coming weekend...we're visiting the Doctor Who Experience and (surprise, surprise) seeing FVK yet again.

2013 Review

I totally don't blog enough.  Here we are, on the 4th of February 2014 for the love of all that is cheesecake, and I only just realised I didn't do a review of the year.

2013 was the year I stuck to my New Year's Resolutions for the first time ever.  I did art, mostly badly.  I fucked up my hair.  I am now vegetarian for the first time since I was 17.

But it was a landmark year in a gazillion ways.  I started going to gigs and found my motivation here...

...to finally do something about my hippopotamussyness.  So far as I'm concerned Laurence did it, not me.  I have loads of hideous photos of myself but none of them spurred me on to diet.  If this didn't exist (and if he hadn't been such a sweetie that April night in Oxford) it wouldn't have happened.  I closed 2013 having lost TWENTY PERCENT of my bodyweight.  And it's been EASY.  Taking the piss level easy!  Literally I think about food, then I think about the next time I'll see Fearless Vampire Killers...and that's that!

So here we have Heggie circa August 2011 and January 2014

Size 24 to size 18

2014 should be a cool year.  No FVK gigs to look forward to yet and I haven't had any time to paint as yet (stoopid uni course!) but I'm going to London to see All Time Low and to Glasgow to see Fall Out Boy next month which is gonna be all kinds of cool.  Erin has her first uni acceptances through and stuff is finally happening y'know?  Exciting times.

Fearless Vampire Killers: Bridgwater - 26th April 2013

Just over a week since FVK played Remedies Bar in Bridgwater so it's about time I wrote it up.

I didn't take any photos this time although I had the perfect opportunity to do so...I was stood pretty much in front of Drew which was nice cos I could barely see him at Oxford (^_^)...part of the problem was that I was feeling quite unwell.  I had been down with a stinking cold and a nasty cough all week and it was only at the last minute that I decided I was even well enough to go.  The other part of the problem was being in such a perfect spot...I'm used to being anonymous, hiding at the back somewhere and I felt so shaky being up close and personal I didn't fancy wrestling with a camera I still haven't had much practice with.

At my 1st concert back in 1991 I was about 1/2 way back in a crowd of 15,000; my 2nd concert was at a 5,000 capacity venue where I was up in the balcony.  I thought seeing FVK in Oxford two weeks earlier in a venue with a capacity of only a few hundred was small...but blimey! this was unexpected.  When very few people moved up to the stage at the start of FVK's set I felt obliged to physically move out of my comfort zone!

FVK were the 5th act on stage that night following Out For Tomorrow, Karl Ficarotta, Scout Killers and Ashestoangels.  I had to run off straight after FVK's set or I risked missing the last train home.  Taunton and Bridgwater aren't far apart but it's a fair old hike and I had work at 8am.  I would have liked to hang around but even if there had been later trains I didn't want to make the boys sick.  As it was I had a mad coughing fit during 'Palace In Flames' (sorry Laurence!) - most unbecoming.

The guys played a great set and I enjoyed it immensely although it was in some ways quite a difficult night.  It was the first time I've left my teens at home while I go out of town - thankfully they didn't murder each other or burn the house down.  In fact, it was the first time I'd been to a bar on my own in getting on for a decade and a half!  Not knowing anyone and being socially awkward it meant standing on my own for some three hours before FVK's set which is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but if that's what I have to do to see these guys then so be it.

To have them play so close to home and not to go would've been ridiculous.

Fearless Vampire Killers: Oxford - 14th April 2013

As it is now a week since our trip to Oxford it is certainly time to get off my backside (figuratively speaking as I am currently say at my computer) and write it up.

The decision to go was a simple enough one.  I may have been an FVK fan for all of 5 minutes but I really wanted to see them live.  There was no particular date on Fearless Vampire Killers' (FVK) Diamonds and Disgrace (D&D) Tour (at that point) that would be easier for us to get to than another.  The two April dates in Bristol didn't apply - the first being as a support act for the Misfits, the second being the first day of the Hit The Deck Festival.  Sorry, but I'm just not that fussed about other bands - I just want to see my boys so the D&D tour dates it had to be.  I picked Oxford because it's not so very far from my parents in Reading, it's a great place to visit and because it was a Sunday so I thought it'd be the most convenient for us.

Unfortunately, being a bit of an idiot I bought the tickets before I actually checked the train times and that was where it all became a bit more of an adventure...

So then I had to book a B&B for the night.  I won't go into how badly I cocked that up.  Let's just point out that I'd never done such a thing before and the chap had a really difficult accent and leave it there.  We got it all figured out in the end and we checked in okay in the end so no harm done, except to my pride.

My elder daughter Erin (17) was pretty excited about our trip as she's really into FVK too.  My younger daughter Kathleen (14) was less so because she is unbelievably weird and got very upset about having to miss school on the Monday.  And she wonders why she's such a misunderstood beastie...

Last Sunday we got all our bits and bobs together and headed out.  It was a pretty long journey - one of the Intercity trains to Reading that stops at every lamppost y'know?  The times I'd been given were all wrong and the journey took almost 2 hours longer than anticipated.  Then a regular train north to Oxford.  Looking out of the windows we realised just what a long and brutal winter it has been.  Here we are in mid April yet the fields are still waterlogged and the trees largely bare.

Arriving in Oxford we mooched through town getting our bearings and making our way to the B&B.  I haven't been to Oxford since I was a kid so it was essentially all new to me too.  We checked in okay and then collapsed in our room for a bit before getting into our outfits, sorting out our makeup and generally being quite girly.

Doors at the O2 Academy were 7pm and I reckon we got there to lurk a little after 6.  Not because we were mad keen to queue but because the anticipation was getting to us.  Erin was so keen to get in the queue that she sailed straight past lead guitarist Shane "Cyrus Barrone" Sumner - her favourite Fearless Vampire Killer - who was out front meeting fans.  I've been teasing her about that ever since!

We headed in and made our was to the merch stand for hoodies and wristbands all round.

There were three support acts: What Now?, The Reaper and Fort Hope.  Erin was quite taken with What Now? and later in the evening bought their CD and got it signed by two thirds of the band.  The Reaper were amazing - when a bunch of kids take to the stage you don't quite know what to expect but they rocked.  I bought their CD on the spot!

By the time Fort Hope came on we'd picked our positions for the evening.  Kathleen had decided to lurk near the backstage door which was the same side of the stage as bass guitarist Drew would be playing and had already managed to nab him for a photo.

Drew Woolnough & Kathleen

Erin and I were on the opposite side of the room cos she wanted to be in front of Barrone, I joined her at the start of Fort Hope's set cos my feet were killing me and there was some seating along the side.  It turned out to be an excellent spot.

When Barrone came on stage as part of the setting up the crowd gave him a "woooo!" and he looked up and gave the cutest grin, I can so see what Erin sees in him!  Luke meanwhile gave a royal wave - he's such a sweetie!

The show was great, our photos were less so given the lighting and hazy atmosphere.  That and the fact they bounce around the stage like dingbats...

Fearless Vampire Killers by Kathleen

For me the highlight had to be Fetish For The Finite cos it nearly killed me.  For some reason I can't find the YouTube video through Blogspot but this is the link if you're interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt16A1tFJLA

Two minutes in, at the beginning of the line "I can't stand another night" I swear Laurence is looking right at me...there weren't a lot of other candidates in that corner with a wall right behind.  I forgot how to breathe.  Then, on the line "knowing you're not mine", he stretched out and pointed my way.  I damn near fainted!

There is I'm afraid no denying now that I have a serious crush on Laurence Beveridge.  Poor boy.

Barrone & Erin

After the show we lurked around for autographs and photo opportunities.  Erin didn't miss Barrone this time...although she did walk straight past Kier completely oblivious!!!  I gave my Militia Of The Lost deluxe CD to Kathleen and she got it signed by Luke, Drew and Barrone but then insisted I got Kier & Laurence's autographs myself.  Unfortunately, while we were lurking close to Laurence the O2 Academy booted us all out for the 11pm curfew but Laurence & Kier being total darlings they came outside with us.

We got Kier's autographs and photos with him first and then lurked in Laurence's direction again.  Seriously, I was doing okay up to that point...  Then Laurence looks over at me and says something like "hey, you're Heggie, right?" and...and...and...well YOU try having a coherent thought left in your head when the rockstar you're waiting to meet for the first time recognises you and remembers your name from a grand total of 15 tweets he's sent you!!!

I honestly have very little idea what happened from that point.  I remember him pulling the lid off the gold paint pen and popping it between his lips when he signed my CD...  And he said something about it being great to meet me at last...it was a damn good thing he had his arm around me at that point!  I mean HONESTLY what the hell do you say to that even if what's left of your brain hasn't melted and leaked away???

Laurence & I

It was all topsy-turvy and I didn't have the slightest clue what to say but it was an amazing night.  I practically floated back to the B&B...whereupon I had a good cry as it all got to me!

My Acronym Romance

I've been a BH (Blockhead), i.e. a NKOTB (New Kids On The Block) fan, since 1990.  Naturally I've listened to a lot of other music over the years and liked a lot of other bands, NKOTB aren't even representative of what I like.  I have an eclectic a bizarre taste in music...I think nothing of loading up my MP3 with everything from Matt Monro to Metallica, Hula to Classical.

But I have never experienced anything like the last fortnight.

I've liked songs and played them over and over.  I've had songs stuck in my head for days at a time.  But I've never had THIS.  For the last fortnight I've woken up with an MCR (My Chemical Romance) song stuck in my head - a different track every day and sometimes it'll change to another song after a few hours - blasting full volume!

Admittedly I love it but even "Helena" will drive you BSC (Bat-Shit Crazy) when it's on loop in your head for 5+ hours.  This last week I'm supposed to have been studying A297 (Reading Classical Latin) for my OU (Open University) studies.  I tell you, I've spent way more time studying MCR instead...

I bought the 2007 single "Teenagers", I'd seen several other videos but I somehow never got into MCR back then.  My daughters came across them quite recently and, on September 20th my youngest got me to watch the video for "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" on YouTube...and it was that simple.  Addicted.  My name is Heggie and I have an MCR addiction.

MCR get described as an Emo band a lot, which they dislike cos (a) who wants to be labelled as anything and (b) Emo has some nasty-ass negative connotations but this has been a crazy emotional fortnight for me.  I've been reading up on 11 years of the band's history, their highs and lows and it's been pretty intense.  For example, I found a story from 2008 where a British coroner blamed a 13 year old girl's suicide on her "obsession" with MCR, calling it a suicide cult band.  For a seriously screwy story from four years ago I am flippin' furious!

1. No one commits suicide because of music...unless they're really, really dumb.
2. The CDs all come with parental advisory stickers; it may not be easy to control what your kids listen to but if I were worried I'd confiscate it all!
3. Did the coroner know anything about MCR?  If he only looked at the lyrics he'd get a pretty warped idea of what it was about (e.g. "Dead!" has the lines: Wouldn't it be great to take a pistol by the hand / and wouldn't it be great if we were dead.  The song itself however is IRONIC, it's UPBEAT and it is FUNNY.  I want it played at my funeral!)

I think it's especially nasty as lead singer Gerard Way has had some pretty bad problems with depression and addiction, he credits MCR with saving his life and he wants to help kids...and it would be daft to encourage  your fans to kill themselves - not a good way to sell records or concert tickets!!!

Then there's all the Danger Days crap.  Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (2010) is MCR's 4th studio album and, until Conventional Weapons comes out any day now, their most recent.  Unfortunately a lot of fans have a problem with it for sounding too different and too 'poppy' which I think is just nuts!  I mean NKOTB have been around since 1984* and if you're still making the same songs nearly 30 years later what's the point?  What have you achieved, how have you developed?  People don't (generally) stay the same all their lives; they grow and change and mature.  Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge (2004) is where they were then as twenty-somethings; Danger Days is where they are as thirty-somethings, all married and two have kids.  You'd think the fans would grow up and change too.

* - Final line-up 1985; 1st single and album 1986

But mostly it's a lot of fun.  I am so glad I recently got unlimited Broadband or this would be costing me a fortune...not that it isn't, buying an established band's entire back catalogue takes a while when you're on a tight budget even if HMV (His Master's Voice...but no one's called it that in a gazillion years) had anything in stock (grrrrr!).

Five Brothers and a Million Sisters

I wish I could remember how I heard about the reunion of New Kids On The Block...

I was a technophobe for the longest time and a few years ago (2006-ish?) I finally took the plunge and went on a course called "Computers for the Curious and Terrified"...practically the first thing I did on learning how to look stuff up on the internet was to search "Donnie Wahlberg".

According to my kids I had never even mentioned NKOTB. I can't believe that's true but I had put it away, not followed the guys' solo careers. When they split up it was painful, and I was having some major issues of my own (see previous blog) - it was easier to leave it behind.

Anyhoo...sometime in 2008 I was presumably looking him up again to see how he was doing when I stumbled across the news about the reunion. I confess I wasn't that excited. Well, maybe "in denial" is more accurate.

I was like "Oh, that's nice. I hope it goes well," and "I'll probably buy the album, just for old times' sake."

I did not analyse my motivation too closely the night I played Summertime for the first time. I didn't have broadband in those days and I heard it in 4 second fragments and the whole song took the best part of an hour.

September 1st 2008 was the day it changed. I got up, put on the TV to a music video channel and squealed like I was 13 again! The kids came running "Mum! What's wrong?" they cried. All I could do was point at the TV and babble incoherently. I've been fairly incoherrent ever since...

An hour later I'd ordered the single, album and greatest hits CDs online. Three days later, driven half loopy by the wait I went into the local record store and got the single and a (different) compilation CD. I was in for a bit of a shock. The first track was one of my all-time favourites 'Cover Girl' but it was all wrong. Nearly 2 years on I still haven't found out where the "Video Version" comes from cos it's not on Hangin' Tough Live or the album or the single (7" or 12"). I know because I bought them all to double check! Answers in a tweet to @Heggie31 if you know...

So since then I've got broadband so I can watch New Kids videos on YouTube; signed up with iTunes to complete by back catalogue on MP3; got myself a PayPal account to watch the webcast last summer; learned to use ebay (oh dear) to replace what I can of my memorabilia collection (actually i have more stuff now than I did in my teens); learned to Tweet so I could get that all-imprortant Donnie Wahlberg follow (#686)...it's been an amazing ride and I wouldn't have missed a minute of it.

The friendships I have made, the wonderful people I have got to talk to all over the world - all because of New Kids. It has been a thoroughly enriching experience (and long may it continue). I am not reliving my youth. My youth was crap! This is so much better.

And the highlight of it all? 25th January 2009 - Hammersmith Apollo, London.

That I got to see New Kids again: Dream come true
That I got to see them in a theatre, like on Hangin' Tough Live, not some big ass arena: Dream come true
Fifth row balcony seats: OMG OMG OMG
NKOTB coming up to the balcony for 'Tonight': OMG OMG OMG!!!
Them coming past and reaching out to touch Donnie: How I didn't pass out on the spot I'll never know...
Getting my moment immortalised on the Coming Home DVD: *incoherent sounds of ecstasy*


Maybe I should be sad - because surely it can't get any better than this...but knowing New Kids it just might so I'm Hangin' Tough and I'll Be There until it's Officially Over. And even then...I'm a Blockhead for life, I won't be leaving my love for those five boys from Boston behind again.

A Fish For Friday

I created this pic the other day as a joke inspired by one of my friends on Twitter - combining two of my favourite things: Donnie Wahlberg, of New Kids On The Block, and Coelacanths.

I dare say I'll blog plenty in due course about my NKOTB issues but tonight I'll talk about the darling fishies.

I first came across the coelacanth story when I was about 7 years old. I was fascinated from the start about Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer, a young museum curator, who acquired a strange fish which she had an unlikely hunch about. That first "living" (as opposed to fossilised) coelacanth was found in 1938...it took another 14 years for a second specimen to turn up. When you consider that the coelacanth had been presumed extinct for 65 million years 14 years seems nothing but it must've seemed like forever to those at the heart of the tale.

That interminable wait. The accusations that the first specimen was a fraud. The fear that Latimeria Chalumnae might never be seen again... It is a strange yet fascinating story and if you can find a copy of Samantha Weinberg's A Fish Caught In Time I highly recommend it. To write a story that is engaging yet has huge lapses in the pace of the action takes real skill.

The coelacanth in the image above is the less endangered Latimeria Menadoensis (wow, I actually spelled that right on the first attempt!) from Indonesia. It is listed as a vulnerable species. The diver was actually Arnaz Erdmann who was on honeymoon in 1997 when her husband Mark spotted a coelacanth on a barrow in a fish market. Like others who come into contact with the mysterious coelacanth Mark and Arnaz made it their quest to find another specimen. Their wait was fortunately not so long and the second living species was described to science in 1999.

The Indonesian coelacanth, known locally as Rajah Laut, is actually a brown fish, and to me not quite as fascinating as the blue version (artistic impression below) found in the Comoros which is now listed as critically endangered. Because the coelacanth is a deep water fish, known in the Comoros as Gombessa, its vivid blue colouring in life is rarely captured. By the time a fish is brought to the surface it is dying and already losing its colour. All fish are grey in the darkness of the deep...

Edit: In 2014 I combined my two favourite things again - this time Laurence Beveridge of Fearless Vampire Killers, but still a coelacanth ;) And rather than a crappy attempt at image manipulation this is an original painting, acrylic on canvas.

I have painted coelacanths (and Laurence Beveridge many times...but I only attempted to paint Donnie once: