The Circle Of Life

As part of my OU classics courses we touched on ring composition - returning to the opening idea at the conclusion of a tale.

I rather felt that idea was represented in the gig I went to last night; a bunch of coincidences that seemed rather circular in nature.

First, the obligatory overview for non-regular readers:

I've blogged before about my love for the band Fearless Vampire Killers who I saw a not-to-be-sneezed-at 21 times* between April 2013 and their farewell shows in October 2016 (following the official disbanding several months earlier). *including the Kierless Vampire Killers show in Bridgend

It's been a helluva three years from my side of things, which I have also blogged about. The first year after FVK did the thing was dominated by me completing my degree (inc. my last ever essay - on the lyrics of their song 'Neon In The Dance Halls') and prepping for the move back to Reading. The second year started in a new home, new job, newly graduated - and then, midway through, my mum had a severe stroke and everything changed. I gave up my hopes of financial independence (let alone a career) and my personal freedoms to bring my mum home and be her full-time carer. The third year has been more of the same - dealing with my own depression about the situation as well as the deterioration of her condition.

So yeah, it's been rough.

In some ways it's been a bit of a blessing, from my POV at least, that my FVK boys* have been pretty quiet because if the split hadn't happened and I was missing tours and festivals I'd be coping far less. *Kier has gone onto his Inklings solo project - no idea how that's going cos I am still mad at him for ditching his bandmates the way he did (he had every right to choose his path but the way he did it was out of line imho 😡), Shane is working in the arts, while Drew, Luke and Laurence have formed a new bad - The Broken Kings.

That said, the quietness - on social media especially, which is my lifeline - is not a good thing, especially with worrying how they're coping as they were heart, body & soul into that band. Although I'm also hoping that in the long run the re-branding of two thirds of FVK as The Broken Kings will be a good move as they have previously said the band name and image had worked against them. They deserve commercial success.

But here we are, three years on, The Broken Kings have released a handful of tracks and, on Thursday 12th September 2019, played their first ever show - supporting Steven Battelle at the Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London.

So there's the first circle: in at the death of FVK and at the very first show of TBK :) The circle of life. Straightforward enough. *Ba-dum-tiss*

The second circle is how I ended up there. Back when FVK did the thing I had a double room booked for the Kierless Vampire Killers show - the only booked date they played before the farewell - only the girl I was going with dropped out and so I offered up the twin bed if anyone wanted to be there and felt they could tolerate my snoring. Another friend took it and, when the farewell shows came up we bunked in together again. When I saw this show announced I just took it for granted that, what with my mum's situation, I couldn't go but a few hours later this same friend messaged me to ask if I was going. I damn near replied "Of course I can't go!!!" but it made me think - my youngest would be home from uni for the summer, she should still be here...why COULDN'T I go?! I asked my mum if it'd be okay and booked it, rather rudely without checking it'd be okay with my daughter but I got carried away! It just seems quite the coincidence that it was the same friend who made me realise I could go after all - together at the end and again at the beginning, round in a circle.

The third circle is the venue. The last gig I went to was around 3 weeks before my mum's stroke - and it was to see Ashestoangels at the exact same venue - the only other time I'd been to that particular venue before, although I had been to its sister venue The Dome* *their doors open onto different roads but they pretty much back onto each other There was something both strange yet comforting to be back in that space after nearly a year and a half. A bit of a flavour of picking up my old life where I left off if that makes any kind of sense.

There's a possible fourth circle - I think* the first time I met the friend of circle 2 in the real world was at an FVK gig at The Dome! *It's all got a bit lost in the mists of time, my memory is atrocious

There were circles for the artists involved too - FVK had supported Steven Battelle's former band LostAlone before...also, despite the new projects all former members were present - Shane & Kier for FVK as well as Mark & Alan for LostAlone.

Maybe this is all a bit weird but last night's gig aside from being AMAZING just felt like everything was coming back around to the beginning - it marked a beginning for TBK, it was coming back to the dear friends I've made who're practically family.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Anyway, I ought to include something about the show itself. 

The Broken Kings' set was six songs - four of theirs, one old FVK track and what I am reliably informed was a Bee Gees cover (my knowledge of 70s music is a bit more glam rock based). After a three year break they got back into the swing of things really easily and just as I thought FVK were destined for great things TBK show all that promise.

Aside from being worried I wouldn't get there I was also haunted by an experience from 2014. I'd gone to Birmingham to see New Kids On The Block. They were my 1st concert in 1991...and my 2nd, in 2009. Waiting 3 years to see Laurence, Luke & Drew again was kind of peanuts in comparison to 18 years and then another 5! Anyway, my 3rd and final NKOTB show was good in itself but I went back to the hotel room and had a good cry because I realised that part of my life was over. Over these past 3 years I've worked on getting my Laurence Beveridge crush under control (which is a good thing) but I was really worried that between that and all the shit I'd been going through I'd look up at them and realise it was over. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN and the relief is HUGE. If that day ever comes it's gonna hurt like hell. Falling out of love with a band can happen of course but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt - you can still miss the way they made you feel and the friends you made along the way (who often disappear when you move on).

I had not seen Steven Battelle, or LostAlone, before but I had bought some of LostAlone's music back in the day and I had very much enjoyed his latest solo album 'Midnight Between Months' so I had high hopes and was not to be disappointed. Despite not having a regular live band you wouldn't know and they played a tight show. If circumstances allow I would definitely be up for seeing him play again which is actually quite a thing for me - most artists I'm happy to see the once.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

As a footnote of sorts I have to record for posterity just what a palaver I had getting home. My own fault for bad planning...and for lurking to see the boys off after the show.😉

I got as far as Embankment intending to take the tube to Paddington from there but while I was checking which train I needed I missed the last bloody one of the night. Having next to no idea where in hell (or more specifically, London) I was I headed out into the night. I love a good night walk, the weather was fine and I was in sensible shoes. I rarely get the wiggins about being out alone / late, probably because I am the sort of female who has never attracted any unwanted (or wanted, for that matter) attention so I have a tendency to feel a bit invincible. I failed to find Waterloo (and I was doubtful about a connecting service anyway) so I struck out for Paddington with minimal confidence of finding my way (especially as I couldn't find a huge bloody station like Waterloo when I must've been right next to the bloody thing!) but an air of 'how hard can it be?!' 

The answer to that is very. The route included many useful landmarks but having no idea of their relationship to each other it really was no help at all. I took a selfie outside Buckingham Palace at about 01:40 and posted it to Instagram with the words "simultaneously lost and found" because I knew exactly where I was (being outside the best landmark in the country) but with next to no clue how I was getting from there to where I needed to be!

In all honesty my life was saved by a £16 Power Bank purchased part-charged from Primark in the morning - it charged my phone while I was actively using it for Google Maps and PokemonGO (I find PokemonGO very useful for getting around).

I walked from 00:40 to 02:45. I'd have been better off walking from Tufnell Park! I got disoriented a few times, missed any number of opportunities to make it a shorter route, discovered the route Google Maps provided me through Hyde Park was impossible because it's gated & locked, and got approached by a random taxi driver trying to pick me up but by then I was in my final approach to Paddington...which I also managed to overshoot and was guided in by a janitor!

I had to buy a new ticket home as my Travelcard had expired. Got into Reading about 04:30 and went in search of change for the bus before remembering they take contactless! Caught the first bus of the day (on my route at least) and rocked up to the house like a proper dirty stop out at around 05:30. Oh, what a night!

Absolutely Hegsausted but would do it again in a heartbeat. 

Kierless Vampire Killers at ShieldFest

17 July 2016

Bridgend, Wales

A Few Months Before

I'd contemplated going to ShieldFest (in Swansea) in 2015 but financial restraints meant I ended opting for Macmillan Fest (in Nottingham) a few months later. As it happened this was a truly blessed decision for me. Nottingham was great but a cancer charity festival was where I needed to be the day after I heard my cousin's prognosis had gone from bad to worse. He died on April 21st this year - exactly a year after I first learned his diagnosis.

So when ShieldFest 2016 was announced with FVK headlining I was keen to go this time. A friend of mine, M, is at uni in Swansea and I didn't know if she was going to be there over the summer or not. I asked if she was interested, she was, and I booked us a twin room in Bridgend for the convenience. As it turned out she wasn't going to be in Wales over the summer anyway so the room was definitely a good move.

4 July 2016

FVK did the thing (see previous blog entry). ShieldFest was quickly announced as the ONLY remaining show they would be playing, cancelling all other appearances. Naturally Lost Hearts who'd opted for other shows like Reading, Leeds, Truck Fest or Butserfest wanted to get to South Wales instead. I chased up M (who'd been avoiding me) and she confirmed she wasn't going...in fact she hasn't spoken to me since. No idea why - possibly the way I tore apart a particularly idiotic article (which blamed women who act with caution / use self defense for other women being raped - sorry, but it was VILE) she'd reposted on FB.

Anyway, I now had a spare bed I offered up and was accepted. I was also able to offer another couple a room for the night of the 16th so they could travel up for the show. Nice to be of use to someone for a change :)

I looked forward to the gig (my 19th) with some trepidation...they'd announced the show would be sans Kier Kemp but I had no doubts they'd do just fine without him. no, what worried me was that it'd be sad. That it'd end up being a sob-fest and depressing. That 'Kierless Vampire Killers' would take it as an ending, not a bright new beginning.

I decided to wear the outfit I'd planned for Reading which had been intended for outdoors and being seen at a distance...very anti goth. Boy, was I gonna stand out like the middle-aged idiot I am!

17 July 2016

No idea what was going on cos the first train was uncommonly packed for a Sunday, I was on the edge of a panic attack by the time I got to Bristol Parkway. It was the same again on the way home - really horrible conditions and so hot!

Got into Bridgend a bit early for the hotel check in and while we were lurking outside Drew came by and it was hugs all round - there are good and valid reasons I love these guys so much. Booked in, showered, got changed and then spent entirely too long getting up the nerve to go out in my extremely silly outfit so that I missed the first two bands.

• Clear The Auditorium - The only other band on the bill that I'd seen before...and their last show as a band too :'(
• Far From History - far from being my thing, soz
• Veridian - ditto
• All To Ruin - these guys were great, very much enjoyed their set
• Junior - I was flagging a bit by this point so I didn't really get into them
• More Than Most - heard great things about this band so I watched with interest and they were indeed pretty good

I'd heard At War With The Thirst was going to make a reappearance on the set list but it was still a helluva surprise to hear them open with it as it's always been a closing track (in my experience anyway)...anyway it was best not to play it last what with the "go home / go away" refrain...it was also a bit of a surprise to hear Laurence sing lead on Kier songs but it went down really well. I screamed entirely too loudly when they announced Fetish For The Finite - most unseemly - but I am always thrilled to hear that one.

Drew's set list

As anticipated the show was an absolute belter. Emotions were running high but I think on the whole we held it together pretty well. They finished on 'Could We Burn, Darling?' which was brilliant. Laurence announced his intention to go into the audience:

Drew: That's a bit risky

Laurence: Risky? What they gonna to me?

Drew: Maul ya.

- everyone was waving 'thank you' signs, there was confetti and bubble guns...it was really magical.

My thank you sign - with various releases in the letters

I had painted a thank you sign to match the effort I did for a fan lyric video. I took it off the frame and had it rolled up in my bag. As they were leaving immediately after their set I was scared I'd miss my chance so I nabbed Laurence for a hug and gave him a letter I'd written them all...and, without entirely meaning to, the painting too.

My effort for the for Remember My Name fan lyric video - with various songs in the letters

After the set the emotions kicked in...I went into ubermum mode handing out pocket tissues and giving hugs. Not only out of consideration for others but, as I said before, to trying to keep the mood in the room as positive as possible. As my pinned tweet at the time said: save the tears for the hotel.

 10th photo with the bae

Naturally I still lurked for another hug and photo with Laurence. While we were waiting Pillnahn brought a bunch of us beers which was pretty damn cool :) Showed Laurence my tattoo and adorably he critiqued his handwriting - I asked him if he'd write me out some more, which he very kindly did and I'll be getting that inked next. The first - Tu eris in solis radios aurorae - is "you'll be there in the sun's first rays of the morning" and this is "you'll be here in my blood til the day I die" also from City Falls To Dust...a lyric that has seemed really apt since the split.

 More Latin

Got a hug with Shane too, and another from Drew before we got booted out. Then we lurked outside. There was a really nice vibe to it all, actually. Everyone seemed more talkative than usual, or maybe it was just that I was just hanging with the in crowd for a change...a real family feel to it all. I swear, I love this fandom so much. We lurked out back while KVK packed up their van, then there were more photos, more hugs, a group pic...poor Laurence was trying to get everyone in the van before Shane got too tired to drive them home and it just wasn't happening! Again with the ubermum I told Drew to make sure they did pull up for a break if need be. Yet another hug from Laurence and Drew...so many hugs! Actually resorted to poking Luke and demanding a hug cos I seemed to be constantly on the wrong side of him and I wasn't agreeable to missing out!

I don't think it'd even be possible to not enjoy a Fearless - or Kierless - Vampire Killers gig, but this was an incredibly special one, for all it may have been the last...whatever comes next it's going to be brilliant and I will be there every step of the way.

 Love these guys - Lost Hearts forever!!!

Fearless Vampire Killers: Bridgwater - 26th April 2013

Just over a week since FVK played Remedies Bar in Bridgwater so it's about time I wrote it up.

I didn't take any photos this time although I had the perfect opportunity to do so...I was stood pretty much in front of Drew which was nice cos I could barely see him at Oxford (^_^)...part of the problem was that I was feeling quite unwell.  I had been down with a stinking cold and a nasty cough all week and it was only at the last minute that I decided I was even well enough to go.  The other part of the problem was being in such a perfect spot...I'm used to being anonymous, hiding at the back somewhere and I felt so shaky being up close and personal I didn't fancy wrestling with a camera I still haven't had much practice with.

At my 1st concert back in 1991 I was about 1/2 way back in a crowd of 15,000; my 2nd concert was at a 5,000 capacity venue where I was up in the balcony.  I thought seeing FVK in Oxford two weeks earlier in a venue with a capacity of only a few hundred was small...but blimey! this was unexpected.  When very few people moved up to the stage at the start of FVK's set I felt obliged to physically move out of my comfort zone!

FVK were the 5th act on stage that night following Out For Tomorrow, Karl Ficarotta, Scout Killers and Ashestoangels.  I had to run off straight after FVK's set or I risked missing the last train home.  Taunton and Bridgwater aren't far apart but it's a fair old hike and I had work at 8am.  I would have liked to hang around but even if there had been later trains I didn't want to make the boys sick.  As it was I had a mad coughing fit during 'Palace In Flames' (sorry Laurence!) - most unbecoming.

The guys played a great set and I enjoyed it immensely although it was in some ways quite a difficult night.  It was the first time I've left my teens at home while I go out of town - thankfully they didn't murder each other or burn the house down.  In fact, it was the first time I'd been to a bar on my own in getting on for a decade and a half!  Not knowing anyone and being socially awkward it meant standing on my own for some three hours before FVK's set which is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but if that's what I have to do to see these guys then so be it.

To have them play so close to home and not to go would've been ridiculous.

Fearless Vampire Killers: Oxford - 14th April 2013

As it is now a week since our trip to Oxford it is certainly time to get off my backside (figuratively speaking as I am currently say at my computer) and write it up.

The decision to go was a simple enough one.  I may have been an FVK fan for all of 5 minutes but I really wanted to see them live.  There was no particular date on Fearless Vampire Killers' (FVK) Diamonds and Disgrace (D&D) Tour (at that point) that would be easier for us to get to than another.  The two April dates in Bristol didn't apply - the first being as a support act for the Misfits, the second being the first day of the Hit The Deck Festival.  Sorry, but I'm just not that fussed about other bands - I just want to see my boys so the D&D tour dates it had to be.  I picked Oxford because it's not so very far from my parents in Reading, it's a great place to visit and because it was a Sunday so I thought it'd be the most convenient for us.

Unfortunately, being a bit of an idiot I bought the tickets before I actually checked the train times and that was where it all became a bit more of an adventure...

So then I had to book a B&B for the night.  I won't go into how badly I cocked that up.  Let's just point out that I'd never done such a thing before and the chap had a really difficult accent and leave it there.  We got it all figured out in the end and we checked in okay in the end so no harm done, except to my pride.

My elder daughter Erin (17) was pretty excited about our trip as she's really into FVK too.  My younger daughter Kathleen (14) was less so because she is unbelievably weird and got very upset about having to miss school on the Monday.  And she wonders why she's such a misunderstood beastie...

Last Sunday we got all our bits and bobs together and headed out.  It was a pretty long journey - one of the Intercity trains to Reading that stops at every lamppost y'know?  The times I'd been given were all wrong and the journey took almost 2 hours longer than anticipated.  Then a regular train north to Oxford.  Looking out of the windows we realised just what a long and brutal winter it has been.  Here we are in mid April yet the fields are still waterlogged and the trees largely bare.

Arriving in Oxford we mooched through town getting our bearings and making our way to the B&B.  I haven't been to Oxford since I was a kid so it was essentially all new to me too.  We checked in okay and then collapsed in our room for a bit before getting into our outfits, sorting out our makeup and generally being quite girly.

Doors at the O2 Academy were 7pm and I reckon we got there to lurk a little after 6.  Not because we were mad keen to queue but because the anticipation was getting to us.  Erin was so keen to get in the queue that she sailed straight past lead guitarist Shane "Cyrus Barrone" Sumner - her favourite Fearless Vampire Killer - who was out front meeting fans.  I've been teasing her about that ever since!

We headed in and made our was to the merch stand for hoodies and wristbands all round.

There were three support acts: What Now?, The Reaper and Fort Hope.  Erin was quite taken with What Now? and later in the evening bought their CD and got it signed by two thirds of the band.  The Reaper were amazing - when a bunch of kids take to the stage you don't quite know what to expect but they rocked.  I bought their CD on the spot!

By the time Fort Hope came on we'd picked our positions for the evening.  Kathleen had decided to lurk near the backstage door which was the same side of the stage as bass guitarist Drew would be playing and had already managed to nab him for a photo.

Drew Woolnough & Kathleen

Erin and I were on the opposite side of the room cos she wanted to be in front of Barrone, I joined her at the start of Fort Hope's set cos my feet were killing me and there was some seating along the side.  It turned out to be an excellent spot.

When Barrone came on stage as part of the setting up the crowd gave him a "woooo!" and he looked up and gave the cutest grin, I can so see what Erin sees in him!  Luke meanwhile gave a royal wave - he's such a sweetie!

The show was great, our photos were less so given the lighting and hazy atmosphere.  That and the fact they bounce around the stage like dingbats...

Fearless Vampire Killers by Kathleen

For me the highlight had to be Fetish For The Finite cos it nearly killed me.  For some reason I can't find the YouTube video through Blogspot but this is the link if you're interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt16A1tFJLA

Two minutes in, at the beginning of the line "I can't stand another night" I swear Laurence is looking right at me...there weren't a lot of other candidates in that corner with a wall right behind.  I forgot how to breathe.  Then, on the line "knowing you're not mine", he stretched out and pointed my way.  I damn near fainted!

There is I'm afraid no denying now that I have a serious crush on Laurence Beveridge.  Poor boy.

Barrone & Erin

After the show we lurked around for autographs and photo opportunities.  Erin didn't miss Barrone this time...although she did walk straight past Kier completely oblivious!!!  I gave my Militia Of The Lost deluxe CD to Kathleen and she got it signed by Luke, Drew and Barrone but then insisted I got Kier & Laurence's autographs myself.  Unfortunately, while we were lurking close to Laurence the O2 Academy booted us all out for the 11pm curfew but Laurence & Kier being total darlings they came outside with us.

We got Kier's autographs and photos with him first and then lurked in Laurence's direction again.  Seriously, I was doing okay up to that point...  Then Laurence looks over at me and says something like "hey, you're Heggie, right?" and...and...and...well YOU try having a coherent thought left in your head when the rockstar you're waiting to meet for the first time recognises you and remembers your name from a grand total of 15 tweets he's sent you!!!

I honestly have very little idea what happened from that point.  I remember him pulling the lid off the gold paint pen and popping it between his lips when he signed my CD...  And he said something about it being great to meet me at last...it was a damn good thing he had his arm around me at that point!  I mean HONESTLY what the hell do you say to that even if what's left of your brain hasn't melted and leaked away???

Laurence & I

It was all topsy-turvy and I didn't have the slightest clue what to say but it was an amazing night.  I practically floated back to the B&B...whereupon I had a good cry as it all got to me!