List of Bands I've Seen & Gigs

I keep misplacing my gig notebook so I'm filing it away onto the internet...please note, this is not a blog post I expect any sane person to read.

First an A-Z of bands seen I can add to as I go (for bands seen multiple times the number follows in brackets (and I dare say there are plenty of errors cos numbers!), *to be seen at next gig, artists most important to me in bold):

• 10PenceForToast 
• All Time Low 
• All To Ruin
• All Us On Drugs
• Annisokay
• Apathy Avenue
• As December Falls 
• Ashes
• Ashestoangels (19) - abbreviated as A2A
• Asking Alexandria
• As Sirens Fall
• Atilla
• Bad Pollyanna
• Beyond Recall (4)
• Black Veil Brides
• Bloodhounds
• Cadence
• Camcorder
• Citizen
• Clear The Auditorium (2)
• Colt45
• Compounds
• Continents
• Creeper (2)
• Crossfaith
• DEAD! (2)
• Decade
• Decadent
• Denial Of Humanity
• Dinosaur Pile Up
• Drama Club
• Elessar
• Escape The Fate
• Everyday Sidekicks (2)
• Fall Out Boy
• Farewell, My Love
• Far From History
• Fearless Vampire Killers (21) - abbreviated as FVK; fan base called The Lost Hearts
• Forever Never
• Fort Hope (2)
• Ghosts As Alibis
• Glimpse Of Misfortune
• Goodbye The Sunset (2)
• Goodnight Harvey
• Griever (2)
• Hacktivist
• Heaven Asunder (3)
• Her Dark Embrace
• Hindsights
• INME (little bit)
• Junior
• Karl Ficarotta
• Koshiro
• Lacey
• Landscapes
• Little Bribes
• Madina Lake
• Mallory Knox (little bit)
• Milk Teeth (little bit)
• Miss Vincent
• Montroze
• More Than Most
• Myth City (5)
• NeverFound (3)
• Neverise
• New Kids On The Block (3) - the most obvious odd one out
• New Politics
• Nothing More (little bit)
• Only Rivals
• Out For Tomorrow
• P
• Q
• Revelation
• Saint The Sinner
• Scout Killers
• Shontelle
• Silhouettes
• Solace In Nightmares (2) 
• Steven Battelle
• Sunset Sunday
• SWMRS
• Syren City
• The Blackout
• The Broken Kings
• The Dead XIII
• The Dead Romantics
• The Pretty Reckless
• The Reaper
• The Species
• The Super Happy Fun Club
• The Used
• Thrice
• Tonight Alive
• Trash Boat
• Ugly Love
• Valens
• Veridian
• Villains
• VUKOVI
• What Now
• William Control (2)
• X
• Y
• Zoax (6)

Date - Venue - Who I went with

'Event', if applicable

Support Act(s)

Headliner

(Numbers in brackets indicate artists I've seen multiple times)

* indicates band I primarily went to see

Notes

4th December 1991 - Wembley Arena, London - Jo Bardell from school
unknown - on Googling for an answer this show is listed as being December FIFTH??? I'm sticking with the 4th until I see concrete proof I've had the date wrong for TWENTY EIGHT YEARS. My friend Zubia was there on the 4th so I'm taking that as us being right and the interwebs being wrong! Zubia also reckons the support was either Gerardo or Biscuit...
New Kids On The Block (1)*

25th January 2009 - Hammersmith Apollo, London - my younger daughter Kathleen
Shontelle
New Kids On The Block (2)*
This show was added to the tour, so it isn't mentioned on the t shirt (see 30/10/16 - matinee), as a 'fan appreciation' show - a comparatively intimate concert such as they hadn't played in years and very much like the Hangin' Tough Live VHS video filmed in an LA theatre I used to watch after school! They later said "In fact, we all agree that London's Hammersmith Apollo was without question one of our favourite concerts ever!"
I got 5th row balcony seats...in amongst people who'd paid megabucks for 5* VIP packages - and they even came up to the balcony to sing 'Tonight'. It was also noteworthy as being the show when Jonathan Knight dropped his trousers.

14th April 2013 - O2 Academy 2, Oxford - Erin and Kathleen
What Now
The Reaper
Fort Hope (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (1)*
My first ever rock gig. I was actually really chuffed there were a fair few non-teenagers in the room...until it transpired they were the parents of The Reaper!
Laurence pointed toward me during Fetish For The Finite (captured for posterity HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt16A1tFJLA&t=5s) and I have the same line - "I can't stand another night knowing you're not mine" - translated into Ancient Greek by my OU classics professor and tattooed around my right thigh.

I later added the FVK heliskull (albeit altered to have fangs) between the end and start of the text.
After the show I went to meet Laurence to get my album signed and he said "You're Heggie, right?" I remember I squealed but very little else. It was a VERY important moment to me :) 

26th April 2013 - Remedies, Bridgwater - solo
'Superheroes Party'
Out For Tomorrow
Karl Ficarotta
Scout Killers
Ashestoangels (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (2)*

17th July 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Her Dark Embrace
Ashestoangels (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (3)*

21st October 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Ashestoangels (3)
The Super Happy Fun Club
Fearless Vampire Killers (4)*
Madina Lake
Madina Lake's farewell tour

23rd Descember 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Everyday Sidekicks (1)
Koshiro
Beyond Recall (1)
Ashestoangels (4)*
The night of the floods AKA the one where we nearly froze to death.

10th March 2014 - Exchange, Bristol - elder daughter Erin
Beyond Recall (2)
Ashestoangels (5)
Fearless Vampire Killers (5)*
The one with the purple hair and where Erin scared Laurence!

15th March 2014 - O2 Academy, Brixton, London - Erin and Kathleen
Only Rivals
Tonight Alive
All Time Low*
After My Chemical Romance did the thing on my birthday in 2013 I resolved that if I got the chance to see All Time Low and / or Fall Out Boy I would just go for it...who knew the two would pop up a week apart?!

22nd March 2014 - SSE Hydro, Glasgow - Erin and Kathleen
New Politics
The Pretty Reckless
Fall Out Boy*
Unable to make the London date I thought what a pity it was I couldn't go to Glasgow ON MY BIRTHDAY...then I wondered WHY I couldn't go to Glasgow. First time booking my own flight anywhere ;)

21st April 2014 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Erin and Kathleen
NeverFound (1)
DEAD! (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (6)*

31st May 2014 - NEC, Birmingham - solo
New Kids On The Block (3)*
I knew it was over before I went but it was still hard knowing for sure. Went in a version of Donnie's HOMEBOY outfit with Adidas, faux leather jacket, ripped jeans...and the FVK 'inkblot' tee ;)

28th August 2014 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Heaven Asunder (1)
Bad Pollyanna
Ashestoangels (6)*
William Control (1)
Nikki Kontinen of Bad Pollyanna later ended up in the Ashestoangels line-up

4th October 2014 - O2 Academy, Brixton, London - Erin and Kathleen
Drama Club
Fearless Vampire Killers (7)*
Atilla
Black Veil Brides

30th October 2014 - Tunnels, Bristol - Kathleen
The Dead Romantics
Goodnight Harvey
Beyond Recall (3)
Ashestoangels (7)*

1st November 2014 - The Dome, Tufnell Park, London - Erin and Kathleen
'Cabaret Of The Damned'
Valens
Ashestoangels (8)
Fearless Vampire Killers (8)*

I went all kinda steampunk witchy (K laced me into the corset on the train!), Kathleen went as Little Red Riding Hood (complete with plastic axe) and Erin dressed as the goddess Athena:

She was also armed - with a sword and shield I painted for her - and nearly ended up in a moshpit while wearing sandals! There's a video somewhere of my girls going axe to sword...can't take 'em anywhere!

22nd December 2014 - Exchange, Bristol - Kathleen
unknown
Beyond Recall (4)
Solace In Nightmares (1)
Ashestoangels (9)*

20th February 2015 - O2 Academy Bristol - Kathleen
Decade
Landscapes
The Used*

7th March 2015 - Southampton University - Erin
'Takedown Festival'
This one takes a slightly different format as it involved moving around different stages (each with its own headliner) and seeing bits of different acts' sets.
Bands I saw a decent chunk of / whole set:
Ugly Love
Ashestoangels (10)
Creeper (1)
Griever (1)
DEAD! (2)
The Blackout
Fort Hope (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (9)* (Obsidian Stage Headliner)
Bands I saw only small portions of:
INME
Milk Teeth
Mallory Knox (Main Stage Headliner)
This was the one with all the injuries.

21st April 2015 - Tunnels, Bristol - solo
Never Found (2)
Everyday Sidekicks (2)
Syren City
Ashestoangels (11)*
William Control (2)
I had just heard that my cousin Allister had brain cancer - A2As Ugly Club GOT TO ME

7th May 2015 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Erin's friend Maddy
Ghosts As Alibis
Myth Cith (1)
Annisokay
Fearless Vampire Killers (10)*

Not a gig but on 9th May 2015 I went to the Landseer Public House in London for a meet up with Fearless Vampire Killers. This was when I got Laurence to copy out the Latin for the first of my CFTD tattoos. I went to London for a meet up of just Lost Hearts (FVK fans) at some point but I'm not sure I made a note here of when that was.

19th May 2015 - The Exchange, Bristol - Kathleen and Maddy
Goodbye The Sunset (1)
Myth City (2)
Zoax (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (11)*

21st May 2015 - The Haunt, Brighton - solo
unsure if there was a local support cos I missed the very start
Myth City (3)
Zoax (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (12)*
The one with the elbows.

22nd May 2015 - Joiners, Southampton - Erin
Glimpse Of Misfortune
Myth City (4)
Zoax (3)
Fearless Vampire Killers (13)*
The one with the fainting.

27th June 2015 - The Fleece, Bristol - Erin
10PenceForToast
Elessar
Goodbye The Sunset (2)*
Having been VERY taken with Goodbye The Sunset I took Erin to see them. It was very awkward as, aside from bar staff and the other bands playing, we were the only ones there! To add insult to injury there was no late train so we had to leave before set headliner band 'We Deny' even came on.

28th July 2015 - Thekla, Bristol - Erin
missed set by Refuge Of The Fallen
The Dead XIII
Farewell, My Love 
Ashestoangels (12)*
Dual Headliner Tour - A2A had the headliner slot for the hometown show.

9th August 2015 - The Dome, Tufnell Park, London - Solo
'Havoc Festival'
Ashes (not -toangels, different band entirely)
Myth City (5)
Hindsights
Villains
All Us On Drugs
Zoax (4)
Forever Never
Fearless Vampire Killers (14)*
It was supposed to be a dual headliner with Glamour Of The Kill but they pulled out having just announced their split. Met Mama and Pops Wooly at this one.

5th September 2015 - various venues, Nottingham - solo
'Macmillan Fest'
Little Bribes
The Species
Neverise
Colt45
Silhouettes
As December Falls
Lacey
Fearless Vampire Killers (15)* (Stage Headliner)
I chose to go to this one as my cousin Allister had been diagnosed with Cancer in April; the night before the show I heard his treatment had failed. He died 21st April 2016.
Before the show I saw FVKs tour manager Steve Dillon - he clocked my FVK hoodie and we exchanged a smile. I will always regret not at least saying hi as he died 23rd March 2016.
It was a multi stage day festival but as I didn't even know where I was I didn't dare move. 
This was the one where I gave Laurence the Catvengers tee.

17th October 2015 - Louisiana, Bristol - solo
Solace In Nightmares (2)
Heaven Asunder (2)
Ashestoangels (13)*

16th December 2015 - The Scene, Swansea - Maddy
Never Found (3)
Revelation
Continents
Fearless Vampire Killers (16)*
The one where I gave Laurence an 'I love ewe' tote bag because he'd just been handed a rather fragile gift and was looking a tad worried, poor lamb.

8th March 2016 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Maddy
Clear The Auditorium (1)
Miss Vincent
VUKOVI
Fearless Vampire Killers (17)*
The one where I bunked in with Maddy @ Swansea uni and came home with a stinkin' cold.

25th April 2016 - The Exchange, Bristol - solo
Sunset Sunday
Saint The Sinner
Ashestoangels (14)*
My cousin Allister had died 4 days before - and about a week after A2A released 'How To Bleed'. I had been stuck in a loop of 'Bound and Broken' and 'Ghost In The Machine' - they played both. I think I may have howled.

8th June 2016 - Thekla, Bristol - solo
Heaven Asunder (3)
Fearless Vampire Killers (18)*
Escape The Fate
It's very easy to say so in hindsight but something felt 'off' at this gig. Virtually everyone was having a shit year - I hoped that was something to do with the vibe I was getting. Given what happened next I'm not so sure.

Fearless Vampire Killers did the thing on 4th July 2016. As I say, 2016 was shaping up to be an epically shit year so I sadly wasn't surprised. I've blogged about it separately so I shan't go into it here. Grateful to them for at least announcing it properly - I was actually quoted in Kerrang! about how shitty the way My Chemical Romance did the thing (ambiguous statement on website scaring fans with no confirmation for DAYS) and later (1st Nov 2018) the band Creeper hung up their 'Callous Hearts jackets at the end of a gig and announced "not only is it the last show of this album, but it’s the last show that we’ll ever do" and that was that! Nasty to drop it on your fans like that imho.
EDIT: Bizarre timing but the day after I posted this blog THIS:
https://www.kerrang.com/features/wtf-is-going-on-with-creeper-right-now/?fbclid=IwAR0Ot4Y10VCXP0koPBythkM-cXdjESYJMosGi9Cdxw4Kb3rWsPPsMeALcVQ
came up - not that it makes any difference to my opinion. There's being theatrical, there's going media silent for nearly 11 months...but this was like dumping your partner at a party in front of all your mates and then expecting them to welcome you back a year later. If you're gonna do the thing, make it clear. Don't hurt the fans who you rely on for your damn income.

17th July 2016 - Hobos, Bridgend - solo*
'Shield Fest'
Missed first two acts Calling Apollo and Coast To Coast
Clear The Auditorium (2) Their final show!
Far From History
Veridian
All To Ruin
Junior
More Than Most
Fearless Vampire Killers (19)* or Kierless Vampire Killers!
First off the asterisk by 'solo'...once FVK announced the split and that THIS would be the only booked gig they were going to play things got serious. I had booked to go with Maddy (having decided to miss FVK at Shield Fest the previous year in favour of Macmillan Fest as I couldn't do both) but we had fallen out - I confirmed with her that she didn't want the spot so I offered up a bed if anyone wanted somewhere to stay so they could go. Paula accepted the offer. Later, Tasha would put out a call on Twitter for someone in Taunton to crash with so she and her partner could get there so we did that too! So although technically I went by myself it was a group effort.
Naturally emotions were running high but it was an AMAZING show, not that I'm at all biased you understand. Where FVK were a dual lead vocalist group Laurence can clearly do the job just fine-slash-better so I came away feeling confident that they'd be fine just as soon as they decided what to do next.
I had painted THIS:

for a fan appreciation video so I made THIS:

to wave at the show (taking the canvas off the frame for practicality). I ended up handing it to Laurence on a whim along with a letter I'd written thanking them for everything and expressing my best wishes and support for the future (which I believe is also here in an earlier blog).
Showed Laurence my newly inked Latin tattoo (which I'd FINALLY booked just before the split and got done days after) and got him to write out another one - 1st is Tu eris in solis radios aurorae ("You'll be there, in the sun's first rays of the morning" from 'City Falls To Dust') 2nd is "Hic sanguis meus eris usque in diem morior" ("You'll be here in my blood til the day I die" from the same song and Lost Hearts' go-to lyric following the break up).
Forever providing a link to Katherine's video of the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8Z7qlb7koI It was an absolutely magical atmosphere. Emotions were running high but the Lost Hearts are an amazing bunch and I think we all decided to work hard at making it a really special night four the lads.

26th August 2016 - Reading - solo
'Reading Festival'
I mostly stayed at the Lock Up Stage where FVK had been due to perform and the line up went like this:
SWMRS
Trash Boat - FVKs replacement
Creeper (2)
Superheaven - did not see
Citizen
Dinosaur Pile Up
Nothing More - only saw the last song (Salem) with its chorus of 'burn the witch' and felt legit worried I was about to get flambeed...did a hand-slap with the frontman so this makes the list by the barest of margins
Hacktivist
Crossfaith
Thrice - the band I was looking forward to seeing but they didn't play any of the tracks I knew!
Asking Alexandria (Stage Headliner) - saw three songs and headed home cos long walk and much depression.
Despite being from Reading I had never been to the Reading festival (born in the RBH '78, lived in Woodley '78-'81, Tilehurst '81-'84, Woodley again '84-'94, various Reading & Wokingham addresses until '97 and by 2016 I was prepping to move back to Woodley from deepest, darkest Somersetshire (where I had also never been to the Glastonbury festival). When FVK booked to play Reading it seemed like an omen...then they split, pulled out and I ended up going anyway. It was pretty horrible tbh thinking of what should have been.

30th October 2016 - Underworld, Camden, London - Paula
Farewell Show - Matinee
Zoax (5)
Fearless Vampire Killers (20)*
Naturally no power on this earth was keeping me from the farewell and I made a booking for the four of us - Paula and I having agreed to bunk in together again - but I held back when they announced the matinee as obviously it existed to provide tickets for people who'd missed out on getting evening tickets. However, as it got closer to the shows and tickets remained available... 
In a parallel to seeing NKOTB (31/05/14) in a Donnie themed outfit with FVK tee I went to the matinee in a Laurence themed outfit with NKOTB tee! Skinny black jeans, calf length DMs and the untrendy band tee - I actually found one on ebay for the tour that included 25/01/09!

30th October 2016 - Underworld, Camden, London - Paula, Erin and Kathleen
'Farewell Show'
Ashestoangels (16)
Zoax (6)
Fearless Vampire Killers (21)*
I went with this Magenta-from-The-Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show themed outfit for the evening show:

Partly cos of the hair colour I had but mostly cos I could show off all my tattoos (especially the FVK themed ones) at once. I wore the feather duster hanging from my pinny-straps (and yes, that's an FVK patch on the apron), I even got myself a name tag cos recognising people you've not met real-world before can be problematic.
Like the canvas I did for Shield Fest I decided to go FIVE better:

Again I took them off the frames. Erin had Shane's, Kathleen had Drew's, I had Laurence's - we each took a different spot around the room and passed another to someone else. In this video by Drew's dad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKwal3LySKg you can see the Drew & FVK ones at around 1:32.
It was a very difficult show...but the only bit I cried for was A2A playing Ghost In The Machine. For me, Shield Fest was the 'proper' farewell.

15th December 2016 - The Louisiana, Bristol - solo
Montroze
As Sirens Fall
Ashestoangels (16)*
I nearly lost the plot when they played Ghost In The Machine and Ugly Club back to back - cried on Dex!

No gigs in 2017 partly due to FVK's split and A2A being quiet but also I moved to Woodley as mentioned, graduated uni, my eldest graduated, my youngest left for uni, got a new job...

29th March 2018 - Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London - solo
Decadent
Camcorder
Ashestoangels (17)*
I actually got through Bound And Broken TWICE and Ghost In The Machine. I love those songs but my poor feels take them hard... I requested How To Tell The Truth (as always) at the VIP acoustic but Crilly confessed he'd forgotten it!

I was booked to see A2A again on June 24th 2018 but my mum had her stroke on April 16th and was released from hospital into my care on June 21st so that was that. I honestly thought my gig-going days were done.

12th September 2019 - Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London - solo
The Broken Kings (1)*
Steven Battelle
After being in-at-the-death of FVK it was a real blessing to be there for Laurence, Drew and Luke's rebirth first ever performance as The Broken Kings. Steven Battelle, formerly of LostAlone, who I never got to see live, was really good. The one where I missed the last train and had to walk across London at night with very little idea where I was going - guided by Google maps which tried to send me through a locked park and PokemonGO! Got home 0530!!!
Blessings be to Paula without whom I never would have realised I could go. Kathleen mum-sat for me.

27th October 2019 - Facebar, Reading - solo
Compounds
Denial Of Humanity
Bloodhounds
Ashestoangels (18)*
Griever (2)
The last date of a co-headlining tour and I cannot describe what it felt like to see Reading on the list! Griever had the headline slot. Erin mum-sat for me.

18th March 2020 - The Bunkhouse, Swansea - solo
?
Apathy Avenue
Cadence
Ashestoangels (19)*
The first date of a tour that was cancelled for the apocalypse Coronavirus / COVID-19. The Swansea date tied in with a long planned visit to Kathleen for around that time - Erin booked a week off work so I could have a few days break - so I got to see Ashestoangels before the big lockdown AND stock my kiddo's cupboards.
The show itself was very surreal as it was being live-streamed for the people who'd, probably quite sensibly, decided not to attend... there were about seven ticketholders in the room at most and in all honesty I was one of only three I know of for sure.
I wasn't entirely sure of the support list because most of the original line up had decided to stay home too! It also made for a very unusual set.
Cadence did a cover of The Darkness' "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" which I honestly thought was the making of my year until Ashestoangels finished their set with Guns n' Roses' "Rocket Queen"!
It was a pretty special night though - A2A (sans Falkor) gave it their all as ever. Hope to see them on the flip side...

The Circle Of Life

As part of my OU classics courses we touched on ring composition - returning to the opening idea at the conclusion of a tale.

I rather felt that idea was represented in the gig I went to last night; a bunch of coincidences that seemed rather circular in nature.

First, the obligatory overview for non-regular readers:

I've blogged before about my love for the band Fearless Vampire Killers who I saw a not-to-be-sneezed-at 21 times* between April 2013 and their farewell shows in October 2016 (following the official disbanding several months earlier). *including the Kierless Vampire Killers show in Bridgend

It's been a helluva three years from my side of things, which I have also blogged about. The first year after FVK did the thing was dominated by me completing my degree (inc. my last ever essay - on the lyrics of their song 'Neon In The Dance Halls') and prepping for the move back to Reading. The second year started in a new home, new job, newly graduated - and then, midway through, my mum had a severe stroke and everything changed. I gave up my hopes of financial independence (let alone a career) and my personal freedoms to bring my mum home and be her full-time carer. The third year has been more of the same - dealing with my own depression about the situation as well as the deterioration of her condition.

So yeah, it's been rough.

In some ways it's been a bit of a blessing, from my POV at least, that my FVK boys* have been pretty quiet because if the split hadn't happened and I was missing tours and festivals I'd be coping far less. *Kier has gone onto his Inklings solo project - no idea how that's going cos I am still mad at him for ditching his bandmates the way he did (he had every right to choose his path but the way he did it was out of line imho 😡), Shane is working in the arts, while Drew, Luke and Laurence have formed a new bad - The Broken Kings.

That said, the quietness - on social media especially, which is my lifeline - is not a good thing, especially with worrying how they're coping as they were heart, body & soul into that band. Although I'm also hoping that in the long run the re-branding of two thirds of FVK as The Broken Kings will be a good move as they have previously said the band name and image had worked against them. They deserve commercial success.

But here we are, three years on, The Broken Kings have released a handful of tracks and, on Thursday 12th September 2019, played their first ever show - supporting Steven Battelle at the Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London.

So there's the first circle: in at the death of FVK and at the very first show of TBK :) The circle of life. Straightforward enough. *Ba-dum-tiss*

The second circle is how I ended up there. Back when FVK did the thing I had a double room booked for the Kierless Vampire Killers show - the only booked date they played before the farewell - only the girl I was going with dropped out and so I offered up the twin bed if anyone wanted to be there and felt they could tolerate my snoring. Another friend took it and, when the farewell shows came up we bunked in together again. When I saw this show announced I just took it for granted that, what with my mum's situation, I couldn't go but a few hours later this same friend messaged me to ask if I was going. I damn near replied "Of course I can't go!!!" but it made me think - my youngest would be home from uni for the summer, she should still be here...why COULDN'T I go?! I asked my mum if it'd be okay and booked it, rather rudely without checking it'd be okay with my daughter but I got carried away! It just seems quite the coincidence that it was the same friend who made me realise I could go after all - together at the end and again at the beginning, round in a circle.

The third circle is the venue. The last gig I went to was around 3 weeks before my mum's stroke - and it was to see Ashestoangels at the exact same venue - the only other time I'd been to that particular venue before, although I had been to its sister venue The Dome* *their doors open onto different roads but they pretty much back onto each other There was something both strange yet comforting to be back in that space after nearly a year and a half. A bit of a flavour of picking up my old life where I left off if that makes any kind of sense.

There's a possible fourth circle - I think* the first time I met the friend of circle 2 in the real world was at an FVK gig at The Dome! *It's all got a bit lost in the mists of time, my memory is atrocious

There were circles for the artists involved too - FVK had supported Steven Battelle's former band LostAlone before...also, despite the new projects all former members were present - Shane & Kier for FVK as well as Mark & Alan for LostAlone.

Maybe this is all a bit weird but last night's gig aside from being AMAZING just felt like everything was coming back around to the beginning - it marked a beginning for TBK, it was coming back to the dear friends I've made who're practically family.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Anyway, I ought to include something about the show itself. 

The Broken Kings' set was six songs - four of theirs, one old FVK track and what I am reliably informed was a Bee Gees cover (my knowledge of 70s music is a bit more glam rock based). After a three year break they got back into the swing of things really easily and just as I thought FVK were destined for great things TBK show all that promise.

Aside from being worried I wouldn't get there I was also haunted by an experience from 2014. I'd gone to Birmingham to see New Kids On The Block. They were my 1st concert in 1991...and my 2nd, in 2009. Waiting 3 years to see Laurence, Luke & Drew again was kind of peanuts in comparison to 18 years and then another 5! Anyway, my 3rd and final NKOTB show was good in itself but I went back to the hotel room and had a good cry because I realised that part of my life was over. Over these past 3 years I've worked on getting my Laurence Beveridge crush under control (which is a good thing) but I was really worried that between that and all the shit I'd been going through I'd look up at them and realise it was over. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN and the relief is HUGE. If that day ever comes it's gonna hurt like hell. Falling out of love with a band can happen of course but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt - you can still miss the way they made you feel and the friends you made along the way (who often disappear when you move on).

I had not seen Steven Battelle, or LostAlone, before but I had bought some of LostAlone's music back in the day and I had very much enjoyed his latest solo album 'Midnight Between Months' so I had high hopes and was not to be disappointed. Despite not having a regular live band you wouldn't know and they played a tight show. If circumstances allow I would definitely be up for seeing him play again which is actually quite a thing for me - most artists I'm happy to see the once.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

As a footnote of sorts I have to record for posterity just what a palaver I had getting home. My own fault for bad planning...and for lurking to see the boys off after the show.😉

I got as far as Embankment intending to take the tube to Paddington from there but while I was checking which train I needed I missed the last bloody one of the night. Having next to no idea where in hell (or more specifically, London) I was I headed out into the night. I love a good night walk, the weather was fine and I was in sensible shoes. I rarely get the wiggins about being out alone / late, probably because I am the sort of female who has never attracted any unwanted (or wanted, for that matter) attention so I have a tendency to feel a bit invincible. I failed to find Waterloo (and I was doubtful about a connecting service anyway) so I struck out for Paddington with minimal confidence of finding my way (especially as I couldn't find a huge bloody station like Waterloo when I must've been right next to the bloody thing!) but an air of 'how hard can it be?!' 

The answer to that is very. The route included many useful landmarks but having no idea of their relationship to each other it really was no help at all. I took a selfie outside Buckingham Palace at about 01:40 and posted it to Instagram with the words "simultaneously lost and found" because I knew exactly where I was (being outside the best landmark in the country) but with next to no clue how I was getting from there to where I needed to be!

In all honesty my life was saved by a £16 Power Bank purchased part-charged from Primark in the morning - it charged my phone while I was actively using it for Google Maps and PokemonGO (I find PokemonGO very useful for getting around).

I walked from 00:40 to 02:45. I'd have been better off walking from Tufnell Park! I got disoriented a few times, missed any number of opportunities to make it a shorter route, discovered the route Google Maps provided me through Hyde Park was impossible because it's gated & locked, and got approached by a random taxi driver trying to pick me up but by then I was in my final approach to Paddington...which I also managed to overshoot and was guided in by a janitor!

I had to buy a new ticket home as my Travelcard had expired. Got into Reading about 04:30 and went in search of change for the bus before remembering they take contactless! Caught the first bus of the day (on my route at least) and rocked up to the house like a proper dirty stop out at around 05:30. Oh, what a night!

Absolutely Hegsausted but would do it again in a heartbeat. 

A copy of my letter...

Dear Laurence,

Obviously you've been going through some very dark and monochrome times lately but hang tight (or, in reference to my matinee show 'outfit', hang tough) and trust that light and colour will come back into your life, even if not all-at-once, Wizard Of Oz style.

I don't know if the copy of one of my all time favourite films - Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing And Charm School - which I dropped off at CotD ever made it to you. Or, if it did, whether you ever found time to watch it. So, trying not to give too much away because I really do recommend it...Frank Keane, a struggling widower, ends up attending dance classes where the teacher tells him:-

"Dance is a very powerful drug Mr Keane. If embraced judiciously it can exorcise demons, access deep-seated emotions and color your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta that you never knew existed."

Of course, you can colour your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta (or stunning chartreuse or gentle cerulean blue...) in many other ways than through dance. Follow your heart. Do what you love. Create. Be happy.

Anyway, the point of all this wafflage was to explain the reason for my costume tonight [30 Oct 2016] - Rocky Horror's Magenta, for all I'm not going to be colouring anyone's life. Well, all the aforementioned stuff and also wanting to have all my FVK ink* on display!

Thank you SO much for writing out the Latin for me by the way - I love them to bits for all my tatdoodlist and I messed up on the alignment...won't be so noticeable as I get more bits and pieces, plenty of room to represent the next chapter!

I know FVK hasn't ended up being everything you'd hoped but it has been a band that has changed and saved lives [my own included]. A whole lot of us will be taking that forward in music and art and fan-fic, in our hearts and under our skin, for the rest of our lives - and that is an incredible achievement. I have total faith in you and I am certain that the best is yet to come. For what it's worth you have my love and support - always.

Heggie xxx

*Red fangs, left wrist
Green CFTD lyrics (Latin), left upper arm
Red CFTD lyrics (Latin), right upper arm
Blue FFTF lyrics (Ancient Greek), right thigh
Teal heliskull, right thigh
Purple "Always Forgive" (my only tattoo in English so far), left ankle

Kierless Vampire Killers at ShieldFest

17 July 2016

Bridgend, Wales

A Few Months Before

I'd contemplated going to ShieldFest (in Swansea) in 2015 but financial restraints meant I ended opting for Macmillan Fest (in Nottingham) a few months later. As it happened this was a truly blessed decision for me. Nottingham was great but a cancer charity festival was where I needed to be the day after I heard my cousin's prognosis had gone from bad to worse. He died on April 21st this year - exactly a year after I first learned his diagnosis.

So when ShieldFest 2016 was announced with FVK headlining I was keen to go this time. A friend of mine, M, is at uni in Swansea and I didn't know if she was going to be there over the summer or not. I asked if she was interested, she was, and I booked us a twin room in Bridgend for the convenience. As it turned out she wasn't going to be in Wales over the summer anyway so the room was definitely a good move.

4 July 2016

FVK did the thing (see previous blog entry). ShieldFest was quickly announced as the ONLY remaining show they would be playing, cancelling all other appearances. Naturally Lost Hearts who'd opted for other shows like Reading, Leeds, Truck Fest or Butserfest wanted to get to South Wales instead. I chased up M (who'd been avoiding me) and she confirmed she wasn't going...in fact she hasn't spoken to me since. No idea why - possibly the way I tore apart a particularly idiotic article (which blamed women who act with caution / use self defense for other women being raped - sorry, but it was VILE) she'd reposted on FB.

Anyway, I now had a spare bed I offered up and was accepted. I was also able to offer another couple a room for the night of the 16th so they could travel up for the show. Nice to be of use to someone for a change :)

I looked forward to the gig (my 19th) with some trepidation...they'd announced the show would be sans Kier Kemp but I had no doubts they'd do just fine without him. no, what worried me was that it'd be sad. That it'd end up being a sob-fest and depressing. That 'Kierless Vampire Killers' would take it as an ending, not a bright new beginning.

I decided to wear the outfit I'd planned for Reading which had been intended for outdoors and being seen at a distance...very anti goth. Boy, was I gonna stand out like the middle-aged idiot I am!

17 July 2016

No idea what was going on cos the first train was uncommonly packed for a Sunday, I was on the edge of a panic attack by the time I got to Bristol Parkway. It was the same again on the way home - really horrible conditions and so hot!

Got into Bridgend a bit early for the hotel check in and while we were lurking outside Drew came by and it was hugs all round - there are good and valid reasons I love these guys so much. Booked in, showered, got changed and then spent entirely too long getting up the nerve to go out in my extremely silly outfit so that I missed the first two bands.

• Clear The Auditorium - The only other band on the bill that I'd seen before...and their last show as a band too :'(
• Far From History - far from being my thing, soz
• Veridian - ditto
• All To Ruin - these guys were great, very much enjoyed their set
• Junior - I was flagging a bit by this point so I didn't really get into them
• More Than Most - heard great things about this band so I watched with interest and they were indeed pretty good

I'd heard At War With The Thirst was going to make a reappearance on the set list but it was still a helluva surprise to hear them open with it as it's always been a closing track (in my experience anyway)...anyway it was best not to play it last what with the "go home / go away" refrain...it was also a bit of a surprise to hear Laurence sing lead on Kier songs but it went down really well. I screamed entirely too loudly when they announced Fetish For The Finite - most unseemly - but I am always thrilled to hear that one.

Drew's set list

As anticipated the show was an absolute belter. Emotions were running high but I think on the whole we held it together pretty well. They finished on 'Could We Burn, Darling?' which was brilliant. Laurence announced his intention to go into the audience:

Drew: That's a bit risky

Laurence: Risky? What they gonna to me?

Drew: Maul ya.

- everyone was waving 'thank you' signs, there was confetti and bubble guns...it was really magical.

My thank you sign - with various releases in the letters

I had painted a thank you sign to match the effort I did for a fan lyric video. I took it off the frame and had it rolled up in my bag. As they were leaving immediately after their set I was scared I'd miss my chance so I nabbed Laurence for a hug and gave him a letter I'd written them all...and, without entirely meaning to, the painting too.

My effort for the for Remember My Name fan lyric video - with various songs in the letters

After the set the emotions kicked in...I went into ubermum mode handing out pocket tissues and giving hugs. Not only out of consideration for others but, as I said before, to trying to keep the mood in the room as positive as possible. As my pinned tweet at the time said: save the tears for the hotel.

 10th photo with the bae

Naturally I still lurked for another hug and photo with Laurence. While we were waiting Pillnahn brought a bunch of us beers which was pretty damn cool :) Showed Laurence my tattoo and adorably he critiqued his handwriting - I asked him if he'd write me out some more, which he very kindly did and I'll be getting that inked next. The first - Tu eris in solis radios aurorae - is "you'll be there in the sun's first rays of the morning" and this is "you'll be here in my blood til the day I die" also from City Falls To Dust...a lyric that has seemed really apt since the split.

 More Latin

Got a hug with Shane too, and another from Drew before we got booted out. Then we lurked outside. There was a really nice vibe to it all, actually. Everyone seemed more talkative than usual, or maybe it was just that I was just hanging with the in crowd for a change...a real family feel to it all. I swear, I love this fandom so much. We lurked out back while KVK packed up their van, then there were more photos, more hugs, a group pic...poor Laurence was trying to get everyone in the van before Shane got too tired to drive them home and it just wasn't happening! Again with the ubermum I told Drew to make sure they did pull up for a break if need be. Yet another hug from Laurence and Drew...so many hugs! Actually resorted to poking Luke and demanding a hug cos I seemed to be constantly on the wrong side of him and I wasn't agreeable to missing out!

I don't think it'd even be possible to not enjoy a Fearless - or Kierless - Vampire Killers gig, but this was an incredibly special one, for all it may have been the last...whatever comes next it's going to be brilliant and I will be there every step of the way.

 Love these guys - Lost Hearts forever!!!

So, FVK did the thing...

It was on July 4th 2016 that the post I had dreaded to see popped up on my timeline. Three weeks on I think I'm still processing.

From the day I first 'discovered' Fearless Vampire Killers I feel like I was consciously avoiding thinking about this but it probably happened the best way it could. Unlike a certain My Chemical Romance I could mention they put out a full statement on the two biggest public forums they use and followed it up with personal tweets. There was a solid reassurance that all members intend to continue in music (Kier on his own projects; the others together but under a new name) which has helped enormously. I think the biggest fear was that in the event of a split certain people would disappear out of my life forever and I am in no way able to cope with that prospect.

On Kier
I absolutely support Kier's decision. I know from personal experience how hard it is to walk away from something you have worked hard for because it's no longer what you want; how hard it is to put your own well-being above the people closest to you.
I'm sad he felt the need to do this and I really wish he could've waited until after Reading Festival but I see why he couldn't lead everyone on after he'd reached his decision....and I appreciate that he took the time to sit on that decision until he was really sure, although it might have been better if he'd told his bandmates how he was feeling.
That said, I am not really that interested in what he does next. He's a talented chap and I wish him well but he was the member of FVK I gelled least with if you know what I mean.

On Luke, Laurence, Drew and Shane
Obviously this is where my heart lies. The songwriting team of Drew and Laurence is, for me, what made FVK truly great and that being unchanged I have absolute confidence that whatever they go on to do it will be amazing.

Of course I'm gutted about Reading and I have no idea what to do with my ticket. I'd quite like to see Thrice but I really don't fancy going now...and I've offered my ticket for sale with no buyers. On the plus side the 'Kierless Vampire Killers' honoured their ShieldFest commitment which I think I'll write a separate blog about.

I know the KVK will need time to figure out their next moves, to work out how to move forward and to settle their affairs with Kier but mostly I'm just impatient for that to happen so I can have more gigs to look forward to. In the meantime I am using tattoo appointments to look forward to instead.

I had already (FINALLY!) booked the appointment to get Laurence's handwriting in Latin inked for the 7th of July before they did the thing and I am thrilled with the result; my next is being done on the 28th and I have 3-4 more tats in the pipeline...

Epic March and an Awesome Anniversary

I am such a lazy blogger it's pathetic.  Anyway, a fair bit has been happening in the life of this humble Heg so let's get on with it...

Last month was pretty damn epic.  And exhausting!

On March 10th I got to see my darling Fearless Vampire Killers for the 5th time (in Bristol again).  The morning of the gig I hit the exact weight that indicated a 25% weight loss from my 1st time seeing them which was all kinds of important to me as it was the hideous first photo with Laurence (below, left) that triggered the whole thing off.  I was fortunate enough to get to mark the occasion with a new and finally acceptable photo (below, right) and, being the epic sweetheart he is, Laurence even said I was looking good!

April 13th 2013; July 17th 2013; March 10th 2014

The gig line up was Beyond Recall, Ashestoangels (who played How To Tell The Truth) and Fearless Vampire Killers so naturally I had an awesome time.  It was only myself and Erin though as Kathleen has become really paranoid about losing her 100% attendance record at school.

Less than a week later all three of us were off to Brixton to see All Time Low.  The night did not get off to an auspicious start.  We were standing and we made the humungous mistake of getting into the middle of the crowd.  I thought I was going to die.  It took the shine off my enjoyment of support acts Only Rivals and Tonight Alive (who I really rather liked) but at the start of ATL's set it got even worse and, elbows deployed, I got myself outta there post-haste!  Finding a far better spot to the far side I managed to calm down and get into the show.  ATL are fab and I ended up having a blast.

Because public transport is appalling nowadays and the National Rail Enquiry Service is CRAP getting home proved...interesting.  Here I am enjoying a midnight snack from Burger King whilst uncomfortably ensconced in the luggage rack of the last train from Paddington to Maidenhead:

On the way home from Reading the next day I bought myself an early birthday pressie from Build-A-Bear...his name is Pawrence and he's a lil playmate for Heggo Kitty...pictured here with the tickets for my upcoming 6th FVK gig! 

 A week after All Time Low was my 36th birthday...and I celebrated by getting on a plane without my mum for the first time ever (does this make me a real grown up?!).  We flew up to Glasgow for a single night...to see Fall Out Boy at the Hydro!  It was another incredible night.  New Politics were great; they had loads of energy and got a great crowd reaction... The Pretty Reckless somewhat less so.  Maybe TPR were good, I don't know.  Their sound didn't fit the line-up for one thing but they were also painfully loud although it was the excessive use of very bright strobe lighting that finished me off.  Fall Out Boy were fab as expected.  We had chips on the way back to the hotel and miniatures of single malt whisky as a nightcap to celebrate my flying visit to Scotland.

The next day we visited the Glasgow Necropolis and the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum for a bit of local flavour and culture before flying back to Bristol where we had another night in a hotel, heading home insanely early.  Kathleen went to school but Erin had a cold so she took time off sick.  I'd booked a week's holiday which was a good thing as not only was I utterly shattered but I caught Erin's cold which became my 4th cough of the winter!

 April 14th 2013; April 14th 2014

On April 14th I marked the first anniversary of seeing FVK and meeting Laurence with a celebration of the most life-changing aspect of that event...  Above are our before and after photos; same outfits, same pose, 365 days apart.  Kathleen has gone from an 18-20 to a 14; Erin has gone from a 16-18 to a 14; I have gone from a 24 to an 18 (depending on sizes in different stores, obviously).

Modelling my old size 24 'skinny' jeans...

Note: a year ago I couldn't get into a 2XL band t-shirt comfortably; the FVK tee above is an L. Currently 75lbs down on my start weight.

"Look Ma, no hands!"

Kathleen (age 15) has been exhibiting super-strength for a while now - she could lift me BEFORE the weightloss...seriously disturbing...  The day was rounded off with the ceremonial burning of the outfit from my 1st FVK gig.  I'm keeping the humungous jeans for the giggles.

Working towards the end of my current Open University course (which I will be all kinds of happy to see the back of; gonna sign up for Philosophy next time!) and off to Cardiff this coming weekend...we're visiting the Doctor Who Experience and (surprise, surprise) seeing FVK yet again.

Fearless Vampire Killers: Oxford - 14th April 2013

As it is now a week since our trip to Oxford it is certainly time to get off my backside (figuratively speaking as I am currently say at my computer) and write it up.

The decision to go was a simple enough one.  I may have been an FVK fan for all of 5 minutes but I really wanted to see them live.  There was no particular date on Fearless Vampire Killers' (FVK) Diamonds and Disgrace (D&D) Tour (at that point) that would be easier for us to get to than another.  The two April dates in Bristol didn't apply - the first being as a support act for the Misfits, the second being the first day of the Hit The Deck Festival.  Sorry, but I'm just not that fussed about other bands - I just want to see my boys so the D&D tour dates it had to be.  I picked Oxford because it's not so very far from my parents in Reading, it's a great place to visit and because it was a Sunday so I thought it'd be the most convenient for us.

Unfortunately, being a bit of an idiot I bought the tickets before I actually checked the train times and that was where it all became a bit more of an adventure...

So then I had to book a B&B for the night.  I won't go into how badly I cocked that up.  Let's just point out that I'd never done such a thing before and the chap had a really difficult accent and leave it there.  We got it all figured out in the end and we checked in okay in the end so no harm done, except to my pride.

My elder daughter Erin (17) was pretty excited about our trip as she's really into FVK too.  My younger daughter Kathleen (14) was less so because she is unbelievably weird and got very upset about having to miss school on the Monday.  And she wonders why she's such a misunderstood beastie...

Last Sunday we got all our bits and bobs together and headed out.  It was a pretty long journey - one of the Intercity trains to Reading that stops at every lamppost y'know?  The times I'd been given were all wrong and the journey took almost 2 hours longer than anticipated.  Then a regular train north to Oxford.  Looking out of the windows we realised just what a long and brutal winter it has been.  Here we are in mid April yet the fields are still waterlogged and the trees largely bare.

Arriving in Oxford we mooched through town getting our bearings and making our way to the B&B.  I haven't been to Oxford since I was a kid so it was essentially all new to me too.  We checked in okay and then collapsed in our room for a bit before getting into our outfits, sorting out our makeup and generally being quite girly.

Doors at the O2 Academy were 7pm and I reckon we got there to lurk a little after 6.  Not because we were mad keen to queue but because the anticipation was getting to us.  Erin was so keen to get in the queue that she sailed straight past lead guitarist Shane "Cyrus Barrone" Sumner - her favourite Fearless Vampire Killer - who was out front meeting fans.  I've been teasing her about that ever since!

We headed in and made our was to the merch stand for hoodies and wristbands all round.

There were three support acts: What Now?, The Reaper and Fort Hope.  Erin was quite taken with What Now? and later in the evening bought their CD and got it signed by two thirds of the band.  The Reaper were amazing - when a bunch of kids take to the stage you don't quite know what to expect but they rocked.  I bought their CD on the spot!

By the time Fort Hope came on we'd picked our positions for the evening.  Kathleen had decided to lurk near the backstage door which was the same side of the stage as bass guitarist Drew would be playing and had already managed to nab him for a photo.

Drew Woolnough & Kathleen

Erin and I were on the opposite side of the room cos she wanted to be in front of Barrone, I joined her at the start of Fort Hope's set cos my feet were killing me and there was some seating along the side.  It turned out to be an excellent spot.

When Barrone came on stage as part of the setting up the crowd gave him a "woooo!" and he looked up and gave the cutest grin, I can so see what Erin sees in him!  Luke meanwhile gave a royal wave - he's such a sweetie!

The show was great, our photos were less so given the lighting and hazy atmosphere.  That and the fact they bounce around the stage like dingbats...

Fearless Vampire Killers by Kathleen

For me the highlight had to be Fetish For The Finite cos it nearly killed me.  For some reason I can't find the YouTube video through Blogspot but this is the link if you're interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt16A1tFJLA

Two minutes in, at the beginning of the line "I can't stand another night" I swear Laurence is looking right at me...there weren't a lot of other candidates in that corner with a wall right behind.  I forgot how to breathe.  Then, on the line "knowing you're not mine", he stretched out and pointed my way.  I damn near fainted!

There is I'm afraid no denying now that I have a serious crush on Laurence Beveridge.  Poor boy.

Barrone & Erin

After the show we lurked around for autographs and photo opportunities.  Erin didn't miss Barrone this time...although she did walk straight past Kier completely oblivious!!!  I gave my Militia Of The Lost deluxe CD to Kathleen and she got it signed by Luke, Drew and Barrone but then insisted I got Kier & Laurence's autographs myself.  Unfortunately, while we were lurking close to Laurence the O2 Academy booted us all out for the 11pm curfew but Laurence & Kier being total darlings they came outside with us.

We got Kier's autographs and photos with him first and then lurked in Laurence's direction again.  Seriously, I was doing okay up to that point...  Then Laurence looks over at me and says something like "hey, you're Heggie, right?" and...and...and...well YOU try having a coherent thought left in your head when the rockstar you're waiting to meet for the first time recognises you and remembers your name from a grand total of 15 tweets he's sent you!!!

I honestly have very little idea what happened from that point.  I remember him pulling the lid off the gold paint pen and popping it between his lips when he signed my CD...  And he said something about it being great to meet me at last...it was a damn good thing he had his arm around me at that point!  I mean HONESTLY what the hell do you say to that even if what's left of your brain hasn't melted and leaked away???

Laurence & I

It was all topsy-turvy and I didn't have the slightest clue what to say but it was an amazing night.  I practically floated back to the B&B...whereupon I had a good cry as it all got to me!