Showing posts with label Change what you cannot accept. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Change what you cannot accept. Show all posts

Friday, 4 January 2019

Complaining about what you can (and probably should) change: a rant from someone who is up shit creek without a paddle

Disclaimer: If that title doesn't tell you that this may not be the most well-balanced of arguments you might try Reading Comprehension 101. This is me, letting off steam that one career path is given a curiously privileged status.

This video is one of a set on the BBC site: "I wanted to crash my car to avoid teaching" https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-hampshire-46738445/a-teacher-s-story-eat-sleep-teach-repeat 04 Jan 2019
Other titles include: Why teaching is making me ill (18 Sept 2018), More teachers seek help for stress (03 Sept 2018) and PE teacher left 'sobbing like baby' (17 Sept 2015).

*seething intensifies*


Stress happens in EVERY walk of life. The stresses this teacher talks of are stresses faced 24/7 by many parents - especially lone parents, and even more so homeschooling parents who aren't even getting funding for the materials their kids need, let alone a pay-cheque for doing the job.

You can argue that homeschoolers brought it on themselves but often parents homeschool because traditional schools can't don't or won't meet their kid's needs. I homeschooled my eldest after she'd been effectively excluded from the main body of the school because that was the easier path for them to take than to address the severe bullying she faced daily. I homeschooled my youngest because she was held back a year for being "too smart" to need the stimulation of being in the correct class. I homeschooled because professional teachers failed my kids.

*and breathe*

The point I really want to make is that teachers are well paid, highly qualified individuals with transferable skills. If teaching is so damn stressful change careers! Try being exhausted and stressed in a minimum wage job (7.5 years as a part time cleaner, struggling to keep afloat - 6 months of that homeschooling, another 5.5 years of it putting myself through uni in the hopes of a better future...yeah, that didn't work). Better yet, try being exhausted and stressed in a NO INCOME role such as welfare-dependent single-parent or full-time carer for an elderly & disabled parent. 
This is how I have spent virtually my entire working life. I have virtually no experience, minimal skills, no savings, no pension fund...my degree is just a piece of paper. I don't have the freedom to pursue a better future. If I have a breakdown (as I have before) I don't get 6 months off; I've never even had anti-depressants. Why? The NHS has failed me for 28 years of mental health problems. One ex GP told me in no uncertain terms he didn't care about mental health, I asked for help so many times that the rejections mean I'll never ask again.
My kids already have these problems and my youngest is still at uni. My eldest just quit her retail job cos the stress is too much...fortunately she has qualifications and transferable skills. Curiously, she is thinking of taking up teaching. 

*breathe*

Some people are in especially stressful public service jobs which deserve a bit of extra TLC - emergency services, air traffic control, ER staff, the armed forces... - but teachers? Maybe you've been lucky and had amazing teachers who've nurtured you / your children and done amazing things. My experience, my children's experiences, somewhat different. Some, of course have been good. A few have been very good. Most however, poor. Several, bloody dreadful.
Examples of our own experience include but are not limited to:
  • Calling a child a liar in front of the class...because the teacher doesn't believe the kid is going to a particular place on holiday. Or, memorably, because a teacher decided what my cousin's wife's name was!
  • Humiliating a kid in front of class for being illegitimate.
  • Calling a child a cheat for getting answers right.
  • Calling a child stupid for getting answers wrong.
  • Deciding a child is a troublemaker because of their height...and then thinking it was okay to tell the parent that!
  • Setting a class insane amounts of homework to counter the fact that the teacher just didn't bother teaching the class - literally sitting at the front telling the class to read in silence for the entirety of the lesson.
  • Teaching a GCSE class one part of the syllabus only so they all flunked the exams...
  • Dropping a GCSE class mid year (and so 'entrusting' their chances to the whims of various supply teachers) because writing a novel is more important than their futures.
  • Calling kids names and making up nicknames for one particular child.
  • Punishing one kid for the wrongdoings of the entire class.
  • Punishing a child for being bullied.

Yes, I am 40 and my kids are 20 (tomorrow) and 23 (next week) so obviously a few of those things happened a good while ago but believe it or not many of those teachers will still be teaching; teachers in their 20s or 30s when I was in my mid teens would now be in their 50s and 60s.
In my years of education I had THREE really good teachers. And I went to four schools. Three. That's not a good proportion at all. Our kids deserve better and we're well aware that our cookie-cutter results-only education system is failing a proportion of kids that is scandalous. This is why I refuse to put teachers, as a whole, on a pedestal. 

*tense pause for glaring*

Teachers do not save lives, they do not put their lives on the line. And the moment Ofsted 'threatens' to hold them accountable for teaching standards they strike! Yes, teaching is an important job but it's also, supposedly, a vocation. What it is not is a life sentence - you can just hand in your notice and go do something else if the mood so takes you.
With this in mind, why is the stress experienced by teachers somehow a special case? Teachers have it easier than ever before with classroom assistants (didn't have those in my younger days), high tech teaching aids, and (generally) far smaller class sizes - an average of 20.4: "...the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) found that the UK had some of the smallest average class sizes in the developed world" (Source: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-38506305) and the same BBC article - from nearly two years ago - cites a year 9 maths class of 46 students...but when my mum was in primary school in the late 40s, early 50s that could be the size of a single form, not just one lesson, yet somehow teachers complain more than ever about their inability to cope. WHY? In what way is the job really harder and / or more stressful than it was in the past?!
One of the biggest complaints of teachers seems to be that the poor lambs they're struggling with performance targets and reviews...like that's not a nasty feature of most 21st century jobs! For heaven's sake, I worked as a cleaner in a school and it was all regular reviews and performance appraisals! My last job came with a whole bunch of unrealistic sales targets - partly cos you can't make customers by crap they don't want and partly cos the town was being redeveloped and people were largely going elsewhere so as to have a less stressful shopping experience. Unrealistic pressures, unreachable targets are just a fact of life nowadays. Also gonna say that I was put in charge of a shop (against my will) with virtually no training and minimal experience. I still think it's a minor miracle no one died on my watch! Teachers are at least trained and prepped for the job they do...and they sought to do it and are (contrary to their own PR) actually pretty well remunerated for it. 

I have struggled with depression virtually all my life and it is damn hard to see people act all hard done by for the career choices they made and could potentially change without much likelihood of difficulty. This is not to negate the stress they're under but I feel giving teachers some kind of special status it diminishes the stress suffered by others; their stress is not more important than anyone else's. EVERYONE who suffers stress should be entitled to support and help. There needs to be a shift in how we treat all workers in this country.
Even the headline annoys me - oh, so you wanted to crash your car to get off work? What about the emergency services called out to your rescue and NHS staff who'd have to look after you? What about the tax payer who has to cover your sick days, especially if you faked your injuries? What about the sub who has to cover your classes? What about the scare that'd give your students and the disruption to their learning?
INSERT HERE: I was run over at age 7,
my kids were at a school where a teacher died in an RTA.
At risk of sounding like a snowflake this is a really triggering thing to even suggest doing
to a class full of kids who might easily have a past trauma of this nature.
And more to my personal viewpoint...what about those in jobs where you're not entitled to paid sick leave? People who've struggled through incredibly painful shifts cos they simply don't have the luxury to recuperate. What about those struggling through life unable to drive and / or unable to afford a car? The sheer PRIVILEGE involved in that statement makes me livid.
Okay, so it's a wild statement born of severe mental distress rather than an actual action but all the same...
It will never not bug me that people who have the education, pay grade and personal freedoms to change their circumstances don't, and those of us at the bottom of the heap with no way out just have to make do. No one wants to hear about the stress of being a single parent, a cleaner, a sales assistant. We don't have the same allure, obviously.

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

Agender ex-Cinderella and Name Change Schizz...

Apologies if I have already blogged on this but I had a browse of my titles and nothing seemed to suggest I had so here I am.
Also, I have an update so...

AGE THREE
I was a bit of a git as a child. For example, I can't remember ever being unable to read. Somewhere, around age 3 I remember reading something in one of my grandparents' old Readers' Digest magazines about Elton John's 'Candle In The Wind'. This (somehow) led to my mum explaining that Elton John wasn't HIS birth name and Marilyn Monroe wasn't HER birth name. That is when I *discovered* that if you were famous you could choose a new name...so, naturally, I spent the next few years trying to decide how I was gonna become famous. Cos I LOATHED my birth name, even then.

AGE SIX
Boys and girls confused me. Girls, even at that age, were weird and shallow and bitchy. I wanted none of that. Boys were better but I was neither one of them nor able to become any kind of honourary member. This was the start of a lifelong whatever of being antisocial and a bit of an outcast.

AGE SEVEN
The discovery ordinary people could change their names!!! Maybe I don't have to become an author after all...although that would be nice.

AGE TEN
Contemplating the name 'Jennifer'

AGE ELEVEN
My mum sent me (kicking and screaming) to an all-girls school. A cruel and unusual punishment in my opinion. Five years later I'd gone from disliking girls to loathing them outright.

AGE THIRTEEN
Contemplating the names 'Henrietta' and 'Harriet'. Henry or Harry...

AGE FIFTEEN
I discovered the nickname I'd been using for years - 'Heggie' - was actually a *real* name, albeit a surname, and I changed it - by public declaration, on 15th December 1993.

AGE TWENTY
Despite already being 'Heggie' on everything (GCSE certificates, medical records, my kids' birth certificates etc) I had to get a Deed Poll document for my name change so I could get a passport. The name-change laws are pretty daft TBH. Weirdly I've only ever needed it for passports, a cleaning job and a meeting with a solicitor.

MID TWENTIES
I did a spot of investigating and found out that the name Heggie was a branch of the McIntosh clan, originating from the Western Isles (according to my source).

MID THIRTIES
After years of being anything from low-key annoyed to high-key pissed off that I was expected to think, act or FEEL any particular way because of my birth sex I discovered the term 'agender'.
One of my biggest bugbears had been the whole 'sisterhood' thing. No. I am an only child, thanks. I would have loved siblings but my biological sex wouldn't make me closer to a sister than a brother. That would surely be down to personality, life experience, interests etc.
I found the term 'cisgender' particularly offensive because all the time I assumed I was a biological woman identifying as a woman it seemed to be negating a lot of the stuff I'd felt over the years. Turns out the reason being assumed to be cis annoyed me so much was because it simply wasn't me...although I still suspect cis people don't always have it easy. Like you don't have to be gay to have questioned your sexuality.
To me 'agender' means exactly its definition:
It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity
or as a statement of not having a gender identity.
People who identify as agender may describe themselves
as one or more of the following:
Genderless or lacking gender.
I am not lacking biological sex, I am not androgyne, what I am is not buying into any dumbass stereotypes, or the idea that mentally experienced gender is even a thing (obviously it is for most people but it's like explaining vision to someone blind from birth). I don't feel gender neutral as such...I just don't feel gender AT ALL.
I really hate labels but finding the term agender was liberating to me. Suddenly I understood why I couldn't understand, if you follow my meaning. Gender issues simply made no sense to me because to me it's not a thing. There's biology and how you choose to identify and a bunch of social norms (which are fairly ludicrous TBH) but to FEEL a particular gender? Nope, does not compute.
For the record I am fine with her/ she etc etc, I guess I generally present in a feminine light but I am also not over my mum telling me (as a preteen) that my wanting to wear jeans and Doc Martens meant I was a transvestite. I care not at all what gender my clothing has. I have no interest in chick-lit or chick-flicks. I don't do the makeup thing or nails or hair, particularly for that matter... I have shaved my head more than once. Nothing gets my back up more than someone projecting their gender stereotype bullshit onto me: i.e. No, I will not stop swearing and be more 'ladylike', dad!

AGE THIRTY NINE YEARS, TEN MONTHS AND ONE DAY
After umpteen times discussing my name change issues, often with the disclaimer - "not that it's comparable with your transgender experience" - I suddenly clocked the comparison.
I had chosen for myself a gender neutral name a full two decades (and change) before I identified myself as being agender. Even then it took at least another two years to see that the two things might have been connected.
I don't want this to come across as me trying to muscle in on or try to assume my issues are in any way shape or form comparable with those experienced by trans men and women because I know damn well that it's not but I honestly had never connected the two issues before: rejecting the (girly) name my parents had given me and accepting my gender identity. Asserting my own sense of identity.

Ultimately, be who you want to be. Let your outside reflect your inside if that makes you happy. Not that you have to, of course. Live your life as YOU choose not as anyone chooses for you or tries to dictate how you should live. If the name chosen by people who hadn't even met you yet doesn't fit the person you've become - you can change it. You have the power, no one else.