My Father's Obituary

Owen Stanley Feltham was born on October 4th 1944 at 22 Coniston Drive, Tilehurst. The third of four sons of Margaret (nee Beckett, 1915-2003) and Frederick (1905-1965). 

He was named for the mountain range (itself named for Captain Owen Stanley, 1811-1850) in Papua New Guinea which, from October 14th to November 20th 1942 saw 900 men from the US 2nd Battalion, 126th Infantry Regiment, 32nd Division (Michigan / Wisconsin) cross 130 miles via the Kapa Kapa Trail. 

Parallel to the Kokoda Trail I did a Kokoda Virtual Challenge for his 80th birthday... his life might've been quite different if he'd been named 'Kokoda Feltham' but 'Kapa Kapa Feltham' is not so inspiring - overall I think my grandparents made a good call! My dad was proud of the associations with his name but contradictorily annoyed by the anything re: America in WWII.

Owen's school life was not great. He struggled academically, possibly suffering with difficulties in literacy failing to keep up with his intensely enquiring mind. A particularly cruel teacher knocked his confidence for decades to come and he did not start reading for pleasure until his fifties.

He left school with no formal qualifications as he passed to a trade school and trained as a bricklayer. An ambitious Slytherin he attended night-school in his twenties and qualified as an estimator, in which role he remained for the rest of his working life. 

At the time of the 2011 Census he was astonished to discover his vocational qualifications were considered equal to two-thirds of a university degree - putting him at the same level as my mother, a situation that for all his brains he simply couldn't wrap his head around.

In the early 70s he began a relationship with Janet Speller - who he met through family. They bought a house together in Roslyn Road, Woodley and a Chocolate-Point Siamese cat named Guinness ('Guinny' c. 1975-1990). He was the 'planned child', I was rather less so when I came along in March 1978. I loathed my birthname but was always called Heggie for reasons no one has ever been able to recall; I have been calling my dad 'Pogsy' since the early nineties for similarly long-forgotten reasons.

In 1981 we moved to Tilehurst and then in 1984 back to Woodley. This final house required a lot of work - and fortunately my dad's work in the building trade meant lots of leftover materials that would otherwise be sent to landfill. For this reason that final house, Sunnyside, has an eclectic selection of garden walls, raised beds, etc. made with many odds and ends my dad took a fancy to. His last construction projects were in 2024 - which he liked to blame on me - and he was still dreaming up more things to do.

My mother enjoyed travelling so my dad got to see a bit of the world, if somewhat out of his comfort zone. In earlier times he had enjoyed the odd walking holiday but was far more of a homebody by nature. 
Aside from many European destinations he visited North and South America (USA & Venezuela, respectively), Africa (Tunisia), and Asia (including four trips to India).

Between the mid eighties and their deaths in 2000 my dad helped care for my mum's parents. Despite being no more than housemates by this time, and never having considered her family as his family, he mucked in whenever necessary.

Owen met the love of his life, B, in 1998. She was a very good influence on him and made him a lot more bearable to be around. Sadly she couldn't commit to the relationship but they remained close to the end of his life.

I became a single teenage mum when my daughter Erin was born in January 1996; and my parents became grandparents again when I had her sister Kathleen three years later. My parents were less than thrilled but forged good relationships with my daughters and they enabled us to have holidays and put money aside for their university costs. Erin graduated from Winchester University in 2017, the same year I attained my degree from the Open University. Kathleen graduated from Swansea University in 2021 and is shortly to begin her teacher training. I hope we've made him proud.

L-R: Janet, Kathleen, Heggie, Erin, Owen - Heggie's graduation, 2017

I moved back to Woodley in the summer of 2017 (ahead of the move my dad made an appearance in this shed-building clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vm7sWXiq0o ) and on Monday 16th April 2018 my mum suffered a severe stroke, unusually affecting both hemispheres of the brain. Despite having separated in 2004, and having not been 'together' for many years before that, my dad was fundamental to her care for the final years of her life. He not only took care of essential bills so I was able to give up work and care for her until the end but lifted her so we could take her out for walks, sat with her for hours upon hours, even helping with personal care when she became so incapacitated I could no longer manage alone.

Owen with Janet, for her 80th birthday in October 2024

When my mum died, on Valentine's Day 2025 at the age of 80, my dad had not seen her in almost a week as he had caught my 'flu. My dad previously caught the 'flu in 2003 leading to several years of poor health as he battled post-viral fatigue so, at 82, we weren't too alarmed that it knocked him for six. Just ten days after mum passed he was looking particularly unwell however, and I said "I'm going to have to ask: are you having a heart attack?" He said 'no' but went to the GP to get checked out, just in case... He was diagnosed on the spot with Atrial Arrhythmia (BPM fluctuating 100-150 at rest) and was referred urgently to the hospital.

A week or two later everything went squiffy and we ended up in A&E where a doctor casually told him that he was suffering from TMB (Too Many Birthdays) and was in Heart Failure. In his defence, I think he assumed my dad must already know. It seems that it's relatively rare to just jump to that level of illness without years of prior symptoms yet in the first half of 2024 he'd had a whole battery of tests which had shown no red flags at all. Although he was clearly getting older he'd been fit and active - lifting mum, digging the garden, messing about up ladders...

Acute Care and the Virtual Acute Care Unit at the RBH tried all the combinations of medications to bring down his heart rate but it remained stubbornly at 117 BPM - like running, day and night, leaving him breathless and exhausted. At the same time he was suffering from low blood pressure making him constantly dizzy. A fit and active man he found his ill health very difficult to cope with. To the end he wanted to be out digging his garden. In fact, barely a week before he died he decided to 'help' plant mum's memorial magnolia tree!

The urgent referral to Cardiology initially led to nothing. We were never told the prognosis but we have enough smarts that we could figure out what they weren't saying; Doctor Google told us the rest. My dad put his affairs in greater order (he had always had things in good order but an issue with his will was spotted when we were sorting out my mother's estate) and I put my plans to get back to work on indefinite hold. 

We'd basically had a few weeks of relative normality after my mum's death before finding out we were going to lose him shortly too. What's really difficult is that before he went sideways he asked me how long he had; my mum's parents passed in quick succession (83 days) as did her grandparents (13 days). He even had me work out the dates he had to surpass - February 27th and May 8th. I even added the difference (70 days) again - 17th July... except I messed up the maths (so on-brand for me) and got June 27th.

When he got sick dad thought he'd go on Father's Day (15th of June), I plumped for Independence Day as it sounded apt for being orphaned, and Erin got the heebie-jeebies about the 8th of July. 

Despite Stage 4 heart failure having a life expectancy of 6-12 months somehow none of us imagined we'd get anywhere near that long... and they never actually admitted to it being that bad. Less than a fortnight before he died they'd said it was Stage 2 to Stage 3! It's a good thing we do Google or we'd have been even more caught off guard.

Eventually, and to our great relief, they got him booked in for a cardioversion - a procedure to essentially shock the heart into a regular rhythm, which may also improve cardiac function - scheduled for 8th of July.

Ahead of the procedure he came down with what we took to be heat exhaustion (which I was suffering with at the time) and he was struggling desperately in the heatwave. A few days later, exactly a week before the cardioversion, we realised he had a UTI - I called out an ambulance but they didn't take him in, opting instead to liaise with the GP and get him antibiotics. Bizarrely, and perhaps ominously, the paramedics took his BP & BPM which were reading as perfectly normal. Three days later he was gone. I had to call and cancel the appointment because, while the system gets updated immediately, appointments already scheduled aren't automatically cancelled.

From the first sign of trouble to the end was just 130 days. After mum's nearly seven years we're reeling from how fast it all happened.

Owen Stanley Feltham passed away around 6am on 4th of July 2025 at the age of 82.

He died peacefully at home, well... my home. He'd wanted to pass in his own house but he accepted being here as a compromise when it became unsafe for him to try to manage alone.

His cause of death was given as Urosepsis, with heart failure as a contributing factor.

He is remembered by partner B, daughter Heggie, granddaughters Erin and Kathleen; brothers Fred, Peter, Graham, and sister-in-law Elaine; a niece Kay and nephew Carl as well as their partners and children.

My dad enjoyed property shows such as Escape To The Country, true crime shows and gentle whodunits such as The Brokenwood Mysteries and Death Valley. His musical tastes were varied; he played Rod Stewart in the car, enjoyed the video for Good Charlotte's Girls & Boys, had a soft spot for Willie Nelson's version of Always On My Mind, and sang You Are My Sunshine. He loved his homegrown fruits and veggies and was surprisingly partial to strawberry milkshakes.

He had an extensive collection of hippos and hoarded pieces of wood, followed Reading FC, and in his last weeks finally got around to enjoying the suntrap he built maybe 30 years ago.

My Mother's Obituary

Janet Marion Keating was born on October 17th 1944 at 41 Mill Lane, Lower Early. The third and final child of Winifred (nee Weight, 1905-2000) and Gerald Keating (1909-2000). Born after her brother Alan and sister Margaret's bedtime, family legend has it that Margaret came down on the morning of her birthday (the 18th) to the news she had a baby sister - to which Margaret exclaimed indignantly "I don't want a sister, I want my birthday!" ...I gather she got over it eventually and, as the years passed, it became a running joke that Janet and Margaret would post each other birthday cards - remarkably often picking the same card for the other!

Four generations (Woodley, 1996):

L-R: Winifred Keating, Janet Speller, Heggie Speller, Erin Speller

Janet's school record was blighted by ill health, particularly at primary, but she was an intelligent girl who seemed to have kept up well. She was particularly adept with language - English, Latin, French and Music. Later she would often remark that she could wave her arms in many languages. It particularly offended her sensibilities that when, many years later, I attended the same secondary school she had gone to (The Holt School, Wokingham) the jumpers had the school's Latin motto embroidered incorrectly. Even at the end of her life she would shout at the TV is someone used bad grammar or said 'pee' instead of 'pence'. She could have gone on to do A levels but her parents were against it. She used to say if she could do a degree she would take Philosophy because it's so useless - I think that was why I was so drawn to making philosophy part of my degree path...

My mum had several varied jobs through her life - most notably at the Prudential (twice) which she worked hard to gain additional qualifications for. She was certainly a Ravenclaw - not hugely ambitious, but unafraid of hard work or learning new skills. When my parents bought a very primitive computer in the 80s (a Commodore +4) she even taught herself programming putting world flags to national anthems.

Janet married young but it did not work out - she retained the 'Mrs' and the name Speller for the remainder of her life, passing the name to me and my children, leading to no end of awkward questions. In 1998 she had the surreal experience of processing her ex-husband's life insurance claim.

In the early 70s she began a relationship with Owen F - who she met through her cousin Elaine. They bought a house together in Roslyn Road, Woodley and bought a Chocolate-Point Siamese cat named Guinness ('Guinny'). He was the 'planned child', I was rather less so when I came along in March 1978. I loathed my birthname but was always called Heggie for reasons no one has ever been able to recall; my mum even investigated for me the legalities of how to adopt the name officially (which I did in 1993).

Mum gave up work to raise me, because that is what you did in those days, but for a woman with such an active mind it was a strange and unusual torment. My mum read a great deal but was also skilled in DIY and homemaking skills such as rug-making and sewing curtains. In 1981 we moved to Tilehurst and in 1984 back to Woodley. This final house required a lot of work - my dad, who was lifelong in the building trade, would invariably get most of the credit but mum was out there mucking-in at all times. She was especially annoyed at anyone who assumed she just brought out tea and biscuits! In the mid '80s* her father had a stroke - between geographical proximity and the fact she was full time in the home - it fell to my mum to do a lot of care, increasing as her mother got frailer.

*I remember it as being six but that would make it immediately after we moved into

Colemansmoor Road... that doesn't seem right. So I feel like it must've been the year after... 

making it right after I got run over? So I'm settling for a less specific 'mid 80s'

My mum was very keen on travelling, far more so than my dad. Over the years we visited some amazing places: Bulgaria, Tunisia (full tour inc. the Colosseum at El Djem), America, India, Venezuela... Our last big trip - mum, myself, my two daughters - was a Nile cruise in Egypt for my 30th birthday. So glad my mum got to achieve that particular dream. She also got her long awaited trips to Rhodes and Jordan.

It was after our first trip to India that Guinny died, on March 21st 1990. It may seem an odd inclusion but that cat was a very important part of our family. My mum and dad would later revisit India three more times. Mum nearly ended up moving to Mumbai for work at one point and was devastated when it fell through.
People often see loved ones at the end and honestly I hoped she'd see Guinny... if she received any visitations she did not tell me.

I became a single teenage mum and she was present when Erin was born in January 1996; she babysat Erin when I had her sister Kathleen three years later. My parents were less than thrilled but forged good relationships with my daughters. My mother generously paid for my daughters' swimming lessons, music lessons, school trips etc. My parents enabled us to have holidays and put money aside for their university costs. Erin graduated from Winchester University in 2017, the same year I attained my degree from the Open University. Kathleen graduated from Swansea University in 2021 and is shortly to begin her teacher training. I hope we've made her proud.

My graduation (Brighton 2017): (l-r in background) mum's partner Neville Morrell, 

mum in blue, dad, Kathleen and Erin - so grateful to have had everyone there.

In 2000 my mum lost both her parents in quick succession which heralded a new era in her life. My mother and father parted ways and my mum bought a flat in Reading; she had played oboe in her youth and now took up piano-accordion and soprano sax -playing both in a band - and took retirement. My mum met her partner Neville in 2007 and thereafter divided her time between the Reading area and his home in West Sussex.

On Monday 16th April 2018 my mum suffered a severe stroke, unusually affecting both hemispheres of the brain. Fortunately by this time I was living in a house she and I shared ownership of and she had written up a power-of-attorney document. She was able to leave hospital on 21st June and I cared for her at that home until the end of her life; aided especially by my daughter Erin and my dad (who was conveniently right next door) without whose support we would not have managed.

Her decline began there and progressed in fits and starts. We believe she had at least three more big strokes but as the first such incident happened just a week after the first lockdown of 2020 began (and because the hospital did nothing at all for her first) we took the difficult decision to keep her home. She hated doctors, hospitals, people in general... she had a great deal of fear we would send her away. At that time I believe she'd have died of covid or the perceived abandonment as hospital visitors were not being allowed. It was tough, but we managed.
Following each event we got a little less of her back.
Before the end she had been completely immobile for well over a year, her quality of life was quite poor, and she was deeply unhappy. We were however blessed to make her last birthday - an art deco themed 80th - particularly special, and in January 2025 she asked to be taken out in her wheelchair for several walks. Not only was that unheard of for the time of year but she was more enthusiastic for outings than she had been in YEARS - we're fairly sure she did more walks this January than in the whole of 2024!

Mum in Guadalest, Spain (2006)

Janet Marion Speller passed away on Friday, 14th February 2025 at the age of 80.

She died peacefully at home, as was her express wish.

She is remembered by partner Neville, former partner Owen, daughter Heggie, granddaughters Erin and Kathleen, sister Margaret, brother Alan and sister-in-law Valerie, along with many nieces and nephews, their children and grandchildren.
She was preceded in death by (amongst others) her nephews Sean and Allister, nephew-in-law Jack, niece-in-law Penny, brother-in-law Dave, and several dear friends.

Mum's 80th; October 2024

My mother's final text to me (in 2018) was that Tremors would be on TV that night. The last DVD we attempted to watch together was The Desolation Of Smaug. Her go-to choice for a film was Hot Fuzz. Bizarrely she developed a liking for Cockneys Vs Zombies which she requested several times!

She watched Death In Paradise, Vera, New Tricks... she'd rather gone off Poirot by the end but still enjoyed a Joan Hickson Miss Marple.

My mum's taste in music included Queen, Abba, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, and classical music.

She loved a Terry's Dark Chocolate Orange, hash browns (and just about anything potato), and, in her final years, almost entirely subsisted off crumpets (one with a red jam, the other with Rose's Lemon & Lime marmalade). 
Back in the day she enjoyed a Cinzano and Lemon or coffee with brandy. In recent times she had me buy all the coffee-flavoured milk in the corner shop.

She loathed 'peasants' which, apparently, was her verdict on most people. 😂

 

 

Walks of 2024

Obviously the year is not over and I walk year round but I have finished my 'challenge' walks for the season.

I have been doing The Conqueror Challenges since 2020 and the year after I opted to walk a Marathon (aptly for the Marathon to Athens challenge) and then various Stupidly Long Walks out in the wild to make things more meaningful and more of an *actual* challenge. This year was no different although I mixed it up a bit.

Previously I have chosen to walk distances around the 20 mile mark, overnight. I like walking at night for several reasons: less risk of dehydration or heat exhaustion, I sunburn badly and my eyes are very photosensitive, less people which make an emergency pee in the bushes less of a problem, less traffic and the advantage of headlights making approaching vehicles easier to spot.

Slough to Ascot

My first walk of the year was a fairly modest 13 mile walk to do a section I'd had to re-jig on the aforementioned Marathon to Athens walk - I had intended to take The Long Walk into Windsor Great Park and along the edge of Virginia Water but Google Maps had failed to tell me the park closed at night!

This walk was consequently a daytime one and exceedingly painful as I had made a rookie error with my new hiking trainers but I'm glad to have done it.

The White Cliffs Of Dover

My first mini-break of the year was three nights in Dover to do my English Channel challenge. I'd rather have swum it but having to book swimming sessions just doesn't work for me. I had hoped to wild swim it in my local river until a pollution event put me right off the idea. As it was 2024 really didn't have enough 'summer' to make that workable.

The first walk was a yet more modest 8.3 miles from my hotel in Dover to Folkestone Central passing Samphire Hoe and Abbot's Cliff Sound Mirror. I was a bit peeved that the cliff path I had intended to take had been permanently closed off. Despite the lack of summer this was during a heatwave and I was melting when I set out before dawn!

The second walk was 9.7 miles from Deal Station back to my hotel via the Dover Patrol Memorial, St Margaret's Bay, and Foreland Lighthouse. This was a tad more comfortable as it was less insanely hot... or I had aclimatised.

In between I walked up the Dame Vera Lynn Way to Langdon Bay for a mooch around, and after both 'major' walks I mooched the marina and the New Pier.

Not only were the walks daytime AND rougher terrain than I am used to (absolutely LOVING my hiking poles!) but I had not before committed myself to do two challenging walks on consecutive days. It went pretty well overall but I gave myself such terrible blisters that I had to buy some Barbie Pink sandals from a nearby Poundland so I could get home again!

Cotswold Adjacent

Last year I ended up doing part of the Jurassic Coast Path (toward my Jurassic Coast challenge) from Weymouth purely because I couldn't make a decision about the Cotswold Way challenge.

I chose Chippenham because it is near the Cotswolds, the hotel was affordable, and on the Intercity line. The Cotswold Way proper is not easy to get to if you're dependent on trains as I am.

My first walk was 15.7 miles from Bath Station (the finishing point of the virtual challenge is in Bath) to my hotel in Chippenham. As I have already walked the Bath Road between Newbury and Twyford I have decided to challenge myself to complete the whole thing.

As the actual Cotswold Way was unavailable I looked to Cotswolds-set detective dramas - and that section crosses Box Hill. The Brunel-built Box Hill Tunnel featured in an episode of Macdonald & Dodds.

That first walk went okay. A few more shoe-based issues and some pretty torrential rain on the final stretch but no real dramas. I did the walk the first night of my stay, getting back to the hotel about 5am.

There was however, one problem: the final stretch of that walk would be repeated on the next... and it would be clearly impassible in daylight hours. There were no paths, overgrown verges and even at 3am there was more traffic than I cared for. The second walk *had* to be after dawn so, to quote Hercule Poirot, this caused my furiously to think.

In the end my daughter helped me re-jig the second walk which was a 10.5 mile loop from hotel to Yatton Keynell (purely because I had to visit Tiddleywink), South to Biddestone, North again to Giddeahall and then back into Chippenham. I set out before dawn - sunrise hit a little south of Yatton Keynell - and was back by 9am. That way I was able to avoid encountering much traffic on the roads while still being able to get photos of Biddestone - which is Carsley in the TV adaptation of Agatha Raisin.

Yatton Keynell and Biddestone ARE in the Cotswolds proper, but only just... so my third and final walk of this mini-break aimed to avoid any ambiguity. I took a couple of trains to get to Kemble (no connection with the fictional Kembleford of Father Brown). From here I did a very short 4.5 mile loop up to the Thames Head (source of the River Thames) back down along the Thames Path (even though there was no river to be seen) and back into Kemble.

Southampton

I'd booked a single night in a hotel for a gig that got postponed so naturally I went for a walk!

7.4 miles took me across the Itchen Bridge along to a park called Miller's Pond - I wrote a book called The McKerrows of Miller's Pond on Wattpad - from there up Kathleen Road (my younger daughter's name) along to a 'Spoons where I ate and drank entirely too much, and then back via Northam Bridge.

I got lost twice! Firstly I managed to take a wrong turn out of the 'Spoons, then later I almost ended up in St Mary's Stadium!

That got me back to the hotel around midnight and then in the morning I mooched around Southampton taking in a selection of Titanic memorials. On my way back to the station I got DRENCHED! Even my undercrackers were soaked. I had to change back into my previous day's clothes in the loo on the train which were still somewhat moist from being in my backpack!

Slough To Twyford

My final 'big' walk of the season was a fairly simple overnight stretch of the Bath Road - 13.7 miles. I'll have to revisit Maidenhead sometime - it looked very nice! Unfortunately I really buggered up my left knee on this one. No idea how but it caused me issues almost from the get-go. I had hoped to walk all the way home (a total 17.2 miles) but by Twyford it was excruciating so I sucked up the expense and caught a train and bus home even though I had to sit at Twyford Station for almost two hours waiting for the first train of the day.

Verdict

I still have one more mini-break this year - my first ever visit to Derby - but being December I am unlikely to stray far. 

I may not have done any really big walks this year but I certainly feel that I have succeeded in getting out of my comfort zone with back-to-back walks, off road routes, and daytime walks. 

2025

I intend to walk Nine Mile Ride (14.7 miles) toward one of my Harry Potter challenges - taking in the real-world location of 4 Privet Drive before walking home.

I'm hoping to do some more of the Bath Road - perhaps Slough to Houslow with a detour up to St Dunstan's, Cranford where some ancestors are allegedly buried. That'd be about 12.9 miles. I'm also trying to work out the logistics of the central Chippenham to Newbury section - hopefully breaking at Avebury and Hungerford (Chippenham to Avebury - 13.4 miles, Avebury to Hungerford - 16.7 miles, Hungerford to Newbury - 9.5 miles).

I have a load of challenge codes banked including London which I'd like to at least partially complete real-world.

As for mini-breaks the Southampton gig has been rescheduled for January which is not very conducive for walking and the only other thing I have booked is a gig in London in March... and I haven't even booked accommodation!

On Unambiguous Grey

I have just brought myself to listen to Colby J Ryan's YouTube video "The Lori Vallow Interview // The Scar Wars Podcast Ep 3" and I do mean 'brought myself to' because listening to Lori is not a prospect I relish.

TO RECAP:
Colby Ryan is Lori Vallow Daybell's son, her only surviving child.
Lori is in jail serving a whole life sentence for killing his (half) sister Tylee (16) and his adopted brother JJ (7). She is awaiting trial for the murder of his stepfather Charles Vallow (62) and the attempted murder of Brandon Boudreaux (what relation is the estranged-and-now-ex husband of your mother's niece?!). Lori is also suspected (by followers of the case, not the authorities sadly) of killing Joe Ryan - Lori's third husband, Colby's adoptive father, Tylee's bio dad.
Confused?! May I recommend Bailey Sarian's video on the case: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-GuonthUgY or East Idaho News' extensive coverage.
Colby has been INCREDIBLY deeply harmed by the sins of his mother (Sins Of Our Mother was a 2022 Netflix documentary mini series on the case).

Now I was very curious to follow the Lori Vallow trial as I expected her to have come up with at least some sort of cover story, some explanation of what happened to her children. I was astonished she offered no defence at all. The closest we got was at her sentencing when she said that 'no one was killed' and speculated about accidental death, suicide, and reactions to medication.
Subsequently I watched the Chad Daybell trial in the hopes that he would have some sort of story, even if it was to throw Lori under the bus where she belongs. Nada.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely think the kids were killed primarily so that Chad and Lori would not be encumbered with them (even though she was nearly of age Tylee had to die as they'd never hope to dispose of JJ with her still around) and, to an extent, for their social security money from the deaths of their dads (Tylee for Joe Ryan, JJ for Charles Vallow). But the entire scenario was SO STUPID. How could they possibly hope to get away with it?! There had to have been some plan, surely? And even if there was no plan surely they'd try to wrangle together some sort of explanation to mitigate their responsibility??? Apparently not...

I am possessed of some imagination, I can come up with a bunch of scenarios that, whilst unlikely to be believed in court, might at least cast some doubt...
For example:
Tylee dies first. She was a teenage girl suffering from pancreatitis and ovarian cysts. Perhaps she'd had enough of the pain, perhaps she was suffering from mood swings. Perhaps she was horribly depressed from the upheavals of her young life - death of her bio dad, death of her stepdad, being moved to a whole new state...
Suppose then that she took her own life... maybe she left a note where she blamed all her misery on her mother? It is not so very hard to imagine a parent freaking out and hiding the evidence. Even an accidental OD and Lori *might* have made a very bad decision.
Tylee was supposed to be going off to university early. This didn't hold up as she had never applied but would likely keep family and friends from becoming suspicious, at least for some time. A better idea would have been to claim Tylee had run away...
Anyway, with Tylee disposed of Lori may have underestimated how much she relied on the parentification of her daughter - Tylee did A LOT for her autistic little brother. Maybe Lori's eye was off the ball so to speak and JJ died... there's a reason plastic bags have a keep-out-of-reach-of-children warning on them!
Having already buried Tylee on Chad's land (which was INCREDIBLY STUPID, Idaho is full of empty space) perhaps it 'only made sense' to those two idiots to do the same with JJ. Perhaps they were afraid JJs death would make the authorities realise Tylee was missing. So they buried JJ too.
But none of this holds up to scrutiny.
Certainly the failure to successfully cremate Tylee explains a difference in the burials but if JJ had died an accidental death why would they leave the bag on his head?! How could they have hoped to explain the disappearance of a 7 year old child? Unless they were to claim that Tylee had returned and kidnapped JJ or even fake a stranger abduction - which they didn't - it simply wasn't feasible that both kids could be gone. Lori and Chad weren't worried about the kids *at all* which was absolutely damning.

So almost a year and a half on from Lori being convicted it was interesting to see whether she'd managed to invent any kind of a story... Sadly it never crossed my mind that she could have accepted any responsibility but that's just as well because she won't.

Firstly, I want to credit Colby on his self-control. How he could listen to his mother's nonsense and offer her 'forgiveness' - before justifiably cutting her out of his life - is utterly beyond me. I'd have told her to shut her lying mouth, tell her she was evil through and through, and hang up. That'd have been about three minutes into the call that lasted AN HOUR. The number of moments where his expression was just *shooketh* that she would come out with such utter CRAP was heartbreaking.

Lori ranted about how she's the only one who knows, and how Colby is the only one ("apart from me" she qualifies) who really cared about the kids. Some comments on the video cited examples they saw as love-bombing, others of emotional manipulation (being apparently tearful one moment then speaking in a normal tone the next), but one of the really noticeable traits was STALLING FOR TIME. She didn't answer questions directly but talked round in circles as if hoping Colby would miss that she hadn't answered; then, when pressed for an answer, it seemed to be created on the fly.
After FIVE YEARS she still hadn't thought of a plausible or coherent cover story. Why? Because she is stupid? Possibly. She's certainly not very bright. But I think it's mostly because she finds it so audacious that he especially, her own son, dares to question her.
Honestly? I'm kinda disappointed. I don't want there to be any doubt of her guilt but the truth is just so damned uncomfortable.

But what I want to really expound upon here is the concept of GREY.

We talk about good and evil, heaven and hell, sanity and madness, black and white. Grey is taken to be an ambiguous middle ground where the two polar opposites are co-mingled.

There is, however, another form of grey. An absolute of grey.

Imagine the metaphor as a saucer - a dollop of white paint on the left rim, a dollop of black on the other and the grey mixed between them. So far, so straightforward right?
Q) Where is this 'other' grey area?
A) UNDER THE SAUCER.
It's a grey made not of paint but of shadow. A grey that exists not of blending two things but in the absence of either. Good and evil are social constructs - this is a grey are that belongs to a time before society was constructed.
Perhaps an easier grey to understand is one where white paint is joy and black is misery - the shades of grey are the remaining spectrum of human emotions while the absolute of grey is completely devoid of such - a complete numbness to anything and everything. If you can't experience joy why avoid the causes of misery? In the same vein, if you can't experience guilt or shame why would you avoid evil?

Is Lori good or evil?
I suggest that she is neither, merely amoral. She appeared to Colby to have been a good mother in the past - but it is my belief that she did not change, suddenly or over time; she was never good. The good mom was a role she was playing, that suited her - benefitted her - at the time.
Her inability to accept the evil in her own actions suggests to me that she doesn't even fully understand the concept. Evil to her is an abstract thing that applies to historical events and other people.
She's so self-centred that whatever she does is clearly okay because she's the one doing it - the literal centre of the universe in her eyes. A clear parallel to her mindset can be seen in Israel who is blind to the horrors it is wreaking on Palestine due to a mindset of being God's chosen people and a chronic victim complex: it is simply inconceivable that Israel could ever do evil so they bomb indiscriminately 'safe' in their arrogant assurance of righteousness.

Is Lori sane or mad?
Again, I'm going to say neither. She's neither in her right mind nor out of her mind; her mind is just fundamentally WRONG.
She's refused to co-operate but a narcissistic personality disorder seems a likely diagnosis... which isn't an illness precisely, nor is an excuse for her actions. Lots of narcissists live law-abiding if somewhat dysfunctional lives. She knows what she did was 'wrong' but simply doesn't care. One of her stock phrases has been 'doesn't count for me' - she believes she is above the rules of society which is pretty 'insane' to a lay person but not actually a sign of actual loopyness (to use the correct sciency words lol).
I don't believe she is suffering from any illness or that she has experienced any brain injury. I don't believe she is mentally incompetent - as I said before I think she's incredibly stupid for imagining she's convincing anyone of her innocence - but not in a scarily low IQ and needing a responsible adult kind of way.
I don't believe she can be cured or even successfully treated. Perhaps if the kink in her personality had shown itself earlier in life therapy might've been productive but at 51 as she is now she's simply wallowed too long in her own self importance to ever be disabused of the notion.
I also don't believe she acted under the influence of an evil male - be it Chad or her conveniently dead brother Alex. Folie à deux is an old-fashioned 'diagnosis' and a vague possibility but as most of the victims benefited Lori, not Chad or Alex, if there was any shared psychosis Lori was the instigator. Chad has always seemed weak and suggestible; I got the impression Lori had a Cersei Lannister kind of hold over Alex too.
A lot is made of 'religious mania' or 'delusions of grandeur' but they are symptoms, not diagnostic traits. People can be excessively religious, hold unhinged beliefs, be incredibly big-headed... but it doesn't make them crazy, or wicked.
Do I think she really believes she's a personal friend of Jesus and that God's law doesn't apply to her? Again, no. I think it's a convenient way of excusing her actions whilst confirming how 'special' she is.

Take this section of dialogue from Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014):

• Rhomann Dey : I have a family who are alive because of you. Your criminal records have also been expunged. However, I have to warn you against breaking any laws in the future.

  Rocket Raccoon : Question. What if I see something that I want to take, and it belongs to someone else?

  Rhomann Dey : Well you will be arrested.

  Rocket Raccoon : But what if I want it more than the person who has it?

  Rhomann Dey : Still illegal.

  Rocket Raccoon : That doesn't follow. No, I want it more, sir. Do you understand?

  [to Gamora who's laughing] 

  Rocket Raccoon : What are you laughing at? Why? I can't have a discussion with this gentleman?

  Drax the Destroyer : What if someone does something irksome and I decide to remove his spine?

  Rhomann Dey : That's... that's actually murder. It's one of the worst crimes of all, so also illegal.

  Drax the Destroyer : Hmm.

Lori was presenting as a perfectly sane person until just like Rocket she decided she wanted something (be it Chad or the kids' money) more than the person who had it, and then just like Drax she found Tylee irksome and decided to remove her spine. Which is disturbingly accurate - see forensic testimony for details.
The difference is that Lori had known all along that taking other people's property is wrong, as is murder. There's a certain argument that the USA is actually a lawless corner of the universe where this'd make sense but again it doesn't hold up ;)

I met a girl like Lori once, only a kid and she didn't do anything violent or wicked but honestly she was one of the most frightening people I have even met... and I've met some scary folk! It wasn't that she was a compulsive liar, it was the fact she didn't care about being believed. Most liars are attention seeking - they want sympathy, validation, or whatever, or it's a power trip about fooling others. She wasn't giving those vibes at all.
It was literally the only time I interfered in my children's friendships; I told them to be EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS on what they told her about anything as I suspected she would either adopt stories as her own or use it against us (we haven't got much in the way of skeletons in the closet but everyone has things they'd rather not broadcast) and I BANNED HER FROM THE HOUSE. Literally one meeting and I never wanted this kid near me again. This was the sort of kid who might accuse anyone of anything and in an age of 'believe all victims' they might just do that.

The point is, every word that came out of Lori's mouth had that same vibe. She was bullshitting but not for clout, not to be believed, not out of any emotion at all. She is a truly frightening person and I am immensely relieved that she'll never be out of jail again. I can only hope she is not allowed to influence / corrupt other vulnerable inmates.

The Chad Is (Not) Great

I have been following the Vallow-Daybell case since early 2020 - after Nate Eaton of East Idaho News followed them to Hawaii but well before the children were found.

If you're not familiar with the case you may try this as a primer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-GuonthUgY
A Who's-Who follows at the end of this blog
It's an incredibly complicated case with multiple conspirators, multiple victims, links to multiple states - principally Idaho, Arizona, and Hawaii - and, I kid you not, religious cult practices and ZOMBIES.

What follows are my personal opinions only.

EDIT: 7th June 2024

I have now been sitting on the Death Penalty ruling for a little while. As a Brit, I am not a fan; as someone who thinks Lori is the more responsible party, I am not a fan; as someone who thought the body of evidence was weak, I am not a fan... but I'm okay with it.

Which is a relief.

The thing is, I had expected a decent defence. A scenario where it would be hard to discern where the truth lay. But we didn't have that so I am comfortably assured of his guilt.

The defence I anticipated would have gone something along the lines of

• Lori taught Chad light / dark (throw her under the bus properly)
• Lori persuaded him he had the divination skill / ability to judge light / dark, reveal death percentages, identify possessing demons etc (to explain Chad's texts - after all, we don't have evidence to real-world conversations so anything could have been said)
• Lori said Tylee had run away to Annie's (or someone else from her dad's side - to explain her absence)
• Lori said Kay had taken JJ (or someone else from his dad's side - to explain his absence)
• Chad and Lori therefore didn't have custody of any minors (explaining what happened in Hawaii)
  Chad didn't have to know his new wife was still pocketing the kids' Social Security money
• Lori and Alex knew when his house would be empty so they could dispose of the bodies and frame him
• The storage place video was just him helping her out with some stuff, couples do that
• Tammy died after ingesting something Chad brought home from Lori or Alex
  
• The whole murder-by-asphyxiation-because-they-couldn't-find-an-actual-cause-of-death thing was pretty ludicrous; and IMHO not taking a medical history from family members was an inexcusable lapse - medical records are not reliable. Neither, of course, is family testimony but it builds a picture
• Chad was an idiot, sure - but who thinks their girlfriend is bumping people off?! You just don't expect that... so he didn't see the signs

It still wouldn't have held up as Lori and Chad BOTH told people Tylee had died but there was doubt to be cast and then the defence just didn't. 

So yes, I am comfortable with the sentence passed.

Yesterday an Idaho court found Chad Guy Daybell guilty on all charges - now it is only to be decided whether he gets Life Without Parole, or the Death Penalty. His second wife, Lori Vallow (nee Cox), was convicted last year and she only escaped the possibility of being executed for her crimes by opting for a speedy trial.

I have mixed feelings about this as I am British and not a big fan of the death penalty. I can see it when there is exceptional cruelty, torture, sadism etc. but while this is NASTY I don't feel it meets my personal threshold. I am also conflicted as I feel Lori was far more guilty of the two.
There was evidence of manipulation on both sides but Joe Ryan (and Stacey Cope) died BEFORE she even met Chad. I wouldn't be at all surprised if a lot of the incriminating things he texted were seeded by Lori. Lori was the main person to benefit from ALL the deaths, even Tammy's. During the trial it was brought up how the only link between Alex and Tammy, who he tried to shoot, was Chad. That's not true: the link is LORI. Alex was trying to kill Tammy to clear the way for Lori to marry Chad... he was doing it for HER, not HIM!
In fact, had I been on the jury I couldn't have found Chad guilty on the evidence provided. Sure, it was a series of unfortunate coincidences, and there's no way on earth he was innocent, but the case never progressed onto anything solid. There were no witnesses, no forensics, none of those really damning things that seals the baddie's fate in crime dramas.
It leaves me feeling antsy about due process because if they can convict someone of first degree murder on so little there's not much hope of justice for the wrongly accused.

Just because the kids bodies were buried on his property doesn't mean he had to have known they were there... by that logic Tammy and their son Garth both had to be in on it too cos they were there as well!
I would have thought there'd be SOMETHING tangible - a witness to the fire that destroyed Tylee for example, someone who'd seen him dig the pit or collect the firewood. The police found Tylee's DNA on a couple of Chad's tools but opted not to fingerprint them to see who'd handled them last?! Honestly, I'm with John Prior (Chad's lawyer) on that one - it had been the best part of a year and Chad hadn't cleaned or reused the tools to destroy that evidence??? Yeah, that screams set-up.

Tammy's death bothers me enormously: there was no technical cause of death found so they ruled asphyxiation / homicide. HUH?
People die in their sleep, suddenly and of no apparent cause, all the time. SIDS (Cot Death) is well known about in infants but at any age essentially the same thing can happen, something a lot of people don't know about until it happens to someone close. Just because you can't find a cause does not equal murder, any more than multiple cot deaths in a family indicates murder (see: Sir Roy Meadow).
One suspected case I recall was that of the son of British actor Nicholas Lyndhurst; a second (private) autopsy found the cause of death to be leukaemia. Did they check Tammy for leukaemia? Her family said she'd been tired, breathless, bruised easily... all of which would fit.

The fact that they relied on her medical record and didn't talk to her family is incredibly problematic to me. Although it is dangerous to BELIEVE the family they certainly ought to be part of the investigation. For example, they made a big deal of sleep apnoea not being on her medical record but that just means she never sought treatment or diagnosis - at least one of her kids claims that they and Tammy's father have it. That's what we'd call a relevant family history right there; an inherited trait to STOP BREATHING IN YOUR SLEEP (which would also explain Tammy's alleged tiredness).
Tammy allegedly didn't like doctors so there'd likely be a lot missing from the official record; people don't tell their doctors everything even if they do go regularly. Then there's the fact doctors don't record everything accurately - I know my own records have errors, omissions, and outright lies in them. This idea that your doctor *knows* you hasn't been true for most people in generations!

Don't get me wrong, it would be unbelievable if Tammy's death was actually natural but if she was asphyxiated I feel sure there should have been more proof of it - it's possible to do without leaving trace evidence (fibres in the lungs etc) but you'd expect more injuries from crushing, restraining, or fighting back.
I also want to know exactly how they ruled out poisoning by malachite: Chad and Lori were all about malachite, repeatedly referenced 'malachite balm', malachite is highly poisonous and causes symptoms very like those experienced by Tammy and Alex.
Basically, I think they missed something and I don't like that they got a First Degree Murder conviction anyway.

One of the big GOT YOU! moments in the trial was in rebuttal where it came up that (1) Chad had searched how to turn off the location / GPS data on an iphone (Jan 2019) - Chad had an Android not an iPhone - (2) and an application to delete the location / GPS data associated with his account (Aug 2019) but his PC wasn't secure and was located in a family room so they can't prove either action was him (I didn't catch them say the application was made from a secure phone and not the desktop). Also, if he was smart enough to wipe his location data (incidentally this was before Lori and the kids had moved to Idaho, before he was even in the frame for anything) how did he not think to wipe his search history?!
IMHO all they *actually* proved was that Chad had an affair with and married a woman who was, along with her now-conveniently-deceased brother, implicated up to her eyebrows. Doesn't seem enough to me.

As I say though, there's no doubt Chad is guilty - your wife dies mysteriously (while you're having an affair with a woman whose last two husbands have also died mysteriously) and re-marry SEVENTEEN DAYS LATER??? Her minor kids go missing and you stay married, you go to Hawaii where she claims she has no minor kids and you stay married, she gets arrested and you stay married, the kids turn up murdered on your property and you get arrested too and you stay married, she is tried and convicted and sentenced to life without parole and you STILL STAY MARRIED??? That's not what innocent people do!!!

Who's Who
Killers and Conspirators
Lori Cox Vallow - mother and murderer; convicted 2023
Chad Daybell - Lori's 5th husband, murderer; convicted 30th May 2024. Wannabe religious leader / prophet
Alexander Lamar 'Alex' Cox Pastenes (51) 2019 - brother of Lori, alleged murderer (died before he could be investigated)
Zulema Pastenes - wife of Alex for about 5 minutes before he died, most people following the case suspect she was a co-conspirator as she was a follower of Chad & Lori
Melani Cope Boudreaux Pawlowski - Lori's niece, most people following the case suspect she was a co-conspirator as she was a follower of Chad & Lori. Her ex husband Brandon was the target of a botched shooting by Alex. She is now remarried and has at least one more child

Victims and those who died under suspicious circumstances
Stacey Cox Cope (31) 1998 - Lori's sister, mother of Melani. Her death was mysterious and while all the family but Alex were away... While most followers of the case consider Joe the first victim those who know about Stacey's death have other ideas. Curiously Lori had ANOTHER deceased sister, Laura Lee, who died in 1971 aged 42 days. That was two years before Lori was born but Lori creepily adopted Laura's nickname - Lolly - as her own
Joseph Anthony 'Joe' Ryan Jr (59) 2018 - Lori's 3rd husband, they had been acrimoniously divorced for many years at the time of his death. Supposedly died of a heart attack but his ex wife Lori both had him cremated without informing his family, and she got life insurance from him. Most people following the case believe he was Lori and Alex's first victim (see Stacey Cox Cope)
Leland Anthony 'Charles' Vallow (62) 2019 - Lori's 4th husband; was shot dead in supposed self defence by Alex Cox; Lori is to stand trial for his murder. Lori was shocked to discover Charles had changed his life insurance beneficiary to Kay
Tylee Ryan (17) 2019 - Lori's daughter, born to her 3rd husband Joe Ryan; her burned and dismembered remains were found on Chad Daybell's property. Lori continued to draw Social Security money for Tylee relating to Joe's death
Joshua Jaxon 'JJ' Vallow né Canaan Todd Trahan (7) 2019 - Lori's son, adopted with her 4th husband Charles Vallow; biological grandson of Kay Woodcock; found buried (intact) on Chad Daybell's property. Lori continued to draw Social security money for JJ relating to Charles' death

Tamara 'Tammy' Douglas Daybell (49) 2019 - Chad's 1st wife; prior to 'dying in her sleep' she was the target of a botched shooting by Alex Cox
Alexander Lamar 'Alex' Cox Pastenes (51) 2019 - see under 'killers and conspirators'

People on Chad and Lori's 'Dark' List (aka potential victims)
Brandon Boudreaux - Melani's 1st husband; Brandon was the alleged target of a botched shooting by Alex Cox
Braxton, Brees, Brighton, and Blake Boudreaux - at least two of Melani and Brandon's children were on the dark list; they are now in their father's custody
Heather Daybell - Chad's sister-in-law, wife of his brother Matt
Detective Ray Hermosillo - a police officer investigating Chad and Lori
Samantha Gwilliam - Chad's sister-in-law, sister of Tammy
Kay Woodcock - Kay was Charles Vallow's sister; Kay was the biological grandmother of JJ. If she had not called for a welfare check on JJ Lori and Chad might've got away with it. Kay and her husband Larry have been front and centre advocating for Lori and Chad's victims. lori had alternately claimed Kay was trying to abduct JJ and, after his disappearance, that he had gone to live with Kay.
Adam Cox - Lori's only surviving brother; Lori claimed he was out to kill her. Adam was a friend of Charles and they had hoped to stage an intervention to protect the kids... but then Charles was killed

Survivors (close relations not mentioned above - incomplete)
Colby Ryan - Lori's surviving (adult) child, born to her 2nd husband and adopted by her 3rd. When he was contacted about JJ's disappearance he asked after Tylee... who the police didn't even know about at that time!
Summer Cox Shiflet - Lori's only surviving sister
Emma Murray, Garth Daybell, Mark Daybell, Seth Daybell, Leah Murphy - Chad and Tammy's adult children

Other
Mandy Leger (46) 2022 - JJs biological mother. Lost custody to Kay and Larry Woodcock due to substance abuse issues and initially had visitation but JJ was adopted out while she was in rehab which devastated her. She had always hoped to be reunited with her son but her world fell apart when he was murdered. She died of a heart condition... or a broken heart.
Dennis Todd 'Todd' Trahan - JJs biological father. Lost custody to Kay and Larry (his mother and stepfather) due to substance abuse issues and initially had visitation. Trahan, as of JJ and Tylee's celebration of life in April 2024, was incarcerated.

A Slightly Awkward Victim Tribute

THIS BLOG INCLUDES PERSONAL SPECULATION ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE DEAD OR INVOLVED IN ONGOING PROSECUTIONS. THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY.

Towards one of my The Conqueror Challenges I have set myself the task of cycling a kilometre for every year of age of Lori Vallow Daybell's victims. This is, in part, because I abandoned my challenge to follow her first trial* - if you will excuse the term - religiously. I have been following the case since early 2020 when the kids were still missing and I will continue to do so for Chad's trial, Lori's trial for the murder of Charles Vallow, and any related proceedings that should arise. I have never been so emotionally invested in a court case my whole life.

* Lori Vallow Daybell's trial for conspiracy to murder Tylee Ryan, JJ Vallow, and Tammy Daybell ran from 3rd April to 12th May 2023. I have a file containing multiple family trees, timelines, over 100 pages of notes of salient points from Nate Eaton of East Idaho News live tweeting the case.

When the guilty verdicts came in my internet glitched so I was standing out in the street using my phone data instead... and I F*CKING HOWLED in sheer relief. Especially on the counts relating to Tylee cos I feared there wasn't enough evidence in her case. I am a big believer in innocent until proven guilty but Lori Vallow Daybell is my one (1) exception. No way in hell can an innocent woman go off to get married with no idea or care where her two minor children are, especially when they later show up buried in her new husband's yard. I can usually imagine at least one alternative scenario, no matter how far-fetched, but there's nothing; and Lori didn't even offer a defence.

So that's what led me to where I am now... cycling a tribute to each of her victims. But the reason for this blog entry is the slightly awkward reasoning involved in a few of the tributes.

1) Joseph Anthony "Joe" Ryan Jr, 1958-2018 (59)

3rd husband of Lori, biological father of Tylee.
This is the first slightly dubious tribute. Officially he died of natural causes but there's plenty I find suspicious, including that his ex wife whom he was on particularly bad terms with was his next of kin, dealt with his death and was particularly slow in informing his family (see also Charles).
Then there's the suggestive history... Lori's brother (see also Alex) had served a short sentence for assaulting and threatening Joe. It's also worth noting that the benefits Tylee received from her father's death was part of the motive for her murder.
Joe had been accused of child molestation by Lori, her son from her second marriage - Colby, and his own daughter Tylee. Now, I'm NOT calling Colby a liar but the authorities believed Lori had coached her kids - I feel it's possible he has false memories she planted and / or he was molested by someone else (my money would be on Alex). The thing is, having made these allegations Lori refused to co-operate with the investigation whereas Joe co-operated fully. Child abuse isn't taken lightly so it's an unusual conclusion for the authorities to reach, and Lori's refusal to push for a prosecution is just plain weird to me. Also, making claims that her exes were abusive is part of a pattern with Lori so I take it with a pinch of salt.

2) Leland Anthony "Charles" Vallow, 1956-2019 (62)

4th husband of Lori, adoptive father of JJ.
Charles was, by all accounts, a great dad. But he'd started reaching out for help claiming Lori was a danger to the kids... and he ended up dead. Shot by Alex (see below) in alleged self defence. Tylee spoke well on the police interview tapes - she was an intelligent and articulate young lady - but do I believe she could have been biased towards her mother and uncle? Hell yes. Do I believe she reported what she *believed* happened that morning? Also, perfectly plausible.
The trial for his murder is yet to take place but so far everything points to Charles being at risk from Lori, rather than the reverse. Also, after his death Lori heartlessly informed his sons from a prior marriage of their father's death by TEXT.
Just as Tylee was killed, in part, for the money she received from Joe's death so was JJ killed, in part, for the money he received from Charles' death.

3) Tylee Ashlyn Ryan, 2002-2019 (16*)

Biological daughter of Lori and Joe.
Tylee's death is the one that hits me in the feels most. In part it's because so much attention went to JJ - if JJs biological grandparents hadn't raised the alarm over his whereabouts would have even realised Tylee had also disappeared? It would have been so easy to say Tylee had left home, gone to uni, decided to go NC with the family... 
It is unknown how exactly Tylee died but what was done to her body after death is vile beyond description. She was not killed and buried like the little brother she adored, she was annihilated. The wounds found on what was left of her pelvis are highly suggestive to me; I suspect she suffered a lot more than anyone knows before she died. Her remains were dismembered, partially burned and buried on Chad Daybell's property.

*Although she was likely 16 when she died Tylee is often listed as 17 due to her birthday falling after the last time she was seen alive and long before her remains were discovered. I am doing 17km accordingly.

4) Joshua Jaxon "JJ" Vallow, ne Canaan Todd Trahan, 2012-2019 (7)

Adoptive son of Lori and Charles; biological son of Todd Trahan (Charles' nephew) and Mandy Leger.
JJ was described as a sweet, loving kid. He had been born prematurely to bio parents with addiction issues and had autism. Lori registered him as homeschooled and got rid of his service dog shortly before he was last seen alive.
He was asphyxiated with a plastic bag and duct tape, and buried in the yard of Chad Daybell. His body was not desecrated the way Tylee's was.

5) Tamara Michelle "Tammy" Daybell, nee Douglas, 1970-2019 (49)

Wife of Chad, whose death cleared the way for him to marry Lori only days later.
Tammy is described as a wonderful, intelligent woman who loved children and animals; she was the mother of five. Divorce was supposedly not an option for Chad because of his 'spiritual standing'.
Days before she died she was shot at and believed it was a teenager pranking her with a paintball gun... it was almost certainly Alex with a very real and deadly weapon. Tammy died of supposed natural causes - later an exhumation and autopsy found she died by asphyxiation.

6) Alexander Lamar "Alex" Pastenes, ne Cox, 1968-2019 (51)

Brother of Lori.

I have listed him as Alex Pastenes as this was his legal name at death - he is 'Alex Cox' in almost all accounts, inc. Lori's trial.

Definitely the most controversial inclusion on this list as he was certainly responsible for Charles' death and heavily implicated in Tylee and JJ's. He had previously assaulted Joe, shot at Tammy AND shot at a survivor - Brandon Boudreaux, estranged-and-now-ex husband of Lori's niece Melani. He supposedly died of natural causes like Joe.
HOWEVER, his death was entirely too 'convenient' and it bore marked similarities to Tammy's death - which was also initially ruled as natural. 
There is no doubt in my mind he was murdered, possibly because Lori (& Chad?) thought it would all get blamed on him and they'd get away with it but certainly because he knew too much.
It is a 'pity' he was killed because he for sure knew and could have answered a lot of the questions Lori (& Chad?) almost certainly never will. He also should have faced justice for his involvement. I don't like to call him a 'victim' but I believe it likely he was used and I believe that he was killed. That isn't right, whatever he did. I find it uncomfortable to include him but maybe I can think of his kilometres as being additional tribute for the kids - it doesn't seem right that they should get so few kilometres when they were robbed of so many years.
Alex is described as a funny guy, emotionally immature following a brain injury in his teens, and exceedingly devoted to Lori.  Lori gives me Cersei Lannister vibes and I have suspicions that she manipulated Alex just as the fictional Cersei manipulated her brother Jaime; the siblings are described as having had a peculiar, over intimate relationship. It's also worth noting that none of the deaths benefited him directly - they were all for Lori.

7) Mandy Nicole Leger, 1976-2022 (46)

Biological mother of JJ.
Mandy certainly DID die a natural death unlike the others but she is the most forgotten. I count her as a victim because the death of her son destroyed her. She may have lost custody but that doesn't mean he wasn't her world.
An account I read stated that she had surrendered her parental rights to JJs grandparents with the intention of getting him back when her circumstances were improved... instead they adopted him out. Then he was killed and all hope of an eventual reunion was lost. I have heard birth mothers of other murder victims speak on the devastation that comes of losing your child twice - being considered unfit to raise your own kid and then the sheer horror of the supposedly better 'suitable parent' killing their child.

I've used '& Chad?' a few times. That's because his trial is still pending and I have no idea what defence may be presented. It's hard to imagine how he could be innocent of any or all charges, especially Tammy's murder, but to me it's just a tad more plausible than Lori being innocent. I see Lori as the manipulator and mastermind and all the deaths directly benefited her, only Tammy's was directly to the benefit of Chad... Tammy was the family breadwinner so he needed her life insurance to start over with Lori. Chad clearly thinks he's amazeballs and a spiritual leader but personally I see him as a pathetically weak specimen, "led by the storm". He probably still thinks he was so clever and is still oblivious as to how he was played... although that's no excuse at all.

POSTSCRIPT

I had already roughed out this blog before I heard this call between Lori's brother Adam and Chandler PD after Charles' killing and it's like confirmation that my theories aren't totally OTT, especially regarding Joe Ryan's death.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBriE0jW9GA

Social Media Vs Alec Baldwin

I don't think I really need to cite sources for this one; the shooting of Halyna Hutchins on the set of 'Rust' is easily Googled.

It was ABSOLUTELY a terrible tragedy that was PREVENTABLE. I am in favour of those responsible being held accountable.

However, unless there is something exceedingly significant - not yet in the public domain - laying responsibility on Alec Baldwin is RIDICULOUS.

In the normal course of things the blame for a shooting lies utterly in the hands of the person holding the weapon. However, if that weapon is in the hands of an actor on a film set the situation is (IMHO) very different.

The gun was a PROP.

It was handed to him and declared COLD, defined as "a weapon that does not involve fire or explosions as a result from the use of gunpowder or other explosive materials." but in film set terms it refers to a firearm that is unloaded, including the use of explosive blanks. In other words, it should have been entirely safe. On social media I see, over and over, that any gun should be considered 'hot' but that's nonsense. Obviously, if you pick up a random gun you should treat it as if loaded but when it is handed to you and declared cold by the person responsible for it then it is frankly ludicrous to think it could be live.

Of course this did not turn out to be the case. But unless Baldwin tampered with the gun, loaded a live round himself, the responsibility is in the hands of the props department, specifically the armourer - in this instance Hannah Gutierrez Reed.

There are two similar cases which spring to mind:

Actor Jon-Erik Hexum (1957 - 1984) died after simulating Russian Roulette with a gun loaded with a single blank. Although there was no bullet the force of the explosive blank was enough to shatter his skull. He was subsequently declared brain-dead from his injury. The death was ruled accidental and his mother received an out-of-court settlement. By the logic being applied to the Rust incident it would instead have been ruled suicide as the gun was in his hands and he died by his own action, and the film company would likely have paid nothing.

Actor Brandon Lee (1965 - 1993) died after a prop gun fired by fellow actor Michael Massee (1952 - 2016) discharged an improperly made dummy round. Massee suffered enormous guilt over the incident; it was devastating to him. But there was NEVER any question that he was responsible for Lee's death. The incident was ruled an accident due to negligence and, again, Lee's mother received an undisclosed settlement against the filmmakers. In some regard this *might* hold Baldwin accountable - he was not merely an actor but producer; Rust was his passion project. But all the same it was not his job to ensure gun safety on set. Unless he was personally responsible for hiring Gutierrez Reed (and Baldwin was only one of SIX producers), and assuming whoever she was hired by could possibly have known she wasn't competent in the role, it is hard to see how blame falls specifically on him.

On social media armchair experts declare that Baldwin should have ensured that the gun was at no time pointing at anyone... do they not understand that on film sets there are people everywhere?! And whether Baldwin put the gun to his own head like Hexum or deliberately fired it during a take like Massee the gun SHOULD HAVE BEEN INCAPABLE OF DOING HARM. 

This is a dangerous precedent to set. Regardless of your line of work if you are using a machine or piece of equipment and it malfunctions or had been improperly maintained that should be on the shoulders of the person whose job it was to ensure its safety. Under this logic any one of us could be held accountable for a workplace accident for the failure of something the safety of which is not our responsibility. Obviously there's a good and valid argument for due care and attention but this is almost on a par with pointing a stapler at someone and it firing a bullet and killing them - you simply can't get away from the fact that the stapler should not have bullets in it! You shouldn't be expected to assume the stapler is a loaded lethal weapon.

It's a horrible thing to say but I'm glad Michael Massee is dead. Watching this unfold would have utterly destroyed him.