MJ Anniversary

Okay, okay I know...hardly original today but there it is! Gotta say I was never a Michael Jackson fan. I got into music after his solo heyday and it wasn't the sort of music my parents played either (they were into Queen, The Carpenters and Rod Stewart). I did buy one MJ single - Give In To Me - but pretty much only cos Slash was on it and I loved Guns n Roses.

The Jordan Chandler allegations seemed to me borne out of greed. What parent agrees to a cash settlement when their child has been harmed and other kids are in danger?

When the Martin Bashir interview came out I watched with as open a mind as I could muster but it confirmed to me my every suspicion - that MJ was vulnerable, gullible and most likely innocent. Martin Bashir came across (to me) as prejudiced and detirmined to portray MJ as a monster. I became more sympathetic to Michael's difficulties from that point on.

Later, when MJ was accused of child molestation for a second time, rather than thinking "there's no smoke without fire" I felt sure it was a second family's attempt to extort money from the star. I was probably as relieved as any MJ fan when he was found not guilty on all charges. I wept tears of joy because the whole thing stunk of a witch trial - the public seems to like nothing better than to put someone on a pedestal only to knock them off it - I thought there was no way he would receive a fair trial. As it was, trial by media nearly killed MJ - he was thin, gaunt and I believe he never truly recovered from the ordeal.

I wasn't bothered when MJ announced his This Is It final shows at the o2. It meant nothing to me but I was surprised by the media hype. For someone who hadn't had a hit in years and had only been in the headlines for all the wrong reasons it came as a surprise to me how many fans he still had; fans who would be prepared to pay a small fortune and, in many cases, fly to London for a concert.

Late evening on 25th June 2009 I was lurking on Twitter. Lots of random conversations going on with a general NKOTB flavour...then a girl I follow retweets a news headline: Michael Jackson suffers cardiac arrest. Within minutes there is only one topic of conversation - we are all Googling MJ, searching news websites for scraps of information, researching statistics on cardiac arrest - if the story is true it doesn't look good.

But is it true? Michael Jackson has been surrounded with random stories, particularly about his health, for years. Only a few weeks earlier a rumour was going around that he had skin cancer...

Sadly it does look like MJ has been rushed to hospital...all the same, the reason might be wrong. A lot of suspected heart attacks turn out to be far less serious...

Then come the first reports he has died...

That's the moment it goes from a sense of anxiety to OMFG. Not the sort of thing you report without being certain of your facts. I turned on the TV... Flicking between BBC News and Sky News and back and forth to check on Twitter it all unfolded. Site by site was confirming the death of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, at the age of 50. I wept.

I wonder how MJ would have felt that even his death made history - the first news story when most people heard about it first via the internet. For a man who achieved so much I like to think he'd have been impressed at achieving another first, and kind of glad to go out with a bang rather than a whimper.

Mind you, he would never have wanted to go before his children grew up. I can't imagine a worse moment for him to have died either, just weeks before This Is It was set to kick off. Knowing how excited I was to see NKOTB after 17 years I can only begin to imagine how I would have felt if my concert had been cancelled. This Is It ticket holders did not have a concert cancelled - their idol died...they must've gone through hell. I can't imagine losing one of NKOTB. The only things that are certain in life are death and taxes...inevitability doesn't make either one easier to bear.

He was a damaged soul - an abnormal life from early childhood took it's toll as did the media's later vilification. In some ways I am glad he is beyond being harmed by them anymore. His so-called friends too. I remain disgusted that Mark Lester would claim to be the biological father of MJs children. Even if it were a genuine possibility the media is not the place to discuss it. What on earth do claims like that do to the mind of a bereaved child?!

I hope Michael knew how much he was loved - it is always a pity when someone dies that they cannot see how much they are missed.

• Michael Jackson left 3 children - Prince (now 13), Paris (12) and Blanket (7).
• Omer Bhatti (25) is a possible 4th child; he sat with the family at MJs funeral.