Feeling inclined to write a sequel to an earlier blog as it ties in rather neatly (see: For Example, Being Mrs Rock-Star - Feb 2016).
Note: I am using a hetero-centric male rock star / female non celebrity partner dynamic throughout because that is the kind of fantasy relationship I am in LOL. I fully acknowledge that other scenarios are possible and valid.
Recent events which are none of my business brought some further hypothetical issues to mind. Without referring to specific cases I think we've all seen enough of 'fandoms' to realise that petty rivalries and general bitching can get way out of hand...and it doesn't take much of a leap to realise how an actual wife, girlfriend or significant other is liable to get treated in such an environment. Even in the nicest of fandoms a certain I-love-him-more-than-you attitude can fester away which can be bad enough when it's all hypothetical.
So how do I feel about this? Given my imaginary boy-toy I have given this a fair bit of thought.
Firstly, I think there are probably two types of rock-star significant other...those to whom fame is an inconvenient side-effect, and those who were attracted by it. I don't think either kind is innately better suited to the role - finding the IDEA of fame appealing does not equate to enjoying it as a day-to-day REALITY. What I do think is that the Mrs Rock-Star with her head screwed on will do better than the one who thinks it'll be all glossy magazine spreads. Facing up to reality is key here.
So, what is the reality? Obviously a huge amount depends on the specific people involved but basically just like when any couple get together and you have to deal with his family and friends getting involved with a rock star means you're involved with his fan base...whether you like it or not.
Regarding that fan base you can engage, keep to the sidelines or hide. There is no golden rule here.
Even if you think you will stay well out of it don't imagine for one second that some sneaky little so-and-so won't be posting about you on social media behind your back. They might even set up fake social networking accounts in your identity. Personally that is why I think maintaining a presence in the fan base is the way to go - makes it easier to avoid being blamed for stirring up shit storms that were nothing to do with you for one thing. So that'd be my first recommendation: own your identity.
Obviously engaging with a fan base is easier if you have really good self esteem and the hide of a rhino. But is that essential? Obviously I'm talking from a position of total speculation here but I don't think so. If you're going to take every hurtful comment to heart you're in for a hard time but it could be just as difficult imagining what is being said behind your back. It can also give you an opportunity to address criticisms and aid you to present yourself how you want to be seen.
I'm under no illusions. I know my fantasy rock star is never gonna pick me and if in some bizarre alternate reality that actually happened I know I would never have the full, unconditional support of the fan base. It totally goes against human nature! I'm definitely not drawn to the idea of dating a rock star but I love him so that's what I'd have to deal with to be his. So how would I deal with it? Badly, probably! My self esteem is shit. But I'd definitely own my online identity, I'd get pretty harsh about muting the haters; I'd save up the nice comments and do my best to see the negatives as petty jealousy.
What I would be exceptionally careful of is that I didn't allow it to affect my relationship. The worst this shit can really do is cause stress or make you a needier partner. No matter what kind of relationship you're in it's never up to your partner to make up for the shit other people give you. Bring, as far as you can, only good stuff to your relationship. Leave everything else out with the trash.
Monday, 23 May 2016
Saturday, 7 May 2016
On the nature of God
Last year (2014-15) I took a level two module in Philosophy; this academic year I've been taking level three Classical Mythology. During this time two of my cousins (who were brothers) have died - Sean (49) was killed in a motorcycle accident in October '14 and Allister (52) passed away from a brain tumour just two weeks ago in April '16.
These things have led me to contemplate deeply the nature of God.
His Holiness The Dalai Lama advises against conversion stating that it is "advisable for people to stay within their traditional religious folds" (http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/tp-otherstates/religious-conversions-are-not-advisable-says-dalai-lama/article4278920.ece) and when I experienced my spiritual awakening, with what I perceive as a miracle, in 1996 it seemed natural to lean toward my own religious background - The Church Of England.
Now this is a subject of some debate because although my parents describe themselves as agnostic they definitely lean towards atheism. I was not raised in any faith - my parents come from CofE backgrounds although my late maternal grandfather was raised a Catholic (one of his cousins also died recently, she was a nun with the Little Sisters of the Poor). Two of my schools made occasional CofE visits but I more frequently attended a Methodist church during my time in The Girls' Brigade.
For a number of years I attended church and even took confirmation but organised religion never gelled with my personal sense of God. Interestingly my recent studies have only acted to strengthen my personal beliefs and that is what I wish to share here.
The thing that annoys me most about religion and the arguments against it mistakes religion for FAITH. Religion and religious texts are blatantly man-made. Separating the two seems impossible in most people's eyes - the atheist gloats that someone's religious logic is fatally flawed whilst unaware that this does not equate to there being no god. Faith is something you feel in your heart and soul; religion is something that is learned or indoctrinated. I BELIEVE that there is a power in the universe I refer to as God. It is not logical or reasonable or provable; it is something I feel and no one can tell me it's not real because it is to me.
The Bearded Man In The Clouds
(The European visualisation of the Judeo-Christian God)
Clement saw that man created gods in his own image rather than the other way about stating: "Ethiopians say that their gods are flat-nosed and black, and Thracians that theirs have blue eyes and red hair" (Miscellanies, 7.22.1) and that if animals could draw "Horses would have drawn horse-like gods, cows cow-like gods, and each species would have made the gods' bodies just like their own" (Miscellanies 5.109.3). To me this is absolutely right - man has created God in his own image, not the other way about.
Good
Plato puts the following words into the mouth of his character Socrates: "Now gods, of course, are really good aren't they, and must be described as such?" (Republic 2.379b1)...but WHY? Once again we're clothing god in, if not our own attributes, then our expectations. We expect god to be good and then try to explain away pain and suffering. Of course, all things exist in balance; we cannot appreciate the light without the dark as a contrast. But beyond that there really is no reason to assume god created life out of love and wisdom and goodness...just because life may have been created by a sadistic idjit out of magic playdoh doesn't negate the role of aforementioned idjit as god.
This is essentially the same as building up a celebrity (whom we do not know personally) to be some sort of idol, a role model, an inspiration. Which is not to say we shouldn't do that but all the same, when we accept our idol's faults and appreciate them as a real human being like any other then our admiration is more worthy - building someone up, placing them on a pedestal and then blaming them for not living up to our expectations...now THAT is idiotic!
Omniscient
(all-seeing, all-knowing)
Sextus Empiricus had the measure of this: "...some shrewd and clever man first invented fear of the gods for mortal men, so that the wicked might have something to fear, even if their deeds or words or thoughts were secret" (Against the Professors 9.54, l. 12-15).
Yeah...God isn't watching you taking a dump or having sex or whatever. That's just creepy. However I do believe that the good or bad we do does affect us in a tangible way. I am undecided on the nature of an afterlife - most of the myths about it are entirely too constructed and I strongly suspect there isn't one. Perhaps God sends good and bad stuff your way based on how you act (karma), perhaps your sins stain your soul or your aura. I have no idea and I don't care a huge deal. I believe that people choose how to act, that religious beliefs and human laws shape how we choose to act but that we can still choose to be good without the threat of damnation.
Omnipotent
(all-powerful)
If a god or gods create all things then that god must be all-powerful and in control of everything, right? If you build a house are you responsible for it and everything that happens within it for all time? If you have a child are you responsible for their actions for their whole lives, and the actions of their children and their children's children? This makes no sense. Assuming a God created the world and all in it why assume *he* didn't gift it to us and that what happens thereafter is our own problem?
Now, I personally feel that we're all working to a plan. There's free will but there's also a design guiding us along. I don't believe god decides who lives and who dies because everyone dies. I believe that each person is here for a reason - and if you haven't 'fulfilled your purpose' then you'll survive even the weirdest of accidents. And your purpose could be tiny - I believe in the domino effect: each person has an effect on the next. My life has been changed any number of times by random people who will have no clue that they touched my life at all...most notably two mums at the GPs in 2012 talking about lactose intolerance. They could never have any idea that their conversation turned my life around and consequently my being well for the first time in over a decade has made it possible for me to go places and do things I couldn't have risked before. Perhaps at some point I will fulfill a purpose in a similar way, perhaps I have already done so. Who knows?
I love the Final Destination films because they fit so well with my ideas on this - that when your time is up, your time is up. If you're still meant to be here you will live another day, if you're not you won't and the more you interfere with the design of the universe the worse it'll be when it finally catches up with you.
Omnipresent
(present everywhere)
Now THIS is an idea I can really get behind - I view God as the Ch'i (Qi) of the universe; the life-force which exists everywhere and in all things. This also explains for me why I feel closer to God in natural surroundings; the more man has manipulated the environment the more disturbed that life-force is. God still exists in a modern high-rise but it's easier to feel on a beach or in a woodland or on top of a mountain...
So yeah, there you have it. That's the basic version of how I personally view god; not as the creation of man but the sense of power and design I FEEL at work in the world around me.
These things have led me to contemplate deeply the nature of God.
His Holiness The Dalai Lama advises against conversion stating that it is "advisable for people to stay within their traditional religious folds" (http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/tp-otherstates/religious-conversions-are-not-advisable-says-dalai-lama/article4278920.ece) and when I experienced my spiritual awakening, with what I perceive as a miracle, in 1996 it seemed natural to lean toward my own religious background - The Church Of England.
Now this is a subject of some debate because although my parents describe themselves as agnostic they definitely lean towards atheism. I was not raised in any faith - my parents come from CofE backgrounds although my late maternal grandfather was raised a Catholic (one of his cousins also died recently, she was a nun with the Little Sisters of the Poor). Two of my schools made occasional CofE visits but I more frequently attended a Methodist church during my time in The Girls' Brigade.
For a number of years I attended church and even took confirmation but organised religion never gelled with my personal sense of God. Interestingly my recent studies have only acted to strengthen my personal beliefs and that is what I wish to share here.
The thing that annoys me most about religion and the arguments against it mistakes religion for FAITH. Religion and religious texts are blatantly man-made. Separating the two seems impossible in most people's eyes - the atheist gloats that someone's religious logic is fatally flawed whilst unaware that this does not equate to there being no god. Faith is something you feel in your heart and soul; religion is something that is learned or indoctrinated. I BELIEVE that there is a power in the universe I refer to as God. It is not logical or reasonable or provable; it is something I feel and no one can tell me it's not real because it is to me.
The Bearded Man In The Clouds
(The European visualisation of the Judeo-Christian God)
Clement saw that man created gods in his own image rather than the other way about stating: "Ethiopians say that their gods are flat-nosed and black, and Thracians that theirs have blue eyes and red hair" (Miscellanies, 7.22.1) and that if animals could draw "Horses would have drawn horse-like gods, cows cow-like gods, and each species would have made the gods' bodies just like their own" (Miscellanies 5.109.3). To me this is absolutely right - man has created God in his own image, not the other way about.
Good
Plato puts the following words into the mouth of his character Socrates: "Now gods, of course, are really good aren't they, and must be described as such?" (Republic 2.379b1)...but WHY? Once again we're clothing god in, if not our own attributes, then our expectations. We expect god to be good and then try to explain away pain and suffering. Of course, all things exist in balance; we cannot appreciate the light without the dark as a contrast. But beyond that there really is no reason to assume god created life out of love and wisdom and goodness...just because life may have been created by a sadistic idjit out of magic playdoh doesn't negate the role of aforementioned idjit as god.
This is essentially the same as building up a celebrity (whom we do not know personally) to be some sort of idol, a role model, an inspiration. Which is not to say we shouldn't do that but all the same, when we accept our idol's faults and appreciate them as a real human being like any other then our admiration is more worthy - building someone up, placing them on a pedestal and then blaming them for not living up to our expectations...now THAT is idiotic!
Omniscient
(all-seeing, all-knowing)
Sextus Empiricus had the measure of this: "...some shrewd and clever man first invented fear of the gods for mortal men, so that the wicked might have something to fear, even if their deeds or words or thoughts were secret" (Against the Professors 9.54, l. 12-15).
Yeah...God isn't watching you taking a dump or having sex or whatever. That's just creepy. However I do believe that the good or bad we do does affect us in a tangible way. I am undecided on the nature of an afterlife - most of the myths about it are entirely too constructed and I strongly suspect there isn't one. Perhaps God sends good and bad stuff your way based on how you act (karma), perhaps your sins stain your soul or your aura. I have no idea and I don't care a huge deal. I believe that people choose how to act, that religious beliefs and human laws shape how we choose to act but that we can still choose to be good without the threat of damnation.
Omnipotent
(all-powerful)
If a god or gods create all things then that god must be all-powerful and in control of everything, right? If you build a house are you responsible for it and everything that happens within it for all time? If you have a child are you responsible for their actions for their whole lives, and the actions of their children and their children's children? This makes no sense. Assuming a God created the world and all in it why assume *he* didn't gift it to us and that what happens thereafter is our own problem?
Now, I personally feel that we're all working to a plan. There's free will but there's also a design guiding us along. I don't believe god decides who lives and who dies because everyone dies. I believe that each person is here for a reason - and if you haven't 'fulfilled your purpose' then you'll survive even the weirdest of accidents. And your purpose could be tiny - I believe in the domino effect: each person has an effect on the next. My life has been changed any number of times by random people who will have no clue that they touched my life at all...most notably two mums at the GPs in 2012 talking about lactose intolerance. They could never have any idea that their conversation turned my life around and consequently my being well for the first time in over a decade has made it possible for me to go places and do things I couldn't have risked before. Perhaps at some point I will fulfill a purpose in a similar way, perhaps I have already done so. Who knows?
I love the Final Destination films because they fit so well with my ideas on this - that when your time is up, your time is up. If you're still meant to be here you will live another day, if you're not you won't and the more you interfere with the design of the universe the worse it'll be when it finally catches up with you.
Omnipresent
(present everywhere)
Now THIS is an idea I can really get behind - I view God as the Ch'i (Qi) of the universe; the life-force which exists everywhere and in all things. This also explains for me why I feel closer to God in natural surroundings; the more man has manipulated the environment the more disturbed that life-force is. God still exists in a modern high-rise but it's easier to feel on a beach or in a woodland or on top of a mountain...
So yeah, there you have it. That's the basic version of how I personally view god; not as the creation of man but the sense of power and design I FEEL at work in the world around me.
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