Abusive Relationships

I have seen an awful lot about this Suicide Squad movie (not that I could care less) and about the relationship between The Joker and Harley Quinn. Specifically comments of the "stop idealising abusive relationships" variety.

Now, I know next to nothing about The Joker and Harley, although my daughter assures me she's a depraved psychopath rather than some meek victim of domestic abuse. So I'm not going to comment about that directly.

Here is what I want to say:

Stop representing abusive relationships as entirely meek women being controlled by violent men

• Not all domestic abuse victims are women; men are vicims too
• Not all domestic abuse situations are abuser-victim; abusive relationships can be two-way
• Not all domestic abuse victims are desperately seeking a way out; why do you think people stay with their abusers? BECAUSE THEY LOVE THEM (love is not rational)
• Not all domestic abuse victims are meek, weak, pitiful or unintelligent. This can happen to ANYONE, EVERYONE. This stereotype is especially unhelpful as it means 'unlikely looking' domestic abuse victims get little or no support - you're a headteacher, a company CEO, a bodybuilder, a politician, a police chief, a brain surgeon, a rocket schientist, a marathon runner...strong, successful, smart...so how can you be a victim? 

If Harley is an intelligent, powerful woman it doesn't diminish her ability to be a victim but it does bring me on to my next point. If she's an intelligent, powerful woman perhaps she is in that relationship by her own choice? People don't always do what is best for themselves. Plenty of smart, successful types who smoke, drink to excess, get obese, do no exercise, gamble, do drugs etc etc.

Stop disempowering people in abusive relationships by making assumptions about them and what is best for them

• This is not you life; yes, you are probably right but that doesn't matter - you being judgmental makes them less empowered toward change
• Telling someone they're fat doesn't make them go on a diet, why do you think that criticising their relationship will make them leave? How do you think that criticism will make someone stronger? Stop chipping away at their possibly limited self esteem!!!

EMPOWER domestic abuse victims. I befriended someone while they were living in a refuge and one of the hardest things I have ever done was to decide, instantly, how to react to their phone call telling me they'd gone back to their abuser. In a split second I had to make a choice...I chose empowerment. It's your life, your choice, you have the right, you have that power, if you need anything call me. That was over a decade ago and I still wonder... But I stand by my words. I may possibly have been the only voice of empowerment in their life as friends, family and abuser told them that they were useless, worthless, unimportant. No way in hell was I gonna add to those voices of negativity. If I could plant just one seed that might ever help them try to leave again someday...well, that was what I was going to do.

So yeah, that's what's annoying me about all this Suicide Squad hype. (Again emphasising that I know next to nothing of the film, comics or characters) Stop disempowering Harley, quit assuming you know what's best for her. If she wants to leave her abusive relationship support her in that, if she chooses to stay accept that she's her own person and has the right to mess up her life any which way she chooses! 

ALSO IT'S A FUCKING FILM! Ever heard of FICTION?! Get a grip, people.