So Slow

Not to blow my own trumpet but I have a few smarts. My IQ has been certified at a respectable 137 and I'm a graduate. But I'll be the first to admit I've never been quick on the uptake.

Tonight my mum was watching 'The Adventure of the Egyptian Tomb' on TV. I own it on DVD and heaven knows how many times I've seen it since it was made back in 1993...but it was only last year that I finally got what Hastings was on about when he was telling Poirot about Miss Lemon's late cat "the one she called Catherine-the-great because it liked to sleep in the fireplace". Yes, I am very ashamed of myself and embarrassed to admit it. In my defence I'm not exactly super familiar with fireplace grates.

Anyway, this blog is another thing that happened tonight.

I'd gone out for a bit of air, walking down to the closest Pokestop and Pokegym and I was listening to Ashestoangels (hereafter A2A) on my phone.

My cousin Allister died of Primary Brain Lymphoma in April 2016 and there are THREE A2A songs that get me in the feels about that - Ugly Club which made me do the ugly cry at a gig just days after I heard the diagnosis, then two tracks that I got stuck in a loop of playing in the week or so before he died: Bound And Broken, and Ghost In The Machine.

So Ghost In The Machine comes on which particularly makes me think of Allister's partner Michaela. I had huge empathy for her anyway but after the funeral I was lurking to offer the usual stock phrases of sympathy as is only right and proper when my daughter and I overheard her tell another mourner that her father had died of the exact same thing at just one year difference in age.

This reminded me that earlier today I saw Michaela post on Facebook - November 7th was Allister's birthday (at the time of typing it's past midnight).

I also get to thinking about how my mum phoned me to tell me the news.

When I first moved to Taunton in 1997 I got my first ever phone. I started at the neon UFO shaped thing plugged into the wall and realised that some day soon I would take the first of some damn difficult phone calls. As it happened the first was in October 2000, in a different house on a different number and on a different handset. That was when my grandad died. I didn't get a call about my grandma because I had phoned home at an inopportune moment. There must've been calls about more distant relatives, my auntie Kitty for whom my youngest is named, but they were older and expected. it makes a bit of a difference.

The first really difficult phone call wasn't until Oct 2014. My mum didn't sound herself on the phone, I barely recognised her voice. I was just thinking "this reminds me of when my grandad died" when she started crying and I realised...
Me: "OMG, who?"
Mum: "It's Sean"
Me: *LITERALLY DUMBFOUNDED*
Mum: "Your cousin?"
Yeah mum, I know who you meant but...he was 49. He died doing what he loved which was riding his motorbike. My only memory of his wedding back in 1987 was him and his bride sitting on his bike for photos outside the church.

In comparison we knew Allister was going, it was just a matter of waiting for the news. Around the beginning of April we (meaning my mum, my dad and I) stopped phoning each other. We didn't discuss it. We just didn't. Incidentally I tweeted a prediction on April 1st of the 21st. I've blogged about this before and I know it's super vague - the follow on about the odds changing re: the 25th is A2A related - being my next date to see them live. April 21st 2015 was when I saw A2A right after hearing Allister's diagnosis; April 25th 2016 was my next gig date to see them.

As the 21st got closer I started checking Facebook obsessively for any hint from Michaela. By the 21st I was an absolute wreck. At around 7pm I'd been sitting at my PC and had just got up to go to the loo. The phone rang, I misstepped, trod on a plastic tray and broke it. I swore comprehensively at the phone. I was fighting back tears when I picked up the receiver.

So tonight I was thinking about taking that call, the call about Sean, Kitty, my grandad...and I realised that not only am I never getting another call from my mum (as she is a stroke survivor living with me) but that I am now pretty the adult for my branch of the family who other people will call with the bad news (my dad doesn't have a whole lot of family and it's not exactly clear if anyone'd bother contacting him anyways).

For some reason this hit me pretty hard.

Worse still was the realisation that THIS SITUATION HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.

My mother's brother in law, my Uncle Dave, died on October 11th following a long illness from myelodysplastic syndrome (a rare blood cancer). Although, as it's now 2019 I actually received the message via Facebook rather than an actual call. I had to tell my mum, rather than the other way about.

Unusually for me I just went through it without clocking the reversal in roles. 

Tonight it hit me. Not only that it is me that is moving up the pecking-order of adulting around here but the shock that I'd just dealt with it when it came up without really clocking it. 

When Sean and Allister died I wanted death to hit my parents' generation next as might be considered the natural order of things. I'm the youngest of my generation but it's too close for comfort. Dave, on the other hand, was 80. And now we're in that phase, of losing that generation, I feel old. 

I am perfectly aware of my age, my 'kids' are in their 20s so I probably have a better awareness of where I stand than a lot of people in my age bracket. Indeed, another cousin has a kid who is just 5.5 years younger than me...and her kids are a preschooler and a newborn! By the time I'm a grandma, or certainly by the time my future grandkids are old enough to remember, it's unlikely there'll be any of the old-guard left standing. Time marches on and all that but it's the realisation that goes with it.

I didn't have any greatgrandparents alive when I was a kid - I doubt anyone of their generation was still around. My mum's parents had her late, she had me fairly late...I guess somewhere along the line I just assumed that by being a teen mum it'd go some way to redressing the balance. Tonight it struck me that it's really unlikely. My kids probably won't have kids for another decade...and in all honesty I think my generation, already depleted, will be the oldest by then.

Deaths of 2019

Gwendoline J, nee Beckett (94/95)

Last surviving aunt of my father - no biographical details.

Left the UK decades ago.

Serena Cheong (34)

Missed by her parents Solomon & Cecelia, sister Sharon, brother Michael, sister in law Kelly

and the Blockhead Sisterhood worldwide.

Michael Barter (82/83)*

No close kin.

* not only do I not know his date of birth but no one knows when he died. Whatever's on his certificate is a guestimate.

Dave Rowlands (80)

Missed by his widow Margaret; daughters Terrie, Dawn Paula and Shirley;

grandchildren David, Hannah. Luke, Matthew, Geraldine, Sabrina,

Hopey, Isaac, Jacob, Shirley, Elijah;

great-grandchildren Evelyn, Henry, Rafe, Max, Lazarus, Ezra, Delilah and Selena

Fire Escapes are for Escaping

Jacob Rees-Mogg and Andrew Brigden have apologised for their comments regarding the Grenfell Disaster in which 72 people perished in a tower-block fire.

Source: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50314112

Now, I personally don't feel either politician was victim blaming - these people died not because they made any kind of mistake but because the building had undergone shoddy refurbishment and consequently the instructions they received from the fire dept. to stay put and await rescue were...catastrophic.

The problem is that to stay put and await rescue in a burning building flies against not only common sense but also every human's instinct to preserve their own life.

The only reason for not evacuating that I can think of are:

• I am (or a person I am with is) physically incapable of leaving without help
• I can find no clear route of escape

Besides this, everyone is taught from an early age that in the event of a fire alarm (much less an actual, tangible fire) to:

1. Stay calm
2. Do not retrieve possessions
3. Leave, via the nearest available exit (often with the subclause of do not use a lift)

This is at school, at work, in hotels, on public transport, in shops and public buildings...literally everywhere.

So Rees-Mogg and Brigden asked the fairly obvious question - why, when instructed to do something that goes against logic, against self-preservation, against a lifetime of a very specific learned response to this particular kind of threat did the people in that tower block not go against that instruction?

There are several significant possibilities that spring to my mind:

First and probably most importantly is TRUST IN AUTHORITY. They trusted people to know what the right thing to do was, especially the fire dept. whose literal job is to keep them safe. I have issues with this cos I simply don't trust people. Like, ever. it's just not in my make up to do anything beyond listen to my own gut. And my gut can be wrong.

Secondly is FEAR. When people are afraid there are two key responses - firstly, Fight Or Flight where the choice is to fight the danger or run from it. This is were you either grab that fire extinguisher or make for the fire escape. Second is Deer In The Headlights, and that's what I'm thinking here. People who are frightened often freeze, people who freeze often look to others to tell them what to do, or are susceptible to being led...this is, in part, why runaways are so vulnerable - a frightened kid can go into things they'd never have dreamed of doing if led astray by someone malicious.

Third up is the controversial one: I blame the education system. Basically, SOCIETAL BRAINWASHING. From an early age, usually pre-school age, kids are taught to defer to adults - specifically authority figures: cops, doctors, teachers etc. Beyond this all through school are taught over and over not to act without instruction. To do ONLY as they are told.

To elaborate on this last point I want to cite experiences from my last two jobs.

My last job was in a shop. I worked with several school leavers who shared a common characteristic - they couldn't self-motivate, like AT ALL. They'd literally stand there waiting for someone to tell them what to do, even if there was a really obvious task at hand. Meanwhile, myself and other older workers instinctively looked for things to do - we disliked being told what to do like we were kids, also tasks done at our convenience made for smooth running of the shop - basically, it was to make our own lives easier to declutter, reorganise or whatever.

In my last job before that I worked in a school. One particular classroom disgusted me because the walls were covered in pictograms of 'acceptable behaviour' - no speaking unless spoken to, no moving unless instructed to, using a 'whisper voice' only, do not do anything until you have listened to all the instructions etc. At this time my own kids were in uni & 6th form college and I talked to both of them about these signs and both confirmed that this had been drummed into them at school. To literally not think for themselves but to defer always to someone else's instruction. I was appalled! If I had known this I'd have homsechooled throughout instead of the times I was otherwise obliged to.

Fortunately, what I taught my kids at home was very successful. Both my kids are capable of thinking for themselves, getting on with things, dealing with a crisis. At sixteen my youngest accidentally set fire to the bathroom - it is one of my proudest moments as a parent because she dealt with it - she calmly threw a fire blanket over it, even cleaned up. Did she call anyone for help or advice? Nope, she had it in hand. Conversely a story I saw on the news has stuck with me for many years: a family saw smoke issuing from their tumble dryer so they fled their flat and called for help (nice flight response) - only they didn't unplug the machine, they didn't grab a fire extinguisher...their home & possessions were destroyed as a result. Probably avoidable without any of them being in any actual danger. Very unfortunate.

This whole business makes me think of a couple of examples from history.

One is the Titanic. People look back and are VERY judgemental of the White Star Line for not providing enough lifeboats (there was a greater provision than required by law) and against the officers who allowed lifeboats to leave the ship far below capacity (partly because proper evacuation procedures were not in place, partly because 'women and children first' was misinterpreted) - much like Grenfell, a series of unfortunate misjudgements and mistakes. But there too the victims were criticised - in this instance, for 'not believing' the ship would sink...but this assertion was based on false information.

"White Star Line President P.A.S. Franklin announced 'We place absolute confidence in the Titanic. We believe the boat is unsinkable'" AFTER the ship was reported to be in distress. The ship was DESIGNED TO BE unsinkable, it was never claimed that it WAS so; and the myth surrounding the term 'unsinkable' largely came about after the disaster. 

Source: https://www.historyonthenet.com/the-titanic-why-did-people-believe-titanic-was-unsinkable

Certainly the passengers may have had faith in the ship, may have believed rescue would come in time, may have been in denial of their peril (because people often are) and may have been not unreasonably afraid to get into vulnerable little boats in the middle of an icy ocean. But unlike Grenfell no one died because they were told to stay, and no one died because of shoddy materials.

Another, more recent, parallel is from 9/11. Workers in the South Tower were told to stay at their desks, after all, it was the North Tower that had been hit. Director of Security at Morgan Stanley, Rick Rescorla, had other ideas. He'd been drilling the staff FOR YEARS, every three months he got EVERYONE to practice emergency evacuations - annoying executive types who resented the interruptions. People took the piss at his 'over preparedness', they thought him paranoid. However, on 9/11 Morgan Stanley Dean Whitter lost just SIX employees out of two-and-a-half-THOUSAND. One was Rescorla. He could have escaped, having done his duty to his company, but he couldn't walk away when there were still lives to save.

Not only that but employees of other companies followed the example. They'd seen Rescorla leading his evacuation practices and decided to join in. They ignored official advice and followed the guy who seemed to know what he was doing...not least cos it fitted in with natural desires to preserve your own life

Sources:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Rescorla

https://hbswk.hbs.edu/archive/leadership-on-9-11-morgan-stanley-s-challenge

Another story from 9/11 involves a group of ten co-workers who worked together carrying a wheelchair-user down a stairwell of the North Tower. They encountered a firefighter on the 10th floor who told them to leave the disabled man, John Abruzzo, with them and the fire service would take it from there. They'd already carried him 59 floors, they were tired...they did not leave Abruzzo but finished the job. The building collapsed just 15 minutes after they got out. They made a choice not to defer to the 'authority figures' and it worked out for them - clearly it might not have done, but they made the choice they could live with. If their escape had been delayed by their choice and they had died they'd still be heroes for trying.
Sources:https://nypost.com/2017/09/10/the-port-authority-yanks-an-honor-from-911-heroes/ 
https://www.911memorial.org/blog/colleagues-use-special-chair-save-quadriplegic-911 

Lastly, I want to use a thought experiment.

You're down in the London Underground and there's a fire alarm. The tunnel splits in two, both marked 'way out'.

One way (Route A) is wider, well lit but the smell of smoke seems stronger, the other looks like the path less travelled (Route B) but the air is clear. Which way do you go?

Same scenario but there are a dozen or so other people with you now and they're taking Route A, do you follow?

Same scenario but there's a scruffy type in ripped jeans and covered in tattoos saying Route B looks safer, do you believe them?

Same scenario but the person saying Route B looks safer is now a wearing a smart suit. Do you believe them more than the tattooed scruffy person?

Same scenario but the person directing you is now a member of staff and they're showing you to Route A but the smoke is now thick. Do you challenge them on why B is not an option?

You challenge them and they say Route A is the shorter route to the surface - the Route B tunnel leads to a neighbouring station where you can get to the surface but it'll be full of people from the trains that aren't stopping here. What do you do now?

Same scenario as before but now smoke is even thicker and the member of staff is saying 'stay put' - anyone who suggests Route B is rebuffed by being told they'll cause congestion in the other station.

My opinion is that Route B is always the best - regardless of whether you're alone to make a choice, others are choosing what is apparently a poor option, whether those recommending a safe route are smart or scruffy and whether an official is telling you an unsafe route is best - even if they provide reasoning.

It's my fear that we have a culture of discouraging people from thinking for themselves. No blame whatsoever to the Grenfell residents, just questions over why people believe counter-intuitive statements.

FOOTNOTE
On my Facebook's On This Day for 11th Nov 2011 is the following post:

G-Zeus! Woman rings NHS Direct re: daughter's migraine

that had lasted days. Advised to give her TWELVE Anadin

and ANOTHER TWELVE after 12 hours.

Daughter is now in hospital for the overdose.

For Gawd's sake peeps - double check the medical advice

you are given. Don't trust people.

I have no idea where the story came from as, pre uni, I wasn't so careful about citing sources. Quite possibly a totally fake story although I've been prescribed meds I'm contraindicated for and been instructed to use meds improperly by paramedics & nurses so I'm inclined to believe. What I struggle with is that anyone would follow such instructions. Sure X is a 'medical professional' but if they instruct you to take waaaaay more pills than the packaging says why would you believe X and not the manufacturer? One or two extra I can believe but 12???
I definitely feel our society trusts certain people implicitly. When I was at uni we did critical thinking of which PART was assessing the reliability of sources. I can understand why someone'd believe (in general terms) a doctor over the hedgewitch down the end of the village but if the doctor tells you to do something stupid you're supposed to look at that critically TOO. 
Question everything, do the reading (and still take it with a pinch of salt), think for yourself. PLEASE.

On Perspective

Today I got a bit of grief for not understanding a joke.
It goes like this:

So the main thing is that I have never heard this myth that people having olfactory hallucinations during strokes smell burned toast.
It really helps if you've heard the story the joke is dependent on. But I still don't find it 'funny' unless you factor in that burned toast in the ocean is just soggy bread. And that's not exactly hilarious either.

Perspective is a huge thing too and strokes aren't especially funny. Illnesses, diseases, medical conditions in general...problematic. It's one thing to watch a disabled person make jokes about their own condition - people are allowed to poke fun at themselves, it's when people poke fun at others it starts to get difficult.

So, having seen this do the I retweeted it with the following: 

I've seen this one do the rounds several times and it's no good

I have to ask... WHY IS IT (allegedly) FUNNY?

Probably just me being *sensitive*

but I don't find anything about strokes funny.

The @thelifeofsharks twitter account retweeted me with the (partial) comment: 

We’re sorry you don’t understand the joke.

We’re not for everyone.

Wow, 'I'm sorry you don't get the joke' is such a non-explanation for why you're 'joking' about a very serious issue. 
Another tweeter replied: 

i found it funny, and ive had strokes before. it's set up well,

and uses the toast thing effectively to make a joke

that even i can laugh at

Look, I'm happy for you. I don't know what kind of strokes you had or why but I see from your bio that you're pretty young - maybe that has enabled you to make a good recovery or maybe you're just in a really good headspace to accept what happened to you because, again, perspective is a pretty important factor.

This, for example, is MY perspective.
When I was 6 years old my grandad had a stroke*. They didn't have MRIs or whatever in those days and there's no good way of defining different severities of stroke anyway. He lived another 16 years pretty much in one room like a prisoner in his own home. He had a poor quality of life; he died in 2000 aged 91 - of complications from the catheter he'd had to use because of the stroke.
His wife died less than 3 months later, also of stroke, but then she was 95.
Their youngest daughter, my mother, worked her ass of all those years to keep them in their own home - doing all their groceries & laundry, doing the middle-of-the-night call outs when he fell. My dad did all their gardening and DIY.
My mum had her stroke* on 16th April 2018 aged 73. She has been affected far worse than her father was - he could stay in his own home with assistance, meals on wheels, carers in twice a day... My mum has to have someone with her 24/7 which is me (with a little help from my daughters & dad - when they're available).
See, this doesn't just wreck the life of the person it happens to. I had to give up my own life, my hopes & dreams to care her. And if that sounds callous I don't much care - I did not have a happy childhood and I never had a great relationship with either of my parents. I hadn't long graduated, my youngest kid was recently off to uni - I was finally gonna get my life back. Unfortunately, for both of us, I'm an only child and my mum's partner wasn't up to the job. So now I'm stuck at home being a domestic drudge on zero income living my worst nightmare. The things I have seen and done in the past year and a half...
*We're fairly sure both had subsequent strokes (I think they were confirmed at autopsy in my grandfather's case; my mother is terrified of all things medical so we've pretty much nursed her through the 'episodes')

So yeah, I'm glad that the stroke-survivor who responded that they found it funny is in a position to do so. But that's far from true for all. For many people the position is utterly devastating. You won't find my mum laughing about her funny incontinence or the fact she chokes when she eats or drinks or the million other shitty things she has to endure every damn day. I'm not laughing either, I cry myself to sleep most nights wondering what I did to deserve this karma.

Brain damage* is horrific however it happens but somehow I think it must be a little easier to accept if there's a terrible accident or something. The thing with a stroke is that there's not an outside cause, your body can just do it to itself. My mum was watching TV for heaven's sake! If she hadn't has a partner to phone and raise the alarm...well, she'd have ended up like Michael.
Michael lived down the road from us. Back in the spring his neighbour called his ex wife (my godmother) because she was concerned...he'd been dead a considerable time. I hope to God he dropped dead of a heart attack or something but he could've had a stroke and just lain there 'til he died of dehydration. Maybe there was a reason no one cared about him in life but it's a horrible way to imagine someone going.
*Only in the past couple of weeks did I become aware that there's also such a thing as a spinal stroke - so you can end up permanently and completely paralysed for no damn reason.

I'm certainly not gonna say I speak for any stroke survivor when I'm not one myself; I'm not even gonna claim to speak for any other person whose life has been affected by stroke. Maybe I am being an over sensitive snowflake but this is my reality.
For some people a stroke is little more than a TIA - a 24 hour scare. Some have more serious experiences that require a longer recovery time. Some people will never fully recover; some don't even get a partial recovery but remain seriously impaired as long as they live. Some will die. And they're all called stroke, regardless of whether you can live a fairly normal life, go back to work etc...or whether you're left catastrophically disabled. Lumping all stroke-survivors (and their loved-ones) into one category like that is just nuts when it's a ridiculously diverse set of circumstances.

• Dead within 28 days of stroke - 28%
• Dead within one year of stroke - 41%
• Dead within five years of stroke - 60%

Source: https://www.saebo.com/stroke-statistics/

• Around 2% of the UK population is a stroke survivor.
• Stroke is the UK's 4th biggest killer (1 person every 13 minutes) and the leading cause of acquired disability.
• 1 in 8 deaths worldwide is caused by stroke.

Source: https://www.stroke.org.uk/sites/default/files/state_of_the_nation_2017_final_1.pdf

I find the statistics pretty hard reading though:
About half get a brain scan WITHIN AN HOUR of arriving in hospital, almost 9 out of 10 patients have a brain scan within 12 hours. At 18 hours in they were still insisting it couldn't possibly be a stroke and finally agreed to do a scan 'just in case'.
In Scotland 8 out of 10 people are admitted to a stroke unit within 24 hours. We're in England, my mum waited a week for a bed to become available.
And then the shit about therapies and rehabilitation - everything stopped dead as soon as she was discharged. No physio, no speech therapy, nothing.

So yeah, forgive me if I don't find it funny.

List of Bands I've Seen & Gigs

I keep misplacing my gig notebook so I'm filing it away onto the internet...please note, this is not a blog post I expect any sane person to read.

First an A-Z of bands seen I can add to as I go (for bands seen multiple times the number follows in brackets (and I dare say there are plenty of errors cos numbers!), *to be seen at next gig, artists most important to me in bold):

• 10PenceForToast 
• All Time Low 
• All To Ruin
• All Us On Drugs
• Annisokay
• Apathy Avenue
• As December Falls 
• Ashes
• Ashestoangels (19) - abbreviated as A2A
• Asking Alexandria
• As Sirens Fall
• Atilla
• Bad Pollyanna
• Beyond Recall (4)
• Black Veil Brides
• Bloodhounds
• Cadence
• Camcorder
• Citizen
• Clear The Auditorium (2)
• Colt45
• Compounds
• Continents
• Creeper (2)
• Crossfaith
• DEAD! (2)
• Decade
• Decadent
• Denial Of Humanity
• Dinosaur Pile Up
• Drama Club
• Elessar
• Escape The Fate
• Everyday Sidekicks (2)
• Fall Out Boy
• Farewell, My Love
• Far From History
• Fearless Vampire Killers (21) - abbreviated as FVK; fan base called The Lost Hearts
• Forever Never
• Fort Hope (2)
• Ghosts As Alibis
• Glimpse Of Misfortune
• Goodbye The Sunset (2)
• Goodnight Harvey
• Griever (2)
• Hacktivist
• Heaven Asunder (3)
• Her Dark Embrace
• Hindsights
• INME (little bit)
• Junior
• Karl Ficarotta
• Koshiro
• Lacey
• Landscapes
• Little Bribes
• Madina Lake
• Mallory Knox (little bit)
• Milk Teeth (little bit)
• Miss Vincent
• Montroze
• More Than Most
• Myth City (5)
• NeverFound (3)
• Neverise
• New Kids On The Block (3) - the most obvious odd one out
• New Politics
• Nothing More (little bit)
• Only Rivals
• Out For Tomorrow
• P
• Q
• Revelation
• Saint The Sinner
• Scout Killers
• Shontelle
• Silhouettes
• Solace In Nightmares (2) 
• Steven Battelle
• Sunset Sunday
• SWMRS
• Syren City
• The Blackout
• The Broken Kings
• The Dead XIII
• The Dead Romantics
• The Pretty Reckless
• The Reaper
• The Species
• The Super Happy Fun Club
• The Used
• Thrice
• Tonight Alive
• Trash Boat
• Ugly Love
• Valens
• Veridian
• Villains
• VUKOVI
• What Now
• William Control (2)
• X
• Y
• Zoax (6)

Date - Venue - Who I went with

'Event', if applicable

Support Act(s)

Headliner

(Numbers in brackets indicate artists I've seen multiple times)

* indicates band I primarily went to see

Notes

4th December 1991 - Wembley Arena, London - Jo Bardell from school
unknown - on Googling for an answer this show is listed as being December FIFTH??? I'm sticking with the 4th until I see concrete proof I've had the date wrong for TWENTY EIGHT YEARS. My friend Zubia was there on the 4th so I'm taking that as us being right and the interwebs being wrong! Zubia also reckons the support was either Gerardo or Biscuit...
New Kids On The Block (1)*

25th January 2009 - Hammersmith Apollo, London - my younger daughter Kathleen
Shontelle
New Kids On The Block (2)*
This show was added to the tour, so it isn't mentioned on the t shirt (see 30/10/16 - matinee), as a 'fan appreciation' show - a comparatively intimate concert such as they hadn't played in years and very much like the Hangin' Tough Live VHS video filmed in an LA theatre I used to watch after school! They later said "In fact, we all agree that London's Hammersmith Apollo was without question one of our favourite concerts ever!"
I got 5th row balcony seats...in amongst people who'd paid megabucks for 5* VIP packages - and they even came up to the balcony to sing 'Tonight'. It was also noteworthy as being the show when Jonathan Knight dropped his trousers.

14th April 2013 - O2 Academy 2, Oxford - Erin and Kathleen
What Now
The Reaper
Fort Hope (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (1)*
My first ever rock gig. I was actually really chuffed there were a fair few non-teenagers in the room...until it transpired they were the parents of The Reaper!
Laurence pointed toward me during Fetish For The Finite (captured for posterity HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt16A1tFJLA&t=5s) and I have the same line - "I can't stand another night knowing you're not mine" - translated into Ancient Greek by my OU classics professor and tattooed around my right thigh.

I later added the FVK heliskull (albeit altered to have fangs) between the end and start of the text.
After the show I went to meet Laurence to get my album signed and he said "You're Heggie, right?" I remember I squealed but very little else. It was a VERY important moment to me :) 

26th April 2013 - Remedies, Bridgwater - solo
'Superheroes Party'
Out For Tomorrow
Karl Ficarotta
Scout Killers
Ashestoangels (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (2)*

17th July 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Her Dark Embrace
Ashestoangels (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (3)*

21st October 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Ashestoangels (3)
The Super Happy Fun Club
Fearless Vampire Killers (4)*
Madina Lake
Madina Lake's farewell tour

23rd Descember 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Everyday Sidekicks (1)
Koshiro
Beyond Recall (1)
Ashestoangels (4)*
The night of the floods AKA the one where we nearly froze to death.

10th March 2014 - Exchange, Bristol - elder daughter Erin
Beyond Recall (2)
Ashestoangels (5)
Fearless Vampire Killers (5)*
The one with the purple hair and where Erin scared Laurence!

15th March 2014 - O2 Academy, Brixton, London - Erin and Kathleen
Only Rivals
Tonight Alive
All Time Low*
After My Chemical Romance did the thing on my birthday in 2013 I resolved that if I got the chance to see All Time Low and / or Fall Out Boy I would just go for it...who knew the two would pop up a week apart?!

22nd March 2014 - SSE Hydro, Glasgow - Erin and Kathleen
New Politics
The Pretty Reckless
Fall Out Boy*
Unable to make the London date I thought what a pity it was I couldn't go to Glasgow ON MY BIRTHDAY...then I wondered WHY I couldn't go to Glasgow. First time booking my own flight anywhere ;)

21st April 2014 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Erin and Kathleen
NeverFound (1)
DEAD! (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (6)*

31st May 2014 - NEC, Birmingham - solo
New Kids On The Block (3)*
I knew it was over before I went but it was still hard knowing for sure. Went in a version of Donnie's HOMEBOY outfit with Adidas, faux leather jacket, ripped jeans...and the FVK 'inkblot' tee ;)

28th August 2014 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Heaven Asunder (1)
Bad Pollyanna
Ashestoangels (6)*
William Control (1)
Nikki Kontinen of Bad Pollyanna later ended up in the Ashestoangels line-up

4th October 2014 - O2 Academy, Brixton, London - Erin and Kathleen
Drama Club
Fearless Vampire Killers (7)*
Atilla
Black Veil Brides

30th October 2014 - Tunnels, Bristol - Kathleen
The Dead Romantics
Goodnight Harvey
Beyond Recall (3)
Ashestoangels (7)*

1st November 2014 - The Dome, Tufnell Park, London - Erin and Kathleen
'Cabaret Of The Damned'
Valens
Ashestoangels (8)
Fearless Vampire Killers (8)*

I went all kinda steampunk witchy (K laced me into the corset on the train!), Kathleen went as Little Red Riding Hood (complete with plastic axe) and Erin dressed as the goddess Athena:

She was also armed - with a sword and shield I painted for her - and nearly ended up in a moshpit while wearing sandals! There's a video somewhere of my girls going axe to sword...can't take 'em anywhere!

22nd December 2014 - Exchange, Bristol - Kathleen
unknown
Beyond Recall (4)
Solace In Nightmares (1)
Ashestoangels (9)*

20th February 2015 - O2 Academy Bristol - Kathleen
Decade
Landscapes
The Used*

7th March 2015 - Southampton University - Erin
'Takedown Festival'
This one takes a slightly different format as it involved moving around different stages (each with its own headliner) and seeing bits of different acts' sets.
Bands I saw a decent chunk of / whole set:
Ugly Love
Ashestoangels (10)
Creeper (1)
Griever (1)
DEAD! (2)
The Blackout
Fort Hope (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (9)* (Obsidian Stage Headliner)
Bands I saw only small portions of:
INME
Milk Teeth
Mallory Knox (Main Stage Headliner)
This was the one with all the injuries.

21st April 2015 - Tunnels, Bristol - solo
Never Found (2)
Everyday Sidekicks (2)
Syren City
Ashestoangels (11)*
William Control (2)
I had just heard that my cousin Allister had brain cancer - A2As Ugly Club GOT TO ME

7th May 2015 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Erin's friend Maddy
Ghosts As Alibis
Myth Cith (1)
Annisokay
Fearless Vampire Killers (10)*

Not a gig but on 9th May 2015 I went to the Landseer Public House in London for a meet up with Fearless Vampire Killers. This was when I got Laurence to copy out the Latin for the first of my CFTD tattoos. I went to London for a meet up of just Lost Hearts (FVK fans) at some point but I'm not sure I made a note here of when that was.

19th May 2015 - The Exchange, Bristol - Kathleen and Maddy
Goodbye The Sunset (1)
Myth City (2)
Zoax (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (11)*

21st May 2015 - The Haunt, Brighton - solo
unsure if there was a local support cos I missed the very start
Myth City (3)
Zoax (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (12)*
The one with the elbows.

22nd May 2015 - Joiners, Southampton - Erin
Glimpse Of Misfortune
Myth City (4)
Zoax (3)
Fearless Vampire Killers (13)*
The one with the fainting.

27th June 2015 - The Fleece, Bristol - Erin
10PenceForToast
Elessar
Goodbye The Sunset (2)*
Having been VERY taken with Goodbye The Sunset I took Erin to see them. It was very awkward as, aside from bar staff and the other bands playing, we were the only ones there! To add insult to injury there was no late train so we had to leave before set headliner band 'We Deny' even came on.

28th July 2015 - Thekla, Bristol - Erin
missed set by Refuge Of The Fallen
The Dead XIII
Farewell, My Love 
Ashestoangels (12)*
Dual Headliner Tour - A2A had the headliner slot for the hometown show.

9th August 2015 - The Dome, Tufnell Park, London - Solo
'Havoc Festival'
Ashes (not -toangels, different band entirely)
Myth City (5)
Hindsights
Villains
All Us On Drugs
Zoax (4)
Forever Never
Fearless Vampire Killers (14)*
It was supposed to be a dual headliner with Glamour Of The Kill but they pulled out having just announced their split. Met Mama and Pops Wooly at this one.

5th September 2015 - various venues, Nottingham - solo
'Macmillan Fest'
Little Bribes
The Species
Neverise
Colt45
Silhouettes
As December Falls
Lacey
Fearless Vampire Killers (15)* (Stage Headliner)
I chose to go to this one as my cousin Allister had been diagnosed with Cancer in April; the night before the show I heard his treatment had failed. He died 21st April 2016.
Before the show I saw FVKs tour manager Steve Dillon - he clocked my FVK hoodie and we exchanged a smile. I will always regret not at least saying hi as he died 23rd March 2016.
It was a multi stage day festival but as I didn't even know where I was I didn't dare move. 
This was the one where I gave Laurence the Catvengers tee.

17th October 2015 - Louisiana, Bristol - solo
Solace In Nightmares (2)
Heaven Asunder (2)
Ashestoangels (13)*

16th December 2015 - The Scene, Swansea - Maddy
Never Found (3)
Revelation
Continents
Fearless Vampire Killers (16)*
The one where I gave Laurence an 'I love ewe' tote bag because he'd just been handed a rather fragile gift and was looking a tad worried, poor lamb.

8th March 2016 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Maddy
Clear The Auditorium (1)
Miss Vincent
VUKOVI
Fearless Vampire Killers (17)*
The one where I bunked in with Maddy @ Swansea uni and came home with a stinkin' cold.

25th April 2016 - The Exchange, Bristol - solo
Sunset Sunday
Saint The Sinner
Ashestoangels (14)*
My cousin Allister had died 4 days before - and about a week after A2A released 'How To Bleed'. I had been stuck in a loop of 'Bound and Broken' and 'Ghost In The Machine' - they played both. I think I may have howled.

8th June 2016 - Thekla, Bristol - solo
Heaven Asunder (3)
Fearless Vampire Killers (18)*
Escape The Fate
It's very easy to say so in hindsight but something felt 'off' at this gig. Virtually everyone was having a shit year - I hoped that was something to do with the vibe I was getting. Given what happened next I'm not so sure.

Fearless Vampire Killers did the thing on 4th July 2016. As I say, 2016 was shaping up to be an epically shit year so I sadly wasn't surprised. I've blogged about it separately so I shan't go into it here. Grateful to them for at least announcing it properly - I was actually quoted in Kerrang! about how shitty the way My Chemical Romance did the thing (ambiguous statement on website scaring fans with no confirmation for DAYS) and later (1st Nov 2018) the band Creeper hung up their 'Callous Hearts jackets at the end of a gig and announced "not only is it the last show of this album, but it’s the last show that we’ll ever do" and that was that! Nasty to drop it on your fans like that imho.
EDIT: Bizarre timing but the day after I posted this blog THIS:
https://www.kerrang.com/features/wtf-is-going-on-with-creeper-right-now/?fbclid=IwAR0Ot4Y10VCXP0koPBythkM-cXdjESYJMosGi9Cdxw4Kb3rWsPPsMeALcVQ
came up - not that it makes any difference to my opinion. There's being theatrical, there's going media silent for nearly 11 months...but this was like dumping your partner at a party in front of all your mates and then expecting them to welcome you back a year later. If you're gonna do the thing, make it clear. Don't hurt the fans who you rely on for your damn income.

17th July 2016 - Hobos, Bridgend - solo*
'Shield Fest'
Missed first two acts Calling Apollo and Coast To Coast
Clear The Auditorium (2) Their final show!
Far From History
Veridian
All To Ruin
Junior
More Than Most
Fearless Vampire Killers (19)* or Kierless Vampire Killers!
First off the asterisk by 'solo'...once FVK announced the split and that THIS would be the only booked gig they were going to play things got serious. I had booked to go with Maddy (having decided to miss FVK at Shield Fest the previous year in favour of Macmillan Fest as I couldn't do both) but we had fallen out - I confirmed with her that she didn't want the spot so I offered up a bed if anyone wanted somewhere to stay so they could go. Paula accepted the offer. Later, Tasha would put out a call on Twitter for someone in Taunton to crash with so she and her partner could get there so we did that too! So although technically I went by myself it was a group effort.
Naturally emotions were running high but it was an AMAZING show, not that I'm at all biased you understand. Where FVK were a dual lead vocalist group Laurence can clearly do the job just fine-slash-better so I came away feeling confident that they'd be fine just as soon as they decided what to do next.
I had painted THIS:

for a fan appreciation video so I made THIS:

to wave at the show (taking the canvas off the frame for practicality). I ended up handing it to Laurence on a whim along with a letter I'd written thanking them for everything and expressing my best wishes and support for the future (which I believe is also here in an earlier blog).
Showed Laurence my newly inked Latin tattoo (which I'd FINALLY booked just before the split and got done days after) and got him to write out another one - 1st is Tu eris in solis radios aurorae ("You'll be there, in the sun's first rays of the morning" from 'City Falls To Dust') 2nd is "Hic sanguis meus eris usque in diem morior" ("You'll be here in my blood til the day I die" from the same song and Lost Hearts' go-to lyric following the break up).
Forever providing a link to Katherine's video of the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8Z7qlb7koI It was an absolutely magical atmosphere. Emotions were running high but the Lost Hearts are an amazing bunch and I think we all decided to work hard at making it a really special night four the lads.

26th August 2016 - Reading - solo
'Reading Festival'
I mostly stayed at the Lock Up Stage where FVK had been due to perform and the line up went like this:
SWMRS
Trash Boat - FVKs replacement
Creeper (2)
Superheaven - did not see
Citizen
Dinosaur Pile Up
Nothing More - only saw the last song (Salem) with its chorus of 'burn the witch' and felt legit worried I was about to get flambeed...did a hand-slap with the frontman so this makes the list by the barest of margins
Hacktivist
Crossfaith
Thrice - the band I was looking forward to seeing but they didn't play any of the tracks I knew!
Asking Alexandria (Stage Headliner) - saw three songs and headed home cos long walk and much depression.
Despite being from Reading I had never been to the Reading festival (born in the RBH '78, lived in Woodley '78-'81, Tilehurst '81-'84, Woodley again '84-'94, various Reading & Wokingham addresses until '97 and by 2016 I was prepping to move back to Woodley from deepest, darkest Somersetshire (where I had also never been to the Glastonbury festival). When FVK booked to play Reading it seemed like an omen...then they split, pulled out and I ended up going anyway. It was pretty horrible tbh thinking of what should have been.

30th October 2016 - Underworld, Camden, London - Paula
Farewell Show - Matinee
Zoax (5)
Fearless Vampire Killers (20)*
Naturally no power on this earth was keeping me from the farewell and I made a booking for the four of us - Paula and I having agreed to bunk in together again - but I held back when they announced the matinee as obviously it existed to provide tickets for people who'd missed out on getting evening tickets. However, as it got closer to the shows and tickets remained available... 
In a parallel to seeing NKOTB (31/05/14) in a Donnie themed outfit with FVK tee I went to the matinee in a Laurence themed outfit with NKOTB tee! Skinny black jeans, calf length DMs and the untrendy band tee - I actually found one on ebay for the tour that included 25/01/09!

30th October 2016 - Underworld, Camden, London - Paula, Erin and Kathleen
'Farewell Show'
Ashestoangels (16)
Zoax (6)
Fearless Vampire Killers (21)*
I went with this Magenta-from-The-Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show themed outfit for the evening show:

Partly cos of the hair colour I had but mostly cos I could show off all my tattoos (especially the FVK themed ones) at once. I wore the feather duster hanging from my pinny-straps (and yes, that's an FVK patch on the apron), I even got myself a name tag cos recognising people you've not met real-world before can be problematic.
Like the canvas I did for Shield Fest I decided to go FIVE better:

Again I took them off the frames. Erin had Shane's, Kathleen had Drew's, I had Laurence's - we each took a different spot around the room and passed another to someone else. In this video by Drew's dad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKwal3LySKg you can see the Drew & FVK ones at around 1:32.
It was a very difficult show...but the only bit I cried for was A2A playing Ghost In The Machine. For me, Shield Fest was the 'proper' farewell.

15th December 2016 - The Louisiana, Bristol - solo
Montroze
As Sirens Fall
Ashestoangels (16)*
I nearly lost the plot when they played Ghost In The Machine and Ugly Club back to back - cried on Dex!

No gigs in 2017 partly due to FVK's split and A2A being quiet but also I moved to Woodley as mentioned, graduated uni, my eldest graduated, my youngest left for uni, got a new job...

29th March 2018 - Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London - solo
Decadent
Camcorder
Ashestoangels (17)*
I actually got through Bound And Broken TWICE and Ghost In The Machine. I love those songs but my poor feels take them hard... I requested How To Tell The Truth (as always) at the VIP acoustic but Crilly confessed he'd forgotten it!

I was booked to see A2A again on June 24th 2018 but my mum had her stroke on April 16th and was released from hospital into my care on June 21st so that was that. I honestly thought my gig-going days were done.

12th September 2019 - Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London - solo
The Broken Kings (1)*
Steven Battelle
After being in-at-the-death of FVK it was a real blessing to be there for Laurence, Drew and Luke's rebirth first ever performance as The Broken Kings. Steven Battelle, formerly of LostAlone, who I never got to see live, was really good. The one where I missed the last train and had to walk across London at night with very little idea where I was going - guided by Google maps which tried to send me through a locked park and PokemonGO! Got home 0530!!!
Blessings be to Paula without whom I never would have realised I could go. Kathleen mum-sat for me.

27th October 2019 - Facebar, Reading - solo
Compounds
Denial Of Humanity
Bloodhounds
Ashestoangels (18)*
Griever (2)
The last date of a co-headlining tour and I cannot describe what it felt like to see Reading on the list! Griever had the headline slot. Erin mum-sat for me.

18th March 2020 - The Bunkhouse, Swansea - solo
?
Apathy Avenue
Cadence
Ashestoangels (19)*
The first date of a tour that was cancelled for the apocalypse Coronavirus / COVID-19. The Swansea date tied in with a long planned visit to Kathleen for around that time - Erin booked a week off work so I could have a few days break - so I got to see Ashestoangels before the big lockdown AND stock my kiddo's cupboards.
The show itself was very surreal as it was being live-streamed for the people who'd, probably quite sensibly, decided not to attend... there were about seven ticketholders in the room at most and in all honesty I was one of only three I know of for sure.
I wasn't entirely sure of the support list because most of the original line up had decided to stay home too! It also made for a very unusual set.
Cadence did a cover of The Darkness' "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" which I honestly thought was the making of my year until Ashestoangels finished their set with Guns n' Roses' "Rocket Queen"!
It was a pretty special night though - A2A (sans Falkor) gave it their all as ever. Hope to see them on the flip side...

The Circle Of Life

As part of my OU classics courses we touched on ring composition - returning to the opening idea at the conclusion of a tale.

I rather felt that idea was represented in the gig I went to last night; a bunch of coincidences that seemed rather circular in nature.

First, the obligatory overview for non-regular readers:

I've blogged before about my love for the band Fearless Vampire Killers who I saw a not-to-be-sneezed-at 21 times* between April 2013 and their farewell shows in October 2016 (following the official disbanding several months earlier). *including the Kierless Vampire Killers show in Bridgend

It's been a helluva three years from my side of things, which I have also blogged about. The first year after FVK did the thing was dominated by me completing my degree (inc. my last ever essay - on the lyrics of their song 'Neon In The Dance Halls') and prepping for the move back to Reading. The second year started in a new home, new job, newly graduated - and then, midway through, my mum had a severe stroke and everything changed. I gave up my hopes of financial independence (let alone a career) and my personal freedoms to bring my mum home and be her full-time carer. The third year has been more of the same - dealing with my own depression about the situation as well as the deterioration of her condition.

So yeah, it's been rough.

In some ways it's been a bit of a blessing, from my POV at least, that my FVK boys* have been pretty quiet because if the split hadn't happened and I was missing tours and festivals I'd be coping far less. *Kier has gone onto his Inklings solo project - no idea how that's going cos I am still mad at him for ditching his bandmates the way he did (he had every right to choose his path but the way he did it was out of line imho 😡), Shane is working in the arts, while Drew, Luke and Laurence have formed a new bad - The Broken Kings.

That said, the quietness - on social media especially, which is my lifeline - is not a good thing, especially with worrying how they're coping as they were heart, body & soul into that band. Although I'm also hoping that in the long run the re-branding of two thirds of FVK as The Broken Kings will be a good move as they have previously said the band name and image had worked against them. They deserve commercial success.

But here we are, three years on, The Broken Kings have released a handful of tracks and, on Thursday 12th September 2019, played their first ever show - supporting Steven Battelle at the Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London.

So there's the first circle: in at the death of FVK and at the very first show of TBK :) The circle of life. Straightforward enough. *Ba-dum-tiss*

The second circle is how I ended up there. Back when FVK did the thing I had a double room booked for the Kierless Vampire Killers show - the only booked date they played before the farewell - only the girl I was going with dropped out and so I offered up the twin bed if anyone wanted to be there and felt they could tolerate my snoring. Another friend took it and, when the farewell shows came up we bunked in together again. When I saw this show announced I just took it for granted that, what with my mum's situation, I couldn't go but a few hours later this same friend messaged me to ask if I was going. I damn near replied "Of course I can't go!!!" but it made me think - my youngest would be home from uni for the summer, she should still be here...why COULDN'T I go?! I asked my mum if it'd be okay and booked it, rather rudely without checking it'd be okay with my daughter but I got carried away! It just seems quite the coincidence that it was the same friend who made me realise I could go after all - together at the end and again at the beginning, round in a circle.

The third circle is the venue. The last gig I went to was around 3 weeks before my mum's stroke - and it was to see Ashestoangels at the exact same venue - the only other time I'd been to that particular venue before, although I had been to its sister venue The Dome* *their doors open onto different roads but they pretty much back onto each other There was something both strange yet comforting to be back in that space after nearly a year and a half. A bit of a flavour of picking up my old life where I left off if that makes any kind of sense.

There's a possible fourth circle - I think* the first time I met the friend of circle 2 in the real world was at an FVK gig at The Dome! *It's all got a bit lost in the mists of time, my memory is atrocious

There were circles for the artists involved too - FVK had supported Steven Battelle's former band LostAlone before...also, despite the new projects all former members were present - Shane & Kier for FVK as well as Mark & Alan for LostAlone.

Maybe this is all a bit weird but last night's gig aside from being AMAZING just felt like everything was coming back around to the beginning - it marked a beginning for TBK, it was coming back to the dear friends I've made who're practically family.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Anyway, I ought to include something about the show itself. 

The Broken Kings' set was six songs - four of theirs, one old FVK track and what I am reliably informed was a Bee Gees cover (my knowledge of 70s music is a bit more glam rock based). After a three year break they got back into the swing of things really easily and just as I thought FVK were destined for great things TBK show all that promise.

Aside from being worried I wouldn't get there I was also haunted by an experience from 2014. I'd gone to Birmingham to see New Kids On The Block. They were my 1st concert in 1991...and my 2nd, in 2009. Waiting 3 years to see Laurence, Luke & Drew again was kind of peanuts in comparison to 18 years and then another 5! Anyway, my 3rd and final NKOTB show was good in itself but I went back to the hotel room and had a good cry because I realised that part of my life was over. Over these past 3 years I've worked on getting my Laurence Beveridge crush under control (which is a good thing) but I was really worried that between that and all the shit I'd been going through I'd look up at them and realise it was over. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN and the relief is HUGE. If that day ever comes it's gonna hurt like hell. Falling out of love with a band can happen of course but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt - you can still miss the way they made you feel and the friends you made along the way (who often disappear when you move on).

I had not seen Steven Battelle, or LostAlone, before but I had bought some of LostAlone's music back in the day and I had very much enjoyed his latest solo album 'Midnight Between Months' so I had high hopes and was not to be disappointed. Despite not having a regular live band you wouldn't know and they played a tight show. If circumstances allow I would definitely be up for seeing him play again which is actually quite a thing for me - most artists I'm happy to see the once.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

As a footnote of sorts I have to record for posterity just what a palaver I had getting home. My own fault for bad planning...and for lurking to see the boys off after the show.😉

I got as far as Embankment intending to take the tube to Paddington from there but while I was checking which train I needed I missed the last bloody one of the night. Having next to no idea where in hell (or more specifically, London) I was I headed out into the night. I love a good night walk, the weather was fine and I was in sensible shoes. I rarely get the wiggins about being out alone / late, probably because I am the sort of female who has never attracted any unwanted (or wanted, for that matter) attention so I have a tendency to feel a bit invincible. I failed to find Waterloo (and I was doubtful about a connecting service anyway) so I struck out for Paddington with minimal confidence of finding my way (especially as I couldn't find a huge bloody station like Waterloo when I must've been right next to the bloody thing!) but an air of 'how hard can it be?!' 

The answer to that is very. The route included many useful landmarks but having no idea of their relationship to each other it really was no help at all. I took a selfie outside Buckingham Palace at about 01:40 and posted it to Instagram with the words "simultaneously lost and found" because I knew exactly where I was (being outside the best landmark in the country) but with next to no clue how I was getting from there to where I needed to be!

In all honesty my life was saved by a £16 Power Bank purchased part-charged from Primark in the morning - it charged my phone while I was actively using it for Google Maps and PokemonGO (I find PokemonGO very useful for getting around).

I walked from 00:40 to 02:45. I'd have been better off walking from Tufnell Park! I got disoriented a few times, missed any number of opportunities to make it a shorter route, discovered the route Google Maps provided me through Hyde Park was impossible because it's gated & locked, and got approached by a random taxi driver trying to pick me up but by then I was in my final approach to Paddington...which I also managed to overshoot and was guided in by a janitor!

I had to buy a new ticket home as my Travelcard had expired. Got into Reading about 04:30 and went in search of change for the bus before remembering they take contactless! Caught the first bus of the day (on my route at least) and rocked up to the house like a proper dirty stop out at around 05:30. Oh, what a night!

Absolutely Hegsausted but would do it again in a heartbeat.