List of Bands I've Seen & Gigs

I keep misplacing my gig notebook so I'm filing it away onto the internet...please note, this is not a blog post I expect any sane person to read.

First an A-Z of bands seen I can add to as I go (for bands seen multiple times the number follows in brackets (and I dare say there are plenty of errors cos numbers!), *to be seen at next gig, artists most important to me in bold):

• 10PenceForToast 
• All Time Low 
• All To Ruin
• All Us On Drugs
• Annisokay
• Apathy Avenue
• As December Falls 
• Ashes
• Ashestoangels (19) - abbreviated as A2A
• Asking Alexandria
• As Sirens Fall
• Atilla
• Bad Pollyanna
• Beyond Recall (4)
• Black Veil Brides
• Bloodhounds
• Cadence
• Camcorder
• Citizen
• Clear The Auditorium (2)
• Colt45
• Compounds
• Continents
• Creeper (2)
• Crossfaith
• DEAD! (2)
• Decade
• Decadent
• Denial Of Humanity
• Dinosaur Pile Up
• Drama Club
• Elessar
• Escape The Fate
• Everyday Sidekicks (2)
• Fall Out Boy
• Farewell, My Love
• Far From History
• Fearless Vampire Killers (21) - abbreviated as FVK; fan base called The Lost Hearts
• Forever Never
• Fort Hope (2)
• Ghosts As Alibis
• Glimpse Of Misfortune
• Goodbye The Sunset (2)
• Goodnight Harvey
• Griever (2)
• Hacktivist
• Heaven Asunder (3)
• Her Dark Embrace
• Hindsights
• INME (little bit)
• Junior
• Karl Ficarotta
• Koshiro
• Lacey
• Landscapes
• Little Bribes
• Madina Lake
• Mallory Knox (little bit)
• Milk Teeth (little bit)
• Miss Vincent
• Montroze
• More Than Most
• Myth City (5)
• NeverFound (3)
• Neverise
• New Kids On The Block (3) - the most obvious odd one out
• New Politics
• Nothing More (little bit)
• Only Rivals
• Out For Tomorrow
• P
• Q
• Revelation
• Saint The Sinner
• Scout Killers
• Shontelle
• Silhouettes
• Solace In Nightmares (2) 
• Steven Battelle
• Sunset Sunday
• SWMRS
• Syren City
• The Blackout
• The Broken Kings
• The Dead XIII
• The Dead Romantics
• The Pretty Reckless
• The Reaper
• The Species
• The Super Happy Fun Club
• The Used
• Thrice
• Tonight Alive
• Trash Boat
• Ugly Love
• Valens
• Veridian
• Villains
• VUKOVI
• What Now
• William Control (2)
• X
• Y
• Zoax (6)

Date - Venue - Who I went with

'Event', if applicable

Support Act(s)

Headliner

(Numbers in brackets indicate artists I've seen multiple times)

* indicates band I primarily went to see

Notes

4th December 1991 - Wembley Arena, London - Jo Bardell from school
unknown - on Googling for an answer this show is listed as being December FIFTH??? I'm sticking with the 4th until I see concrete proof I've had the date wrong for TWENTY EIGHT YEARS. My friend Zubia was there on the 4th so I'm taking that as us being right and the interwebs being wrong! Zubia also reckons the support was either Gerardo or Biscuit...
New Kids On The Block (1)*

25th January 2009 - Hammersmith Apollo, London - my younger daughter Kathleen
Shontelle
New Kids On The Block (2)*
This show was added to the tour, so it isn't mentioned on the t shirt (see 30/10/16 - matinee), as a 'fan appreciation' show - a comparatively intimate concert such as they hadn't played in years and very much like the Hangin' Tough Live VHS video filmed in an LA theatre I used to watch after school! They later said "In fact, we all agree that London's Hammersmith Apollo was without question one of our favourite concerts ever!"
I got 5th row balcony seats...in amongst people who'd paid megabucks for 5* VIP packages - and they even came up to the balcony to sing 'Tonight'. It was also noteworthy as being the show when Jonathan Knight dropped his trousers.

14th April 2013 - O2 Academy 2, Oxford - Erin and Kathleen
What Now
The Reaper
Fort Hope (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (1)*
My first ever rock gig. I was actually really chuffed there were a fair few non-teenagers in the room...until it transpired they were the parents of The Reaper!
Laurence pointed toward me during Fetish For The Finite (captured for posterity HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt16A1tFJLA&t=5s) and I have the same line - "I can't stand another night knowing you're not mine" - translated into Ancient Greek by my OU classics professor and tattooed around my right thigh.

I later added the FVK heliskull (albeit altered to have fangs) between the end and start of the text.
After the show I went to meet Laurence to get my album signed and he said "You're Heggie, right?" I remember I squealed but very little else. It was a VERY important moment to me :) 

26th April 2013 - Remedies, Bridgwater - solo
'Superheroes Party'
Out For Tomorrow
Karl Ficarotta
Scout Killers
Ashestoangels (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (2)*

17th July 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Her Dark Embrace
Ashestoangels (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (3)*

21st October 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Ashestoangels (3)
The Super Happy Fun Club
Fearless Vampire Killers (4)*
Madina Lake
Madina Lake's farewell tour

23rd Descember 2013 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Everyday Sidekicks (1)
Koshiro
Beyond Recall (1)
Ashestoangels (4)*
The night of the floods AKA the one where we nearly froze to death.

10th March 2014 - Exchange, Bristol - elder daughter Erin
Beyond Recall (2)
Ashestoangels (5)
Fearless Vampire Killers (5)*
The one with the purple hair and where Erin scared Laurence!

15th March 2014 - O2 Academy, Brixton, London - Erin and Kathleen
Only Rivals
Tonight Alive
All Time Low*
After My Chemical Romance did the thing on my birthday in 2013 I resolved that if I got the chance to see All Time Low and / or Fall Out Boy I would just go for it...who knew the two would pop up a week apart?!

22nd March 2014 - SSE Hydro, Glasgow - Erin and Kathleen
New Politics
The Pretty Reckless
Fall Out Boy*
Unable to make the London date I thought what a pity it was I couldn't go to Glasgow ON MY BIRTHDAY...then I wondered WHY I couldn't go to Glasgow. First time booking my own flight anywhere ;)

21st April 2014 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Erin and Kathleen
NeverFound (1)
DEAD! (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (6)*

31st May 2014 - NEC, Birmingham - solo
New Kids On The Block (3)*
I knew it was over before I went but it was still hard knowing for sure. Went in a version of Donnie's HOMEBOY outfit with Adidas, faux leather jacket, ripped jeans...and the FVK 'inkblot' tee ;)

28th August 2014 - Fleece, Bristol - Erin and Kathleen
Heaven Asunder (1)
Bad Pollyanna
Ashestoangels (6)*
William Control (1)
Nikki Kontinen of Bad Pollyanna later ended up in the Ashestoangels line-up

4th October 2014 - O2 Academy, Brixton, London - Erin and Kathleen
Drama Club
Fearless Vampire Killers (7)*
Atilla
Black Veil Brides

30th October 2014 - Tunnels, Bristol - Kathleen
The Dead Romantics
Goodnight Harvey
Beyond Recall (3)
Ashestoangels (7)*

1st November 2014 - The Dome, Tufnell Park, London - Erin and Kathleen
'Cabaret Of The Damned'
Valens
Ashestoangels (8)
Fearless Vampire Killers (8)*

I went all kinda steampunk witchy (K laced me into the corset on the train!), Kathleen went as Little Red Riding Hood (complete with plastic axe) and Erin dressed as the goddess Athena:

She was also armed - with a sword and shield I painted for her - and nearly ended up in a moshpit while wearing sandals! There's a video somewhere of my girls going axe to sword...can't take 'em anywhere!

22nd December 2014 - Exchange, Bristol - Kathleen
unknown
Beyond Recall (4)
Solace In Nightmares (1)
Ashestoangels (9)*

20th February 2015 - O2 Academy Bristol - Kathleen
Decade
Landscapes
The Used*

7th March 2015 - Southampton University - Erin
'Takedown Festival'
This one takes a slightly different format as it involved moving around different stages (each with its own headliner) and seeing bits of different acts' sets.
Bands I saw a decent chunk of / whole set:
Ugly Love
Ashestoangels (10)
Creeper (1)
Griever (1)
DEAD! (2)
The Blackout
Fort Hope (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (9)* (Obsidian Stage Headliner)
Bands I saw only small portions of:
INME
Milk Teeth
Mallory Knox (Main Stage Headliner)
This was the one with all the injuries.

21st April 2015 - Tunnels, Bristol - solo
Never Found (2)
Everyday Sidekicks (2)
Syren City
Ashestoangels (11)*
William Control (2)
I had just heard that my cousin Allister had brain cancer - A2As Ugly Club GOT TO ME

7th May 2015 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Erin's friend Maddy
Ghosts As Alibis
Myth Cith (1)
Annisokay
Fearless Vampire Killers (10)*

Not a gig but on 9th May 2015 I went to the Landseer Public House in London for a meet up with Fearless Vampire Killers. This was when I got Laurence to copy out the Latin for the first of my CFTD tattoos. I went to London for a meet up of just Lost Hearts (FVK fans) at some point but I'm not sure I made a note here of when that was.

19th May 2015 - The Exchange, Bristol - Kathleen and Maddy
Goodbye The Sunset (1)
Myth City (2)
Zoax (1)
Fearless Vampire Killers (11)*

21st May 2015 - The Haunt, Brighton - solo
unsure if there was a local support cos I missed the very start
Myth City (3)
Zoax (2)
Fearless Vampire Killers (12)*
The one with the elbows.

22nd May 2015 - Joiners, Southampton - Erin
Glimpse Of Misfortune
Myth City (4)
Zoax (3)
Fearless Vampire Killers (13)*
The one with the fainting.

27th June 2015 - The Fleece, Bristol - Erin
10PenceForToast
Elessar
Goodbye The Sunset (2)*
Having been VERY taken with Goodbye The Sunset I took Erin to see them. It was very awkward as, aside from bar staff and the other bands playing, we were the only ones there! To add insult to injury there was no late train so we had to leave before set headliner band 'We Deny' even came on.

28th July 2015 - Thekla, Bristol - Erin
missed set by Refuge Of The Fallen
The Dead XIII
Farewell, My Love 
Ashestoangels (12)*
Dual Headliner Tour - A2A had the headliner slot for the hometown show.

9th August 2015 - The Dome, Tufnell Park, London - Solo
'Havoc Festival'
Ashes (not -toangels, different band entirely)
Myth City (5)
Hindsights
Villains
All Us On Drugs
Zoax (4)
Forever Never
Fearless Vampire Killers (14)*
It was supposed to be a dual headliner with Glamour Of The Kill but they pulled out having just announced their split. Met Mama and Pops Wooly at this one.

5th September 2015 - various venues, Nottingham - solo
'Macmillan Fest'
Little Bribes
The Species
Neverise
Colt45
Silhouettes
As December Falls
Lacey
Fearless Vampire Killers (15)* (Stage Headliner)
I chose to go to this one as my cousin Allister had been diagnosed with Cancer in April; the night before the show I heard his treatment had failed. He died 21st April 2016.
Before the show I saw FVKs tour manager Steve Dillon - he clocked my FVK hoodie and we exchanged a smile. I will always regret not at least saying hi as he died 23rd March 2016.
It was a multi stage day festival but as I didn't even know where I was I didn't dare move. 
This was the one where I gave Laurence the Catvengers tee.

17th October 2015 - Louisiana, Bristol - solo
Solace In Nightmares (2)
Heaven Asunder (2)
Ashestoangels (13)*

16th December 2015 - The Scene, Swansea - Maddy
Never Found (3)
Revelation
Continents
Fearless Vampire Killers (16)*
The one where I gave Laurence an 'I love ewe' tote bag because he'd just been handed a rather fragile gift and was looking a tad worried, poor lamb.

8th March 2016 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Maddy
Clear The Auditorium (1)
Miss Vincent
VUKOVI
Fearless Vampire Killers (17)*
The one where I bunked in with Maddy @ Swansea uni and came home with a stinkin' cold.

25th April 2016 - The Exchange, Bristol - solo
Sunset Sunday
Saint The Sinner
Ashestoangels (14)*
My cousin Allister had died 4 days before - and about a week after A2A released 'How To Bleed'. I had been stuck in a loop of 'Bound and Broken' and 'Ghost In The Machine' - they played both. I think I may have howled.

8th June 2016 - Thekla, Bristol - solo
Heaven Asunder (3)
Fearless Vampire Killers (18)*
Escape The Fate
It's very easy to say so in hindsight but something felt 'off' at this gig. Virtually everyone was having a shit year - I hoped that was something to do with the vibe I was getting. Given what happened next I'm not so sure.

Fearless Vampire Killers did the thing on 4th July 2016. As I say, 2016 was shaping up to be an epically shit year so I sadly wasn't surprised. I've blogged about it separately so I shan't go into it here. Grateful to them for at least announcing it properly - I was actually quoted in Kerrang! about how shitty the way My Chemical Romance did the thing (ambiguous statement on website scaring fans with no confirmation for DAYS) and later (1st Nov 2018) the band Creeper hung up their 'Callous Hearts jackets at the end of a gig and announced "not only is it the last show of this album, but it’s the last show that we’ll ever do" and that was that! Nasty to drop it on your fans like that imho.
EDIT: Bizarre timing but the day after I posted this blog THIS:
https://www.kerrang.com/features/wtf-is-going-on-with-creeper-right-now/?fbclid=IwAR0Ot4Y10VCXP0koPBythkM-cXdjESYJMosGi9Cdxw4Kb3rWsPPsMeALcVQ
came up - not that it makes any difference to my opinion. There's being theatrical, there's going media silent for nearly 11 months...but this was like dumping your partner at a party in front of all your mates and then expecting them to welcome you back a year later. If you're gonna do the thing, make it clear. Don't hurt the fans who you rely on for your damn income.

17th July 2016 - Hobos, Bridgend - solo*
'Shield Fest'
Missed first two acts Calling Apollo and Coast To Coast
Clear The Auditorium (2) Their final show!
Far From History
Veridian
All To Ruin
Junior
More Than Most
Fearless Vampire Killers (19)* or Kierless Vampire Killers!
First off the asterisk by 'solo'...once FVK announced the split and that THIS would be the only booked gig they were going to play things got serious. I had booked to go with Maddy (having decided to miss FVK at Shield Fest the previous year in favour of Macmillan Fest as I couldn't do both) but we had fallen out - I confirmed with her that she didn't want the spot so I offered up a bed if anyone wanted somewhere to stay so they could go. Paula accepted the offer. Later, Tasha would put out a call on Twitter for someone in Taunton to crash with so she and her partner could get there so we did that too! So although technically I went by myself it was a group effort.
Naturally emotions were running high but it was an AMAZING show, not that I'm at all biased you understand. Where FVK were a dual lead vocalist group Laurence can clearly do the job just fine-slash-better so I came away feeling confident that they'd be fine just as soon as they decided what to do next.
I had painted THIS:

for a fan appreciation video so I made THIS:

to wave at the show (taking the canvas off the frame for practicality). I ended up handing it to Laurence on a whim along with a letter I'd written thanking them for everything and expressing my best wishes and support for the future (which I believe is also here in an earlier blog).
Showed Laurence my newly inked Latin tattoo (which I'd FINALLY booked just before the split and got done days after) and got him to write out another one - 1st is Tu eris in solis radios aurorae ("You'll be there, in the sun's first rays of the morning" from 'City Falls To Dust') 2nd is "Hic sanguis meus eris usque in diem morior" ("You'll be here in my blood til the day I die" from the same song and Lost Hearts' go-to lyric following the break up).
Forever providing a link to Katherine's video of the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8Z7qlb7koI It was an absolutely magical atmosphere. Emotions were running high but the Lost Hearts are an amazing bunch and I think we all decided to work hard at making it a really special night four the lads.

26th August 2016 - Reading - solo
'Reading Festival'
I mostly stayed at the Lock Up Stage where FVK had been due to perform and the line up went like this:
SWMRS
Trash Boat - FVKs replacement
Creeper (2)
Superheaven - did not see
Citizen
Dinosaur Pile Up
Nothing More - only saw the last song (Salem) with its chorus of 'burn the witch' and felt legit worried I was about to get flambeed...did a hand-slap with the frontman so this makes the list by the barest of margins
Hacktivist
Crossfaith
Thrice - the band I was looking forward to seeing but they didn't play any of the tracks I knew!
Asking Alexandria (Stage Headliner) - saw three songs and headed home cos long walk and much depression.
Despite being from Reading I had never been to the Reading festival (born in the RBH '78, lived in Woodley '78-'81, Tilehurst '81-'84, Woodley again '84-'94, various Reading & Wokingham addresses until '97 and by 2016 I was prepping to move back to Woodley from deepest, darkest Somersetshire (where I had also never been to the Glastonbury festival). When FVK booked to play Reading it seemed like an omen...then they split, pulled out and I ended up going anyway. It was pretty horrible tbh thinking of what should have been.

30th October 2016 - Underworld, Camden, London - Paula
Farewell Show - Matinee
Zoax (5)
Fearless Vampire Killers (20)*
Naturally no power on this earth was keeping me from the farewell and I made a booking for the four of us - Paula and I having agreed to bunk in together again - but I held back when they announced the matinee as obviously it existed to provide tickets for people who'd missed out on getting evening tickets. However, as it got closer to the shows and tickets remained available... 
In a parallel to seeing NKOTB (31/05/14) in a Donnie themed outfit with FVK tee I went to the matinee in a Laurence themed outfit with NKOTB tee! Skinny black jeans, calf length DMs and the untrendy band tee - I actually found one on ebay for the tour that included 25/01/09!

30th October 2016 - Underworld, Camden, London - Paula, Erin and Kathleen
'Farewell Show'
Ashestoangels (16)
Zoax (6)
Fearless Vampire Killers (21)*
I went with this Magenta-from-The-Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show themed outfit for the evening show:

Partly cos of the hair colour I had but mostly cos I could show off all my tattoos (especially the FVK themed ones) at once. I wore the feather duster hanging from my pinny-straps (and yes, that's an FVK patch on the apron), I even got myself a name tag cos recognising people you've not met real-world before can be problematic.
Like the canvas I did for Shield Fest I decided to go FIVE better:

Again I took them off the frames. Erin had Shane's, Kathleen had Drew's, I had Laurence's - we each took a different spot around the room and passed another to someone else. In this video by Drew's dad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKwal3LySKg you can see the Drew & FVK ones at around 1:32.
It was a very difficult show...but the only bit I cried for was A2A playing Ghost In The Machine. For me, Shield Fest was the 'proper' farewell.

15th December 2016 - The Louisiana, Bristol - solo
Montroze
As Sirens Fall
Ashestoangels (16)*
I nearly lost the plot when they played Ghost In The Machine and Ugly Club back to back - cried on Dex!

No gigs in 2017 partly due to FVK's split and A2A being quiet but also I moved to Woodley as mentioned, graduated uni, my eldest graduated, my youngest left for uni, got a new job...

29th March 2018 - Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London - solo
Decadent
Camcorder
Ashestoangels (17)*
I actually got through Bound And Broken TWICE and Ghost In The Machine. I love those songs but my poor feels take them hard... I requested How To Tell The Truth (as always) at the VIP acoustic but Crilly confessed he'd forgotten it!

I was booked to see A2A again on June 24th 2018 but my mum had her stroke on April 16th and was released from hospital into my care on June 21st so that was that. I honestly thought my gig-going days were done.

12th September 2019 - Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London - solo
The Broken Kings (1)*
Steven Battelle
After being in-at-the-death of FVK it was a real blessing to be there for Laurence, Drew and Luke's rebirth first ever performance as The Broken Kings. Steven Battelle, formerly of LostAlone, who I never got to see live, was really good. The one where I missed the last train and had to walk across London at night with very little idea where I was going - guided by Google maps which tried to send me through a locked park and PokemonGO! Got home 0530!!!
Blessings be to Paula without whom I never would have realised I could go. Kathleen mum-sat for me.

27th October 2019 - Facebar, Reading - solo
Compounds
Denial Of Humanity
Bloodhounds
Ashestoangels (18)*
Griever (2)
The last date of a co-headlining tour and I cannot describe what it felt like to see Reading on the list! Griever had the headline slot. Erin mum-sat for me.

18th March 2020 - The Bunkhouse, Swansea - solo
?
Apathy Avenue
Cadence
Ashestoangels (19)*
The first date of a tour that was cancelled for the apocalypse Coronavirus / COVID-19. The Swansea date tied in with a long planned visit to Kathleen for around that time - Erin booked a week off work so I could have a few days break - so I got to see Ashestoangels before the big lockdown AND stock my kiddo's cupboards.
The show itself was very surreal as it was being live-streamed for the people who'd, probably quite sensibly, decided not to attend... there were about seven ticketholders in the room at most and in all honesty I was one of only three I know of for sure.
I wasn't entirely sure of the support list because most of the original line up had decided to stay home too! It also made for a very unusual set.
Cadence did a cover of The Darkness' "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" which I honestly thought was the making of my year until Ashestoangels finished their set with Guns n' Roses' "Rocket Queen"!
It was a pretty special night though - A2A (sans Falkor) gave it their all as ever. Hope to see them on the flip side...

The Circle Of Life

As part of my OU classics courses we touched on ring composition - returning to the opening idea at the conclusion of a tale.

I rather felt that idea was represented in the gig I went to last night; a bunch of coincidences that seemed rather circular in nature.

First, the obligatory overview for non-regular readers:

I've blogged before about my love for the band Fearless Vampire Killers who I saw a not-to-be-sneezed-at 21 times* between April 2013 and their farewell shows in October 2016 (following the official disbanding several months earlier). *including the Kierless Vampire Killers show in Bridgend

It's been a helluva three years from my side of things, which I have also blogged about. The first year after FVK did the thing was dominated by me completing my degree (inc. my last ever essay - on the lyrics of their song 'Neon In The Dance Halls') and prepping for the move back to Reading. The second year started in a new home, new job, newly graduated - and then, midway through, my mum had a severe stroke and everything changed. I gave up my hopes of financial independence (let alone a career) and my personal freedoms to bring my mum home and be her full-time carer. The third year has been more of the same - dealing with my own depression about the situation as well as the deterioration of her condition.

So yeah, it's been rough.

In some ways it's been a bit of a blessing, from my POV at least, that my FVK boys* have been pretty quiet because if the split hadn't happened and I was missing tours and festivals I'd be coping far less. *Kier has gone onto his Inklings solo project - no idea how that's going cos I am still mad at him for ditching his bandmates the way he did (he had every right to choose his path but the way he did it was out of line imho 😡), Shane is working in the arts, while Drew, Luke and Laurence have formed a new bad - The Broken Kings.

That said, the quietness - on social media especially, which is my lifeline - is not a good thing, especially with worrying how they're coping as they were heart, body & soul into that band. Although I'm also hoping that in the long run the re-branding of two thirds of FVK as The Broken Kings will be a good move as they have previously said the band name and image had worked against them. They deserve commercial success.

But here we are, three years on, The Broken Kings have released a handful of tracks and, on Thursday 12th September 2019, played their first ever show - supporting Steven Battelle at the Boston Music Rooms, Tufnell Park, London.

So there's the first circle: in at the death of FVK and at the very first show of TBK :) The circle of life. Straightforward enough. *Ba-dum-tiss*

The second circle is how I ended up there. Back when FVK did the thing I had a double room booked for the Kierless Vampire Killers show - the only booked date they played before the farewell - only the girl I was going with dropped out and so I offered up the twin bed if anyone wanted to be there and felt they could tolerate my snoring. Another friend took it and, when the farewell shows came up we bunked in together again. When I saw this show announced I just took it for granted that, what with my mum's situation, I couldn't go but a few hours later this same friend messaged me to ask if I was going. I damn near replied "Of course I can't go!!!" but it made me think - my youngest would be home from uni for the summer, she should still be here...why COULDN'T I go?! I asked my mum if it'd be okay and booked it, rather rudely without checking it'd be okay with my daughter but I got carried away! It just seems quite the coincidence that it was the same friend who made me realise I could go after all - together at the end and again at the beginning, round in a circle.

The third circle is the venue. The last gig I went to was around 3 weeks before my mum's stroke - and it was to see Ashestoangels at the exact same venue - the only other time I'd been to that particular venue before, although I had been to its sister venue The Dome* *their doors open onto different roads but they pretty much back onto each other There was something both strange yet comforting to be back in that space after nearly a year and a half. A bit of a flavour of picking up my old life where I left off if that makes any kind of sense.

There's a possible fourth circle - I think* the first time I met the friend of circle 2 in the real world was at an FVK gig at The Dome! *It's all got a bit lost in the mists of time, my memory is atrocious

There were circles for the artists involved too - FVK had supported Steven Battelle's former band LostAlone before...also, despite the new projects all former members were present - Shane & Kier for FVK as well as Mark & Alan for LostAlone.

Maybe this is all a bit weird but last night's gig aside from being AMAZING just felt like everything was coming back around to the beginning - it marked a beginning for TBK, it was coming back to the dear friends I've made who're practically family.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Anyway, I ought to include something about the show itself. 

The Broken Kings' set was six songs - four of theirs, one old FVK track and what I am reliably informed was a Bee Gees cover (my knowledge of 70s music is a bit more glam rock based). After a three year break they got back into the swing of things really easily and just as I thought FVK were destined for great things TBK show all that promise.

Aside from being worried I wouldn't get there I was also haunted by an experience from 2014. I'd gone to Birmingham to see New Kids On The Block. They were my 1st concert in 1991...and my 2nd, in 2009. Waiting 3 years to see Laurence, Luke & Drew again was kind of peanuts in comparison to 18 years and then another 5! Anyway, my 3rd and final NKOTB show was good in itself but I went back to the hotel room and had a good cry because I realised that part of my life was over. Over these past 3 years I've worked on getting my Laurence Beveridge crush under control (which is a good thing) but I was really worried that between that and all the shit I'd been going through I'd look up at them and realise it was over. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN and the relief is HUGE. If that day ever comes it's gonna hurt like hell. Falling out of love with a band can happen of course but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt - you can still miss the way they made you feel and the friends you made along the way (who often disappear when you move on).

I had not seen Steven Battelle, or LostAlone, before but I had bought some of LostAlone's music back in the day and I had very much enjoyed his latest solo album 'Midnight Between Months' so I had high hopes and was not to be disappointed. Despite not having a regular live band you wouldn't know and they played a tight show. If circumstances allow I would definitely be up for seeing him play again which is actually quite a thing for me - most artists I'm happy to see the once.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

As a footnote of sorts I have to record for posterity just what a palaver I had getting home. My own fault for bad planning...and for lurking to see the boys off after the show.😉

I got as far as Embankment intending to take the tube to Paddington from there but while I was checking which train I needed I missed the last bloody one of the night. Having next to no idea where in hell (or more specifically, London) I was I headed out into the night. I love a good night walk, the weather was fine and I was in sensible shoes. I rarely get the wiggins about being out alone / late, probably because I am the sort of female who has never attracted any unwanted (or wanted, for that matter) attention so I have a tendency to feel a bit invincible. I failed to find Waterloo (and I was doubtful about a connecting service anyway) so I struck out for Paddington with minimal confidence of finding my way (especially as I couldn't find a huge bloody station like Waterloo when I must've been right next to the bloody thing!) but an air of 'how hard can it be?!' 

The answer to that is very. The route included many useful landmarks but having no idea of their relationship to each other it really was no help at all. I took a selfie outside Buckingham Palace at about 01:40 and posted it to Instagram with the words "simultaneously lost and found" because I knew exactly where I was (being outside the best landmark in the country) but with next to no clue how I was getting from there to where I needed to be!

In all honesty my life was saved by a £16 Power Bank purchased part-charged from Primark in the morning - it charged my phone while I was actively using it for Google Maps and PokemonGO (I find PokemonGO very useful for getting around).

I walked from 00:40 to 02:45. I'd have been better off walking from Tufnell Park! I got disoriented a few times, missed any number of opportunities to make it a shorter route, discovered the route Google Maps provided me through Hyde Park was impossible because it's gated & locked, and got approached by a random taxi driver trying to pick me up but by then I was in my final approach to Paddington...which I also managed to overshoot and was guided in by a janitor!

I had to buy a new ticket home as my Travelcard had expired. Got into Reading about 04:30 and went in search of change for the bus before remembering they take contactless! Caught the first bus of the day (on my route at least) and rocked up to the house like a proper dirty stop out at around 05:30. Oh, what a night!

Absolutely Hegsausted but would do it again in a heartbeat. 

Grilling a Barbie Controversy

"[The introduction of Barbie dolls with wheelchairs / prosthetic legs] adheres to safe disability stereotypes, and reinforces the perception that disability means a visible mobility impairment."

Stumbled across this (https://themighty.com/2019/03/new-disabled-barbies-representation/) opinion piece by Erin Pritchard while reading a BBC story about a new Rosa Parks Barbie.  And I'm just...gobsmacked to be frank.

Representation matters, visibility matters but precisely how specific do you expect a MASS PRODUCED TOY to be???? People come in an infinite variety - unless you have dolls custom made they're really not likely to look like anyone in particular. Does anyone really think it's feasible to make dolls in seven billion variations?! We're supposed to be cutting down on plastics for heaven's sake!

Barbie's are DOLLS, they are very much of the Caucasian persuasion with a lot of parents rightfully indignant that ethnic variants are hard to come by.
They do not have realistic body proportions, have been criticised for glamorising anorexia and certainly do not represent the obesity problems especially prevalent in the western world.
Dolls are for creative play...why are modern-era kids so incapable of making stuff up?! Or is just that adults can't imagine being creative? There's a comment following the article "Autistic Barbie doll with stim toys and noise cancelling headphones in case of sensory overload." ...in my youth a pipe-cleaner would be fashioned into headphones & other accessories improvised to achieve this.  A bit of blu-tack for a hearing aid (Hearing Impaired Barbie), a lollipop stick or a roll of paper for a cane (Visual Impairment Barbie), we used to PRETEND. WHY do you need a special doll for that? Erin Pritchard (who has dwarfism) asks "What about a cousin for Barbie who has a more contested disability, such as dwarfism or vitiligo etc." So I ask, which of the myriad different forms of dwarfism do you feel they should represent? YOURS, I suppose... Also, do you want representational dolls for those who undergo limb-lengthening surgeries?! Vitiligo can be represented with a custom paint job if you're up for a bit of craft work. Improvising a wheelchair might be rather harder to achieve, not to mention the multitude of different disabilities that might require a person to use one. And whilst you can remove a doll's limb, creating a prosthetic could be tricky. Then there's the fact that many people have combined disabilities - a person with dwarfism AND vitiligo for example? You simply can't give everyone representation and as I've already stated, with a bit of imagination (optional glue, paint, scissors and sticky-back plastic) dolls can often be adequately customised anyway.

The author cites this WHO South-East Asia factsheet (http://www.searo.who.int/entity/ disabilities_injury_rehabilitation/wheelchair_factsheet.pdf) to show that (a) 10% of the world population have disabilities only 10% (i.e. 1% of the whole) require a wheelchair for mobility. However, many disabilities have no physical characteristics - in terms of Barbie, a person with a cognitive or intellectual impairment, developmental disorder or mental disability may look like any other Barbie. Even many conditions under the heading of physical disability might have no outward sign - chronic fatigue, epilepsy or fibromyalgia for example. I'd be interested to know what proportion of people with a visible disability use a wheelchair, because in terms of Barbies it's all about looks!
I'd also like to point out that one way or another most of us will be in a wheelchair at some point, even if temporarily - sprained ankles, broken bones, an expectant mother being wheeled down to delivery...a lot of older people, such as my stroke-survivor mum, might be wheelchair dependent without being 'registered' anywhere as being disabled and therefore not included in any statistics.
But most importantly, The Guardian article (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/ 2019/feb/25/disability-barbie-dolls-emojis) that the opinion piece is responding to - which is itself an opinion piece by Karl Knights (a writer with autism, ADHD & Cerebral Palsy) - states clearly that "Mattel commented that a wheelchair has been among the most frequently requested accessories for the doll." There is, quite clearly, a demand for this type of doll. I'm certainly not seeing anything in his piece to back up Ms Pritchard's assertion that Mattel are "reinforcing the problematic stereotype that all disabled people use a mobility aid, in particular a wheelchair" - she's reading an opinion piece by a man with a disability who is happy at a form of non-patronizing representation and interpreting into HIS words that Mattel are representing ALL disabled people? That's not even what Mr Knights is saying in that article! The closest thing I can see is "If I had even something as simple as an emoji representing myself as a kid, I wouldn’t have felt so isolated." - clearly using 'I', clearly not mentioning wheelchairs, just referencing the idea that acknowledging that disabled people exist is important with no caveat that it has to be the same kind or form of disability.
"If companies still choose to use a more “acceptable” impairment to indicate that they are inclusive and diverse, can they please not claim they are representing us all?" (1) who is to decide what is an "acceptable impairment"? The wheelchair is an internationally recognised symbol of disability - yes, it is enormously problematic and there are campaigns for awareness that non-wheelchair users can use disabled loos & parking spaces - but at the same time it is an inclusive and diverse symbol because it is used by people with such a wide variety of needs (2) they never did make that claim - it is your misinterpretation.

I for one am glad to see Mattel doing ANYTHING to improve diversity - more natural body shapes, more ethnic variety, any level of disability representation - these things are GOOD.  For people who've read my blogs before you might be surprised at me, an agender potato, defending Barbie.  Admittedly I LOATHE the pink but Barbie has long been a remarkable 'role-model' for girls with some impressive careers represented.  For example she was first depicted as an astronaut in 1965, only 2 years after Valentina Tereshkova became the first woman in space - the US didn't have a female astronaut until 1983.  She was also the first female POTUS in 2000 (tbh a lump of plastic is still a better candidate than Trump).  She has been a business executive (in 1960, not a secretary until 2007), two forms of Olympian (1975), a pilot (1990), an army medic (1993), a paratrooper (2000), a surgeon (1973)...and a sign language teacher in 2001. (source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbie%27s_careers).  Barbie may be unashamedly feminine but it's a gender stereotype in itself to suppose that that is somehow innately negative.

Still discovering my labels...

So my (adult) kids were trying to guess my sexuality... UGH! I only figured out I was agender a few years back (updated blog here: https://heggie31.blogspot.com/2018/01/agender-ex-cinderella-and-name-change.html) and given the plethora of sexualities available these days I so very much didn't want to go there. I have been happier to assume I'm straight than that I was cis so whatever.

But anyway, the topic came up last night and there are my twenty-somethings looking at me speculatively trying to figure out what I am when I have no damn clue myself.

So here I am, forty-one-and-a-bit, trying to work out where I fit using nothing but Google and Instagram hashtags to find something that seems to be 'me'.

And I *may* be wrong but I *think* I found it - Heteroromantic Demisexual. 

I can't spell it, I'll certainly never remember it. Kill me.

So the official-ish definitions go like this:

A heteroromantic person is a person who is romantically attracted to a member of the opposite sex or gender. Heteroromantic asexuals seek romantic relationships for a variety of reasons, including companionship, affection, and intimacy, but they are not necessarily sexually attracted to their romantic partners. Most heterosexual people are also heteroromantic. (source: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Heteroromantic)

A demisexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction to another person unless or until they have formed an emotional connection with that person. It's more commonly seen in, but by no means confined, to romantic relationships.

When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, it is often mistaken as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close, emotional, relationship is formed.

Though factors such as looks and personality do not affect primary sexual attraction for demisexuals (since demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction), such factors may affect romantic attraction, as with any other orientation.

(source: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Demisexual)

RIGHT. So the way I'm interpreting this (and feel free to sort me out if I'm wrong)...

Heteroromantic (nearly forgot that 2nd RO again, dammit) - I'm agender but I'm still happy to identify with she/her pronouns as a biological female so the 'hetero' element doesn't feel problematic. When I look at a cute guy I may have soft squishy feels, not X-rated ones. Decidedly more "I hope they're a nice human, I'd kinda like a candlelit dinner with that one" than "Yes, I would totally boink that". In fact, I only just discovered 'normal' people look at people of their preferred gender (if applicable) and skip the 'I'd like to get to know you' for the '...biblically' bit. Weird.

I look at cute females and have rather different soft and squishy feels - decidedly more "Why can't I be like that instead of an agender potato?!" again, rather than "I would totally go there".

Not ruling out one-night-stands (or getting off with a female of the species) but these things don't seem at all likely. Not saying I'd have to be IN a relationship with someone either, more that I'd have to WANT to be in a relationship with them to contemplate the other. Does that make sense at all?

And that's where the Demisexual bit comes in - I don't get the primary sexual attraction thing like AT ALL. I haven't been single all these years by choice, obviously a huge element is because I'm a hideous potato person who no one looks at that way, but also I am not interested in seeking a meaningless encounter for the sake of getting my jollies. 

Sure, sex is great but have you tried having self-esteem in the morning?! 

Unlike some definitions of demisexual I have (I assume) a perfectly healthy sex drive (TMI? Definitely. Soz.) it's just not so...overwhelming? that I want to do the you-know-what without getting to know someone at least a little bit. 

Looks and personality of course I have my preferences but even finding someone who ticks a lot of boxes by the time you KNOW they tick those boxes you've developed an attachment, y'know? Or at least that's how I work.

EXAMPLE) My most recent humungous crush of which many of you will be painfully aware went like this:

• *sees for 1st time* Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?
• Band member? Check. *looks up name of band* Singer? Obviously. Guitar? Bonus!
• *looks up photos* Damn he's cute in close-up... Hazel-green eyes? Why am I not surprised.
• *reads interviews / watches youtube clips* Smart? Check. Funny? Check. How tall is he? 6' 2", excellent! Pronounces 'scones' correctly? Meh, no one's perfect.

And it was about THEN what's left of my hormones kicked in. I'll happily call it 'love at first sight' but I wouldn't call the attraction 'sexual' per se.

To close, I really like this joke:

Obviously the crux of the joke is that their 'sexuality' is basically just straight (with a preference for smart people they're already bonded with) and I can see why people would be offended by the 'queer' label being applied. As I said at the start, I've spent the best part of four decades presuming I'm just hetero, it's only learning that 'primary sexual attraction' is a thing that has made me realise any differently. I certainly don't see myself as 'queer', not least as that term seems derogatory to me although I know a lot of people embrace it.

Also, 'sapiosexual' is a virtually 'joke' sexuality identifier that is an attraction to brains, quite aside from any zombie tendencies. But it's also kinda true: intelligence is attractive. A dumbass'd have to be hella attractive in other regards...passion for a pet interest can be sexy, for example. Depends on the pet interest though... Dude could be REALLY hot, but then he says or does something incredibly stupid and it's like a bucket of ice on the libido.

Do you ever look at a dumbass and wonder how the hell they came to have a partner / spouse / significant other?! Especially when said partner / spouse / significant other is of normal or higher intelligence. 

EG I have no idea what X sees in Y, what he lacks in smarts he makes up for in nose hairs.

So yeah, I am a biological female interested in males romantically with a view to more. Basically straight but experiencing it slightly differently, so it would seem.

Book Review: Old Fourlegs by J L B Smith,1956

First a little background: Considered to have been extinct for 65 million years (due to absence of fossilised remains: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4A1Sw3kSOY) the surprise recovery of a coelacanth carcass from a fishing trawler in 1938 is the stuff of fairytales - like stumbling across a living dinosaur. The key figures in the story are: 

• Hendrik Goosen, captain of the trawler which caught the first specimen in in 1938 - he reported it to have been alive for some time after it was caught and, on returning to port, called Miss Courtenay-Latimer to take any sample she liked from his catch. b.c 1905 d. 1990
• Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer, curator of the East London (SA) Museum, who saved the original fish for science in 1938. Extant coelacanths Latimeria chalumnae and Latimeria menadoensis (discovered 1997) are named after her and give rise to the suborder Latimerioidei and family Latimeriidae which include fossil species. 1907-2004
• Professor JLB Smith (James Leonard Brierley), who identified and named the first fish (Latimeria chalumnae - after Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer and the River Chalumna to indicate the location of the discovery) and who devoted himself to finding a further specimen. Before concentrating on ichthyology he had been an associate professor of organic chemistry. I mostly call him JLB within the text in order to avoid any potential confusion with his wife. 1897-1968, suicide by cyanide.
• Eric Hunt, who found the 2nd coelacanth specimen in the Comoros in 1952 (initially named Malania anjouanae by JLB - for the Prime Minister of South Africa who had assisted it's recovery and the island of Anjouan in the Comoros, again the location of the discovery) believing it to be a distinct species due to missing fins - still often referred to as Malania to distinguish it from the first fish; JLB had proposed the name Latimeria Hunti in Eric's honour but he refused) b.c. 1924 lost at sea 1956
• Margaret Smith (nee Mary Margaret Macdonald), second wife of JLB (very little seems known of his first wife and it is Margaret who figures in the coelacanth story; they were married the same year Latimeria was caught), and after his death was the director of JLB Smith Institute of Ichthyology for 14 years. She was an author, ichthyologist and taught physics and chemistry. 1916-1987, apparently shortly after viewing the first footage of a live coelacanth filmed.

Of these key figures only JLB published an account of the discovery - Old Fourlegs (1956) - which covers the first and second specimens recovered. Actually, given that it was arguably the biggest zoological discovery of the 20th century, surprisingly little has been written about coelacanths - in comparison to say the discovery of Tutankhamun's tomb which has been extensively covered in fact and fiction. I first read about the coelacanth in The Children's Book of Questions and Answers (1981 - ISBN-10: 0706406206 / ISBN-13: 978-0706406207) and then nothing else until Samantha Weinberg's glorious A Fish Caught In Time (1999 - ISBN-10: 1857029070 / ISBN-13: 978-1857029070) which I can't recommend highly enough.

Naturally enough, having been fascinated by the story from childhood, I wished to read JLB's version of events and so I bought myself a first edition via ebay.

*   *   *   *   *

In 1992 'A. Wheeler' reviewed "Remembering the coelacanth: a 50th anniversary retrospective. Interviews with Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer and Hendrik Goosen..." - an article appearing in The International Society of Cryptozoology Newsletter (Vol. 8, no. 1 - 1989).

This review includes the statement that "[the accounts] should be taken as a supplement to J.L.B. Smith's account in Old four-legs...(1956), a work as notable for the aggrandisement of its author as for its factual content"

(https://www.euppublishing.com/doi/pdfplus/10.3366/anh.1992.19.1.127)

'The aggrandisement of its author'...not what I took away from reading it. JLB's narrative might put him centre-stage of the story...but he WAS. Yes, he rather skims past the other key characters, including his wife who gets very little look in. Is this self-aggrandisement, misogyny, or simply writing HIS story? JLB writes exclusively from his own experience leaving aside speculation as to what the other people were doing / thinking / feeling but perhaps it would not be his place to speak for others.
While JLB almost exclusively refers to Margaret Smith, a highly accomplished woman, as 'my wife' and speaks little of her involvement I do not feel that this is particularly because he felt that, as a man, his involvement was more important, more that this is HIS story and hers was hers to write should she wish to. Perhaps that is merely my interpretation but this line makes me think he had proper respect for his wife's work:

"This elicited a widespread response from scientists all over the world,

and as a result my wife was able to publish a composite account

giving detailed instruction for the care and preservation of a coelacanth,

so as to enable the maximum to be obtained from investigations" pp. 188-9

Such a work - a manual in layman's terms, for preparing samples for all kinds of specialists to examine - must have been quite an undertaking even with numerous specialists providing their requirements. It also shows that, far from being JLB's mere helpmeet, Margaret was exceedingly capable and well versed in coelacanths long before taking over her husband's work.
Even clearer, although not specifically in relation to Margaret Smith's scientific work, is this line from Appendix E:

"I have great respect for my wife's judgement,

even when she slashes at my work I think good." p. 250

I found Old Fourlegs written in an easy style, accessible to those outside the field of ichthyology. I appreciate his keeping scientific matters to the basics - avoiding unnecessary detail and description while explaining clearly and concisely what the reader needs to know. The only difficulty I had was, at times, following the timeline.

JLB is perhaps disdainful of the wider scientific community who passed judgement on 'his' coelacanth - calling the coelacanth 'degenerate' when, like sharks, it has remained unchanged by evolution for millennia precisely because it is perfectly adapted; claiming the coelacanth had escaped the (then) inaccessible depths of the ocean...despite having no deep sea adaptations - basically European and American scientists treated him with disdain so he returned the favour. There is certainly an air of possessiveness although he makes it clear that he wants the knowledge for humanity rather than his own sake. A certain possessive attitude is not unreasonable; when a second species of coelacanth, Latimeria menadoensis, was discovered by Mark Erdmann in 1997 it was described to science and named by Laurent Pouyaud before Erdmann could complete his work - effectively stealing the discovery (and even submitting a faked photo to try to claim his team found the fish first). Such a theft, especially of such a rare and interesting creature, is devastating to a scientist; of course JLB wanted to save his contribution!
The most self-importance is indicated in this passage comparing the political careers of Smuts (PM 1939-48; a scientific man one might reasonably presume would have supported Smith's endeavours...but refused to even speak with him) and Malan (PM 1948-54; deeply religious and seemed a very unlikely potential source of help to Smith...but help he did):

"It was even more fantastic that each of these two men had...

been himself treated by his own people almost exactly as he had treated me

- one spurned, the other supported.

One could not escape the conclusion that this indicated that the manner

in which each man had behaved in my case was symbolical

of the way he had treated his own people...every man reaps what he sows"

pp. 191-2

It would be quite a reach to say Smith felt Smuts lost his election for rejecting his pleas for help, or that the coelacanth aided Malan's career (although he was highly and rightly praised for his assistance in saving the 2nd specimen). This is a passage about karma as JLB saw it indicated through his specific interactions with two South African Prime Ministers; kindness rewarded and indifference punished...
It is important to specify that this is in regard to JLB Smith's particular interactions because Malan was the leader who brought in apartheid and it would be a leap too far to say that Smith in anyway condoned Malan's policies. Smith was deeply reluctant to approach Malan at all - partly due to the poor experience he'd had of Smuts, partly knowing Malan was a creationist, but possibly also if he disapproved of Malan's political stance. (More on the subject of race to follow)
Few, if any, people are all-good or all-wicked. That Malan did South Africa, black people and the world a great disservice with apartheid is undeniable but that does not mean he cannot have done a little good in other ways. Smith can acknowledge Malan's service to coelacanth knowledge without it meaning anything else. The praise is qualified and, at the time of writing, it was for a man still living and not without influence. To have understated or omitted Malan's involvement could have been disastrous.
It is a point many people struggle to understand that even in the current era not all people in all places are free to be as outspoken about politics as many of us take for granted. Regardless of the era JLB Smith's living came from government support. His research funds, his university professorship could have been withdrawn if he spoke out of turn; similarly his books could have been blocked from sale and his entire means of supporting his family lost. Some would find the moral stance worth the price, others would find the risk too great. Even so it is likely 1950s South Africa was not a politically outspoken time or place - indeed I feel UK politicians are criticised more openly now than they were in my youth. There are still places it would be extremely unwise to speak out openly and many of us fail to appreciate the freedom we have to speak our minds without fear of persecution.

There are some factual errors, indeed there is an annotated version by Mike Bruton (2017 - ISBN: 9781775844990) which addresses these. Incidentally, Bruton has also written a children's book on coelacanths and a biography of JLB and Margaret Smith called The Fishy Smiths (2018. ISBN: 978-1775846468). 

The index of Old Fourlegs lists Hendrick Goosen as 'Goosen, Captain N.' which may be a simple typo, but on p. 148 calls the trawler the 'Aristea' when all other sources call it the 'Nerine'. I'd be inclined to generally believe Smith over other sources as his account is contemporaneous...although memory is clearly fallible too. Presumably Bruton, Weinberg and other authors have had access into family records, shipping archives and other sources not generally available for those looking into the story...

Descriptions the sheer brutality of fishing trawlers and of bombing for fish - including upon coral reefs - are deeply unsettling from a 21st century vegan's perspective! The concepts of animal cruelty and ecological harm were yet a long way off in the future - and there are still abhorrent practices out there.

"When the net is hauled up from the bottom...

the gas in the air-bladders of the fishes expands...

Often they are so much enlarged

as to stick out of the mouths of the fishes..." p. 92

"Then we went bombing [for fish] out among the coral heads

on the seaward side" p. 137

"It had long been my ambition to catch a coelacanth alive

so that the ordinary man could see it in an aquarium,

and be given the opportunity to look back to the kind of creature

that lived hundreds of millions of years ago" p. 194

This last point - one of mankind's slowest realisations - that animals are best kept and protected in their natural environments, is one we are still working on now. Indeed a rejection of zoos and aquariums is still in its infancy. It is a curious thing how the original trilogy of Jurassic Park movies (1993, 1997, 2001) had a message that 'life will find a way' and that human control is an illusion and yet when Jurassic World (2015) begins the initial response I felt to seeing the park finally open was awe...quickly replaced with disgust as I realised the horrors of captivity - especially in terms of the baby dinos in the petting zoo, some with saddles for kids to ride on. A very clever use of an animal rights message in mainstream cinema.
I cannot blame JLB for imagining a captive coelacanth as, for his time, that would have been seen as the ultimate achievement. In some small way I even appreciate that his interest was not limited to killing animals for dissection.

But most hard to stomach is the casual racism. 

"It later became apparent that this surprisingly intelligent behaviour

on the part of the native was due to his being of a higher class,

a trained teacher" footnote, p. 157

"And now it appeared that malaria-soaked, worm-ridden,

bone-headed blacks of the Comores had been doing exactly that

for centuries past..." p. 162 

It is important to remember that the author was a white South African, then aged 59, writing over half a century ago, during Apartheid (indeed, only a few years into that era: 1948 to the repeal of legislation in 1991). It would be oversimplifying the matter to call him racist - he was the product of his era and his nation.

Context is important and while I can empathise with people of colour who, quite rightly, find such books deeply offensive I do not agree with those who wish to ban or eradicate such things. Whether the fight is for racial equality, women's rights, gay rights or any other form of social justice removing the record of past injustices serves no good. Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it - we need to look at the wrongs of the past in the cold light of day.
It is difficult to discern what JLB's own feelings on the matter were, not least as they cannot be separated from the society in which he was immersed, but this passage gives me cause to ponder:

"...when the peoples for whom they labour

clearly do not appreciate this or desire their presence.

They are the last of this passing phase of 'Colonial' administration,

the condescending gesture of White superiority

that is arousing increasing resentment in the awakening consciousness of existence that is is stirring in the backward ebony mind.

Where will it all end?" p. 186

It would seem that JLB felt whites were a superior race (probably as a learned belief) but there is a suggestion here that he believed this was transitory - that the 'backward ebony mind' was awakening, that colonialism was at an end and that whites were behaving badly. It is my interpretation that 'where will it all end?' is a premonition of conflict - the violence that was needed to end Apartheid - not distaste at the idea of black people gaining equal rights. It might even be that he feared there would NOT be equality in the future, that the 'condescending white superiority' might actually win the day. Presuming what he meant here is a risky undertaking; it would be even more foolish to presume his personal beliefs from his writing - it is perfectly possible to hide your true feelings in phrases couched to fit the sensibilities of the reader.
There is an awareness that rebellion is both inevitable and justified. I do not think he had a hatred or fear of black people, he was dismissive and condescending and used some appalling language but would he have been able to adapt to a modern inclusive society? I think so, rather more than many of his contemporaries, I suspect.
Another passage discusses being in Nairobi circa 1954 (during the Mau Mau uprising) where he talked to those who were 'informed' (presumably rather than relying on Eurocentric news) and walked "many miles through the streets, noticeably the only European to do so outside the central shopping area" and speculates what would happen if the same rebellion happened in his own nation:

"I reflected somewhat grimly that even if this happened in South Africa,

we should not be prepared to endure its dragging on like this.

It would come to a quick end, one way or the other; yes, one way or the other" p. 225

The way I read this is that, especially in the repetition of 'one way or the other', he has no special confidence in the whites being victorious. It would have been easy enough to say that 'even if this happened in South Africa it would not drag on, we would end it quickly' and the fact that he doesn't is, in my opinion, very telling.

"The bestiality of the Kikuyu in their slashing murders is world news,

but I learnt many other things about them. One is typical.

At night they will go into a field of mature potatoes, and

working through the soil with cunning fingers

will remove most of the tubers without killing the plants

or leaving any trace" [ibid]

Again, perhaps this is only my interpretation, but I read here 'bestiality' as a judgement upon brutal actions rather than a term of racial denigration; also, a statement of admiration for their intelligence rather than condemnation for the theft of potatoes. While other Europeans of the era may have seen ethnic groups like the Kikuyu as little other than violent and primitive there is definitely the suggestion that JLB thought there was much to be learned from non-white peoples and cultures, and that their different expertise and skills could be valuable. I acknowledge that this speculation is my own; I would rather hope that (other evidence being absent) people of the past were doing the best they could in the cultures and society of their day and should, in general, not be judged too harshly by modern day idealists.

"A bright spot in that difficult time was the arrival of three young coloured men

at the laboratory [F. Backman, B.Sc., L. Backman, B.Sc, and N. Dennis, B.Sc.]

...graduates of Fort Hare, the non-European university College,

they had heard we needed assistance, they had taken Zoology

and could they help in any way?

...They laboured for many days and would accept no reward.

We remain grateful for their kind thoughtfulness and service" pp. 183-4

Was it truthful that they would 'accept no reward'? I hope it was offered and these really were generous young graduates who wished only to help.
A modern writer might not think to include the volunteers' race but perhaps it seemed relevant to JLB that much needed assistance came from that community, not his own. It may have seemed quite poignant that it was not his own Rhodes University ichthyology students or graduates who offered their services.
As this passage relates to processing samples of fish that had been all but forgotten in the chaos around Malania it might easily have been omitted - I think it says something (slightly) redeeming for JLB that it is included.

If we only read books that were in keeping with modern sensibilities, I do wonder what we'd be left with. Sadly racism, sexism, cultural elitism, religious intolerance etc etc are part of human history. erasure of things which we find distasteful serves us ill. Toxic masculinity is another key term of the current era; could it be argued Old Fourlegs provided examples of this? Perhaps...

"...my friends laughingly reproved me

for having made many others weep from my emotion.

My young son certainly disapproved of that part" p. 190

JLB himself seems unfazed by having wept as part of a live radio broadcast (described on p. 166) but that his friends teased him and his own child (then aged 13 1/2) disapproved...although what teenager is not embarrassed by anything their parent does?!
A letter in response to this radio broadcast, signed 'from one of the many' said:

"...with you we wept on the deck of a boat at the islands

which we shall probably never see" p. 254

So it seems that, just like today, a man's tears are only disdained by a certain audience.
I add this just as a comment on the push against politically incorrect literature. If we censored material from our current perspective we would lose so much context of the past. So many prevalent attitudes of the past are incredibly harmful things but acknowledging their existence is necessary to combat them gaining support again.

Conclusion
I am glad to have read the only first-hand account of a story which has enthralled me from childhood and overall I enjoyed Smith's book. 
I would still recommend that anyone interested in the story should read Samantha Weinberg's 'A Fish Caught In Time'...in all honesty I think it's a book you should read in order to become interested in fish! I suspect if you were new to the subject Smith's book is a little less gripping but still certainly very readable. 
It is my feeling that the controversial content is an important aspect of 20th century social history and it would be unwise to despise the book on that account alone. However, I certainly acknowledge that it is uncomfortable reading in that regard.