As the 20th anniversary of her death approaches every creep with a story seems to be crawling out of the leaf litter to paint her as either a saint or innocent victim of a callous royal family. This is my take on it all.
Marriage and Divorce
I was only three when Charles and Diana married so I don't remember any of that. Virtually everyone seems to agree that their marriage was a bad idea from the outset but I think it is a tad unfair to lay all the blame at Charles' door. Just as my own ex was the one who (IMHO) didn't try and ultimately ended our relationship I can also acknowledge that, while I did my best, there was blame and responsibility on my side too. Just because Charles (like my ex) was the older partner doesn't mean their divorce was entirely his fault.
In this whole mess were Charles, his 'others', his family, Diana, her 'others', her family and the media.
My Feelings on Diana
As a child I recall wanting to be a princess. Nothing unusual in that. But when asked why I declared that I wanted to be able to throw up without getting told off. My parents had no sympathy for me and my childhood illness but especially the fact I got (and still do get) dreadfully car sick. Never once did they question their own wisdom in insistently driving me all over the place with the inevitable consequences. Basically I had caught wind of a story about Princess Diana's bulimia (an illness I also suffer) and was miffed she got sympathy and I got yelled at.
I was never a fan of Diana's though...
Her Death
I had a weird experience when Diana died...my brain just totally failed to accept it for a while. Especially odd as I didn't much like her. I was all 'why have the put dates under her picture like they do when someone dies?' and 'why are they using the past tense? Idiots' because I just wasn't processing it at all.
I may not have liked her but I was extremely sad that she'd died and left her boys without a mother. As a single mum myself that felt close to home. For all her fame and beauty and wealth she hadn't had it easy and I suppose I had hoped she would get a happily-ever-after.
The Royal Family
The whole flag at half mast thing...royal protocols had to be changed to appease the people who couldn't understand that it wasn't a thing. Pointless tbh.
Why should the Queen have led the national mourning? If she had she'd have been criticised for usurping the Spencer family's role. I thought it weird enough that Charles-her-ex went with Charles-her-brother to bring her body home. I would not want my ex near my dead body any more than my living one! Probably that was all public pressure and damage limitation; must've been unpleasant for her brother though...
Why should your ex mother-in-law pay for your protection detail after you cheated repeatedly shamed the family?! I dare say Diana could've afforded more than the one bodyguard...ultimately they were DIVORCED, she chose her path away from the royal family so leave them out of it!
Paparazzi
AHA! Here's the real bad guys of the mix. Who've got off exceedingly lightly IMHO.
It baffles me how the royal family come in for more of a bashing than the paps who chased her car until the crash...and then took photos of her as she lay dying.
Her driver, Henri Paul, got the official blame. More than 3 times over the French drink driving limit (over twice the British) and with prescription meds in his system it is possible the end result would have been the same...however, driving at over twice the speed limit was as a DIRECT CONSEQUENCE of the paparazzi pursuit. There is, however, speculation that Paul signaled the paps...even if so that does not negate their role in a high speed chase which put other lives at risk.
Camilla
Now, I like Camilla. She's good for Charles. William and Harry seem to have a good relationship with her. That's all matters. And yes, I will call her my Queen when the time comes.
Was she to blame for Charles and Diana's divorce? No. Or at least not to any significant degree.
Was she to blame for Diana's death? Hell no.
I really do find it distasteful that all this is getting dragged up again. Talk about her work for HIV awareness, land mine charities etc. Talk about her being a 'style icon' if you must. But leave the conspiracy theories and royalty bashing out of it.
>:(
Rant over.
Sunday, 30 July 2017
Saturday, 29 July 2017
Unpopular Opinion Piece
So...here in the UK the Charlie Gard case has been all over the media for ages and now, following his death, I feel it's time to express my thoughts.
And as the title suggests...this is not going to flow along the same lines as the popular opinions on the subject. If you are easily offended I suggest you click away.
Brief(ish) background to the story for non UK / living-under-a-rock type peeps:
Charlie Gard was born on 4th August 2016 and died on 28th July 2017 - his life support was finally switched off after a number of legal battles.
He was hospitalised from the age of two months. Initially admitted for breathing difficulties it turned out he had Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome which was considered, in his case, to be terminal.
Charlie was unable to move, breathe, open his eyes, cry (so there could be no consensus on whether he was in pain) and so forth.
The world renowned Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH) in London where he was being treated believed he should receive only palliative care and be allowed to die; his parents (Connie Yates and Chris Gard) not entirely unreasonably wanted to take him to the US for experimental nucleoiside therapy.
A number of hearings were held; ethics committee, High Court, Court of Appeal, European Court of Human Rights...all agreed with GOSH. Eventually Charlie was allowed to die, aged 11 months and 24 days.
Disclaimer: I have based my opinions on my personal ethics and philosophy and information on the case available in the public arena; I have no medical expertise.
So...
My take on it is that Connie and Chris never had Charlie's interests at heart. I have little faith in the medical profession but despite every damn expert telling them, telling the courts that their son had no hope of life they believed blindly in a 'cure'.
THERE WAS NEVER A CURE. The EXPERIMENTAL nucleoside therapy offered at best (speculatively, as it had never been tried on a child so severely affected) a 4-10% improvement in muscle tone. He would still have been utterly immobile, non-verbal and requiring mechanical ventilation for life (life meaning probable death within early childhood anyway). Connie & Chris were clinging to a dream of Charlie being a normal healthy child and at every stage they seemed to fail to recognise the gravity of his situation.
Repeatedly they stated that if Charlie was suffering they would stop fighting for him...how could they know??? Of course he seemed peaceful. He couldn't move. He couldn't cry. If severely brain damaged (as all medical testimony asserts) it's possible even his blood pressure wouldn't spike to indicate distress. No parent likes to hear their child cry but to have my child unable to express fear, suffering, pain...NO. And yes, if you haven't read my other posts I am a mother. I would definitely bury a child rather than endure them suffering that.
All the expert opinions were that Charlie had suffered catastrophic brain damage from seizures; seizures were nigh on impossible to detect after he became immobile. In their final front-of-court statement Chris Gard said: "we now know had Charlie been given the treatment sooner, he would have had the potential to be a normal, healthy little boy" (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/charlie-gards-father-chris-delivers-heartrending-statement-outside-court_uk_5976159ee4b0e79ec19ad93d) This is fundamentally untrue. The best case scenario for Charlie was paralysed, ventalated, entirely dependent. The same statement said: "far from showing catastrophic, structural brain damage, Dr Hirano and other experts say his brain scans and EEGs were those of a relatively normal child of his age" ...if true* that is terrible. Charlie's life would have been effectively locked-in syndrome; an intelligent conscious mind trapped in an unresponsive body. No sane parent could ever want that for their child.
*There is a definite question as to whether this is true as no statement to that effect was made by ANY medical professional / expert at ANY point. We can only take this as the opinion of his parents. Every professional / expert opinion preceding was that catastrophic brain damage had already occurred.
Connie and Chris' final legal fight was to allow Charlie to die at home...which imho only confirms their insanity. People on life support simply do not die at home. At a time when the NHS is considered to be stretched to breaking point they wanted an incredible amount of money to be spent on pandering to their wishes after incredible amounts of money had already been wasted on court cases and futile care...I'm afraid I don't have a lot of sympathy. Dying in hospital, where he had spent most of his short life, or hospice made little difference. To die at hope was purely for the parents' 'need' with no consideration of the cost, either as financial or potential distress to their son.
Thankfully the courts saw sense and poor Charlie is finally at rest. My heart bleeds for what he endured.
And as the title suggests...this is not going to flow along the same lines as the popular opinions on the subject. If you are easily offended I suggest you click away.
Brief(ish) background to the story for non UK / living-under-a-rock type peeps:
Charlie Gard was born on 4th August 2016 and died on 28th July 2017 - his life support was finally switched off after a number of legal battles.
He was hospitalised from the age of two months. Initially admitted for breathing difficulties it turned out he had Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome which was considered, in his case, to be terminal.
Charlie was unable to move, breathe, open his eyes, cry (so there could be no consensus on whether he was in pain) and so forth.
The world renowned Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH) in London where he was being treated believed he should receive only palliative care and be allowed to die; his parents (Connie Yates and Chris Gard) not entirely unreasonably wanted to take him to the US for experimental nucleoiside therapy.
A number of hearings were held; ethics committee, High Court, Court of Appeal, European Court of Human Rights...all agreed with GOSH. Eventually Charlie was allowed to die, aged 11 months and 24 days.
Disclaimer: I have based my opinions on my personal ethics and philosophy and information on the case available in the public arena; I have no medical expertise.
So...
My take on it is that Connie and Chris never had Charlie's interests at heart. I have little faith in the medical profession but despite every damn expert telling them, telling the courts that their son had no hope of life they believed blindly in a 'cure'.
THERE WAS NEVER A CURE. The EXPERIMENTAL nucleoside therapy offered at best (speculatively, as it had never been tried on a child so severely affected) a 4-10% improvement in muscle tone. He would still have been utterly immobile, non-verbal and requiring mechanical ventilation for life (life meaning probable death within early childhood anyway). Connie & Chris were clinging to a dream of Charlie being a normal healthy child and at every stage they seemed to fail to recognise the gravity of his situation.
Repeatedly they stated that if Charlie was suffering they would stop fighting for him...how could they know??? Of course he seemed peaceful. He couldn't move. He couldn't cry. If severely brain damaged (as all medical testimony asserts) it's possible even his blood pressure wouldn't spike to indicate distress. No parent likes to hear their child cry but to have my child unable to express fear, suffering, pain...NO. And yes, if you haven't read my other posts I am a mother. I would definitely bury a child rather than endure them suffering that.
All the expert opinions were that Charlie had suffered catastrophic brain damage from seizures; seizures were nigh on impossible to detect after he became immobile. In their final front-of-court statement Chris Gard said: "we now know had Charlie been given the treatment sooner, he would have had the potential to be a normal, healthy little boy" (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/charlie-gards-father-chris-delivers-heartrending-statement-outside-court_uk_5976159ee4b0e79ec19ad93d) This is fundamentally untrue. The best case scenario for Charlie was paralysed, ventalated, entirely dependent. The same statement said: "far from showing catastrophic, structural brain damage, Dr Hirano and other experts say his brain scans and EEGs were those of a relatively normal child of his age" ...if true* that is terrible. Charlie's life would have been effectively locked-in syndrome; an intelligent conscious mind trapped in an unresponsive body. No sane parent could ever want that for their child.
*There is a definite question as to whether this is true as no statement to that effect was made by ANY medical professional / expert at ANY point. We can only take this as the opinion of his parents. Every professional / expert opinion preceding was that catastrophic brain damage had already occurred.
Connie and Chris' final legal fight was to allow Charlie to die at home...which imho only confirms their insanity. People on life support simply do not die at home. At a time when the NHS is considered to be stretched to breaking point they wanted an incredible amount of money to be spent on pandering to their wishes after incredible amounts of money had already been wasted on court cases and futile care...I'm afraid I don't have a lot of sympathy. Dying in hospital, where he had spent most of his short life, or hospice made little difference. To die at hope was purely for the parents' 'need' with no consideration of the cost, either as financial or potential distress to their son.
Thankfully the courts saw sense and poor Charlie is finally at rest. My heart bleeds for what he endured.
Sunday, 23 July 2017
ADVANCE DIRECTIVE
I have been thinking a lot about death lately. Not for any particular reason, just came across the user Caitlin Doughty (Ask A Mortician) coupled with an impending need to write a new will has resulted into me thinking a fair bit about a new Advance Directive.
But there is so much to think of...so here's a prelimanary music for the permanent record:
Pre Death
DO NOT lie to me. Death is inevitable. Yes, it is scary, upsetting and I don't wanna...but it is real, it is happening and there may be stuff I need to say or do or put in order.
NO palliative anti-psychotics. The LAST thing I want is to be more conscious of my suffering. I am cool with anything to reduce my suffering even / especially if it actually shortens my life. NO treatment to extend life. No resuscitation unless truly exceptional (e.g. that TV movie - A Place For Annie - where they brought the mom back from her AIDS related death cos her baby had just been found to be clear of the virus...to be told your kid won't die because of you is possibly the only valid reason here) I really don't wasn't to be put on a ventilator or have any life-support type care (other than potentially in a short-term crisis scenario); literally nothing that is futile, only treatments that are really likely to not only work but improve the quality of my life. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY in every scenario.
DO NOT think you have to sit there and watch me die. I may appreciate the support or I may not...but you definitely don't need the trauma.
ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ANY KIND OF CLONING OR CRYOGENIC BULLSHITTERY. Jesus Christ, once was more than enough.
Post Death
NO embalming
NO having my jaw clamped / mouth sewn shut - a scarf or whatever will do fine
NO butt plug. Corpse diaper instead, danke.
I'm not overly comfortable about organ / skin / bone donation - I would NEVER want to be a recipient - but it seems churlish to refuse my spare parts
Disposal
So long as my remains ARE disposed of (if found) I am cool with it. I do not want to be pickled, preserved, plasticised...
Ideally I would like a natural burial - a cardboard or wicker casket if you can't face a shroud - but kinda the same deal if you go the cremation route. Expensive caskets are STOOOPID. And wasteful.
I would like to be in a specific place, not scattered. The exception would be, if my remains are found after a considerable time, I appreciate that they might require relocation, but if there is a case for leaving me be - or returning me to that spot - please do.
I fully understand if you don't want a hands-on funeral / disposal. This is all up to you. Do what is right for you.
Mourning
I do not relish the idea of divvying up my ashes or making mourning jewellery with them (hair is different) but meh, this is about you.
I DO want a headstone...which does not have to be in the vicinity of my physical remans. I just like the idea of a permanent memorial that could potentially last hundreds of years before being reclaimed by the elements and my memory, my entire existence, pass finally and quietly into dust.
But there is so much to think of...so here's a prelimanary music for the permanent record:
Pre Death
DO NOT lie to me. Death is inevitable. Yes, it is scary, upsetting and I don't wanna...but it is real, it is happening and there may be stuff I need to say or do or put in order.
NO palliative anti-psychotics. The LAST thing I want is to be more conscious of my suffering. I am cool with anything to reduce my suffering even / especially if it actually shortens my life. NO treatment to extend life. No resuscitation unless truly exceptional (e.g. that TV movie - A Place For Annie - where they brought the mom back from her AIDS related death cos her baby had just been found to be clear of the virus...to be told your kid won't die because of you is possibly the only valid reason here) I really don't wasn't to be put on a ventilator or have any life-support type care (other than potentially in a short-term crisis scenario); literally nothing that is futile, only treatments that are really likely to not only work but improve the quality of my life. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY in every scenario.
DO NOT think you have to sit there and watch me die. I may appreciate the support or I may not...but you definitely don't need the trauma.
ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ANY KIND OF CLONING OR CRYOGENIC BULLSHITTERY. Jesus Christ, once was more than enough.
Post Death
NO embalming
NO having my jaw clamped / mouth sewn shut - a scarf or whatever will do fine
NO butt plug. Corpse diaper instead, danke.
I'm not overly comfortable about organ / skin / bone donation - I would NEVER want to be a recipient - but it seems churlish to refuse my spare parts
Disposal
So long as my remains ARE disposed of (if found) I am cool with it. I do not want to be pickled, preserved, plasticised...
Ideally I would like a natural burial - a cardboard or wicker casket if you can't face a shroud - but kinda the same deal if you go the cremation route. Expensive caskets are STOOOPID. And wasteful.
I would like to be in a specific place, not scattered. The exception would be, if my remains are found after a considerable time, I appreciate that they might require relocation, but if there is a case for leaving me be - or returning me to that spot - please do.
I fully understand if you don't want a hands-on funeral / disposal. This is all up to you. Do what is right for you.
Mourning
I do not relish the idea of divvying up my ashes or making mourning jewellery with them (hair is different) but meh, this is about you.
I DO want a headstone...which does not have to be in the vicinity of my physical remans. I just like the idea of a permanent memorial that could potentially last hundreds of years before being reclaimed by the elements and my memory, my entire existence, pass finally and quietly into dust.
Friday, 30 December 2016
Tattoos and Piercings Tag
I have been watching tattoos and piercing tags on YouTube so this is my version
PIERCINGS
Left side nostril - 1994 (age 16), re-pierced a mm or two up 2015? - pain 1/10
Earlobes - 1996 (age 18 - yes, I got my ears pierced AFTER my nose) - pain 9/10, I swear one clipped a nerve OMG!!!
Both of the above done at Cavalier's in Reading, all piercings & repiercings are self done
Helix, left ear - 2012 - pain 3/10 except when I hit it with a cardboard box a few days later and that was a 201/10!
Earlobes - 2012, 2013 - pain 1/10. I added in 2 more piercings each lobe but then I decided the originals were two low so I put in a 4th hole each side to replace those. My original ear piercings are now stretched to 8mm which I did in 2015, 2016.
This gives me a total of 10 active piercings with one retired in my nostril.
TATTOOS
1) Two monogram symbols above right shoulderblade, black ink - 2011 (age 33) - pain 2/10
These are the initials of my family members and the top one is based on a design my mum came up with that was built into the brickwork of my childhood home
2) "Espantapajaros", left wrist, black & red - 2013 - pain 3/10
Meaning 'scarecrow' in Spanish, this is for the MCR song S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W and acts as a reminder that fear is what holds me back. The middle a is an open heart-shaped padlock, the o at the end is taken my the first dot of the FVK fangs. I got the FVK logo inked 11 days BEFORE I first saw the band live.
3) "Te mantendre a salvo esta noche", right wrist, black & green - 2013 - pain 3/10
A quote in Spanish from S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W - "I'll keep you safe tonight" - to remind me to support myself. Includes a cross and a key with a ribbon tied to it
4) "Tu eris in solis radios aurorae", left upper arm, emerald green - 2016 - pain 1/10
Latin lyrics from FVK's City Falls To Dust - "You'll be there, in the sun's first rays of the morning" - in the handwriting of the singer-songwriter Laurence Beveridge
5) "Hic sanguis meus eris usque in diem morior", right upper arm, pomegranate red - 2016 - pain 1/10
Latin lyrics from FVK's City Falls To Dust - "You'll be here, in my blood til the day I die" - in the handwriting of the singer-songwriter Laurence Beveridge
6) Lyrics in Ancient Greek, right thigh, periwinkle blue -2016 - 2/10 at front rising to 7/10 at back
From FVK's Fetish For The Finite - "I can't stand another night, knowing you're not mine" - the line Laurence sang to me at my 1st show
7) Aten, left shoulder, black, royal blue and atomic yellow - 2016 - pain 2/10
Aten in black & yellow above the Amharic (in blue) of "my only sunshine" (because my dad sang me that song as a kid). Designed for me by my daughter Erin - she got a tattoo I designed for her the same day
8) Heliskull, right thigh, tahitian teal ink - 2016 - pain 1/10
When I got the Greek I deliberately left a gap on the outer thigh for something else but I didn't know what. Eventually I settled on the simplified FVK heliskull logo only with vampire fangs...the original artist, Shane Sumner, says he's okay with that (I did try to get approval ahead of time honest!
9) "Always Forgive", just above left ankle, purple heart ink - 2016 - pain 3/10
Always Forgive is a song by FVK and the last ever new song I ever heard from them as they split up this year. I decided to use the song name as a twist on the 'traditional' Harry Potter 'Always' tattoo, which this is. Deathly Hallows symbol for the capital A and the writing is taken from a sample of the late, great Alan Rickman's handwriting
10*) Ankh, 2nd toe left foot, silver ink - 2016 - pain 3/10
This has a * because I am planning to number my stick-and-poke tattoos separately from my paid for ones...so yes, this is my first self inflicted one. Am thinking of adding an outline and/or detail. The meaning here is like my Aten, a love for all things Ancient Egyptian.
UPDATE
Shortly after the Ankh I gave myself a stick-and-poke heart just below my right knee. Probably a 1 out of 10.
PIERCINGS
Left side nostril - 1994 (age 16), re-pierced a mm or two up 2015? - pain 1/10
Earlobes - 1996 (age 18 - yes, I got my ears pierced AFTER my nose) - pain 9/10, I swear one clipped a nerve OMG!!!
Both of the above done at Cavalier's in Reading, all piercings & repiercings are self done
Helix, left ear - 2012 - pain 3/10 except when I hit it with a cardboard box a few days later and that was a 201/10!
Earlobes - 2012, 2013 - pain 1/10. I added in 2 more piercings each lobe but then I decided the originals were two low so I put in a 4th hole each side to replace those. My original ear piercings are now stretched to 8mm which I did in 2015, 2016.
This gives me a total of 10 active piercings with one retired in my nostril.
TATTOOS
1) Two monogram symbols above right shoulderblade, black ink - 2011 (age 33) - pain 2/10
These are the initials of my family members and the top one is based on a design my mum came up with that was built into the brickwork of my childhood home
2) "Espantapajaros", left wrist, black & red - 2013 - pain 3/10
Meaning 'scarecrow' in Spanish, this is for the MCR song S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W and acts as a reminder that fear is what holds me back. The middle a is an open heart-shaped padlock, the o at the end is taken my the first dot of the FVK fangs. I got the FVK logo inked 11 days BEFORE I first saw the band live.
3) "Te mantendre a salvo esta noche", right wrist, black & green - 2013 - pain 3/10
A quote in Spanish from S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W - "I'll keep you safe tonight" - to remind me to support myself. Includes a cross and a key with a ribbon tied to it
4) "Tu eris in solis radios aurorae", left upper arm, emerald green - 2016 - pain 1/10
Latin lyrics from FVK's City Falls To Dust - "You'll be there, in the sun's first rays of the morning" - in the handwriting of the singer-songwriter Laurence Beveridge
5) "Hic sanguis meus eris usque in diem morior", right upper arm, pomegranate red - 2016 - pain 1/10
Latin lyrics from FVK's City Falls To Dust - "You'll be here, in my blood til the day I die" - in the handwriting of the singer-songwriter Laurence Beveridge
6) Lyrics in Ancient Greek, right thigh, periwinkle blue -2016 - 2/10 at front rising to 7/10 at back
From FVK's Fetish For The Finite - "I can't stand another night, knowing you're not mine" - the line Laurence sang to me at my 1st show
7) Aten, left shoulder, black, royal blue and atomic yellow - 2016 - pain 2/10
Aten in black & yellow above the Amharic (in blue) of "my only sunshine" (because my dad sang me that song as a kid). Designed for me by my daughter Erin - she got a tattoo I designed for her the same day
8) Heliskull, right thigh, tahitian teal ink - 2016 - pain 1/10
When I got the Greek I deliberately left a gap on the outer thigh for something else but I didn't know what. Eventually I settled on the simplified FVK heliskull logo only with vampire fangs...the original artist, Shane Sumner, says he's okay with that (I did try to get approval ahead of time honest!
9) "Always Forgive", just above left ankle, purple heart ink - 2016 - pain 3/10
Always Forgive is a song by FVK and the last ever new song I ever heard from them as they split up this year. I decided to use the song name as a twist on the 'traditional' Harry Potter 'Always' tattoo, which this is. Deathly Hallows symbol for the capital A and the writing is taken from a sample of the late, great Alan Rickman's handwriting
10*) Ankh, 2nd toe left foot, silver ink - 2016 - pain 3/10
This has a * because I am planning to number my stick-and-poke tattoos separately from my paid for ones...so yes, this is my first self inflicted one. Am thinking of adding an outline and/or detail. The meaning here is like my Aten, a love for all things Ancient Egyptian.
UPDATE
Shortly after the Ankh I gave myself a stick-and-poke heart just below my right knee. Probably a 1 out of 10.
6 & 8 - Ancient Greek & Heliskull, thigh
4&5 - Latin handwriting
3 - Spanish
11 - Stick-and-Poke, below right knee
7 - Aten & Amharic, left shoulder
Tuesday, 1 November 2016
A copy of my letter...
Dear Laurence,
Obviously you've been going through some very dark and monochrome times lately but hang tight (or, in reference to my matinee show 'outfit', hang tough) and trust that light and colour will come back into your life, even if not all-at-once, Wizard Of Oz style.
I don't know if the copy of one of my all time favourite films - Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing And Charm School - which I dropped off at CotD ever made it to you. Or, if it did, whether you ever found time to watch it. So, trying not to give too much away because I really do recommend it...Frank Keane, a struggling widower, ends up attending dance classes where the teacher tells him:-
"Dance is a very powerful drug Mr Keane. If embraced judiciously it can exorcise demons, access deep-seated emotions and color your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta that you never knew existed."
Of course, you can colour your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta (or stunning chartreuse or gentle cerulean blue...) in many other ways than through dance. Follow your heart. Do what you love. Create. Be happy.
Anyway, the point of all this wafflage was to explain the reason for my costume tonight [30 Oct 2016] - Rocky Horror's Magenta, for all I'm not going to be colouring anyone's life. Well, all the aforementioned stuff and also wanting to have all my FVK ink* on display!
Thank you SO much for writing out the Latin for me by the way - I love them to bits for all my tatdoodlist and I messed up on the alignment...won't be so noticeable as I get more bits and pieces, plenty of room to represent the next chapter!
I know FVK hasn't ended up being everything you'd hoped but it has been a band that has changed and saved lives [my own included]. A whole lot of us will be taking that forward in music and art and fan-fic, in our hearts and under our skin, for the rest of our lives - and that is an incredible achievement. I have total faith in you and I am certain that the best is yet to come. For what it's worth you have my love and support - always.
Heggie xxx
*Red fangs, left wrist
Green CFTD lyrics (Latin), left upper arm
Red CFTD lyrics (Latin), right upper arm
Blue FFTF lyrics (Ancient Greek), right thigh
Teal heliskull, right thigh
Purple "Always Forgive" (my only tattoo in English so far), left ankle
Obviously you've been going through some very dark and monochrome times lately but hang tight (or, in reference to my matinee show 'outfit', hang tough) and trust that light and colour will come back into your life, even if not all-at-once, Wizard Of Oz style.
I don't know if the copy of one of my all time favourite films - Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing And Charm School - which I dropped off at CotD ever made it to you. Or, if it did, whether you ever found time to watch it. So, trying not to give too much away because I really do recommend it...Frank Keane, a struggling widower, ends up attending dance classes where the teacher tells him:-
"Dance is a very powerful drug Mr Keane. If embraced judiciously it can exorcise demons, access deep-seated emotions and color your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta that you never knew existed."
Of course, you can colour your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta (or stunning chartreuse or gentle cerulean blue...) in many other ways than through dance. Follow your heart. Do what you love. Create. Be happy.
Anyway, the point of all this wafflage was to explain the reason for my costume tonight [30 Oct 2016] - Rocky Horror's Magenta, for all I'm not going to be colouring anyone's life. Well, all the aforementioned stuff and also wanting to have all my FVK ink* on display!
Thank you SO much for writing out the Latin for me by the way - I love them to bits for all my tatdoodlist and I messed up on the alignment...won't be so noticeable as I get more bits and pieces, plenty of room to represent the next chapter!
I know FVK hasn't ended up being everything you'd hoped but it has been a band that has changed and saved lives [my own included]. A whole lot of us will be taking that forward in music and art and fan-fic, in our hearts and under our skin, for the rest of our lives - and that is an incredible achievement. I have total faith in you and I am certain that the best is yet to come. For what it's worth you have my love and support - always.
Heggie xxx
*Red fangs, left wrist
Green CFTD lyrics (Latin), left upper arm
Red CFTD lyrics (Latin), right upper arm
Blue FFTF lyrics (Ancient Greek), right thigh
Teal heliskull, right thigh
Purple "Always Forgive" (my only tattoo in English so far), left ankle
Sunday, 2 October 2016
Veganism, Heggie-style
I don't have a specific date because these things tend to happen gradually but... I have been vegan for about a year now. I know next to no one will read this cos "OMG NOT ANOTHER PREACHY VEGAN?!?!!" but I wanted to write about some of my thoughts and experiences.
#1 Why????
In 2012 I got a hint that my YEARS of ill health could be due to lactose intolerance (not the IBS several GPs had asserted) so I immediately started cutting out dairy. Amazingly it worked and I started getting better but I soon realised my system couldn't tolerate any dairy at all and my will power is rubbish so I still wasn't properly well.
This got worse when I went back vegetarian in 2013 - not for ethical reasons, just totally fed up with and grossed out by meat. I quickly discovered that just about every vegetarian option whether at a sandwich counter or a restaurant - involved cheese. For a long while I just accepted this as unfortunate but eventually, wanting to get properly well and decided I had to cut it entirely. My mum similarly can't tolerate eggs so the sensible thing seemed to be to presume veganism was my future so I'd best just get on with it.
So yes, my choice is more about my health than animal welfare but you don't have to be overly fond of cows to see that there's a lot of animal cruelty in the world so doing my bit for that is a bonus.
#2 Why are vegans so damn preachy?
Because it's good and we'd like you to share? Now obviously you can eat many types of vegan diet - you can have all mock-meat burgers and fries or a fully raw health-freak diet or anywhere in between - but over all eating plant-based is likely to leave you feeling good
#3 Why do vegans get a bad reputation?
Cos we can be a tad too enthusiastic, as above.
We also get very pissed off by people putting animal products where they have no business being and about poor labeling and about Costa coffee shops where not one of the three members of staff on duty even knows what 'vegan' means!!! Seriously, it should NOT be so hard so yes, sometimes we get vocal about it cos others deliberately make our lives more difficult than need be.
We also get a LOT of flak from meat eaters (carnists) who love to belittle us, hate on us and be generally shitty because somehow us eating vegetables offends their 'right' to torture animals in order to eat their flesh. Yes, vegans like to point out to carnists the holes in their thinking, such as:
The important thing is MOST vegans only make such comments when carnists start on us for sharing our views or whatever. Like, I am not forcing my opinion on you by posting a photo of my lovely vegan dinner but if you want to make an issue of it I will argue my point.
Also there are some really vocal psycho vegans out there giving the whole lot of us a bad name. Thinking about going vegan? Don't look at YouTube cos 99.9% of those vegans are crazier than the nuts they eat.
The REALLY big thing with YouTube is going to be my final point:
#4 How to be vegan
Now it seems like everyone and their vegan-fed dog has an opinion on this one and some are especially vile about it. The vegan-on-vegan hate out there is astounding.
Being a dietary vegan is, on the face of it, pretty basic - don't eat animal products. But while passing on the cheeseburger and milkshake combo the issue is, as I hinted above, a whole lot more convoluted.
It means reading every damn label and knowing exactly what is an animal product. Some vitamins are derived from animal sources, some alcohol is made with fish or milk...it can be a real minefield if you want to do it 'properly' but, just for the record, I'm going to say that 99% vegan is just fine. So long as you're minimising animal suffering and doing whatever you can it's all good. That includes vegetarians, demi vegitarians, meat-free Monday enthusiasts...hating on people cos they forgot to check every last item in their shopping cart is not okay.
The same goes for the non-dietary aspects such as cosmetics, toiletries and medicines. Obviously some of these things are easier to avoid than others. Because I'm lactose intolerant I try my best to find painkillers and so forth where lactose is not the bulking agent which is, sadly, very common, I am less fussy about avoiding shellac coatings. So far stuff that I do not physically consume is lower on my list of priorities but I do make some effort at least. I am on a low income and I have issues of whether I can afford the super vegan eco friendly alternative at 15 times the cost. Similarly if your essential medications are animal based or only available in gelatine capsules I'm not going to tell you to eschew them - cos that's insane.
#1 Why????
In 2012 I got a hint that my YEARS of ill health could be due to lactose intolerance (not the IBS several GPs had asserted) so I immediately started cutting out dairy. Amazingly it worked and I started getting better but I soon realised my system couldn't tolerate any dairy at all and my will power is rubbish so I still wasn't properly well.
This got worse when I went back vegetarian in 2013 - not for ethical reasons, just totally fed up with and grossed out by meat. I quickly discovered that just about every vegetarian option whether at a sandwich counter or a restaurant - involved cheese. For a long while I just accepted this as unfortunate but eventually, wanting to get properly well and decided I had to cut it entirely. My mum similarly can't tolerate eggs so the sensible thing seemed to be to presume veganism was my future so I'd best just get on with it.
So yes, my choice is more about my health than animal welfare but you don't have to be overly fond of cows to see that there's a lot of animal cruelty in the world so doing my bit for that is a bonus.
#2 Why are vegans so damn preachy?
Because it's good and we'd like you to share? Now obviously you can eat many types of vegan diet - you can have all mock-meat burgers and fries or a fully raw health-freak diet or anywhere in between - but over all eating plant-based is likely to leave you feeling good
- Better for the environment
- Better for animals
- Good for your health
#3 Why do vegans get a bad reputation?
Cos we can be a tad too enthusiastic, as above.
We also get very pissed off by people putting animal products where they have no business being and about poor labeling and about Costa coffee shops where not one of the three members of staff on duty even knows what 'vegan' means!!! Seriously, it should NOT be so hard so yes, sometimes we get vocal about it cos others deliberately make our lives more difficult than need be.
We also get a LOT of flak from meat eaters (carnists) who love to belittle us, hate on us and be generally shitty because somehow us eating vegetables offends their 'right' to torture animals in order to eat their flesh. Yes, vegans like to point out to carnists the holes in their thinking, such as:
- "I am not an animal" - really, are you a mineral or vegetable???
- "Humans are designed to eat meat" - wrong
- "Humans have to eat meat" - wronger
- "You can't be healthy and vegan" - wrongest
- "Animals are put here for us to use" - people use to say the same about black people and women...yeah, you can shut up with that.
The important thing is MOST vegans only make such comments when carnists start on us for sharing our views or whatever. Like, I am not forcing my opinion on you by posting a photo of my lovely vegan dinner but if you want to make an issue of it I will argue my point.
Also there are some really vocal psycho vegans out there giving the whole lot of us a bad name. Thinking about going vegan? Don't look at YouTube cos 99.9% of those vegans are crazier than the nuts they eat.
The REALLY big thing with YouTube is going to be my final point:
#4 How to be vegan
Now it seems like everyone and their vegan-fed dog has an opinion on this one and some are especially vile about it. The vegan-on-vegan hate out there is astounding.
Being a dietary vegan is, on the face of it, pretty basic - don't eat animal products. But while passing on the cheeseburger and milkshake combo the issue is, as I hinted above, a whole lot more convoluted.
It means reading every damn label and knowing exactly what is an animal product. Some vitamins are derived from animal sources, some alcohol is made with fish or milk...it can be a real minefield if you want to do it 'properly' but, just for the record, I'm going to say that 99% vegan is just fine. So long as you're minimising animal suffering and doing whatever you can it's all good. That includes vegetarians, demi vegitarians, meat-free Monday enthusiasts...hating on people cos they forgot to check every last item in their shopping cart is not okay.
The same goes for the non-dietary aspects such as cosmetics, toiletries and medicines. Obviously some of these things are easier to avoid than others. Because I'm lactose intolerant I try my best to find painkillers and so forth where lactose is not the bulking agent which is, sadly, very common, I am less fussy about avoiding shellac coatings. So far stuff that I do not physically consume is lower on my list of priorities but I do make some effort at least. I am on a low income and I have issues of whether I can afford the super vegan eco friendly alternative at 15 times the cost. Similarly if your essential medications are animal based or only available in gelatine capsules I'm not going to tell you to eschew them - cos that's insane.
Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude,
as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of,
and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose
Possible and practicable. Very important distinction there.
That brings me to my cat. Some people try to feed cats an all vegan or mostly vegan diet. Cats are OBLIGATE CARNIVORES. Humans do not need meat, cats do. TBH dogs don't need meat but I'd feel decidedly iffy about feeding a dog an all vegan diet - maybe a mix of vegan and meat to salve my conscience but to me making a dog vegan is kind of mean. Like if I was a mum over again now I'd probably want my kids to be vegan too but if they ate pizza and ice cream at a friend's party that'd be their choice. Dogs don't get a choice so forcing them seems somewhat doubtful on a moral scale. So no, I don't have any problem buying meat for my cat.
Also, I personally have recently bought two pairs of leather Doc Marten boots and my mum has bought two leather chairs for my new house...all are second hand. That's not supporting the leather industry. That's not supporting animal cruelty. To me that's bog-standard recycling.
At the end of the day - if you want to be vegan, be the vegan it is right for you to be. don't accept hate cos you're doing it a little differently. Don't hate on others cos they're not living up to your standards. To be honest, if someone calls them self a vegan yet eats the occasional chicken burger it's not on you to criticise their hypocrisy either, although I can certainly see why you would...
The most important thing is to be a HEALTHY vegan. Good dietary advice is sadly lacking and healthcare professionals are all too often brainwashed carnists who believe meat and dairy are essential. They're not. Unfortunately too many people fall victim to faddy over-restrictive variants of veganism extolled by people who know nothing about nutrition or health...so do the reading and do it your way!!!
Monday, 8 August 2016
Abusive Relationships
I have seen an awful lot about this Suicide Squad movie (not that I could care less) and about the relationship between The Joker and Harley Quinn. Specifically comments of the "stop idealising abusive relationships" variety.
Now, I know next to nothing about The Joker and Harley, although my daughter assures me she's a depraved psychopath rather than some meek victim of domestic abuse. So I'm not going to comment about that directly.
Here is what I want to say:
Stop representing abusive relationships as entirely meek women being controlled by violent men
Now, I know next to nothing about The Joker and Harley, although my daughter assures me she's a depraved psychopath rather than some meek victim of domestic abuse. So I'm not going to comment about that directly.
Here is what I want to say:
Stop representing abusive relationships as entirely meek women being controlled by violent men
- Not all domestic abuse victims are women; men are vicims too
- Not all domestic abuse situations are abuser-victim; abusive relationships can be two-way
- Not all domestic abuse victims are desperately seeking a way out; why do you think people stay with their abusers? BECAUSE THEY LOVE THEM (love is not rational)
- Not all domestic abuse victims are meek, weak, pitiful or unintelligent. This can happen to ANYONE, EVERYONE. This stereotype is especially unhelpful as it means 'unlikely looking' domestic abuse victims get little or no support - you're a headteacher, a company CEO, a bodybuilder, a politician, a police chief, a brain surgeon, a rocket schientist, a marathon runner...strong, successful, smart...so how can you be a victim?
Stop disempowering people in abusive relationships by making assumptions about them and what is best for them
- This is not you life; yes, you are probably right but that doesn't matter - you being judgmental makes them less empowered toward change
- Telling someone they're fat doesn't make them go on a diet, why do you think that criticising their relationship will make them leave? How do you think that criticism will make someone stronger? Stop chipping away at their possibly limited self esteem!!!
EMPOWER domestic abuse victims. I befriended someone while they were living in a refuge and one of the hardest things I have ever done was to decide, instantly, how to react to their phone call telling me they'd gone back to their abuser. In a split second I had to make a choice...I chose empowerment. It's your life, your choice, you have the right, you have that power, if you need anything call me. That was over a decade ago and I still wonder... But I stand by my words. I may possibly have been the only voice of empowerment in their life as friends, family and abuser told them that they were useless, worthless, unimportant. No way in hell was I gonna add to those voices of negativity. If I could plant just one seed that might ever help them try to leave again someday...well, that was what I was going to do.
So yeah, that's what's annoying me about all this Suicide Squad hype. (Again emphasising that I know next to nothing of the film, comics or characters) Stop disempowering Harley, quit assuming you know what's best for her. If she wants to leave her abusive relationship support her in that, if she chooses to stay accept that she's her own person and has the right to mess up her life any which way she chooses!
ALSO IT'S A FUCKING FILM! Ever heard of FICTION?! Get a grip, people.
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